33:53 Lena: Alright Miles, we've covered so much ground here. I feel like our listeners might be thinking "this all sounds great, but where do I actually start?" Can we put together some practical next steps?
34:05 Miles: That's such a good point, Lena. All of these concepts are only valuable if people can actually apply them in their daily interactions. Let me break this down into some concrete practices people can start with.
34:16 Lena: I love that approach. What would you say is the single most impactful thing someone could focus on first?
34:23 Miles: I'd say start with active listening, because it's foundational to everything else. Pick one conversation each day where you're going to practice really focusing on understanding the other person's perspective. Put away distractions, ask follow-up questions, and paraphrase what you heard.
34:39 Lena: That seems manageable—just one conversation a day where you're being really intentional about listening quality.
1:29 Miles: Exactly. And here's a specific technique: after the conversation, take two minutes to reflect on what you learned about the other person's perspective that you didn't know before. This trains your brain to listen for new information rather than just confirmation of what you already thought.
35:01 Lena: I like that because it makes the practice more concrete. You have a specific thing to look for.
6:38 Miles: Right! Now, once you're comfortable with that, the next layer I'd add is feedback using the SBI model. Start with positive feedback because it's lower stakes and people are more receptive to it.
35:17 Lena: Can you give our listeners a simple template they could use?
15:36 Miles: Sure. "In [specific situation], when you [specific behavior], the impact was [specific result]." So instead of saying "great job on that presentation," you'd say "In this morning's client meeting, when you anticipated their questions about budget and had specific cost breakdowns ready, it helped us move the conversation forward and they agreed to the next phase."
35:42 Lena: That's so much more useful! The person knows exactly what they did well and can replicate it in the future.
35:47 Miles: And once you're comfortable with positive SBI feedback, you can start using it for developmental feedback too. The structure is the same—you're just describing different behaviors and impacts.
35:57 Lena: What about those moments when you feel yourself getting defensive or triggered in a conversation? Any practical techniques for that?
7:38 Miles: Yes! First, learn to recognize your physical warning signs. Maybe your shoulders tense up, or you feel heat in your chest, or you start talking faster. Once you notice those signals, use what I call the "pause and breathe" technique.
6:17 Lena: What does that look like in practice?
36:20 Miles: You literally pause the conversation and take a slow breath. You might say something like "let me make sure I understand what you're saying" and then paraphrase their point. This gives you time to regulate your nervous system while keeping the conversation productive.
36:34 Lena: And it probably shows the other person that you're really trying to understand them, which might make them less defensive too.
2:50 Miles: Exactly! Now, here's another practical tool for daily use: the psychological safety check-in. Once a week, ask yourself and your team a simple question like "did anyone hold back from saying something this week because they weren't sure how it would be received?"
36:54 Lena: That's such a simple way to surface issues before they become bigger problems.
36:58 Miles: And it normalizes talking about communication quality, which makes it easier to address issues when they do come up. You're creating a culture where people expect to reflect on and improve their communication patterns.
37:09 Lena: What about for people who are working remotely or in hybrid situations? Any specific practices for digital communication?
9:13 Miles: Great question. For written communication, I recommend the "context-first" approach. Start emails and messages with enough context that someone can understand and respond even if they haven't been following every previous exchange.
37:29 Lena: So you're being more self-contained in each communication?
1:29 Miles: Exactly. And for video calls, use the "name and pause" technique. Use people's names more often to keep them engaged, and build in explicit pauses for questions or reactions since the natural conversation flow is disrupted by technology.
37:46 Lena: Those seem like small adjustments that could make a big difference in how well virtual communication works.
37:51 Miles: They really can. Now, here's a practice that ties everything together: the weekly communication reflection. Every Friday, spend five minutes thinking about your communication wins and challenges from the week.
38:02 Lena: What kinds of questions would you ask yourself?
38:04 Miles: Things like: "When did I feel most understood this week?" "When did I struggle to get my point across?" "What feedback did I give or receive, and how could it have been more effective?" "Did I notice any patterns in my communication that I want to change?"
38:17 Lena: So you're building self-awareness about your own communication patterns over time.
38:21 Miles: Right, and you're also identifying specific situations where you can apply these frameworks. Maybe you realize you've been avoiding a difficult conversation with a colleague, so that becomes your focus for the following week.
38:32 Lena: This all seems very doable when you break it down into specific practices. Is there a particular order you'd recommend for building these skills?
38:39 Miles: I'd suggest this progression: start with active listening in daily conversations, then add SBI feedback for positive situations, then work on managing your own emotional reactions, then tackle more difficult feedback conversations, and finally focus on building psychological safety in your team or relationships.
38:56 Lena: That makes sense—you're building foundational skills first and then applying them to increasingly challenging situations.
1:29 Miles: Exactly. And remember, these are skills that develop over time. You don't need to be perfect at any of this. You just need to be intentional about practicing and reflecting on what works.
39:12 Lena: For our listeners who want to dive deeper into any of these topics, are there specific areas you'd recommend they explore further?
39:18 Miles: If someone struggles with conflict, I'd definitely recommend learning more about crucial conversations and nonviolent communication. If they're in a leadership role, psychological safety and emotional intelligence are crucial areas to develop. And for anyone working in digital environments, it's worth studying how to create connection and clarity in virtual settings.
39:36 Lena: Those sound like great starting points for continued learning.