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    Categories>Relationship>Holding On While Letting Go

    Holding On While Letting Go

    22 min
    |
    24 sources
    |
    Jan 24, 2026
    RelationshipPsychologySelf Help

    Explore why exes who ended relationships stay emotionally and sexually involved - from attachment needs and power dynamics to the biological pull that keeps them orbiting their former partners despite moving on.

    Holding On While Letting Go

    This audio lesson was created by a BeFreed community member

    Input question

    Why would an ex stay in a married persons life continuing an emotional and sexual affair if they are the one that left the relationship? They had previously had a chaotic open relationship where one partner asked for space while maintaining a friendship, but then pushed contact once the other person moved on

    Host voices
    Lenaplay
    Milesplay
    Learning style
    Deep
    Knowledge sources
    Not Just Friends
    The Codependency Recovery Plan
    Polysecure
    The Science of Healthy Love: Safety, Vitality, and Dignity
    Women Who Love Too Much
    Wild Game

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    "Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

    @Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC
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    "Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

    @djmikemoore
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    "I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

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    "Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

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    "Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

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    "Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

    @Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC
    platform
    comments
    254
    likes
    17

    "Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

    @djmikemoore
    platform
    star
    star
    star
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    star

    "BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

    @Pitiful
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    Key Takeaways

    1

    Having It Both Ways

    0:00

    Lena: Hey Miles, I've been thinking about something that came up in a recent conversation with a friend. She discovered her ex is still emotionally involved with her even though he's the one who ended their relationship. It's this weird dynamic where he left but can't seem to let go.

    0:16

    Miles: Oh, that's such a complicated situation. You know, it's actually more common than people realize. There's this fascinating psychology behind why someone would leave a relationship but still maintain emotional and sometimes even sexual connections.

    0:31

    Lena: Right? It seems contradictory! If you wanted out, why stay entangled? The research I've been reading suggests it might be about attachment styles and unresolved emotional needs.

    0:42

    Miles: Exactly. One article I read described how people who leave relationships often experience what's called "narcissistic supply" - they're still getting validation, attention, and emotional support from their ex without the full commitment. It's like having their cake and eating it too.

    0:58

    Lena: That makes sense. And I imagine for the person on the receiving end, it's incredibly confusing and painful. They're getting mixed signals that keep them emotionally hooked while preventing them from moving forward.

    1:10

    Miles: Absolutely. And what's particularly interesting is how these dynamics play out differently depending on whether there's just emotional contact or if there's also sexual contact after the breakup. Research shows these two types of contact affect psychological adjustment in completely different ways. Let's explore how these patterns work and what someone can do when they're caught in this emotional limbo.

    2

    The Attachment Trap

    3

    The Power of Sexual Connection

    4

    The Jealousy Factor

    5

    The Control Dynamic

    6

    The Trauma Bond Connection

    7

    The Biological Reality

    8

    Breaking Free from the Cycle

    9

    The Path to Genuine Healing

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