Chapter 4
The Art of Listening to Learn
Generous leadership requires setting yourself aside to understand how others think and see the world. It's an active process of putting aside your own experiences and beliefs to embrace another person's perspective. Psychologists call this "perspective taking"-understanding how situations appear to others and how they react both cognitively and emotionally.
Steve Gunby, FTI Consulting CEO, taught Davis a powerful lesson about perspective-taking before meeting with a CEO whose company had been acquired. Despite Davis's thorough preparation with slides and talking points, Steve challenged him to think deeper about what the other party wanted from the meeting and how they might be feeling. This parking lot conversation revealed Davis's naivety in focusing only on his own presentation rather than understanding the other person's perspective.
Leaders often fail to understand others' perspectives because they don't want to slow down, aren't actively listening, or believe they already know everything. Even when we recognize the value of listening, we're often too pressed for time or too focused on numbers and linear solutions to truly put ourselves in someone else's shoes.
Google's Project Oxygen, which surveyed over 80,000 managers, found that being a good coach was the top trait of effective managers. The best coaches ask questions rather than tell answers. When leaders control and command, employees feel helpless; but asking for input engages brains, encourages initiative, surfaces greater insights, and promotes connection through dialogue.
Research from the Wharton Neuroscience Initiative shows that taking others' perspectives activates brain regions linked with creativity and innovation. This skill provides additional information about complex situations while improving problem-solving, decision-making, inclusion, cross-collaboration, and risk management.
Effective perspective-taking requires:
1. Preparation. Don't assume you know what others will bring to a conversation. Work to understand their mental map and prepare questions that invite their participation.
2. Asking thoughtful questions. This demonstrates work ethic, humility, curiosity, and acumen. Probe with "why" questions to understand others' experiences and perspectives.
3. Careful listening. After preparing and asking excellent questions, careful listening becomes critical. Your goal is understanding content from others' perspectives and applying their insights to inform your actions.
When faced with naysayers, resist the instinct to become defensive or ignore them. Instead, ask for more information about their concerns and listen carefully. Their perspective can strengthen your position. Include specific opportunities in meetings for those who disagree to share their views, which can spark innovation despite the discomfort.
Chapter 5
Creating Space for Every Voice
When you bring others into a conversation, you're inviting collaboration and recognizing the value of their contributions. This means including all voices: junior staff with relevant expertise, people from different parts of the organization with unique perspectives, and those from diverse backgrounds who are often left out but bring richness to the thinking.
Christina Sistrunk shared how inclusion powered safety improvements at Shell EPW. When progress plateaued, she invited 300 field supervisors to a two-day safety meeting where they requested the first day without managers present-unusual in Shell's culture. After a powerful presentation from an injured oil-field worker on day two, Christina used human silhouettes to represent injured workers and their affected families, sparking productive discussion and solutions. This problem-solving approach shifted from corporate compliance to shared solutions, signaling that management truly cared about workers and their families. The field leadership felt empowered and aligned, resulting in a 60% reduction in injuries over two years.
Many corporate cultures take a top-down approach rather than inviting frontline employees to participate. Leaders often resist including more people at the table due to linear thinking about hierarchy, insecurity about being challenged, uncertainty about how to effectively engage those not typically included, reluctance to introduce potential chaos, and hiding behind "inefficiency" excuses.
Today's employees want to feel connected, especially after the pandemic's remote work challenges. When employees feel included, they're more likely to fulfill their potential, helping organizations deliver expected business results. BCG's BLISS Index found that employees who feel happiness and empowerment at work are 30 percentage points better at fulfilling their potential than less satisfied employees.
Inclusion takes many forms, from short-term problem-solving groups to expanded management meetings that welcome diverse perspectives. The key is creating genuine opportunities for contribution:
1. Recognize value. Everyone wants to contribute meaningfully and be valued as a team member.
2. Highlight expertise. Joanne Crevoiserat shared how, when appointed EVP of merchandise planning at Kohl's despite limited experience, she leveraged her team's expertise to capitalize on a competitor's closure during back-to-school season.
