How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons Summary, PDF, EPUB, Audio

Q: What is *How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons* about?

*How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons* by Albert Ellis teaches readers to manage emotional reactions using Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). It identifies irrational beliefs that escalate stress and provides actionable steps to reframe thoughts, reduce overreactions, and handle personal or professional conflicts calmly.

Q: What is the ABC model in *How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons*?

The ABC model explains how **A**ctivating events trigger **B**eliefs (thoughts), which lead to emotional/behavioral **C**onsequences. Ellis emphasizes that changing irrational beliefs (e.g., “I must be perfect”) at Point B prevents overreactions, enabling calmer responses to challenges.

Q: What are the “Fatal Foursome” feelings in the book?

The “Fatal Foursome” refers to self-sabotaging emotions: **awfulizing** (catastrophizing), **I-can’t-stand-it-itis** (low frustration tolerance), **musterbation** (rigid “musts” or “shoulds”), and **self/other damnation**. These irrational beliefs amplify stress and conflict.

Q: What are key quotes from *How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons*?

- **“People and things do not push your buttons—you push your own buttons.”** Highlights personal responsibility for emotional reactions. - **“Don’t get mad or get even—get placid.”** Encourages calm, rational responses over hostility.

How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons

Albert Ellis

3.6 (546 Reviews)

Psychology

Self-growth

Mindfulness

Relationship

Overview

Key Takeaways

Author

FAQs

Master your emotions and stop others from controlling them. Dr. Albert Ellis's groundbreaking guide offers practical cognitive-behavioral techniques that transform relationships and reduce stress. This influential work in REBT psychology has shaped therapeutic approaches worldwide. Ever wonder why Tony Robbins references these principles? Your emotional freedom awaits.

What is How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons about?

How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons by Albert Ellis teaches readers to manage emotional reactions using Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). It identifies irrational beliefs that escalate stress and provides actionable steps to reframe thoughts, reduce overreactions, and handle personal or professional conflicts calmly.

Who should read How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons?

This book suits anyone facing stress from relationships, work, or daily hassles. It’s ideal for individuals seeking practical strategies to avoid emotional overreactions, parents navigating family challenges, or professionals managing workplace conflicts.

Is How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons worth reading?

Yes, the book offers timeless, evidence-based techniques to build emotional resilience. Its REBT framework helps readers replace self-sabotaging thoughts with rational responses, making it valuable for personal growth and stress management.

What is the ABC model in How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons?

The ABC model explains how Activating events trigger Beliefs (thoughts), which lead to emotional/behavioral Consequences. Ellis emphasizes that changing irrational beliefs (e.g., “I must be perfect”) at Point B prevents overreactions, enabling calmer responses to challenges.

What are the “Fatal Foursome” feelings in the book?

The “Fatal Foursome” refers to self-sabotaging emotions: awfulizing (catastrophizing), I-can’t-stand-it-itis (low frustration tolerance), musterbation (rigid “musts” or “shoulds”), and self/other damnation. These irrational beliefs amplify stress and conflict.

Ellis advises identifying irrational beliefs, reframing them as preferences (e.g., “I’d like this to happen, but it’s not essential”), and using REBT techniques like disputing irrational thoughts. This reduces emotional reactivity and promotes problem-solving.

What are key quotes from How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons?

“People and things do not push your buttons—you push your own buttons.” Highlights personal responsibility for emotional reactions.
“Don’t get mad or get even—get placid.” Encourages calm, rational responses over hostility.

How does this book compare to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*?

Both address emotional control, but Ellis focuses on REBT’s structured framework to reframe beliefs, while Manson emphasizes selective prioritization. Ellis’ approach is more systematic for conflict resolution.

Can How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons help with workplace stress?

Yes, the book dedicates a chapter to professional settings, teaching readers to manage criticism, deadlines, and difficult colleagues by replacing perfectionism with realistic expectations and assertive communication.

What criticisms exist about the book?

Some readers find the anecdotes repetitive or overly simplistic. Critics note REBT requires consistent practice, which might challenge those seeking quick fixes.

Why is How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons relevant in 2025?

In an era of 24/7 connectivity and heightened stress, its tools for managing digital overwhelm, workplace dynamics, and family conflicts remain practical. The focus on self-driven emotional control aligns with modern mindfulness trends.

How does this book relate to Albert Ellis’ other works?

