Works Well with Others: Shaking Hands, Shutting up, and Other Crucial Skills in Business That No One Ever Teaches You

Summary of Works Well with Others

1. 1

   The Art of Professional Discomfort: Turning Insecurity into Strength

   

   00:00

   00:00

   Have you ever felt like an impostor in your professional life? You're not alone. When Esquire magazine unexpectedly called me in 2005, I was convinced they'd discover my inadequacy within a month. Despite being editor-in-chief at Southwest Airlines' in-flight magazine, I cataloged all my supposed shortcomings: growing up on the "wrong side" of Dallas, attending a tiny evangelical school, graduating from University of North Texas instead of somewhere prestigious. This "impostor phenomenon," first identified by psychologists in 1978, affects even the most accomplished individuals - Meryl Streep, Tina Fey, and Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor have all admitted to feeling like frauds. What I discovered through my journey is that professional discomfort isn't something to overcome - it's a powerful force that can become your greatest strength when channeled correctly. Standing nervously at Columbus Circle before my Esquire interview, I realized I'd forgotten a suit jacket - a fashion disaster for a style magazine interview. In the elevator to the thirteenth floor, facing Ewan McGregor's judgmental stare from a framed magazine cover, my palms were sweating profusely. The gleaming hallways seemed to mock my small-town background. But something unexpected happened during those interviews. The editors were normal, warm, interested - not elitist or dismissive. They evaluated my personality through casual conversation rather than intense questioning. One editor shared stories about his own humble beginnings in journalism. Another admitted to being intimidated when he first started at Esquire. I left thinking substance mattered more than my missing jacket or pedigree.

2. 2

   Authenticity and First Impressions: The Truth Behind Professional Success

   Start Listening

   While preparation is essential - researching companies and practicing responses - authenticity matters most. Jobs aren't prizes but matches between compatible parties. The biggest workplace failures often involve candidates who presented artificial personalities during interviews. Skills can be taught, but personality is permanent. When working with recruiters, share insights about workplace trends and market conditions to establish yourself as a knowledgeable professional - they're gathering intelligence beyond the current position. Research shows first impressions form within milliseconds. Princeton studies found people make snap judgments about attractiveness, likability, trustworthiness, and competence. Success factors include maintaining eye contact 60-70% of the time, open posture, genuine smiles, and confident movements. First days aren't truly representative - everyone operates on high alert. Research shows initial impressions accurately predict long-term relationships only half the time, and everyone experiences first-day anxiety.

3. 3

   Embracing Mistakes as Growth Opportunities

   Start Listening

   If you don't make mistakes in a new job, you're likely overqualified. Early mistakes signal you're pushing into challenging territory - they're signs of progress. At thirty, I fumbled through intimidating work dinners. When asked about Werner Herzog, instead of admitting my ignorance, I bluffed with vague critiques that exposed my lack of knowledge. I should have simply said, "I don't know who that is." Honesty about what we don't know is always better. My biggest early mistake at Esquire wasn't the work itself but my shame about making mistakes. I worked too cautiously, spending excessive time perfecting headlines and jokes. Now as a manager, I encourage people to submit work before they think it's perfect. Being overly meticulous is counterproductive - your boss needs room to guide improvements. Everyone expects initial work to be rough. Your boss wants you to learn through mistakes, and even in flawed work, there's always something valuable - roughly 2 to 13 percent. Your job is to find that good amid the imperfection.

4. Chapter 4

   The Unspoken Rules of Workplace Communication

   At Esquire's production meetings, I learned that when asked about project status, the proper response was simply "It's great" - not detailed explanations. The rules for meetings are: Shh. Shh. Speak. Shh. You prove your worth through discretion, not chatter. When asked about progress, keep it brief and positive. Just ensure your work actually is great to back up your words. Never start with "Well..." Skip tedious details about meetings and team discussions. Ask yourself: Are you interested in what you're saying? If not, stop talking. Strategic silence is your most powerful tool. Avoid these phrases: "I'm sorry" (instead, address the problem and solution); "...Does that make any sense?" (shows insecurity); "It is what it is" (admits defeat); "Let's grab a coffee" (diminishes importance); and "I feel..." (stick to "I think" at work).

   Chapter 5

   The Transformative Power of Professional Style

   Despite working at Esquire, style didn't come naturally to me. As editorial liaison to the fashion department, I learned technical rules: quarter-inch cuff showing, narrow suits, proper button etiquette, and the cardinal rule - always cut strings, never pull. But I was learning about more than clothes; I was learning about confidence. Columbia researchers call this "enclothed cognition" - how clothing affects mental processes. Their study showed people in doctor's coats demonstrated higher attention to detail than those in casual wear. A fashion editor helped me buy my first serious shoes - cap-toe Oxfords that cost more than I'd ever spent on footwear. They instantly boosted my confidence, and I still wear them years later. The Italian concept of sprezzatura - the art of studied nonchalance - changed my perspective on style. At Esquire, I noticed the most striking photos showed well-dressed men with something slightly "off" - an askew collar or a short tie - yet they looked perfect. This principle extends beyond clothing; it suggests that both style and work should show some wear, proving you're taking risks.

   Chapter 6

   The Power of the Outsider Perspective

   I received the Esquire job offer within forty-five minutes of my interview. Looking down at Manhattan from the plane, I realized my outsider status wasn't a liability - it had given me a perspective that resonated authentically. What we see as weaknesses often become our greatest professional strengths. I'll never feel fully comfortable as an insider. There will always be room for improvement, someone better, work that falls short. But this self-doubt can become fuel when properly channeled. Starting in New York, I'd retreat to Central Park benches after submitting work, convinced I'd be fired. Yet feeling inadequate drove me to research more thoroughly and prepare more diligently. The most successful people I know maintain this drive - questioning their abilities even as they achieve.

   Chapter 7

   Embracing Your Authentic Professional Self

   Sometimes you must insist on your talents and capabilities because no one else will. The best way to write - or live - is to assume authority and express yourself without apology or hedging. Consider ending interviews with genuine enthusiasm: "If you throw me out of here right now, this will have been the greatest thing that's ever happened to me." This bold approach works - but only if you truly believe it and deliver it authentically. Tell your career story honestly, including setbacks and lessons learned. Whether pursuing a job, raise, or promotion you think is out of reach, insist to yourself and others that you're ready. With gratitude, self-awareness, and authentic confidence, take action. The world needs what outsiders bring - fresh perspectives, authentic voices, and the courage to question established norms.

   Continue Reading