3. Push others to use their seat. Sometimes inclusion requires pushing people to fully utilize their opportunity. Davis described confronting Susan Grimbilas about speaking too quickly and not delivering her points effectively, telling her: "You are included here because you belong here... Now go back in that room and act like it!"
According to Deloitte's research, leaders who value diverse viewpoints, listen to learn, remain humble about knowledge gaps, and enable full engagement see remarkable results: 17% increase in team performance, 20% improvement in decision quality, and 29% better collaboration. Inclusion empowers team members to contribute beyond their expertise, serves as a talent multiplier, improves meeting effectiveness, provides unvarnished truth for decision-making, and unlocks collaborative magic where solutions can come from anywhere.
Chapter 6
Standing Up as an Action Ally
Despite progress in corporate diversity-with women now holding half of managerial positions compared to just 25% twenty years ago-significant disparities remain. The C-suite remains 86% white and male, with people of color making up only 6% of executives and Black CEOs just 1%. Generous leaders must recognize these systemic inequities and become "action allies" who actively support diversity beyond mere talk.
In a client meeting, when a woman partner was automatically asked to take notes despite being the content expert, her male colleague Marin Gjaja immediately intervened: "Nope, I will take the notes. Michelle is the expert on this topic; she will be leading the conversation." This wasn't a calculated move-it was second nature to him as someone who consistently clears paths for others. Gjaja, now Chief Customer Officer for Ford's electric vehicle division, explains that he intentionally creates opportunities for women and underrepresented colleagues because "it was the right thing to do," it developed talent, and it produced better results.
Becoming an ally requires uncomfortable self-reflection. Many leaders avoid this complex subject, fearing they'll say the wrong thing despite good intentions. Davis admits his own journey from naively claiming to be "color blind" in a supposed meritocracy to recognizing structural disadvantages facing many colleagues. A pivotal moment came when a Black manager told him, "Joe, do you even get it? I walk out the door each day on the way to the office wondering if I will get shot along the way."
Research confirms the powerful impact of allyship: BCG Canada found that people from diverse backgrounds with allies are twice as likely to feel their work environment is bias-free and perceive advancement obstacles less than one-third as often as those without allies. Beyond the moral imperative, diversity delivers business results-companies with above-average leadership diversity enjoy 9% higher earnings, while those ranking in the top quartile for racial and ethnic diversity deliver 35% higher financial returns.
To become an effective ally:
1. Listen first. You don't know others' lives, battles, or aspirations-and they don't want you pretending you do. Brian Gross emphasizes that good allies "show up and shut up," recognizing real differences in experience without explaining others' identities.
2. See the individual. Reducing someone to one aspect of their identity is both naive and hurtful. People are complex individuals with rich sets of intersectional experiences.
3. Give them your best. Being an effective ally requires giving your time, intention, and presence during the toughest moments. Justin Dean explains that allies try to understand others' experiences while giving space for authenticity. "What I really need, from an ally, is the best you... your top 5 percent for the time you spend coaching me."
While supporting individuals is valuable, researchers distinguish between "first-order change" (modifying existing practices without challenging power structures) and "second-order change" (altering structures and challenging hierarchies). True allyship requires an ecosystem approach that addresses systemic barriers while providing direct support to individuals.
Chapter 7
Recognition and Feedback: The Twin Pillars of Growth
People fundamentally want recognition for their contributions and opportunities to improve. The generous leader's role is to recognize potential and help people develop it fully by showing genuine consideration for their work and creating growth opportunities.
Susan Grimbilas shares how at age 29, during a company reorganization, she was promoted to manage 400 people-a role she felt unprepared for. Her manager simply told her, "You are simply the best I've ever seen." Though this feedback lacked specificity or public recognition, twenty-five years later she still draws strength from those eight words. This validation of her efforts when taking on a challenging role propelled her career forward, inspiring her to think more expansively about her potential.
The greatest challenges in recognition and development are investing the time needed to build rapport and understand others' strengths and opportunities, plus having the sensitivity, self-awareness and courage to deliver meaningful feedback. Leaders must determine whether they're primarily focused on nurturing staff growth or pursuing team performance for personal reward.
