Глава 1
Breaking Free: The Journey to Unapologetic Ambition
Have you ever felt that nagging voice inside your head asking "what if?" What if you went back to school? What if you built something meaningful? What if you wrote that book? Rachel Hollis argues that this voice isn't just random thoughts-it's your potential begging to override your fear. In her groundbreaking book "Girl, Stop Apologizing," Hollis delivers a wake-up call that has resonated with millions of women worldwide, including celebrities like Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner. The book spent 12 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into 30 languages, becoming a cultural phenomenon that sparked conversations about female ambition across social media platforms. Hollis challenges the deeply ingrained belief that women should prioritize making others happy over pursuing their own dreams. Her central message? Your potential is your gift from the creator, and what you do with it is your gift back to the world.
Глава 2
The Invisible Chains of Female Expectation
I lived a double life for years, publicly downplaying my business success while secretly thriving as an entrepreneur. My transparency about personal matters contrasted sharply with my silence about professional achievements. When I casually mentioned having a nanny, the internet exploded with judgment: "What kind of mother lets someone else raise her children?" The backlash devastated me because I still desperately wanted to belong.
For nearly five years, I hid my success, referring to my million-reader, six-figure revenue blog as "a little blog." This secrecy reinforced shame about my ambitions, feeding my mommy guilt and insecurities. Though I loved my business and entrepreneurship lit my heart on fire, I worried about inconveniencing others with my joy.
The breakthrough came at a 2015 conference where I realized I'd been taught to play small despite being born with dreams that were the core of who I am. These dreams weren't flaws-they were gifts. Staying home wasn't my calling despite cultural expectations. I returned home fully embracing myself for the first time, leading to my most fulfilled years.
Women are taught our value lies in making others happy. If your kids are happy, you're a good mom. If your husband is happy, you're a good wife. No wonder so many mothers lose themselves! But you're allowed to want more simply because it makes your heart happy-without anyone's permission.
This excuse-"that's not what other women do"-keeps countless women from pursuing their dreams. But the truth is, there's no single "right way" to be a woman. The most fulfilled women I know have stopped apologizing for who they are and what they want.
Глава 3
Dreams With Work Boots On
You might believe you're simply not wired to be goal-oriented, but that's missing a crucial word: you're not goal-oriented YET. Just as you weren't born knowing how to walk, speak, or drive, being goal-focused is a skill you can develop through habit formation.
Everyone has dreams-wishes like getting in shape, becoming debt-free, or starting a side business. But dreams and goals are fundamentally different. A goal is "a dream with its work boots on"-something you've actively decided to make real rather than merely hope for. Hope alone is worthless without intentional planning and belief in your capacity for change.
One of my most profound career moments came when a woman at our first Rise conference confessed she'd never thought about focusing on something just for herself as a mom and wife. This revelation stunned me, as I'd assumed everyone worked toward personal goals. Understanding that some women don't permit themselves dreams breaks my heart because growth equals happiness. All living organisms, relationships, and businesses are either growing or dying-there is no middle ground.
Everyone struggles with finding time, regardless of life stage. Whether you're a single parent, recent graduate working multiple jobs, or an empty nester with a packed schedule, the challenge is universal. But here's the truth: you don't find time for your goals-you make time.
You must accept that you control your schedule. Everything in your calendar is there because you allowed it. The question isn't whether you have enough time, but how you're using the time you have. The question isn't whether you can achieve your goal, but what you're willing to give up for it.
Глава 4
Confronting the "Not Enough" Narrative
I've battled lifelong feelings of not being good enough-a struggle many of you share based on the messages I receive. These insecurities manifest in countless ways: not pretty enough, not thin enough, not young enough, not old enough. When we set goals, these feelings of inadequacy multiply exponentially as we face new challenges.
The irony is that the very thing you're attempting might prove your misconceptions wrong. Running that half marathon could transform how you feel about your body's capabilities. Building that business could adjust beliefs about your intelligence. Completing that manuscript could prove your dedication. It's a catch-22-your feelings of "not enough" prevent you from proving you are.
We accept failure as children but talk ourselves out of trying as adults. I've struggled with feeling uneducated while building my business. With only a high school diploma and one year of acting school, I avoided our company financials as we grew, terrified by balance sheets I didn't understand. That voice in my head constantly whispered, "You're not smart enough."
Eventually, I got sick of it. I reminded myself I'd always figured things out before-why stop now? I tried an expensive Harvard Business School online accounting program (completely wrong for my learning style) before realizing I needed to customize my approach. I watched YouTube videos, attended conferences, and finally found clarity through a speaker who explained business finances in terms I understood.
