1장
Unleashing the Power Within: Finding Your Wolfpack
Soccer legend Abby Wambach's "Wolfpack" has become a cultural phenomenon, resonating with millions of women seeking to rewrite outdated rules of leadership and success. Originally delivered as a commencement address at Barnard College, this manifesto has been embraced by celebrities like Reese Witherspoon and Brene Brown, who called it "a revolution wrapped in a book." The book's influence extends far beyond sports, becoming required reading in corporate leadership programs and women's empowerment circles. What makes this slim volume so powerful isn't just Wambach's athletic achievements (184 international goals, two Olympic gold medals), but her radical reimagining of how women can support each other rather than compete. Drawing inspiration from the wolves reintroduced to Yellowstone who transformed an entire ecosystem, Wambach challenges us to recognize our own transformative potential: "Women - who are feared by many to be a threat to our system - will become our society's salvation. WE. ARE. THE. WOLVES."
2장
Reclaiming Your Inner Wolf: Breaking Free from Fairy Tales
From childhood, most girls are conditioned to be Little Red Riding Hood-stay on the path, keep your head down, follow the rules, don't ask for more. These fairy tales aren't innocent stories; they're subtle warnings: be cautious, don't be curious, don't say too much, or something terrible will happen. Yet when I look at my life and the lives of women I admire, every meaningful achievement came from venturing off that prescribed path.
As children, many of us struggle with society's expectations about how we should dress, who we should love, and what we should become. I hated wearing dresses as a child-looking at myself in one made my stomach sink. I felt like I was in costume, hiding who I really was. In my all-girls high school, I witnessed a remarkable transformation. Girls who were quiet and reserved around boys became animated, opinionated, and authentic in our all-female environment. We dressed for comfort, not attention. This taught me that girls don't have to dress for boys-we can wear on the outside how we feel on the inside, even if it makes others uncomfortable.
Love presented another crossroads. I dated boys in high school because my religious upbringing taught me that's what girls should do. Boys were fine, I guess. But when I felt that spark with a girl, I realized love should be more than just "fine." Out of fear of losing my family, I tried keeping this part of myself buried. During my senior year, I experienced real love for the first time-as necessary as air or food. My first gay relationship was secret, both enraging and intoxicating. I learned that denying myself real love would kill the wolf inside me. Trembling and secretly, I chose love. I chose myself.
My career path also defied expectations. I dreamed of becoming a professional soccer player, not knowing women's professional soccer existed. I'd watch the men's team and think: I could do that. I want to do that. Behind the scenes, women were creating opportunities I would later seize-fighting for Title IX, building professional leagues, striking for livable wages. These women didn't Little Red Riding Hood their way through life. They made a new path, brick by brick, for wolves like me to follow. They built something many knew they'd never benefit from themselves.
If I could tell my younger self one thing: "Abby, you were never Little Red Riding Hood. You were always the Wolf." There is a wolf inside every woman-her truest identity before the world told her who to be. Her wolf is her talent, power, dreams, voice, curiosity, courage, dignity, and choices. The journey to reclaiming this inner wolf isn't easy, but it's essential-not just for personal fulfillment but for creating a world where all wolves can run free.
3장
The Gratitude Trap: Why Being Thankful Isn't Enough
When ESPN honored me with their Icon Award alongside Kobe Bryant and Peyton Manning, I felt overwhelming gratitude to be included in their company. But as we walked off stage, reality hit me like a physical blow. While we'd made similar sacrifices and achieved at the same level, they were walking into futures with enormous bank accounts and freedom. My hustling days were just beginning.
Back in my hotel room, I finally acknowledged the anger simmering inside me for decades. In the 2018 FIFA Men's World Cup, the winning team took home $38 million-nineteen times more than the women's champions in 2015, despite the Women's National Team generating more profit. This wasn't just about soccer. This was every woman's story.
