Resurrecting Sex by David Schnarch Summary

Resurrecting Sex offers a groundbreaking approach to resolving sexual difficulties by addressing emotional dynamics in relationships. It combines practical advice on sexual arousal with strategies for building trust and intimacy, emphasizing personal growth over superficial fixes. The book explores how shame, fear, and past traumas impact sexuality, providing case studies and medical options for issues like erectile dysfunction and low desire.

This book is ideal for couples facing sexual challenges, therapists seeking evidence-based methods, or individuals wanting deeper emotional connections. It’s particularly valuable for those struggling with desire discrepancies, communication breakdowns, or medical sexual issues. Schnarch’s insights also benefit readers interested in differentiation—balancing individuality and intimacy in relationships.

Yes, Resurrecting Sex is praised for its unflinching honesty and transformative framework. It goes beyond technical advice, tackling emotional barriers like rejection and hostility. Reviewers highlight its effectiveness in repairing relationships on the brink of divorce and revitalizing long-term partnerships.

Differentiation refers to maintaining individuality while fostering intimacy. Schnarch argues that self-awareness and emotional resilience prevent partners from stifling each other. This approach helps couples navigate conflicts, sustain desire, and avoid codependency—a cornerstone of his Crucible® therapy model.

The book combines psychological and medical strategies, discussing Viagra’s role while emphasizing emotional blocks. Schnarch explains how performance anxiety or unresolved resentment often underlie physical issues, advocating for vulnerability and mutual growth over quick fixes.

Some readers find Schnarch’s approach demanding, as it requires confronting uncomfortable emotions. Critics note it leans heavily on long-term couples and may feel less applicable to newer relationships. However, most praise its depth compared to conventional sex guides.

While both books focus on differentiation, Resurrecting Sex delves deeper into solving specific sexual dysfunctions. It includes updated medical options and case vignettes, whereas Passionate Marriage broadly explores emotional intimacy in committed relationships.

Emotional gridlock occurs when partners’ unresolved conflicts paralyze their sexual connection. Schnarch advises breaking this cycle through honest communication and mutual accountability, turning disputes into opportunities for growth.

While most examples focus on heterosexual couples, the principles apply broadly. Schnarch’s differentiation framework is LGBTQ+-inclusive, emphasizing universal dynamics like self-validation and boundary-setting.

Key exercises include “Holding Yourself Together” (self-soothing during conflict) and “Sexual Reconnection Rituals.” These help couples rebuild trust and arousal through intentional touch and vulnerability.

Schnarch supports medical aids but warns against relying solely on them. He illustrates how Viagra can reveal underlying relational tensions, urging couples to address emotional gaps alongside physical symptoms.

The Crucible Approach—Schnarch’s therapeutic model—uses sexual relationships as a catalyst for personal growth. It prioritizes self-confrontation, emotional honesty, and mutual resilience, aiming to transform conflicts into deeper intimacy.