Personal growth must be personal. Not having knowledge just makes you teachable, not stupid. Not having experience makes you eager, not ignorant. You are enough today, as you are. What you believe about not being "enough" isn't truth-it's just an opinion someone gave you that you've accepted as doctrine.
Глава 5
Motherhood and Ambition: The False Dichotomy
Mommy guilt is bullshit! This cancerous thing lodges in your heart and creeps to your head, reminding you constantly how you're failing your children. Whether it's guilt about working, wanting time for yourself, or not feeding kids the right blueberries, it's not about self-awareness-it's about self-destruction.
Guilt doesn't serve you or your children. It wasn't taught by your creator but by people, based on what they thought was shameful. Like my experience growing up as a Pentecostal preacher's daughter with unhealthy views of sexuality that took years to overcome.
You're doing your best! Parenting isn't meant to be flawless-I tried putting sunscreen on Noah and accidentally made her bump her head. Previous generations did things we'd consider horrifying now. You'll be a better parent next month than this month, and better still years from now.
It's absolutely possible to pursue something for yourself while showing up well for people you love. You can be a great mother and entrepreneur, an awesome wife who still needs girlfriend time. Stay centered in what matters to you and let others' opinions fall away.
The false belief that you can't pursue your dreams and still be a good mother/daughter/employee keeps many women stuck in unfulfilling patterns. This excuse stems from the deeply ingrained idea that women's worth is tied to their service to others. But the truth is, pursuing your passions makes you a better, more fulfilled version of yourself-which benefits everyone around you.
Глава 6
Embracing Failure as Part of the Journey
Eight hundred and fifty thousand people watched me fail. They watched me set a goal, talk about it publicly, and then fall short. For years, I'd dreamed of writing a New York Times bestseller-my birthday wish for fifteen years, what I thought about when blowing dandelion seeds.
When Valentine's Day came-a week after release and on my husband's birthday-I learned I hadn't made the list. I was crushed and embarrassed, feeling I'd let down my tribe. But I wouldn't take it back. How could I tell women daily to follow their dreams if I hid mine out of fear?
That bottle of Dom Perignon I'd labeled "New York Times Bestseller" had moved with us for a decade through multiple homes, collecting dust in cabinets and beer fridges. Ten weeks after my initial failure, Girl, Wash Your Face became a bestseller. When I got the call, I fell to my knees. That night, Dave and I finally drank that champagne, and it was sweeter because of all the failures along the way.
I'm grateful for every misstep, small space, and moment of insecurity-they taught me how to grow, run, and build confidence through practice. Had success come easily, I might have attributed it to luck. Now I know with certainty: I can achieve anything I'm willing to work for, not because I'm gifted, but because I'm dedicated to improving. Don't fear failure-fear never achieving anything because you were too afraid of what others might think of you for trying.
Глава 7
Your Unique Voice in a Crowded World
We often look at someone else's success and let it talk us out of chasing our own dreams. We stop ourselves from writing that book or starting that business because someone else has already done it. But everything has been done before-kissing, marriage, bangs, white jeans-yet we only let this deter us when pursuing something big.
This isn't a legitimate obstacle; it's an excuse. Someone else's success should be a sign you're onto something valuable, not a reason to quit. Instead of seeing others' achievements as validation that your path has merit, you turn it into a competition and decide not to try at all.
Stop comparing your beginning to someone else's middle! I'm writing my eighth book now, and it's light-years better than my first. My early Instagram posts, YouTube videos, and blog entries were amateur compared to my current work. I intentionally keep older content visible so you can see the progress-I didn't wake up skilled, and neither did anyone else you admire.
As the Chinese proverb says, "The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second-best time is now." This isn't about whether you can do something well-almost anything can be learned. It's about whether you're humble enough to be bad at something long enough to become better.
Your fear manifests in different ways: fear of sucking as a beginner (you will, and that's okay), fear of failure (stop speaking to yourself so harshly), or perfectionism (afraid to confirm you're not as good as you thought). The irony is that even after conquering this excuse, you'll face it again with each new goal. Every mountain you climb will reveal another range in the distance. But if you can't get over comparing yourself to others, you'll never become a trailblazer for someone else.
Глава 8
Breaking the Permission-Seeking Habit
This might be my most feminist-sounding point, but don't skip it regardless of your comfort with that term. Most societies throughout history have been patriarchal, with men holding most or all power. Whether you see this as good or bad isn't the point-what matters is how this structure affects your self-belief as a woman.
I was raised with a forceful father who demanded total obedience, living for his approval and fearing his displeasure. When I married at nineteen, I transferred these patterns to my relationship with my husband, becoming utterly codependent and anxious whenever he was unhappy, even about matters unrelated to me.