Women earn significantly less than men in equivalent positions. On average, women must work sixty-six extra days to earn the same salary as male counterparts. The gap is even worse for women of color-Black women typically earn only 63 cents, and Latina women only 54 cents, for every dollar paid to white men. These aren't just statistics; they're stories of women working harder for less recognition and compensation.
I spent most of my career just feeling grateful-for a paycheck, to represent my country, to be the token woman at the table. I was so grateful to receive any respect that I was afraid to demand more for myself and equality for all of us. This is the gratitude trap that keeps so many women from demanding what they deserve.
What maintains the pay gap isn't just men's entitlement and complicity. It's women's gratitude. Our gratitude is how power uses tokenism to keep the rest of us in line. When one woman is allowed into a previously all-male space, she's expected to be so grateful for her inclusion that she won't rock the boat by demanding more seats at the table.
Breaking free from the gratitude trap doesn't mean abandoning gratitude. It means holding two truths simultaneously: I can be grateful for what I have while demanding what I deserve. Gratitude and ambition aren't mutually exclusive-they're complementary forces that, when combined, create the momentum needed for real change.
The next time you're tempted to silence your ambition with gratitude, remember: the world needs your wolf. Be thankful for your seat at the table, then pull up chairs for other women and demand equal pay for equal work. Your gratitude can coexist with your hunger for justice. You can be both grateful and ambitious. In fact, you must be.
4장
Leadership Beyond the Spotlight: The Power of the Bench
True leadership isn't about standing in the spotlight-it's about making an impact from wherever you are. This lesson hit me hardest during my final World Cup in 2015 when, after years as a starter and co-captain who had scored more international goals than anyone on the planet, I found myself benched. The devastation was overwhelming. My identity had always been tied to being on the field, leading through action. Now I faced a choice: pout on the sidelines or find a new way to lead.
I thought about my teammate Lori Lindsey, who never complained about limited playing time but instead brought incredible energy from the bench. She taught me that leadership isn't about position-it's about impact. So I transformed my role. I screamed encouragement so loudly the coach had to move me farther down the bench. I kept water ready for players coming off the field. I celebrated goals like they were my own. I offered whatever each player needed in the moment-comfort, tough love, or tactical instruction.
We won that World Cup, and I know our bench support was crucial to our success. This experience taught me that leadership isn't a position to achieve-it's an inherent power to claim. Leadership happens when you're parenting, volunteering at school, setting boundaries with family, or supporting colleagues. Every woman is the leader of her own life. Leadership isn't a title the world gives you-it's an offering you give to the world.
This realization is revolutionary for women who have been conditioned to believe leadership requires formal authority. We've been taught to wait for permission, for someone to hand us a microphone or invite us to the table. But true leadership begins when we recognize our inherent power to influence from wherever we stand.
Think about it: If you have a voice, you have influence. If you have relationships, you have hearts to guide. If you know young people, you have futures to mold. If you have privilege, you have power to share. If you have money, you have support to give. If you have a ballot, you have policy to shape. If you have pain, you have empathy to offer. If you have freedom, you have others to fight for. If you are alive, you are a leader.
Leading from the bench means recognizing that your value isn't determined by your position but by your contribution. It means understanding that sometimes the most powerful leadership happens in quiet moments, away from applause. It means knowing that you don't need permission to make a difference-you just need to show up with your full self, ready to serve the team however it needs you most.
5장
Failure as Fuel: Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones
Failure isn't the end of your story-it's the beginning of your leadership journey. During my first visit to the U.S. Women's National Team locker room as a youth player, I expected to see walls lined with trophies and medals. Instead, what caught my eye was a small photo near the door: their Norwegian rivals celebrating after defeating the USA in the 1995 World Cup. This team didn't hide from failure-they used it as fuel, winning Olympic gold the following year.
