32:39 Lena: Okay, so we've covered a lot of theory and research, but I want to get really practical now. What does it actually look like to practice ego reduction in daily life? Like, how do you start your day differently when you're working on this?
28:37 Miles: Great question! I think morning practices are crucial because they set the tone for how you engage with the rest of your day. Instead of immediately reaching for your phone and filling your mind with other people's thoughts and agendas, you might start with a few minutes of just being present.
33:09 Lena: What would that look like specifically?
33:11 Miles: It could be as simple as sitting on the edge of your bed for two minutes and just noticing your breath. Not trying to change it, just observing it. Or maybe looking out your window and really seeing what's there—the light, the colors, the movement—without immediately jumping into planning your day.
33:27 Lena: So it's about starting from presence rather than immediately getting caught up in mental activity?
1:46 Miles: Exactly. And then throughout the day, you can use what I call "ego check-ins." When you notice you're feeling stressed, anxious, or upset, you can ask yourself: "What is my ego trying to protect right now? Am I worried about my image, my performance, what others think of me?"
33:48 Lena: That's such a useful question. I bet most of our daily stress comes from ego-protection of some kind.
33:54 Miles: It really does. Like, you're stuck in traffic and getting frustrated—that's often because you're taking it personally, as if the universe is conspiring against you specifically. Or you're nervous about a meeting because you're worried about looking competent. When you can see the ego's involvement, you can often find more peace with the situation.
34:11 Lena: What about dealing with difficult people? That's where I find my ego really gets activated.
34:16 Miles: Oh, that's the ultimate practice ground! When someone is being critical, dismissive, or just annoying, your ego immediately wants to defend, attack, or withdraw. But if you can pause and ask, "What if this isn't about me at all?" it changes everything.
20:34 Lena: How so?
34:33 Miles: Well, most people's behavior is really about their own inner state, not about you. That person who's being rude to you might be having a terrible day, or they might be carrying old wounds that have nothing to do with you. When you can see their behavior as information about their experience rather than a judgment of your worth, you can respond much more skillfully.
34:51 Lena: That takes a lot of practice though, doesn't it?
34:54 Miles: It does, but you can start small. Maybe when you're driving and someone cuts you off, instead of taking it personally, you practice thinking, "That person might be rushing to the hospital, or maybe they're just having a hard day." It's a tiny shift, but it trains your mind to look beyond your ego's interpretation.
35:10 Lena: What about work situations? I feel like the workplace is where ego gets really triggered—competition, performance reviews, office politics.
35:18 Miles: Work is definitely challenging because there are real consequences and social dynamics at play. But even there, you can practice. When you're in a meeting and someone dismisses your idea, instead of immediately getting defensive, you can pause and ask, "Is there something useful in their response? Am I attached to being right, or am I interested in finding the best solution?"
35:37 Lena: That's hard though, especially if you feel like your credibility is at stake.
35:41 Miles: It is hard, and I'm not suggesting you become a doormat. But often, when you respond from curiosity rather than defensiveness, people actually respect you more. You might say something like, "I'm curious about your perspective. Can you help me understand what concerns you about this approach?"
35:55 Lena: So you're engaging with the content rather than defending your ego?
1:46 Miles: Exactly. And here's what's interesting—when you're not defensive, people often become less aggressive. Defensiveness tends to escalate conflicts, while genuine curiosity tends to de-escalate them.
36:09 Lena: What about social media? That seems like ego activation central.
36:13 Miles: Oh my goodness, yes! Social media is like a 24/7 ego gymnasium. Every post is potentially about image management, every like or comment can trigger comparison, and the whole platform is designed to keep you focused on yourself and how you're being perceived.
36:27 Lena: So how do you engage with it mindfully?
36:29 Miles: Well, you could experiment with posting less about yourself and more about things you genuinely find interesting or beautiful. Or before you post something, ask yourself, "Am I sharing this because I think it's valuable, or because I want people to think well of me?"
36:42 Lena: And what about consuming other people's content?
36:44 Miles: That's huge. Notice when you're scrolling through social media how it affects your mood. Are you feeling inspired and connected, or are you comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate? If it's the latter, that's your ego getting activated by other people's highlight reels.
36:57 Lena: It's so easy to forget that social media is mostly people sharing their best moments, not their real lives.
1:46 Miles: Exactly. And when you can remember that, you can engage with it more lightly. You might even practice sending genuine appreciation to people whose posts you enjoy, without any agenda of getting something back. It's a way of practicing generosity rather than ego-enhancement.
37:16 Lena: What about dealing with criticism? That's where I really struggle with ego stuff.
37:20 Miles: Criticism is such a powerful teacher because it goes straight to the ego's core fears. The key is learning to separate useful feedback from the story your ego tells about it. When someone criticizes you, your ego immediately goes into threat mode: "They don't respect me, they think I'm incompetent, everyone's going to find out I'm a fraud."
37:37 Lena: Right, it's rarely just about the specific feedback.
1:46 Miles: Exactly. So you can practice pausing and asking, "What's actually being said here? Is there information I can use to improve? And what story is my ego adding to this that might not be true?"
37:49 Lena: And I imagine it helps to remember that everyone gets criticized?
3:39 Miles: Absolutely. Criticism is just part of being human and putting yourself out there. The most successful, creative people in the world have received tons of criticism. It's not a reflection of your worth as a person—it's just information about how your actions or ideas landed with one particular person at one particular moment.
38:07 Lena: What about celebrating successes? Can ego get involved there too?
38:11 Miles: Oh, definitely. Success can actually be trickier for the ego than failure because it feeds the ego's desire for specialness. When something goes well, the ego wants to take all the credit and use it as evidence of your superiority.
38:22 Lena: So how do you celebrate without feeding the ego?
38:24 Miles: You can practice gratitude instead of pride. Instead of thinking, "I'm so amazing," you might think, "I'm so grateful for this opportunity, for the people who helped me, for the circumstances that made this possible." It's a subtle shift, but it keeps you connected to the larger web of life rather than inflating your sense of separate self.
38:40 Lena: And what about dealing with failure or mistakes?
38:43 Miles: That's where self-compassion becomes crucial. When you mess up, the ego either goes into shame mode—"I'm terrible, I always screw things up"—or blame mode—"It's not my fault, it's because of X, Y, and Z." Neither response is helpful.
38:54 Lena: So what's the alternative?
38:55 Miles: You can practice responding like a good friend would. "Okay, this didn't go as planned. What can I learn from this? How can I do better next time? And how can I be kind to myself while I'm learning?" It's treating mistakes as information rather than evidence of your inadequacy.
39:07 Lena: This all sounds so reasonable when we talk about it, but in the moment when emotions are high, it seems much harder.
39:13 Miles: You're absolutely right. That's why it's called practice! The key is to be patient with yourself as you're learning. Every time you catch yourself in ego-driven thinking and gently redirect, you're strengthening your capacity for awareness. Even noticing that you got caught up in ego after the fact is progress.
39:26 Lena: So it's not about being perfect at this?
10:39 Miles: Not at all. It's about developing a different relationship with your imperfections. The ego wants to be perfect, but wisdom knows that growth comes through making mistakes and learning from them. When you can embrace your humanity instead of trying to transcend it, you actually become more effective and more at peace.