BCG and BVA Group's survey of 9,000 global employees found recognition and coaching/development ranked as the top two qualities people seek in leaders. O.C. Tanner's study of 1.7 million employee responses showed people who feel recognized are 2.2 times more likely to say their organizations embrace innovative thinking and twice as likely to go above and beyond.
Effective recognition and feedback require:
1. Clear, honest, and direct feedback. Leaders often worry about giving feedback that might cause pain or make them disliked, but effective feedback isn't about the leader-it's about helping others improve. Avoid "mushed feedback" that blends positives with improvement areas, leaving people unclear about where they truly stand.
2. Focus on strengths. Leveraging strengths for professional growth is often more effective than focusing solely on shortcomings. Studies show feedback too often emphasizes development areas while inadequately recognizing strengths.
3. Immediate delivery. The best feedback often comes in the moment, when situations are fresh and details are clear. Leaders should commit to providing immediate feedback daily, conducting regular debriefs after meetings, and continuously building on progress through consistent two-way communication.
Recognizing individuals is consistently cited as one of the top behaviors people seek in leaders. Seeing them, hearing them, acknowledging their excellence and shortcomings shows you care and helps them improve. When you honestly relay development opportunities with growth paths, you build trust, respect, followership, and pride.
Chapter 8
Small Acts That Create Big Impact
Remember the gold star at the top of your elementary school papers? Simple gestures can have profound impact, even in the corporate world. These small acts speak volumes about what we value and who we are as leaders.
Scott Kirby believes small gestures matter infinitely more than big ones. During the pandemic, his personal call to a Black female captain created such loyalty that she told his wife she would "do anything for United." Small gestures show effort, thoughtfulness, and intention-they say I'm paying attention to you, you are important. These acts acknowledge someone at critical moments, making them feel understood and included.
Many leaders struggle with implementing small gestures consistently. Common concerns include finding time when already overwhelmed, scaling the practice as teams grow, remembering to make these gestures amid competing priorities, deciding who deserves these kindnesses, and questioning their lasting impact.
Research confirms that simple acts of kindness boost happiness, reduce stress, improve life satisfaction, and strengthen relationships. HR firm TINYpulse found these gestures boost morale, increasing productivity and efficiency while helping attract and retain talent. Adam Grant's university fundraiser experiment demonstrated that when a director personally thanked telephone fundraisers, their call volume increased significantly (63 versus 41 calls).
To implement simple gestures:
1. Start with the basics. Begin with "nice manners"-greeting people, thanking them, saying hello. These gestures provide recognition and human connection.
2. Be a person first. Despite your operational responsibilities, remember you work with other people as part of a team. Small gestures acknowledge recipients in specific, intimate ways.
3. Make the most of meetings. Bring everyone into the conversation by: being on time; greeting the newest or least tenured person by name; introducing yourself to those you don't know regardless of their level; sharing something personal about yourself without dominating.
4. Build a system. Recognize employees both professionally and personally through notes, emails, texts, calls, announcements, or gifts. Honor birthdays, new babies, or holidays with personalized cards.
These small acts require minimal effort but acknowledge something important to the recipient-an emotional moment, achievement, or challenge. They become especially powerful when unexpected, either due to their personal nature or the hierarchy of roles. In our high-performing professional world, many strive for approval and recognition, making these gestures powerful bonds that build loyalty and enhance team dynamics.
Chapter 9
The Power of Vulnerability in Leadership
The old leadership model separated personal and professional lives, but today's leaders must be personally accessible while respecting boundaries. Having the courage to share fears and challenges builds trust and creates freedom for others to do the same.
Davis's journey with vulnerability began with his parents' split when he was eight, though he didn't understand then that his father was gay. Despite annual visits, he subconsciously avoided this truth until 1991 when his father visited him in Australia with AIDS medications. After his father's death in 1997, he gradually became more comfortable discussing his sexuality privately, even proud that he lived authentically with his partner of 25 years. But he didn't share broadly until 2017, when as BCG North America chair, he revealed this story to hundreds at their LGBTQ+ network conference. Though nervous about appropriating others' experiences, he found the crowd's reaction warm and accepting. This vulnerability freed him from buried emotions, brought him closer to his team, and signaled BCG's supportive culture.
