The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi Summary

The Courage to Be Disliked explores Adlerian psychology through a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man, emphasizing self-acceptance, interpersonal relationships, and living authentically. It teaches readers to reject external validation, take responsibility for their happiness, and embrace the courage to pursue personal goals even if disliked by others. Key themes include discarding others' expectations and focusing on the present moment.

This book is ideal for readers seeking self-improvement, mental clarity, or strategies to overcome social anxiety. It resonates with those grappling with people-pleasing tendencies, career stagnation, or a lack of fulfillment. Fans of Stoic philosophy or psychology-based personal growth books like Atomic Habits will find its actionable insights valuable.

Ichiro Kishimi is a Japanese philosopher and expert in Adlerian psychology, known for translating Alfred Adler’s works. Fumitake Koga is an award-winning author. Together, they blend ancient Greek philosophy and modern psychology in The Courage to Be Disliked, creating a practical guide to happiness through accessible Socratic dialogues.

Yes, the book offers transformative ideas for overcoming fear of judgment and fostering self-reliance. While some criticize its oversimplified dialogue format, its actionable advice on interpersonal relationships and living in the present has made it a global bestseller, selling over 1 million copies.

This concept urges readers to stop taking responsibility for others' emotions or opinions. For example, if someone dislikes your choices, that is their “task” to resolve—not yours. By focusing only on your own goals, you reclaim freedom and reduce interpersonal conflict.

Adlerian psychology rejects Freud’s focus on past trauma, arguing that present choices shape happiness. Unlike Jung’s collective unconscious theories, Adler emphasizes social context and community contribution. It aligns more with Greek philosophy, prioritizing actionable self-improvement over abstract analysis.

The philosopher-youth debates mimic Socratic teaching, making complex psychological concepts accessible. This format encourages critical thinking, allowing readers to challenge their assumptions about happiness, freedom, and societal expectations step-by-step.

Happiness comes from self-acceptance, contributing to others, and living authentically in the present. The book advises against seeking praise or validation, as these create hierarchies in relationships. Instead, focus on personal growth and community-oriented actions.

Critics argue the dialogue format can feel repetitive or overly simplistic. Some find its dismissal of past trauma unrealistic, and its advice to ignore others’ opinions too extreme. However, supporters praise its practicality for fostering resilience.

It teaches that healthy relationships require mutual respect, not control or approval-seeking. By setting boundaries (e.g., not taking responsibility for others’ emotions) and practicing empathy, you reduce conflict and build trust.

In an era of social media and heightened comparison, the book’s lessons on self-validation and mindful living remain vital. Its emphasis on mental autonomy helps navigate modern pressures like career uncertainty or digital overload.

• “True freedom requires the courage to be disliked.”
• “All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.”
• “Happiness is a feeling of contribution to something greater.”

These lines underscore its focus on self-reliance, community, and present-moment living.