It expands on REBT principles introduced in A Guide to Rational Living, applying them to daily button-pushers. The tone is more accessible than Ellis’ academic papers, targeting general readers.

Start Reading Your Way

Quick Summary

Feel the book through the author's voice

Deep Dive

Turn knowledge into engaging, example-rich insights

Flash Card

Capture key ideas in a flash for fast learning

Fun

Enjoy the book in a fun and engaging way

More like this

A Good Girl's Guide to Murder

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

Susanna Clarke

The Concrete Blonde

Michael Connelly

Revenge of the Tipping Point

Malcolm Gladwell

The Tao of Sexology

Stephen Thomas Chang

How to Memorize Anything

Aditi Singhal & Sudhir Singhal

Key takeaways

Mastering Your Emotional Buttons: The Power of Rational Thinking

00:00

Ever found yourself seething with rage at a rude waiter, feeling crushed by criticism, or exploding at your teenager over a messy room? According to psychologist Albert Ellis, these emotional overreactions are entirely preventable - once you understand what's really happening. His revolutionary approach challenges the idea that external events cause our feelings. Instead, he reveals something far more empowering: we create our own emotional distress through irrational thinking patterns. The good news? Once we recognize these patterns, we can change them, transforming how we respond to life's inevitable frustrations. This insight has influenced everyone from Tony Robbins to military resilience training programs, helping millions regain control of their emotional lives. As Will Smith once noted, "Understanding that I control my emotional reactions was the single most important realization of my career."

Understanding Emotional Triggers: The Fatal Foursome and ABC Model

Catastrophic Thinking: When "What If" Becomes "It's Awful!"

Absolutist Thinking: The Tyranny of "Should"

Four Steps to Emotional Freedom

Relationship and Parenting Button-Pushers

Taking Back Your Emotional Power

Explore Your Way of Learning

How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons isn't just a book — it's a masterclass in Psychology. To help you absorb its lessons in the way that works best for you, we offer five unique learning modes. Whether you're a deep thinker, a fast learner, or a story lover, there's a mode designed to fit your style.

Quick Summary

How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons Summary in 9 Minutes

Break down key ideas from How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons into bite-sized takeaways to understand how innovative teams create, collaborate, and grow.

00:00

Flash Card

Top 8 Insights from How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons in a Nutshell

Distill How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons into rapid-fire memory cues that highlight Pixar’s principles of candor, teamwork, and creative resilience.

Fun

How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons Lessons Told Through 21-Min Stories

Experience How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons through vivid storytelling that turns Pixar’s innovation lessons into moments you’ll remember and apply.

00:00

Personalize

Experience How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons in your own way.

Ask anything, pick the voice, and co-create insights that truly resonate with you.

From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco

BeFreed Brings Together A Global Community Of 200,000+ Curious Minds

See more on how BeFreed is discussed across the web

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

Start your learning journey, now

Download This Summary

Get the How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons summary as a free PDF or EPUB. Print it or read offline anytime.

How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons by Albert Ellis Summary

Overview of How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons

Key Takeaways from How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons

Overview of its author - Albert Ellis

Common FAQs of How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons

Similar books to How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons

More like this

Key takeaways

Mastering Your Emotional Buttons: The Power of Rational Thinking

Understanding Emotional Triggers: The Fatal Foursome and ABC Model

Catastrophic Thinking: When "What If" Becomes "It's Awful!"

Absolutist Thinking: The Tyranny of "Should"

Four Steps to Emotional Freedom

Relationship and Parenting Button-Pushers

Taking Back Your Emotional Power

Quick Summary Mode - Read or listen to How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons Summary in 9 Minutes

Flash Card Mode - Top 8 Insights from How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons in a Nutshell

Fun Mode - How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons Lessons Told Through 21-Min Stories

Personalize Mode - Read or listen to How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons Summary in 0 Minutes

Download How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons PDF

Download How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons EPUB

Key takeaways

Mastering Your Emotional Buttons: The Power of Rational Thinking

Understanding Emotional Triggers: The Fatal Foursome and ABC Model

Catastrophic Thinking: When "What If" Becomes "It's Awful!"

Absolutist Thinking: The Tyranny of "Should"

Four Steps to Emotional Freedom

Relationship and Parenting Button-Pushers

Taking Back Your Emotional Power

More like this