I remember a pivotal moment seven years ago when my husband came home frustrated from work. I frantically tried to fix his mood-offering drinks, food, movies, sex-until he kindly but firmly told me, "Rachel, I'm in a bad mood, and I'll get over it. It's not your job to make sure I'm happy." This was an epiphany! I'd been raised to keep "Daddy happy" and didn't know another way to be.
This realization led me to question: What if I made decisions for myself? What if I stopped asking permission for everything? For the first decade of marriage, I'd asked Dave's permission for the smallest things-going to the grocery store, having dinner with friends, even eating the last cookie. I thank God I married a good man who didn't abuse this power.
Grown-up women don't ask permission. You can be your own person while maintaining great relationships. You're allowed to pursue your dreams even when others don't understand, take time away from your kids despite inconveniencing others, and exist without permissions or qualifiers.
The term "girl boss" makes my blood boil because it qualifies women's achievements. My husband, a former high-level executive, was never labeled by his gender. Qualifying "boss" with "girl" or "babe" is disrespectful and damages how young women view themselves. We don't say "girl doctors" or "girl lawyers"-those hard-earned positions demand respect.
Be the kind of woman who never asks permission to be herself-who laughs loudly, learns constantly, shows up for her life, and pursues dreams that make her nervous anyway.
Глава 9
The Power of Focus: Choosing Your One Thing
To effectively pursue your dreams, you must narrow your focus using the "10, 10, 1" process. First, envision your best possible self ten years from now without restrictions-your appearance, daily activities, relationships, home, career, and values. Be specific and think as big as possible, creating a clear mental picture or even a vision board.
Next, identify ten dreams that would make this future vision reality. Be specific-if financial freedom is your goal, include concrete targets like a six-figure salary or becoming debt-free. Write these ten dreams in your notebook daily, phrasing them as if they've already happened: "I have a million dollars in the bank" rather than "I'm going to make a million dollars." This present-tense framing directs your subconscious toward solutions.
Some items can be daily achievements ("I am an exceptional wife") while others are future goals. The words you choose matter-using powerful descriptors like "exceptional" rather than merely "good" creates a higher standard and prompts daily action.
Finally, narrow down to one goal that will move you toward your future self fastest. Make this goal specific and measurable-not "I want to lose weight" but "I want to lose 20 pounds" or "I want a body-fat percentage of 24 percent." While goals need clear metrics, personal development doesn't require strict time limits that might discourage you.
Most importantly, identify your "why"-the deep motivation that will sustain you when challenges arise. Whether it's creating a peaceful home unlike your childhood or ensuring financial security, your "why" provides the leverage needed for lasting change. Without this powerful motivation, you'll keep starting and stopping without making real progress.
Глава 10
The Courage to Say No
I don't volunteer at my kids' school-not because I lack time, but because I hate it. For years I was room mom and stuffed Thursday folders, but I dreaded every minute except seeing my child during the day. While I'll step up when truly needed, I've learned to decline when others are willing.
As Jen Hatmaker wisely noted, "If it's not a hell yes, it's a no." This stance earns side-eyes from other parents who might judge me as a bad mom, but my priorities are crystal clear: my personal growth and faith, my marriage, my children, and my mission to empower women. Being an exceptional mother doesn't require volunteering at school-it means cheering at sports events, family dinners, bedtime stories, and other moments that matter deeply to us.
Nowhere on my priority list is "Make sure other moms approve of me" or "Meet others' expectations." I've learned to say no without guilt or shame, which is absolutely magical. My family gets more dedicated time in areas that truly matter, and I'm not constantly exhausted and overextended.
When someone requests your time, respond immediately with a clear yes or no. No "maybes" or "probablys"-those are code for "I don't want to do this but lack courage to decline." For years I said yes to every coffee date, mentorship request, and charity opportunity, and I was drowning. Then I realized every hour I gave someone was an hour taken from my kids or marriage. Every yes to someone else was a no to my priorities.
Being firm connects to touching something once-if you're not clear, people will reach out repeatedly, wasting both your time and theirs. Don't leave things open-ended unless you genuinely want to revisit the opportunity later. Be firm with yourself too. You've committed to your goals, so stick to your guns.
Глава 11
Building Unshakeable Confidence
Confidence is the belief that you can count on yourself-that you trust your gut in any situation. It's essential for business success, personal fulfillment, and pursuing dreams. The crucial insight is that confidence isn't innate but a skill you can develop. When you feel confident as a parent, professional, or athlete, you show up better in those roles.