Women often panic when we fail, viewing it as proof we're imposters who don't belong. But imperfect men have run the world forever-it's time for imperfect women to join them. After retiring from soccer, I failed spectacularly as a commentator for the men's European Championship. Despite extensive preparation, I froze on camera, embarrassing myself on international television. I could have quit, convinced I wasn't cut out for life beyond soccer. Instead, I used that failure as information, leading me to found my leadership company where I could share lessons from sports in a more authentic way.
Failure is information-valuable data that points us toward growth. When we fail, we learn what doesn't work, what we need to improve, and sometimes, what path we should abandon altogether. These lessons are impossible to learn any other way. The world needs to see women take risks, fail big, and insist on sticking around. A champion never lets short-term failure take her out of the long-term game.
Consider how different our world would be if women viewed failure as a necessary step toward success rather than proof of inadequacy. What if, instead of hiding our failures, we shared them openly, helping others avoid similar pitfalls? What if we celebrated the courage it takes to try something difficult, regardless of outcome?
The next time you fail-and you will fail, because you're human and because you're trying-feel the sting. Let it burn. Then transform that failure into your fuel. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can this setback make me stronger? What would happen if I tried again with this new knowledge?
Remember: failure isn't fatal unless you let it be. The only true failure is giving up on your dreams because you stumbled along the way. Try. Fail. Feel it burn. Then transform failure into your fuel. This is how champions are made-not by avoiding failure, but by using it to propel themselves forward.
6장
The Power of Celebration: Amplifying Each Other's Success
When a goal is scored in soccer, it represents perfect synchronicity-the right pass, perfect timing, and every player in the right place. What happens next transforms individuals into a team: the bench erupts, teammates rush toward the scorer, celebrating not just the individual but everything that made that goal possible.
As a player who scored 184 international goals, I always pointed to my teammates afterward-to the one who assisted, the defender who protected us, the midfielder who ran tirelessly. I've never scored without getting a pass from someone else. Every goal belongs to the entire team.
This celebration ritual contains profound wisdom for women navigating a world that often pits us against each other. When a woman scores in life-lands the promotion, publishes the book, launches the business, wins the award-we have two choices: we can either rush toward her in celebration or point to acknowledge those who made it possible. Both actions create connection rather than competition.
Scarcity has been planted among us, making us compete for token seats rather than building bigger tables together. This is not our fault, but it's our problem to solve. The Wolfpack believes scarcity is a lie-success, love, and power are infinite, not pies with limited slices. We will help each other, rush toward each other, point to each other, and celebrate every woman's success as a collective victory.
Imagine how different our workplaces would be if women amplified each other's voices in meetings, ensuring ideas aren't stolen or ignored. Imagine how different our social media would be if women lifted each other up instead of tearing each other down. Imagine how different our families would be if mothers, daughters, and sisters celebrated each other's unique paths instead of comparing them to societal expectations.
This isn't just about being nice-it's about survival. In a world designed to keep women competing for scraps, our solidarity becomes revolutionary. When we champion each other, we create a force too powerful to ignore. Her victory is your victory. Celebrate with her. Your victory is her victory. Point to her.
By celebrating each other's successes and acknowledging those who helped us achieve our own, we create a culture of abundance rather than scarcity. We remind ourselves that when one woman rises, she creates space for others to follow. We recognize that true power comes not from standing alone at the top, but from bringing our entire pack along with us.
7장
Owning Your Power: When to Demand the Ball
When I was younger, my hero was Michelle Akers, the best player in the world. Tall like me, built like I would be, and the most courageous player I'd ever seen. During a scrimmage with our youth national team, Michelle spent three quarters coaching us gently. But when she realized her team was losing by three goals, something changed. She ran to her goalkeeper and screamed, "GIVE. ME. THE. EFFING. BALL."
She took that ball, dribbled through our entire team, and scored. Then she did it again. And again. Until her team won.
What I witnessed that day changed me forever. Before then, I'd always dimmed my light, operating at 75 percent to avoid outshining others. But seeing Michelle's competitive fire-a woman who owned her desire to win and believed she could make it happen-I stopped pretending to be less powerful than I am.
