Managing Up by Mary Abbajay Summary

Managing Up by Mary Abbajay teaches professionals how to build productive relationships with superiors by adapting to different leadership styles. It focuses on collaboration over manipulation, offering strategies for handling micromanagers, absentee bosses, narcissists, and incompetent leaders. The book emphasizes self-awareness, assessing workplace dynamics, and making strategic choices to align with organizational goals while advancing one’s career.

This book is ideal for professionals at any career stage struggling with boss relationships, as well as leaders aiming to improve team dynamics. It’s particularly valuable for those navigating toxic work environments or seeking promotions. Human resources professionals and managers will also benefit from its insights into fostering healthier workplace interactions.

Yes—ranked a bestseller and praised for practicality, Managing Up provides actionable tools for improving boss relationships without compromising authenticity. Readers gain frameworks to assess personalities, adapt communication styles, and decide when to persist or exit a toxic situation. Its focus on mutual benefit (career growth + organizational success) makes it a standout in leadership literature.

Abbajay advises proactive communication: provide frequent updates, anticipate questions, and demonstrate reliability to build trust. Align tasks with their priorities, and gradually negotiate autonomy by showcasing competence. This reduces their need to micromanage while positioning you as a dependable team member.

For hands-off leaders, the book recommends taking initiative: clarify goals independently, seek feedback proactively, and document decisions. Build a network of peer support to fill communication gaps. Balancing self-sufficiency with occasional check-ins keeps projects on track without overwhelming the disengaged boss.

1. Assess Your Boss: Identify their work style, stressors, and goals.
2. Assess Yourself: Reflect on your compatibility and adaptability.
3. Determine Willingness to Adapt: Choose strategies to bridge gaps or consider exiting unsustainable situations.

Yes. For narcissistic leaders, Abbajay recommends setting boundaries, documenting interactions, and avoiding power struggles. Focus on delivering results that align with their ego-driven goals while cultivating external mentors for support. The book also guides readers on recognizing when to leave irredeemably toxic environments.

The book discourages sycophancy, urging readers to adapt communication and workflows without compromising core values. For example, mirroring a boss’s preference for data-driven updates (adaptation) while maintaining honest feedback (authenticity). It frames flexibility as a professional skill, not a surrender of principles.

• Your career success depends more on managing upward than downward.
• Bosses rarely change—focus on what you can control.
• Self-awareness and strategic adaptability are critical skills.
• Not all relationships are salvageable; know when to walk away.

With hybrid work and AI-driven disruptions, navigating complex hierarchies remains vital. The book’s principles help professionals build resilience amid rapid change, manage remote/in-person dynamics, and leverage upward relationships to stay agile in evolving roles. Its focus on interpersonal strategy complements technical skills in AI-augmented environments.

Abbajay holds a master’s in Organizational Management, 20+ years of leadership consulting, and contributions to Forbes, Harvard Business Review, and NY Times. As president of Careerstone Group, she’s advised agencies like NIH and Homeland Security, grounding the book in real-world expertise.

Some argue the burden of adaptation falls disproportionately on employees, not flawed leadership systems. However, the book is widely praised for its pragmatic approach to imperfect realities. It’s best suited for readers willing to take initiative rather than those seeking systemic critiques of workplace power structures.