He Comes Next by Ian Kerner Summary

He Comes Next is a guide exploring male sexual pleasure, debunking stereotypes about men’s arousal and intimacy. It combines psychological insights, anatomical education, and practical techniques to help partners create deeper connections and holistic sexual experiences. The book emphasizes moving beyond genital-focused routines to achieve full-body orgasms through communication, trust, and exploration.

This book is ideal for women seeking to understand male sexuality, couples aiming to revitalize intimacy, and men curious about their own pleasure potential. It’s also valuable for therapists or educators addressing sexual wellness.

Yes, particularly for its fresh perspective on male-centric intimacy. Unlike conventional guides, it balances humor with clinical expertise, offering actionable strategies like sensory mapping and arousal pacing. Readers praise its focus on emotional connection alongside physical techniques.

A “global orgasm” refers to a full-body climax achieved by integrating mental, emotional, and physical stimulation. Kerner argues that men can transcend quick-release genital orgasms through slower, deliberate practices that engage all senses—transforming sex into a meditative experience.

Kerner emphasizes that male arousal begins psychologically. Stress, performance anxiety, and societal expectations often inhibit pleasure. The book provides exercises to cultivate mindfulness during intimacy, such as breathwork and non-sexual touch, to synchronize mental and physical responses.

Open dialogue is framed as essential for unlocking pleasure. Kerner encourages partners to discuss fantasies, boundaries, and feedback without judgment. Examples include using “desire mapping” exercises and creating a “sexual menu” to explore mutual interests.

Some readers note the heteronormative framing, focusing primarily on cisgender male/female dynamics. Others find sections repetitive if familiar with Kerner’s prior work, She Comes First. However, most praise its inclusive tone regarding diverse relationship stages.

While She Comes First focuses on female pleasure, this sequel flips the perspective, analyzing men’s needs with equal depth. Both books share Kerner’s trademark blend of science and humor but diverge in anatomical focus and gender-specific psychological barriers.

• “The true art of lovemaking lies not in the destination but in the journey.”
• “Men aren’t islands of arousal—they’re continents waiting to be explored.”

These lines underscore the book’s thesis: patience and curiosity yield greater intimacy than performance-driven sex.

Yes, it normalizes common fantasies (e.g., role-play, voyeurism) while providing frameworks to safely integrate them. Kerner distinguishes between “exploratory” vs. “essential” fantasies, advising partners on how to align desires without pressure.

This method involves stimulating non-genital zones—like the neck, ears, or inner wrists—to build anticipation. Kerner provides step-by-step guides for sensual massages and temperature play, arguing that extended foreplay enriches orgasmic potential.

The book addresses “sexual ruts” by reintroducing novelty through scheduled “erotic experiments” and sensory deprivation games. It also explores how life stages (parenthood, aging) impact intimacy, offering adaptive strategies to maintain connection.