The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola Summary

1. Labriola reveals jealousy is a bundle of multiple distinct emotions.
2. The Jealousy Pie Chart helps identify your specific jealousy components.
3. Breaking down jealousy into parts makes overwhelming feelings more manageable.
4. The Jealousy Filter tests if your jealousy is rational or exaggerated.
5. Freud's framework traces jealousy from grief to self-blame and inadequacy.
6. Three core beliefs about relationship exclusivity generate most jealousy reactions.
7. Demotion displacement and intrusion create the three circles of poly hell.
8. Past childhood trauma often amplifies current jealousy in adult relationships.
9. Kathy Labriola's exercises transform jealousy into self-confidence and security.
10. Compartmentalization allows some partners to cope with non-monogamy comfortably.
11. Clear communication and written agreements minimize jealousy in open relationships.
12. The Jealousy Workbook provides step-by-step strategies for managing polyamory challenges.

About the Author

Kathy Labriola is the author of The Jealousy Workbook and a leading expert in polyamory, open relationships, and jealousy management. A counselor, nurse, and hypnotherapist based in Berkeley, California, she has provided affordable mental health services to alternative communities for over 30 years.

Her work focuses on helping people navigate non-monogamous relationships through practical, evidence-based strategies rooted in both clinical experience and lived expertise—she has been polyamorous for over 50 years.

Labriola has authored four influential books on consensual non-monogamy, including Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships, The Polyamory Break-up Book, and Polyamorous Elders: Aging in Open Relationships.

She has been featured on prominent relationship podcasts including Multiamory and Loving Without Boundaries, and her free pamphlet "Unmasking the Green-eyed Monster: Managing Jealousy in Open Relationships" has reached thousands of readers. She lives in Berkeley with her two husbands and continues her mission of making relationship counseling accessible to underserved communities.

FAQs About This Book

What is The Jealousy Workbook by Kathy Labriola about?

The Jealousy Workbook by Kathy Labriola is a practical guide designed to help individuals in open relationships and polyamorous arrangements understand and manage jealousy. Written by a counselor and nurse with decades of experience, the book provides exercises, techniques, and insights specifically tailored for navigating jealousy in consensually non-monogamous relationships. It combines Labriola's clinical expertise with wisdom from top educators and therapists in the polyamory community.

Who is Kathy Labriola and what makes her qualified to write about jealousy?

Kathy Labriola is a counselor, nurse, and hypnotherapist in private practice in Berkeley, California, who has been polyamorous for over 50 years. She specializes in providing affordable mental health services to alternative communities, including poly, queer, kink, and anarchist subcultures. Labriola has authored four books on consensual non-monogamy, including Love in Abundance, The Polyamory Breakup Book, and Polyamorous Elders, making her a leading voice in polyamory counseling and education.

Who should read The Jealousy Workbook?

The Jealousy Workbook is ideal for anyone in or considering open relationships, polyamory, or consensually non-monogamous arrangements who struggles with jealousy. It's particularly useful for those in hierarchical polyamory or relationships with primary partnerships. The book benefits both individuals experiencing jealousy crises and those wanting to build preventative skills before problems arise. However, people pursuing non-hierarchical polyamory or relationship anarchy may find some content less relatable.

Is The Jealousy Workbook by Kathy Labriola worth reading?

The Jealousy Workbook is worth reading for its practical, actionable exercises and compassionate approach to jealousy management in open relationships. Readers appreciate Labriola's accessible techniques that can be implemented during intense jealousy crises or used proactively to build emotional resilience. One important note: readers strongly recommend purchasing the printed version rather than the Kindle edition to fully engage with the workbook exercises. The book's main limitation is its focus on hierarchical polyamory structures.

What are the main jealousy management techniques in The Jealousy Workbook?

