Nice Girls Just Don't Get It by Lois P. Frankel Summary

Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It by Lois P. Frankel and Carol Frohlinger offers 99 strategies to help women overcome societal conditioning that prioritizes politeness over self-advocacy. It addresses “nice girl syndrome”—behaviors like avoiding conflict or over-apologizing—and teaches readers to set boundaries, negotiate effectively, and transition from people-pleasing to becoming “winning women” in careers, relationships, and life.

This book is ideal for women who feel overlooked, struggle to voice their needs, or face challenges asserting themselves professionally or personally. It’s particularly relevant for those navigating male-dominated workplaces, managing interpersonal dynamics, or seeking to balance kindness with self-advocacy.

Yes, for its actionable advice on reframing societal expectations. Readers praise its concise, practical tactics—like rejecting unnecessary apologies or handling criticism—though some critique its focus on individual behavior over systemic issues.

While Corner Office targets workplace-specific barriers, Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It expands to personal life, offering broader strategies for asserting needs in relationships, family, and daily interactions. Both emphasize unlearning “girlhood” socialization.

Key strategies include:

• Replacing self-deprecation with confident acceptance of compliments.
• Using “Plexiglas shields” to deflect unwarranted criticism.
• Prioritizing transactional reciprocity over one-sided generosity.
• Avoiding over-apologizing and setting clear personal boundaries.

The term advises women to develop emotional resilience against negativity or jealousy. Like transparent armor, it allows visibility but blocks harmful remarks from affecting self-esteem or progress.

It critiques women’s reluctance to negotiate (citing Women Don’t Ask) and provides scripts for advocating raises, projects, or recognition. Tips include framing requests as mutually beneficial and anticipating resistance.

Some argue it overemphasizes personal responsibility, downplaying systemic sexism. Critics note dated views on appearance and a potential “victim-blaming” tone when addressing ingrained socialization.

“Nice girls” prioritize others’ needs, avoid conflict, and internalize gender stereotypes. “Winning women” assert boundaries, negotiate assertively, and invest energy only in reciprocal relationships.

• “Nice is necessary, but not sufficient.”
• “Don’t say, ‘It was nothing’—say ‘Thank you.’”
• “Winning women give more than they get, but only where it matters.”

These emphasize confidence, gratitude, and strategic generosity.

Both books address women’s negotiation hesitancy. Nice Girls expands beyond the workplace, offering tactics to overcome societal expectations in all life areas, while Women Don’t Ask focuses on salary and promotion data.

Yes. It teaches setting boundaries with friends/family, rejecting guilt-driven obligations, and communicating needs clearly—such as declining free babysitting or addressing disrespectful behavior.