Discover why we consistently underestimate how positively others view us after conversations, the psychology behind this social misjudgment, and practical tools to overcome this self-critical tendency.

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From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco

Lena: Hey there, welcome to today's episode! I was at a party last weekend and had this great conversation with someone, but then spent the entire Uber ride home overthinking everything I said. You know that feeling? When you're convinced you made a terrible impression?
Miles: Oh, absolutely. That post-conversation anxiety is so common. And what's fascinating is there's actually a psychological term for that exact phenomenon—it's called "the liking gap."
Lena: The liking gap? That sounds intriguing. What exactly does it mean?
Miles: It's this really counterintuitive finding that people systematically underestimate how much others like them after conversations. Research from places like Yale and Harvard found that following interactions, we consistently think people like us less than they actually do.
Lena: Wait, so you're telling me that all those times I've been obsessing over whether I talked too much or said something awkward, the other person probably walked away with a much more positive impression?
Miles: Exactly! In fact, a 2018 study showed this pattern held true across all kinds of conversations—from brief chats between strangers to college roommates getting to know each other over months. We're essentially walking around believing people don't like us as much as they really do.
Lena: That's actually really comforting to hear. I wonder why our brains do this to us though. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Miles: That's the million-dollar question. Let's explore what's really happening in our minds during these social interactions and why we're so quick to assume the worst about ourselves.