The Jealousy Workbook contains practical exercises designed for immediate crisis intervention and long-term skill development in managing jealousy. Labriola emphasizes compassion, particularly self-compassion, as a foundational tool for navigating jealous feelings. The book helps readers identify their emotional triggers, understand their needs, and develop strategies to exit overthinking spirals. Rather than treating jealousy as something to eliminate, the workbook frames it as valuable information about personal needs and boundaries.

Should I buy the print or digital version of The Jealousy Workbook?

Multiple readers strongly recommend purchasing the printed version of The Jealousy Workbook rather than the Kindle or digital edition. Since the book is an interactive workbook with numerous exercises meant to be completed by writing directly in the book, the physical format is essential for the full experience. The printed version allows you to work through exercises, journal responses, and return to completed sections for reflection, making it significantly more practical and effective than attempting to use the workbook digitally.

How does The Jealousy Workbook address hierarchical versus non-hierarchical polyamory?

The Jealousy Workbook primarily centers on hierarchical polyamory and open relationships involving primary partnerships. Many exercises focus on how individuals in primary relationships can manage jealousy and negotiate boundaries with their partners. Readers pursuing non-hierarchical polyamory or relationship anarchy have noted that this focus can feel limiting and may even trigger additional jealous thoughts about hierarchy itself. Those seeking guidance specifically for non-hierarchical structures may find some content requires adaptation to their relationship model.

What does The Jealousy Workbook teach about self-compassion in polyamory?

The Jealousy Workbook emphasizes compassion for everyone involved in open relationships, but particularly self-compassion when experiencing jealousy. Labriola recognizes that unlearning monogamy is challenging given society's constant reinforcement of monogamous norms through pop culture. The book frames jealous thoughts not as personal failures to be ashamed of, but as valuable signals that reveal important information about your needs and boundaries. This compassionate approach helps readers avoid self-blame while working through difficult emotions.

What are the main criticisms of The Jealousy Workbook by Kathy Labriola?

The primary criticism of The Jealousy Workbook is its heavy focus on hierarchical polyamory structures with primary partnerships, which doesn't resonate with everyone practicing non-monogamy. Some readers pursuing relationship anarchy or non-hierarchical polyamory found that questions and scenarios in the book actually triggered additional jealous thoughts rather than resolving them. Additionally, overthinkers may find themselves spiraling into questions about whether they're handling situations "correctly," though the book does provide strategies for managing these thought patterns.

How does The Jealousy Workbook compare to Kathy Labriola's other books?

The Jealousy Workbook is one of four books Kathy Labriola has written about consensual non-monogamy, alongside Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships, The Polyamory Breakup Book, and Polyamorous Elders: Aging in Open Relationships. While The Jealousy Workbook focuses specifically on managing jealousy through exercises, Love in Abundance offers broader relationship guidance, The Polyamory Breakup Book addresses ending relationships and maintaining community connections, and Polyamorous Elders explores aging in non-monogamous relationships. Together, they provide comprehensive support for different stages of polyamorous life.

Can The Jealousy Workbook help with jealousy in monogamous relationships?

While The Jealousy Workbook is specifically designed for open relationships and polyamorous arrangements, many of its jealousy management techniques could apply to monogamous relationships. The exercises focus on identifying emotional triggers, understanding personal needs, practicing self-compassion, and developing communication skills—all valuable in any relationship structure. However, the scenarios, examples, and context throughout the book are tailored to non-monogamous dynamics, so monogamous readers would need to adapt the material significantly to make it fully relevant to their situations.

What makes The Jealousy Workbook different from other polyamory books?

The Jealousy Workbook stands out for its interactive, exercise-based format rather than purely theoretical content. Unlike typical relationship books, it functions as an actual workbook requiring active participation and written responses to prompts. Labriola combines her extensive clinical experience as a counselor specializing in polyamory with insights from top educators and therapists in the community. The book offers both crisis intervention techniques for immediate jealousy episodes and preventative exercises for building long-term emotional resilience skills, making it uniquely practical and action-oriented.