Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before (and after) You Marry by Les Parrott III Summary

1. Les Parrott teaches that conflict deepens intimacy when handled well.
2. The SYMBIS approach prepares couples through seven essential marriage questions.
3. Debunking four marriage myths prevents disappointment and unrealistic relationship expectations.
4. Developing the habit of happiness predicts lasting marriage success.
5. Shared spiritual intimacy creates the deepest connection between married partners.
6. Effective communication requires saying what you mean and understanding accurately.
7. Men communicate better during shared activities than direct face conversations.
8. Avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling to protect your marriage.
9. Personal wholeness before marriage creates healthy interdependence, not neediness.
10. Understanding gender differences in communication strengthens connection between spouses significantly.
11. Reflective listening ensures your partner feels genuinely heard and valued.
12. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts emphasizes proactive preparation works.

About the Author of Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts

Dr. Les Parrott III is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry, a comprehensive premarital counseling program used by engaged couples worldwide.

As a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, Dr. Parrott co-created the acclaimed SYMBIS Assessment with his wife, Dr. Leslie Parrott, which has guided over a million couples in building strong marriages. He serves as a professor of psychology at Northwest University and was appointed Marriage Ambassador by the Governor of Oklahoma, where he led a groundbreaking statewide marriage initiative.

Dr. Parrott's work has been featured on Oprah, Good Morning America, The Today Show, and in The New York Times and USA Today. His other notable books include The Good Fight, Crazy Good Sex, and 3 Seconds. His books have sold over three million copies and been translated into more than two dozen languages, cementing his authority in relationship psychology and marriage preparation.

FAQs About Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts

What is Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts about?

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts is a premarital counseling guide by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott that helps couples build strong foundations before marriage. The book presents seven essential questions designed to uncover expectations, communication patterns, and potential conflict areas. It combines psychological research with practical exercises to help engaged and newlywed couples identify strengths, address challenges, and develop skills for a lasting marriage.

Who are Les and Leslie Parrott?

Les and Leslie Parrott are #1 New York Times bestselling authors and relationship experts who have been married since 1984. Les Parrott is a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Northwest University, while Leslie Parrott is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Together they co-founded the SYMBIS Assessment and have sold over three million books in more than two dozen languages. They speak in over 40 cities annually and were appointed as Oklahoma's first statewide Marriage Ambassadors.

Who should read Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts?

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts is ideal for engaged couples preparing for marriage, newlyweds in their first years together, and couples considering remarriage. The book works well for those participating in premarital counseling or seeking structured self-guided preparation. While it has Christian foundations, readers of various faith backgrounds have found value in its psychological insights and practical relationship advice. Couples already living together can also benefit, though some content assumes traditional relationship progressions.

Is Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts worth reading?

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts is worth reading for couples seeking structured premarital preparation, having sold over two million copies and earned a Gold Medallion award. The book's seven-question framework prompts meaningful conversations about expectations, conflict resolution, and spiritual intimacy. However, readers should note that the full experience requires purchasing separate workbooks for men and women, plus optional SYMBIS assessment tools. The content is particularly valuable when discussed with a partner rather than read alone.

What are the seven questions in Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts?

While the specific seven questions aren't fully detailed in available sources, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts covers critical topics including misunderstood expectations, communication patterns, conflict resolution strategies, and spiritual intimacy. The book saves spiritual intimacy as the final question, emphasizing its foundational importance to marriage. Each question is designed for couples to ponder individually and discuss together, ideally over multiple sessions. The framework addresses both practical and emotional aspects of building a strong marital foundation.

What is the SYMBIS Assessment in Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts?

The SYMBIS Assessment (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) is a comprehensive relationship evaluation tool co-created by Les and Leslie Parrott, used by thousands of counselors, clergy, and coaches worldwide. This assessment measures compatibility, communication styles, personality dynamics, and potential conflict areas. While mentioned throughout the book, the SYMBIS Assessment is a separate paid tool that provides personalized reports for couples. The Parrotts' online Marriage Mentoring Academy has trained more than a quarter million couples using this assessment framework.

Is Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts a Christian book?

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts is explicitly Christian-based, with an entire section dedicated to spiritual intimacy, faith, and covenant marriage. The book recommends couples living together before marriage consult their minister and emphasizes biblical principles throughout. However, multiple readers report finding value despite not sharing the authors' religious background, treating spiritual sections as general discussions about shared values and beliefs. The psychological and communication insights remain relevant regardless of faith tradition.

What are the criticisms of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts?

Common criticisms of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts include its dated examples, overtly religious tone, and promotional approach to additional products. Reviewers note the book requires purchasing separate his-and-hers workbooks, online assessments, and potentially hiring specialized counselors to extract full value. Some find it "cheesy" and not suitable for couples with non-traditional relationship structures. The content assumes certain religious and lifestyle choices that may not align with all readers' circumstances or values.

How can Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts help with conflict resolution?

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts dedicates substantial attention to fighting and conflict resolution, which many readers identify as the book's most valuable chapter. The Parrotts, drawing from Leslie's experience as a marriage and family therapist and Les's background as a clinical psychologist, provide research-backed strategies for healthy disagreement. The book helps couples understand their conflict patterns, identify triggers, and develop communication tools before problems escalate. This proactive approach to addressing disagreements is designed to prevent destructive patterns from taking root in marriage.

Does Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts work for couples already living together?

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts can work for cohabiting couples, though some content may feel misaligned with their experience. The book specifically suggests couples already living together consult their minister, which some readers found off-putting and indicative of the target audience. However, the core psychological insights about expectations, communication, and conflict resolution remain applicable regardless of living arrangements. Couples in this situation may need to adapt or skip sections that assume traditional relationship progressions while still benefiting from the practical relationship-building exercises.

What does Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts say about expectations in marriage?

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts emphasizes that misunderstood expectations are among the most common sources of marital conflict and disappointment. Les and Leslie Parrott guide couples through identifying hidden assumptions about roles, finances, intimacy, family involvement, and daily life that partners often don't explicitly discuss before marriage. The book provides frameworks for uncovering these expectations, comparing them with your partner's, and negotiating differences proactively. This preventative approach helps couples address potential friction points before they become entrenched problems.

How does Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts compare to other premarital books?

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts stands out among premarital resources through its dual-author perspective from both a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist. Unlike generic relationship books, it's specifically designed as a structured premarital program with companion workbooks and professional assessment tools. The Parrotts' approach combines psychological research with Christian values, distinguishing it from purely secular or purely religious alternatives. Their credibility includes over three million books sold, appointments as Marriage Ambassadors, and the development of the widely-used SYMBIS Assessment.