How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You by Albert Ellis Summary

How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You by Albert Ellis provides evidence-based techniques rooted in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to help readers identify and reframe irrational beliefs that fuel anger. The book teaches practical strategies to replace aggressive reactions with assertive communication, reduce emotional intensity, and cultivate self-acceptance during anger triggers.

This book is ideal for individuals struggling with chronic anger, therapists seeking REBT-based tools, or anyone interested in cognitive-behavioral approaches to emotional regulation. It’s particularly useful for those wanting to address self-defeating thought patterns impacting relationships or work.

Yes—readers praise its actionable REBT methods for transforming anger into constructive responses. While some note the writing style is dense, the book’s exercises (like disputing irrational beliefs and shame-attacking techniques) offer lifelong tools for emotional management.

Key techniques include:

• Disputing irrational beliefs: Challenging exaggerated thoughts like “This shouldn’t happen.”
• Rational Emotive Imagery: Visualizing anger triggers to practice calmer responses.
• Assertiveness training: Replacing aggression with clear, respectful communication.

The book distinguishes healthy anger (a natural reaction to unfairness) from unhealthy rage (irrational blame-filled outbursts). REBT emphasizes that anger becomes destructive when tied to rigid demands (e.g., “People must treat me fairly”).

These involve deliberately engaging in socially awkward behaviors (e.g., singing loudly in public) to reduce hypersensitivity to criticism. The goal is to build resilience against perceived slights that often trigger anger.

It advocates assertive “I” statements over accusatory language and teaches partners to accept imperfections in others. For example, replacing “You never listen!” with “I feel unheard when interruptions occur”.

Yes—it provides frameworks for managing frustration with colleagues or deadlines. Techniques include reframing unreasonable demands (e.g., “My boss shouldn’t be so demanding”) and practicing structured problem-solving.

Some readers find the academic tone challenging and suggest pairing it with therapy for complex cases. Others note repetitive sections, though most agree the core REBT principles remain valuable.

Unlike generic advice, Ellis’s REBT approach targets the cognitive roots of anger rather than just symptoms. It’s more systematic than mindfulness-focused books but less spiritual than approaches like The Power of Now.

Yes—it addresses passive anger by teaching direct communication and self-advocacy. Exercises help users recognize subtle resentment and replace avoidance with constructive dialogue.

• “You largely construct your anger.”
• “Assertion involves taking a stand; aggression involves putting others down.”

These emphasize personal accountability and assertive problem-solving.