I invest time and money in my appearance because looking good makes me feel confident. After breastfeeding three children, my once-lovely B-cups became nothing-not just worn out, but literally nothing there. I hated wearing bathing suits and going topless around my husband. As a fixer, I decided to get them lifted with the smallest implants available. Despite pre-surgery anxiety (I made friends promise to tell my children I died on a Doctors Without Borders mission if something went wrong), and embarrassment with my young, surfing anesthesiologist Dr. Aiden, the surgery was worth it. This experience made me question my previous judgment about women who care about appearance. I realized my insecurities had fueled those judgments.
Confidence also comes from pushing yourself to the edge of your abilities. Ten years ago as an event planner, I set my sights on working the Sundance Film Festival despite being unqualified. After being rejected by Entertainment Weekly, I spent eighteen months adding value to their team without asking for a job. When they finally called needing a caterer, I said yes despite not owning a catering company. This wasn't "faking it till you make it"-I had enough related experience to figure it out. Studies show men apply for jobs when they're 60% qualified, believing they'll learn the rest, while women feel they need to be 100% qualified. That's a catch-22-you can't be qualified for something you've never done.
The people you surround yourself with dramatically impact your confidence. When my sister Melody was unsure about her career after cosmetology school, I connected her with a spa manager position. Within six months, she transformed from anxious and uncertain to calm, poised and confident. The difference? She went from being surrounded by uncertain students to working with successful, confident women all day. Confidence is a learned behavior-a skill you can develop like any other.
Глава 12
The Transformative Power of Persistence
Success doesn't happen overnight. Setting arbitrary deadlines for dreams can lead to giving up prematurely. It took me eight years from my first local TV segment about junk food to appearing on the Today Show. For years, I pitched hundreds of segments that got rejected, became known as a reliable pinch hitter, and did whatever it took to build relationships with producers. Similarly, it took six books and five years to finally get a bestseller, and four years to reach 100,000 Instagram followers.
Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle! Set dates for mile markers you can control, but be flexible with your larger guideposts. The journey will be hard-that's why not everyone does it-but you're tough enough to persist. Your goal isn't temporary; it's who you are now. Like professional athletes who never stop training, pursuing your best self will permeate every area of your life.
Working on your goals requires focusing on the right things. Replace vague to-do lists with specific, measurable results lists. Instead of "work on manuscript," set concrete targets like "write 2,500 words" or "reach out to one hundred new prospective clients." Your results list should never exceed five bullet points-typically just two or three major moves that push you toward your mile markers. When you complete even one, celebrate that accomplishment.
To maximize efficiency, regularly ask yourself: "What's the one thing I could do right now that would make everything else unnecessary?" For me, writing at a coffeehouse away from office distractions helps me exceed my 2,500-word goal faster. Create your own productive environment with consistent cues that signal focus time-like specific playlists or routines-but don't wait for perfect conditions.
Глава 13
Becoming Your Own Biggest Believer
I'm fired up about your potential, but my belief in you isn't what matters-you have to believe in yourself. I won't be there when life gets tough, when your shift gets cut, when your family mocks your weight loss efforts, or when you fall off the wagon. You'll be there every day, so you better believe your life is worth fighting for!
This journey requires doing uncomfortable things-having hard conversations, parenting effectively instead of keeping peace, leading with wisdom, being your own coach and cheerleader. None of it is easy, but it's all simple. The fastest way to reach your goals is to not quit on yourself. Take it one day at a time, or even one hour, reminding yourself: This is who I am.
Your soul has always known who you truly are-that's where your "what if" comes from. The real you is destined for something more. Stop apologizing for having dreams and start believing in who you are. It's time to be yourself unapologetically and show the world what happens when a woman challenges herself for greatness.
After enduring fifty-two hours of labor with my firstborn, I faced a critical moment when the epidural wore off and no anesthesiologists were available. With my son's heart rate dropping and doctors discussing a C-section, I found remarkable clarity-I needed to rise above the pain to deliver him safely. This experience taught me that you can choose your attitude, focus, and intentions in any situation.
Your mindset matters tremendously. I'm happy 90% of the time not because my life is perfect, but because I deliberately choose positivity daily. The thoughts and phrases you allow become your life's soundtrack. You must actively monitor this internal dialogue-you are not stupid, ugly, unlovable or any other negative label you might assign yourself. When negative thoughts arise, stop them, drop the hateful litany, and replace them with good stuff.
Leadership isn't just for business settings-it's for everyone. I need you to embrace that you are a leader, regardless of who you are or what you do. I don't want fans; I want to develop a community of leaders who live into their purpose, create, inspire, build, and dream. We need you to blaze trails and light the way for other women.
When your light shines brighter, others aren't harmed-they're encouraged to become more luminescent versions of themselves. True leaders are excited for others' success because when one succeeds, all succeed. By embracing your calling and refusing to hide your glow, you'll light the way for countless women behind you.
