Nice Girls Just Don't Get It: 99 Ways to Get the Things You Want, the Success You've Earned, and the Respect You Deserve by Lois P. Frankel Summary

1. Replace "nice girl" compliance with strategic assertiveness to advance your career
2. Stop over-apologizing and minimize self-deprecating language to project executive presence
3. Build emotional "Plexiglas shields" against workplace criticism while staying approachable
4. Master corporate politics by decoding unspoken power dynamics and alliance-building
5. Frame requests as business imperatives rather than personal needs or favors
6. Eliminate verbal hedges like "just" and "maybe" from professional communication
7. Negotiate compensation using market data rather than personal financial circumstances
8. Convert mentoring relationships into strategic sponsorship through measurable results
9. Prioritize high-visibility projects over compulsive helpfulness that wastes time
10. Replace people-pleasing with boundary-setting using "yes, and..." negotiation tactics
11. Adopt power poses and spatial awareness to command meeting rooms
12. Transform perceived weaknesses into strengths by reframing emotional intelligence

About the Author

Lois P. Frankel, PhD, is the bestselling author of Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It and an internationally recognized workplace behavior expert. She serves as president of Corporate Coaching International and is a pioneer in female leadership development.

Frankel’s career-focused books, including Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller) and Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich, blend psychological insights with actionable strategies. These resources help women overcome self-sabotaging behaviors in professional and financial contexts.

A frequent commentator on NBC’s Today Show, CNN, and PBS, Frankel has advised Fortune 500 companies like Microsoft and GE. She has also delivered keynotes at major events such as the California Governor’s Conference on Women and Families.

Her works, translated into over 25 languages, combine decades of executive coaching experience with research-backed frameworks for career advancement. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office remains a cultural touchstone, even featured as a Jeopardy! question about workplace dynamics.

FAQs About This Book

What is Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It about?

Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It by Lois P. Frankel and Carol Frohlinger offers 99 strategies to help women overcome societal conditioning that prioritizes politeness over self-advocacy. It addresses “nice girl syndrome”—behaviors like avoiding conflict or over-apologizing—and teaches readers to set boundaries, negotiate effectively, and transition from people-pleasing to becoming “winning women” in careers, relationships, and life.

Who should read Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It?

This book is ideal for women who feel overlooked, struggle to voice their needs, or face challenges asserting themselves professionally or personally. It’s particularly relevant for those navigating male-dominated workplaces, managing interpersonal dynamics, or seeking to balance kindness with self-advocacy.

Is Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It worth reading?

Yes, for its actionable advice on reframing societal expectations. Readers praise its concise, practical tactics—like rejecting unnecessary apologies or handling criticism—though some critique its focus on individual behavior over systemic issues.

How does Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It differ from Frankel’s Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office?

While Corner Office targets workplace-specific barriers, Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It expands to personal life, offering broader strategies for asserting needs in relationships, family, and daily interactions. Both emphasize unlearning “girlhood” socialization.

What are the main strategies in Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It?

Key strategies include:

• Replacing self-deprecation with confident acceptance of compliments.
• Using “Plexiglas shields” to deflect unwarranted criticism.
• Prioritizing transactional reciprocity over one-sided generosity.
• Avoiding over-apologizing and setting clear personal boundaries.

What does the “Plexiglas shields” metaphor mean?

The term advises women to develop emotional resilience against negativity or jealousy. Like transparent armor, it allows visibility but blocks harmful remarks from affecting self-esteem or progress.

How does the book address workplace negotiation?

It critiques women’s reluctance to negotiate (citing Women Don’t Ask) and provides scripts for advocating raises, projects, or recognition. Tips include framing requests as mutually beneficial and anticipating resistance.

What criticisms exist about Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It?

Some argue it overemphasizes personal responsibility, downplaying systemic sexism. Critics note dated views on appearance and a potential “victim-blaming” tone when addressing ingrained socialization.

How does the book differentiate “nice girls” from “winning women”?

“Nice girls” prioritize others’ needs, avoid conflict, and internalize gender stereotypes. “Winning women” assert boundaries, negotiate assertively, and invest energy only in reciprocal relationships.

What are key quotes from Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It?

• “Nice is necessary, but not sufficient.”
• “Don’t say, ‘It was nothing’—say ‘Thank you.’”
• “Winning women give more than they get, but only where it matters.”

These emphasize confidence, gratitude, and strategic generosity.

How does it relate to Women Don’t Ask by Linda Babcock?

Both books address women’s negotiation hesitancy. Nice Girls expands beyond the workplace, offering tactics to overcome societal expectations in all life areas, while Women Don’t Ask focuses on salary and promotion data.

Can Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It help with personal relationships?

Yes. It teaches setting boundaries with friends/family, rejecting guilt-driven obligations, and communicating needs clearly—such as declining free babysitting or addressing disrespectful behavior.