How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You Summary, PDF, EPUB, Audio

Q: What is *How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You* about?

*How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You* by Albert Ellis provides evidence-based techniques rooted in **Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)** to help readers identify and reframe irrational beliefs that fuel anger. The book teaches practical strategies to replace aggressive reactions with assertive communication, reduce emotional intensity, and cultivate self-acceptance during anger triggers.

Q: What are the key REBT techniques in the book?

Key techniques include: - **Disputing irrational beliefs**: Challenging exaggerated thoughts like “This *shouldn’t* happen.” - **Rational Emotive Imagery**: Visualizing anger triggers to practice calmer responses. - **Assertiveness training**: Replacing aggression with clear, respectful communication.

Q: How does *How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You* differentiate healthy vs. unhealthy anger?

The book distinguishes **healthy anger** (a natural reaction to unfairness) from **unhealthy rage** (irrational blame-filled outbursts). REBT emphasizes that anger becomes destructive when tied to rigid demands (e.g., “People *must* treat me fairly”).

Q: How does the book suggest handling anger in relationships?

It advocates **assertive “I” statements** over accusatory language and teaches partners to accept imperfections in others. For example, replacing “You never listen!” with “I feel unheard when interruptions occur”.

How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You

Albert Ellis

3.63 (387 Reviews)

Psychology

Self-growth

Health

Overview

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Author

FAQs

Transform your explosive outbursts with the pioneering REBT approach that revolutionized psychology. Ellis' masterwork - translated into multiple languages and praised as "required reading" by experts - reveals the surprising truth: your anger isn't caused by others, but by your own irrational beliefs.

What is How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You about?

How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You by Albert Ellis provides evidence-based techniques rooted in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to help readers identify and reframe irrational beliefs that fuel anger. The book teaches practical strategies to replace aggressive reactions with assertive communication, reduce emotional intensity, and cultivate self-acceptance during anger triggers.

Who should read How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You?

This book is ideal for individuals struggling with chronic anger, therapists seeking REBT-based tools, or anyone interested in cognitive-behavioral approaches to emotional regulation. It’s particularly useful for those wanting to address self-defeating thought patterns impacting relationships or work.

Is How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You worth reading?

Yes—readers praise its actionable REBT methods for transforming anger into constructive responses. While some note the writing style is dense, the book’s exercises (like disputing irrational beliefs and shame-attacking techniques) offer lifelong tools for emotional management.

What are the key REBT techniques in the book?

Key techniques include:

Disputing irrational beliefs: Challenging exaggerated thoughts like “This shouldn’t happen.”
Rational Emotive Imagery: Visualizing anger triggers to practice calmer responses.
Assertiveness training: Replacing aggression with clear, respectful communication.

How does How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You differentiate healthy vs. unhealthy anger?

The book distinguishes healthy anger (a natural reaction to unfairness) from unhealthy rage (irrational blame-filled outbursts). REBT emphasizes that anger becomes destructive when tied to rigid demands (e.g., “People must treat me fairly”).

What are “shame-attacking exercises” in the book?

These involve deliberately engaging in socially awkward behaviors (e.g., singing loudly in public) to reduce hypersensitivity to criticism. The goal is to build resilience against perceived slights that often trigger anger.

How does the book suggest handling anger in relationships?

It advocates assertive “I” statements over accusatory language and teaches partners to accept imperfections in others. For example, replacing “You never listen!” with “I feel unheard when interruptions occur”.

Does How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You address workplace anger?

Yes—it provides frameworks for managing frustration with colleagues or deadlines. Techniques include reframing unreasonable demands (e.g., “My boss shouldn’t be so demanding”) and practicing structured problem-solving.

What criticisms exist about the book?

Some readers find the academic tone challenging and suggest pairing it with therapy for complex cases. Others note repetitive sections, though most agree the core REBT principles remain valuable.

How does this book compare to other anger management guides?

Unlike generic advice, Ellis’s REBT approach targets the cognitive roots of anger rather than just symptoms. It’s more systematic than mindfulness-focused books but less spiritual than approaches like The Power of Now.

Can How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You help with passive-aggressiveness?

Yes—it addresses passive anger by teaching direct communication and self-advocacy. Exercises help users recognize subtle resentment and replace avoidance with constructive dialogue.

What iconic quotes are featured in the book?

“You largely construct your anger.”
“Assertion involves taking a stand; aggression involves putting others down.”

These emphasize personal accountability and assertive problem-solving.

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Key takeaways

Taming the Fire Within: Understanding the Anger Paradox

00:00

Have you ever wondered why we cling so fiercely to emotions that hurt us? Anger feels justified in the moment, yet leaves destruction in its wake. The revolutionary insight at the heart of anger management is surprisingly counterintuitive - we actively choose our anger rather than having it forced upon us by circumstances. This perspective, blending ancient Stoic wisdom with modern psychology, offers a powerful framework for emotional freedom. When we understand that our interpretation of events - not the events themselves - creates our emotional responses, we unlock the door to genuine emotional control. The question isn't whether people treat us unfairly (they do), but rather how we choose to respond when they do.

The Hidden Costs and Dangerous Myths About Anger

The ABC Framework: Decoding Your Emotional Reactions

Uncovering Your Personal Rage Triggers

Breaking Free: Disputing Irrational Beliefs

Practical Tools for Emotional Mastery

Living Beyond Anger: The Freedom of Acceptance

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"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

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"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

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"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

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"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

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"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

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"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

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"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

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"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

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How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You by Albert Ellis Summary

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Key takeaways

Taming the Fire Within: Understanding the Anger Paradox

The Hidden Costs and Dangerous Myths About Anger

The ABC Framework: Decoding Your Emotional Reactions

Uncovering Your Personal Rage Triggers

Breaking Free: Disputing Irrational Beliefs

Practical Tools for Emotional Mastery

Living Beyond Anger: The Freedom of Acceptance

Quick Summary Mode - Read or listen to How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You Summary in 9 Minutes

Flash Card Mode - Top 6 Insights from How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You in a Nutshell

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Download How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You PDF

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Key takeaways

Taming the Fire Within: Understanding the Anger Paradox

The Hidden Costs and Dangerous Myths About Anger

The ABC Framework: Decoding Your Emotional Reactions

Uncovering Your Personal Rage Triggers

Breaking Free: Disputing Irrational Beliefs

Practical Tools for Emotional Mastery

Living Beyond Anger: The Freedom of Acceptance