Many of us are conditioned to keep work relationships professional and impersonal. This creates anxiety about showing vulnerability-Will other leaders judge me? Will I diminish my authority? Am I presuming too much? While word choice matters, maintaining purely professional relationships leaves us with one-dimensional connections to three-dimensional humans.
Research contradicts the old belief that emotions undermine workplace decision-making. The Potential Project's studies show remarkable benefits when leaders demonstrate transparency: 86% improvement in job satisfaction, 53% growth in engagement, 61% increase in organizational commitment, and 77% higher satisfaction with leadership.
To break through vulnerability barriers:
1. Go first. As Brian Gross says, "You should never expect more from others than you give." When leaders demonstrate vulnerability first, they set the tone and give permission to others.
2. Be real. During COVID-19, Davis held a Zoom town hall from his daughter's childhood bedroom with cloud-painted walls. When he vulnerably shared his worries about his daughter in Germany with a COVID-positive husband and another daughter working as a nurse in Seattle, the response was profound. People connected with him as a person, not just a 35-year veteran manager.
3. Be humble. "I do not know" - such a simple yet powerful phrase many leaders avoid. When you pretend to know everything, you model that others should do the same, wasting time and suppressing honest communication.
4. Start small when sharing yourself. Brian cautions against "big, dramatic reveals" that overwhelm both you and your audience. Cross your line slowly and gently, modeling for others how to be authentic.
When you cross your vulnerability line, you level the playing field, make it safe to be imperfect, and build an environment of honesty and respect that empowers everyone.
Chapter 10
Becoming the Change You Wish to See
We can all become the change we aspire to be, bringing our personal and work lives into harmony. By implementing the skills explored throughout this book as daily practices, we build better versions of ourselves. This improved foundation allows us to develop and inspire employees, helping them perform as their best selves.
When Christine Gregoire was reelected as Washington State governor in 2008, she faced cutting $11 billion from a $37-billion budget during the financial crisis. Rather than following the typical process of setting targets for each agency head individually, she took an innovative two-step approach. First, she engaged the public through well-attended town halls to explain the budget situation and gather input. Second, she gathered all agency heads in one room to collectively review potential cuts, examining their implications for agencies, the state, and citizens. This collaborative approach revealed critical insights and developed a stronger "we" rather than "me" mentality.
Beginning the journey toward generous leadership can feel overwhelming. The shift requires exercising different mental muscles-moving beyond analytical, left-brain decision-making to engage your intuition and emotional intelligence in ways that might feel unfamiliar at first.
Leaders who team up with their people, create trusting and authentic relationships, and work hard to develop their teams are the ones who grow the most and earn promotions. The "all about you" approach rarely works long-term. Joaquin Duato emphasizes that outcomes matter above all else: "The sooner you get it, the sooner you will step past yourself, listen to others, and connect more fully with your teams."
Implementing heart-led leadership changes should fit within your available time and priorities. Remember that making these changes is a process, not a checklist item. Three approaches can help you get started:
1. Find a work challenge to test and build skills. Select a current leadership experience involving team problem-solving to test some of these skills.
2. Implement small gestures now. Small gestures can jump-start heart-led leadership even before tackling bigger changes.
3. Expand your allyships. Supporting those facing structural disadvantages is a deeply personal way to lead from the heart.
As work and personal lives continue to blur, bringing heart-led leadership into the office creates a virtuous integration across all aspects of life. When we lead with deep care, compassion, and integrity, everyone around us benefits, including ourselves.
Leadership today requires both traditional skills and a robust set of intangible qualities to meet the expectations of a changing workforce. Modern employees seek genuine connection, recognition as whole people, opportunities for growth, and partnerships built on humanity and quality of life. The generous leader commits to daily actions that demonstrate care, humility, engagement, honesty, decisiveness, and positive energy-creating an environment where everyone can thrive and contribute to something bigger than themselves.
