32:40 Jackson: Alright, Nia, we've covered so much ground here. But I'm thinking about our listeners who are probably wondering, "This all sounds great, but where do I actually start?" How do you take all these insights and turn them into a practical plan?
32:53 Nia: Such a great question! I think the key is not trying to change everything at once. From everything we've discussed, I'd suggest starting with what I call the "Three Pillars of Great Coworkership"—and you can work on one pillar at a time.
33:05 Jackson: I love that framework. What are the three pillars?
33:08 Nia: The first pillar is "Presence"—how you show up in interactions. The second is "Positivity"—the energy you bring to relationships. And the third is "Proactivity"—how you anticipate and address challenges before they become problems.
33:21 Jackson: Let's break those down. What does working on "Presence" look like practically?
33:25 Nia: For presence, I'd start with something we learned from "Microskills"—the practice of giving someone your full attention for just the first 30 seconds of every interaction. Put away your phone, make eye contact, and really focus on what they're saying before your mind starts wandering to your to-do list.
33:40 Jackson: Thirty seconds doesn't sound like much, but I bet it makes a huge difference in how people feel heard.
17:28 Nia: It really does! And once that becomes natural, you can extend it. But starting small makes it manageable. Another presence practice is what Ethan Becker calls "the acknowledgment habit"—using people's names more often and acknowledging their contributions, even briefly.
33:59 Jackson: So instead of just saying "Thanks," you'd say "Thanks, Maria, that insight about the budget timeline is really helpful."
2:34 Nia: Exactly! It takes two extra seconds but makes people feel seen and valued. Now, for the second pillar—Positivity—this isn't about being fake cheerful. It's about consciously choosing responses that move conversations forward rather than shutting them down.
34:21 Jackson: What are some examples of that?
34:22 Nia: From "Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People," instead of saying "That won't work," you could say "That's an interesting idea—help me understand how you see it working." Instead of "That's not my job," you could say "I'm not sure I'm the right person for that, but let me help you figure out who is."
34:37 Jackson: So it's about staying curious and solution-focused even when your first instinct might be to shut something down.
2:34 Nia: Exactly! And here's a simple daily practice—Jon Gordon suggests ending each workday by thinking of three positive interactions you had and one person you could appreciate tomorrow. It trains your brain to notice and create positive moments.
34:56 Jackson: I love that! What about the third pillar—Proactivity?
34:59 Nia: This is about being the person who anticipates needs and addresses small issues before they become big ones. From "Relationships at Work," Rachel Simon talks about developing what she calls "relationship radar"—noticing when colleagues seem stressed, overwhelmed, or disconnected.
35:13 Jackson: And then what do you do with those observations?
35:15 Nia: Sometimes it's as simple as asking, "How are you doing with everything?" or "Is there anything I can take off your plate?" From "Can We Talk," Roberta Matuson emphasizes that early, caring check-ins can prevent so many problems down the road.
35:27 Jackson: And probably offering specific help rather than just saying "Let me know if you need anything."
7:58 Nia: Yes! Instead of "Let me know if you need help," try "I have some bandwidth this afternoon—would it be helpful if I reviewed that presentation you're working on?" Specific offers are much more likely to be accepted.
35:42 Jackson: Okay, so we have the three pillars. But how do you actually implement this without overwhelming yourself?
6:53 Nia: Great question! I suggest what Adaira Landry calls "the one-percent approach." Pick just one small behavior from one pillar and commit to practicing it for one week. Maybe it's using people's names more often, or asking one follow-up question in every conversation, or sending one appreciative email each day.
36:03 Jackson: And then after a week, you add something else?
36:06 Nia: Only if the first thing has become relatively automatic. The goal is to build habits, not just try harder for a few days and then burn out. From "The Power of a Positive Team," Jon Gordon emphasizes that sustainable change happens through consistent small actions, not dramatic gestures.
36:20 Jackson: What about measuring progress? How do you know if this stuff is actually working?
36:24 Nia: I love this question! Andrew Sobel suggests paying attention to what he calls "relationship indicators"—are people seeking you out more for advice or collaboration? Are you being included in more informal conversations? Do people seem more relaxed and open around you?
36:37 Jackson: So it's more about observing how others respond to you than trying to quantify specific behaviors.
2:34 Nia: Exactly! Although you can also track simple things like "How many times did I use someone's name today?" or "How many positive interactions did I have?" But ultimately, you'll know it's working because your work relationships will feel easier and more enjoyable.
36:55 Jackson: What about when you slip up? Because let's be honest, we all have bad days where we're not our best selves.
37:00 Nia: From "Mastering Communication at Work," Ethan Becker talks about the importance of "repair conversations." If you realize you were short with someone or didn't handle an interaction well, go back and acknowledge it. Something like, "I realized I was pretty abrupt in our meeting earlier—I was stressed about another deadline, but that's not an excuse. How are you feeling about what we discussed?"
37:18 Jackson: So it's about taking responsibility without making excuses.
13:25 Nia: Right! And here's something encouraging—people are usually very forgiving when you acknowledge mistakes authentically. It often strengthens the relationship rather than damaging it.
37:30 Jackson: Any final thoughts for people who might be thinking, "This sounds nice, but my workplace is pretty toxic—can one person really make a difference?"
37:38 Nia: Adam Kahane addresses this beautifully in "Collaborating with the Enemy." Even in the most challenging environments, you can create what he calls "pockets of sanity"—small spaces of positive interaction that can gradually expand. You might not transform the entire culture overnight, but you can absolutely transform your corner of it.
37:53 Jackson: And sometimes that's enough to make your own work experience dramatically better, even if the whole organization doesn't change.
2:34 Nia: Exactly! And who knows? As we talked about with ripple effects, your positive influence might spread further than you realize. But even if it doesn't, you'll still benefit from stronger relationships, less stress, and more enjoyable workdays.
38:11 Jackson: So the message is: start small, be consistent, and focus on what you can control.
38:16 Nia: Perfect summary! And remember, every expert we've discussed started as someone who just decided to be more intentional about their relationships at work. These skills are totally learnable—you just have to be willing to practice them.