Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John M. Gottman Summary

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child provides a science-backed framework to help children understand and manage emotions. Psychologist John M. Gottman introduces a five-step Emotion Coaching method: recognizing emotions, validating feelings, labeling emotions verbally, setting behavioral boundaries, and collaborative problem-solving. The book emphasizes how emotional intelligence boosts academic performance, physical health, and social relationships.

This book is ideal for parents, caregivers, and educators seeking strategies to nurture children’s emotional resilience. It’s particularly valuable for those wanting to move beyond authoritarian or dismissive parenting styles, with actionable tools for fostering trust, communication, and empathy in children of all ages.

Yes—the book blends research from 120+ families with practical exercises, making it a seminal guide for parenting. While some critique its repetitive structure, its Emotion Coaching framework and self-assessment quizzes offer transformative insights for improving parent-child relationships.

Gottman’s Emotion Coaching involves:

1. Awareness of a child’s emotions.
2. Viewing emotions as teaching opportunities.
3. Empathetic listening and validation.
4. Helping children verbally label feelings.
5. Setting limits while problem-solving together.

This process builds emotional literacy and strengthens parent-child bonds.

Gottman identifies four styles:

• Dismissing (ignoring emotions).
• Disapproving (punishing emotional expression).
• Laissez-Faire (accepting emotions but lacking guidance).
• Emotion Coaching (validating and teaching emotional regulation).

The book advocates for the Emotion Coaching approach as the most effective.

Gottman advises parents to shield children from destructive conflict by modeling respectful communication. He suggests using Emotion Coaching to help children process feelings about family tensions, ensuring they feel secure despite parental disagreements.

Some readers note the book’s repetitive structure and a focus on Gen X fathers, which may feel dated. Others highlight minor contradictions in examples, though its core principles remain widely praised for their practicality and research foundation.

While both emphasize emotional regulation, Gottman’s work focuses specifically on Emotion Coaching as a step-by-step toolkit, whereas The Whole-Brain Child integrates neuroscience. Gottman’s book includes self-assessment quizzes, making it more interactive for parents.

• “Emotional intelligence is a better predictor of success than IQ.”
• “Listen with empathy; validate before problem-solving.”

These lines underscore the book’s thesis that emotional skills are foundational to lifelong resilience.

Yes—the book provides strategies to de-escalate tantrums by acknowledging emotions (e.g., “You’re frustrated because…”), then guiding children toward calm problem-solving. This approach reduces power struggles and teaches self-regulation.

Absolutely. Gottman’s methods adapt to all ages, helping teens navigate complex emotions like peer pressure or academic stress. Emotion Coaching fosters open communication, critical during adolescence.

Children with high emotional intelligence exhibit better focus, healthier friendships, and improved academic outcomes. Adults raised with Emotion Coaching tend to have lower stress levels and stronger conflict-resolution skills.