This moment illuminates a critical truth: there are times when modesty and deference serve no one. There are moments when you must recognize your own power and step forward to claim it. Not out of arrogance, but out of responsibility to your gifts and the people who need them.
I think about Michelle whenever I doubt myself. When I fell in love with a woman with three children, I felt unprepared to be a stepmother. But I decided that when you want something badly enough, you show up before you're ready and demand the effing ball. Becoming Glennon's wife and the children's "bonus mom" was my best decision ever. Our blended family wrote a new story based on respect and valuing collective peace over individual egos.
Owning your power isn't just about you-it creates a domino effect. When you stand up and demand the ball, you give others permission to do the same. Your courage becomes contagious. Your confidence creates space for others to find theirs.
Women have been conditioned to wait to be chosen-for the promotion, the opportunity, the recognition. We've been taught that ambition is unattractive and assertiveness is aggression. But what if we flipped the script? What if we believed in ourselves enough to say: GIVE ME THE EFFING BALL. GIVE ME THE EFFING JOB. GIVE ME THE SAME PAY THAT THE GUY NEXT TO ME GETS. GIVE ME THE PROMOTION. GIVE ME THE MICROPHONE. GIVE ME THE OVAL OFFICE. GIVE ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE-AND GIVE IT TO MY WOLFPACK, TOO.
When you know you're the right person for the moment, don't wait to be chosen. Choose yourself. Demand the ball. The world needs your leadership, your voice, your gifts-not someday, but now.
8장
Authentic Leadership: Bringing Your Full Self
When Pia Sundhage became our national team coach, we were the biggest, strongest, most physically dominant team in the world, winning through sheer power and intimidation. At our first meeting, Pia told us we could reach a higher level by changing how we win-honoring ourselves, teammates, opponents, and the game through creativity and innovation rather than just physical dominance.
Then she pulled out a guitar and sang Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin'." We were stunned. We'd never seen a leader make herself vulnerable before-it felt like a leadership breach. Yet as we listened, we became curious, then moved. Something awakened in us.
By showing us who she was and what she loved, Pia taught us that real leaders bring every bit of themselves to those they lead. They don't mimic cultural constructs of leadership but understand there are as many authentic ways to lead as there are people.
This transformed our team's leadership structure. My role as co-captain became less about making pronouncements and more about eliciting ideas from everyone. Players began coaching each other-veterans learning from newbies, captains learning from conditioning coaches. Everyone began thinking of themselves as leaders.
This new way required courage from new players and humility from veterans like me who were used to telling, not listening. But we had Pia as our model. The old way is to lead with invulnerability and enlist followers. The new way is to lead with full humanity and cultivate a team of leaders.
Traditional leadership models often suggest we should compartmentalize-leave our personal lives at the door, hide our emotions, maintain a professional distance. But this approach creates disconnection and prevents true collaboration. When leaders bring their full selves-their passions, vulnerabilities, and unique perspectives-they create space for others to do the same.
Think about the most influential people in your life. Were they the ones who maintained perfect composure and never showed weakness? Or were they the ones who shared their struggles, admitted when they didn't have all the answers, and invited you into their authentic experience? True connection happens when we drop the mask and bring our whole selves to our relationships and work.
Claim your power, and bring along your full humanity. Clear the way for others to do the same. Because what our families, our companies, and the world needs is nothing more-and nothing less-than exactly who we are. Your unique combination of strengths and weaknesses, passions and fears, experiences and dreams is precisely what qualifies you to lead in your own way.
9장
Finding Your Pack: The Power of Community
After retiring from professional soccer, I gave my body a three-year break from punishing physical activity. When I finally joined a running challenge with my friend Mel, I was shocked at how miserable it felt. Despite being a former professional athlete who trained six hours daily, every run was torture.
When I complained to Glennon about losing my athleticism, she pointed out the real difference: "You don't have your teammates running with you anymore. You used to run with your Pack. Now you're a lone wolf."
