Discover why avoidants pull away when they care and learn practical strategies to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of loving someone with an avoidant attachment style.

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From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco

Lena: Hey everyone! Welcome to today's episode. Miles, I've been thinking about something that affects so many relationships—dating someone with an avoidant attachment style. It's fascinating how many people struggle with this without even realizing what's happening.
Miles: Oh absolutely, Lena. And what's really interesting is how misunderstood avoidant attachment can be. People often label avoidants as cold, selfish, or commitment-phobic, when in reality, there's so much more going on beneath the surface.
Lena: Right! I was shocked to learn that their behavior isn't about not caring—it's actually about fear. They're literally protecting themselves from potential pain.
Miles: Exactly. Their distancing behaviors are defense mechanisms they've developed, often from childhood experiences where love felt inconsistent or conditional. They've essentially learned that the safest way to avoid getting hurt is to maintain independence and emotional distance.
Lena: Which explains why they might seem super into you one minute, then completely pull away the next. I've definitely experienced that rollercoaster before and took it personally!
Miles: You're not alone there. It can feel like dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sometimes! But understanding the underlying attachment patterns can be a game-changer for these relationships. Let's dive into what's actually happening when someone with avoidant attachment starts pulling away, and more importantly, how to navigate it successfully.