Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want by Alexandra H. Solomon Summary

1. Replace performative sexuality with inside-out desire rooted in self-awareness.
2. Responsive arousal thrives on emotional safety rather than spontaneous lust.
3. Sexual self-compassion heals shame better than perfectionistic performance.
4. Mindful sexual communication prioritizes curiosity over goal-oriented achievement.
5. Relationship conflicts become intimacy catalysts through relational self-awareness.
6. External sexual scripts fail without internal desire calibration.
7. Sexual empowerment requires disentangling societal "shoulds" from personal "wants."
8. Erotic growth emerges from tolerating discomfort in partnered exploration.
9. Body literacy surpasses orgasm focus for authentic sexual fulfillment.
10. Boundary-setting becomes erotic when aligned with self-honoring values.
11. Relational uncertainty reveals core needs through embodied intuition.
12. Sexual renaissance begins by reclaiming agency from cultural conditioning.

About the Author of Taking Sexy Back

Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is the bestselling author of Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want and a leading clinical psychologist specializing in relational self-awareness and modern intimacy.

A faculty member at Northwestern University’s School of Education and Social Policy and a licensed therapist at The Family Institute, Solomon integrates her academic research on couples’ dynamics with clinical insights to challenge traditional narratives about sexuality and gender roles. Her work emphasizes empowering individuals to balance agency and connection in relationships, a theme central to her 2017 book Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, which became a Today show–featured resource.

Solomon’s expertise extends to media platforms, with regular contributions to Psychology Today, NPR, The Atlantic, and OWN, alongside hosting the acclaimed podcast Reimagining Love. Her groundbreaking undergraduate course “Marriage 101” has garnered international attention, and her Instagram presence educates over 200,000 followers on relational health. Taking Sexy Back has been widely embraced for its actionable approach to dismantling sexist beliefs, solidifying Solomon’s reputation as a trusted voice in transformative relationship education.

FAQs About Taking Sexy Back

What is Taking Sexy Back by Alexandra H. Solomon about?

Taking Sexy Back empowers readers to reclaim their sexuality by dismantling societal standards and fostering relational self-awareness. The book offers practical strategies to embrace body positivity, set boundaries, and cultivate authentic erotic expression. Grounded in psychology, it blends personal stories, exercises, and clinical insights to help individuals reconnect with their sensuality.

Who should read Taking Sexy Back by Alexandra H. Solomon?

This book is ideal for vulva-bodied individuals or those socialized as feminine seeking to overcome shame, redefine sexuality, and prioritize pleasure. It resonates with young adults exploring their identity and older readers reclaiming their erotic selves. Therapists may also use it to guide clients in addressing body image or intimacy challenges.

Is Taking Sexy Back worth reading?

Yes—Taking Sexy Back is praised for its actionable framework to confront societal conditioning and build confidence. Readers gain tools like reflective exercises, boundary-setting techniques, and mindfulness practices. Its blend of academic rigor and accessible storytelling makes it valuable for personal growth or clinical use.

What is relational self-awareness in Taking Sexy Back?

Relational self-awareness (RSA) involves understanding how past experiences and societal norms shape one’s sexual identity. Dr. Solomon teaches readers to identify limiting beliefs, communicate needs, and foster intimacy through self-reflection. RSA serves as the foundation for healing and creating fulfilling relationships.

How does Taking Sexy Back address societal beauty standards?

The book critiques narrow definitions of attractiveness and encourages readers to define “sexy” on their own terms. It provides exercises to challenge internalized messages from media, culture, and family, replacing them with self-compassion and body-neutral practices.

What exercises are included in Taking Sexy Back?

Key practices include journaling prompts to unpack sexual narratives, mindfulness meditations to reconnect with the body, and communication scripts for boundary-setting. A notable exercise involves mapping one’s “erotic blueprint” to identify sources of pleasure and discomfort.

Can Taking Sexy Back improve body positivity?

Yes—Dr. Solomon guides readers to reframe self-critical thoughts and embrace their bodies as sites of agency rather than judgment. Techniques like sensory-focused grounding and affirmations help build acceptance, while case studies normalize diverse experiences.

What critiques exist about Taking Sexy Back?

Some note the book’s primary focus on cisgender women, which may limit relevance for nonbinary or male audiences. Others suggest deeper exploration of intersectional factors like race or disability could enhance its inclusivity.

How does Taking Sexy Back compare to other relationship books?

Unlike prescriptive guides, Taking Sexy Back emphasizes internal transformation over external fixes. It complements works like Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski but uniquely integrates therapeutic frameworks with cultural critique.

Can Taking Sexy Back facilitate intergenerational healing?

Yes—the book’s exercises encourage dialogue about inherited sexual narratives. For example, mothers and daughters reading it together can challenge generational taboos and foster healthier attitudes toward pleasure.

What key quote summarizes Taking Sexy Back?

A central theme is, “Your body is not a problem to be solved.” This mantra underscores the book’s mission to shift from self-objectification to self-celebration, empowering readers to own their desires unapologetically.

Why is Taking Sexy Back relevant in 2025?

Amid ongoing debates about bodily autonomy and gender equity, the book’s message of self-determination remains vital. Its tools help navigate modern challenges like digital dating dynamics and the evolving discourse on consent.