Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst Summary

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes explores how to establish healthy relational boundaries using biblical principles, helping readers discern when to repair or release relationships. Lysa TerKeurst combines personal divorce experiences, therapeutic insights from her counselor Jim Cress, and Scripture to teach protecting love through limits, communicating needs clearly, and gracefully exiting destructive dynamics.

Christians struggling with toxic relationships, emotional burnout, or guilt over setting limits will find this book transformative. It’s particularly valuable for those navigating family conflicts, marital strain, or friendships where boundaries feel “unloving”. TerKeurst also addresses readers needing practical scripts to enforce boundaries without confrontation.

Yes—readers praise its actionable advice, biblical grounding, and compassionate tone. Reviewers highlight its effectiveness in reducing relational stress, clarifying unhealthy patterns, and providing therapist-approved strategies. Critics note some chapter overlap, but most consider it a vital resource for faith-based boundary-setting.

• Boundaries as divine protection: Align limits with God’s design for mutual respect.
• Five boundary factors: Assess emotional access, safety, sustainability, and biblical alignment before setting limits.
• “Goodbye” as stewardship: Leaving destructive relationships preserves your capacity to love healthily.

TerKeurst distinguishes “difficult” relationships (requiring boundaries) from “destructive” ones (requiring goodbyes). She offers diagnostic questions to identify manipulation, chronic disrespect, or abuse, paired with scripts like, “I can’t participate in conversations that disrespect my values”.

TerKeurst cites Proverbs 4:23 (“Guard your heart”) and Matthew 7:6 (“Don’t cast pearls before swine”) to show boundaries honor God. She clarifies misunderstood passages (e.g., “turn the other cheek”) that often enable harm.

Unlike Uninvited (rejection healing) or Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, this book focuses on proactive relational stewardship. It integrates more counseling insights and direct action steps versus devotional reflection.

Some readers find chapters repetitive in addressing boundary fundamentals. Others wish for more examples on workplace or parenting boundaries beyond marital/friend contexts.

TerKeurst’s counselor provides therapeutic commentary throughout, validating concepts like trauma-informed boundary-setting and differentiating guilt from conviction. His notes help readers avoid over-apologizing for necessary limits.

• “Boundaries protect the right kind of love”: They filter out dysfunction so healthy love remains.
• “You can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm”: Prioritizing others’ comfort over your health harms both.

No—TerKeurst clarifies boundaries often save marriages by stopping enabling behaviors. However, she biblical justifies leaving relationships where repentance is absent and harm persists.

While focused on personal ties, its frameworks apply to professional settings: setting communication hours, declining inappropriate requests, and exiting toxic teams using scripts like, “I’ll need to redirect this conversation to stay on topic”.