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Your Personal Solitude Practice 25:32 Lena: Alright Miles, I think we've made a pretty compelling case for why solitude matters, but I want to get really practical here. For our listeners who are thinking, "Okay, I'm convinced, but where do I actually start?"—what would you recommend?
25:47 Miles: That's the perfect question to end on! And the beautiful thing is that you can start really small. Remember, even 15 minutes of intentional solitude can have that deactivation effect we talked about earlier. You don't need to go on a silent retreat or spend hours alone to begin experiencing benefits.
26:04 Lena: So what might those first 15 minutes look like for someone who's never really practiced solitude?
26:09 Miles: I'd suggest starting with what researchers call "single-tasking"—choosing one simple activity and doing it without any distractions. Maybe it's having your morning coffee without checking your phone, or taking a walk around the block without music or podcasts. The key is being fully present with whatever you're doing.
26:26 Lena: I love that because it's using time you might already have rather than trying to add something new to an already packed schedule.
1:03 Miles: Exactly! You could also try what some people call a "digital sabbatical"—maybe one evening a week where you put your devices away and spend time with yourself. Use that time for activities that engage your hands or body—cooking, drawing, gardening, even organizing a space in your home mindfully.
26:49 Lena: What about people who find their minds racing when they try to be quiet? Because I think that stops a lot of people from even attempting solitude.
26:56 Miles: Oh, that's so common! The trick is not to fight the racing thoughts but to give your mind something gentle to focus on. Maybe it's the physical sensations of breathing, or the sounds around you, or the feeling of your feet on the ground if you're walking. You're not trying to stop thinking—you're just anchoring your attention.
27:13 Lena: And I imagine it gets easier with practice?
23:13 Miles: Absolutely! It's like building any other skill. At first, even five minutes might feel long, but gradually you'll find yourself looking forward to and extending your solitude time. Some people find it helpful to think of it as a daily appointment with themselves that they wouldn't cancel.
27:29 Lena: What about dealing with the guilt or FOMO that might come up when you're choosing solitude over social activities?
27:35 Miles: That's such an important point! Remember that taking care of your need for solitude ultimately makes you a better friend, partner, parent, colleague. You're not being antisocial—you're being intentional about your energy and presence. It can help to remind yourself that saying no to one thing means you can say yes more fully to something else.
27:53 Lena: And I suppose you can communicate with people about your solitude practice so they understand it's not about rejecting them?
9:10 Miles: Yes! You might say something like, "I'm working on taking better care of my mental health by having regular alone time. It actually helps me be more present when we do spend time together." Most people will respect that, and some might even be inspired to try it themselves.
28:12 Lena: What about finding your own rhythm? Because I imagine different people need different amounts of solitude.
28:17 Miles: That's so true! Some people might thrive with 30 minutes of solitude daily, others might need longer periods less frequently. The key is paying attention to your own signals—when do you feel overstimulated or drained? When do you feel lonely or disconnected? Your body and emotions will tell you what you need if you learn to listen.
28:35 Lena: And I imagine the activities that work for solitude might be different for different people too?
23:13 Miles: Absolutely! Some people find solitude through movement—walking, yoga, swimming. Others prefer stillness—reading, meditation, sitting in nature. Some people like creative activities—writing, painting, playing music. The key is experimenting and noticing what leaves you feeling restored versus what leaves you feeling more agitated.
29:00 Lena: Any final thoughts on how to make this sustainable rather than just another self-improvement project that fizzles out?
29:05 Miles: I think the key is to start with curiosity rather than pressure. Instead of thinking "I should be better at being alone," try thinking "I wonder what I might discover about myself if I spend more time in my own company." And remember that this isn't about becoming a hermit—it's about developing a skill that will enrich every area of your life.
29:24 Lena: So as we wrap this up, what would you say is the most important takeaway for our listeners?
29:29 Miles: That solitude isn't something to endure—it's something to cultivate. In a world that's constantly pulling your attention outward, the ability to turn inward and be comfortable with your own thoughts and feelings is both a radical act and a practical skill. You deserve to enjoy your own company, and everyone in your life will benefit when you do.
29:47 Lena: What a beautiful way to put it. Thank you so much for this conversation, Miles. And thank you to everyone who listened today. We'd love to hear about your own experiences with solitude—what works for you, what challenges you've faced, or what insights you've discovered. Feel free to reach out and let us know how your solitude practice develops. Until next time, remember that sometimes the best company you can keep is your own.