She was right. My entire athletic career, I'd been surrounded by teammates suffering with me, encouraging me, making me laugh. Our shared suffering became bearable. Life is harder as a lone wolf-we all need a Pack.
When Barnard posted my Wolfpack speech online, it went viral. What impacted me most wasn't how widely it spread, but how deeply it resonated. One message particularly moved me: a woman who recognized feelings she'd had her entire life but couldn't articulate. She stopped reading fairy tales to her daughters and made my speech their bedtime story instead. She wrote about the special loneliness of being a woman-often the only one in the room, raising children without a village, siloed and isolated. "Men have the old boys' club," she wrote. "We need one. I want a Wolfpack for me, too."
This longing for connection is universal. We're social creatures designed to live in community, yet modern life often leaves us isolated. Technology connects us superficially while keeping us physically apart. Career demands pull us away from deep relationships. Geographic mobility separates us from extended family networks. The result is a profound loneliness epidemic affecting people across demographics.
Women face unique challenges in building community. We're often pitted against each other in competition for limited opportunities. We're socialized to be self-sufficient rather than interdependent. We're taught that asking for help is weakness. But the truth is, no one thrives alone. We need each other-not just for emotional support, but for practical collaboration, honest feedback, and collective action.
Whether you're a mom, student, CEO, or little girl, you need brave and honest women to support you, hold you accountable to your greatness, and join you to change the world. You need a Pack. The question is how to build one. When you're new at anything, all you can do is show up and try. So gather the women you respect, admire, and trust most-supporting them when needed and asking for help when you need it. Together, you'll change your lives and world by knowing the power of your Wolf and strength of your Pack.
Life is not meant to be lived as a Lone Wolf. We all need a Pack.
10장
Legacy and Transformation: Changing the Game
On my final game night after seventeen years as a player, I released a farewell message to the sport I'd dedicated my life to: "Forget Me." In it, I sat cleaning out my locker while saying: "Forget me. Forget my number, my name, my existence. Forget the medals won, records broken, and sacrifices made. I want to leave a legacy where the ball keeps rolling forward, where the next generation accomplishes things so great that I am no longer remembered."
My dream was for little girls coming after me to achieve things I'd only dreamed of. A year later, while coaching my ten-year-old daughter's team to the championship, one player asked what I'd retired from. When I said "SOCCER" and "THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA," she merely asked if I knew Alex Morgan. They had indeed forgotten me.
What truly scared me wasn't others forgetting who I was-it was that I didn't know who I was without soccer. Without my jersey, I'd lost the identity I'd worn since age five. Glennon wrote me a beautiful message explaining that my magic wasn't on the field-it was inside me. "You are a walking glorious rebellion," she wrote. "Soccer didn't make you special-you made soccer special."
She was right. I'm still the same Abby, giving 100 percent to my new Pack. Soccer didn't make me who I am; I brought who I am to soccer, and I can bring who I am wherever I go. So can you. Don't just ask "What do I want to do?" but "Who do I want to be?" What you do will never define you for long. Who you are always will.
This distinction between doing and being is crucial for anyone navigating life transitions. Whether you're changing careers, retiring, becoming an empty nester, or recovering from illness, the question remains: Who are you beyond your roles and achievements? Your core identity-your values, character, and unique perspective-remains constant even when everything else changes.
The New Rules offered in this book aren't just guidelines for individual success-they're a blueprint for cultural transformation. Create your own path instead of following outdated fairy tales. Be grateful for what you have AND demand what you deserve. Lead now-from wherever you are. Use failure as fuel rather than letting it extinguish your fire. Champion other women instead of competing with them. Believe in yourself enough to demand the ball when it matters most. Lead with your full humanity and cultivate leadership in others. And remember that you're not alone-you've got your Pack.
We are the Wolves. There is magic inside us and power among us. Let's unleash and unite, storm these valleys together, and change the game forever.
