What is *Finding My Balance* by Mariel Hemingway about?

*Finding My Balance* is a memoir where Mariel Hemingway intertwines her personal journey with yoga practices to explore her tumultuous life, including early fame from Woody Allen’s *Manhattan*, family tragedies, and her quest for emotional stability. Each chapter begins with a yoga pose, transitioning into reflections on her dysfunctional upbringing, career challenges, and holistic philosophy for maintaining inner peace.

Who should read *Finding My Balance*?

This book resonates with readers interested in memoirs about resilience, yoga enthusiasts, and those navigating personal upheaval. It’s ideal for fans of Hemingway’s acting career, individuals seeking strategies for mental well-being, or anyone drawn to stories of overcoming familial dysfunction through mindfulness practices.

Is *Finding My Balance* worth reading?

Yes, for its raw honesty and unique blend of memoir and self-help. Hemingway’s candid storytelling about fame, loss, and self-discovery, paired with actionable yoga exercises, offers both inspiration and practical tools for readers seeking emotional balance.

How does Mariel Hemingway integrate yoga into her memoir?

Each chapter starts with a detailed yoga pose, symbolizing a lesson tied to her life experiences. For example, a balancing posture might precede anecdotes about navigating Hollywood’s pressures, creating a metaphorical link between physical stability and emotional resilience.

What is Mariel Hemingway’s “In Balance Philosophy”?

Her philosophy emphasizes mindfulness, self-acceptance, and grounding techniques to manage stress. It includes practical advice like meditation, breathwork, and intentional living—strategies Hemingway developed to cope with her family’s legacy of mental health struggles and her own chaotic career.

How did Mariel Hemingway’s family influence her journey?

Hemingway reflects on her famous family’s dysfunctions, including her grandfather Ernest Hemingway’s suicide and her sister Margaux’s struggles. These experiences drove her to seek stability through yoga and holistic living, avoiding the self-destructive patterns that plagued her relatives.

What lessons does *Finding My Balance* offer for personal growth?

Key takeaways include embracing change, prioritizing mental health, and finding strength in vulnerability. Hemingway underscores the importance of daily rituals, like yoga and journaling, to maintain equilibrium during life’s challenges.

Are there practical yoga exercises included in the book?

Yes, the final section provides step-by-step yoga sequences and mindfulness exercises. These practices, designed for all skill levels, help readers cultivate physical and emotional balance, mirroring the techniques Hemingway used to navigate her own struggles.

Finding My Balance

A Memoir

Mariel Hemingway

3.48(201 Reviews)

Overview of Finding My Balance

In "Finding My Balance," Oscar-nominated actress Mariel Hemingway confronts her family's tragic legacy - including her grandfather Ernest's suicide - through yoga's healing power. How did this Hollywood star find peace amid chaos when therapy and medication failed?

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Chapter 1

A Legacy of Balance: Mariel Hemingway's Journey Through Darkness

Growing up in the shadow of literary giant Ernest Hemingway would be challenging for anyone, but for his granddaughter Mariel, this legacy came with an additional burden-a family history of mental illness and suicide that claimed four relatives, including her grandfather. "Finding My Balance" isn't just another celebrity memoir; it's a raw exploration of generational trauma, healing, and the transformative power of yoga. The book has gained a cult following among wellness practitioners and those struggling with family trauma, with figures like Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra praising its honest portrayal of finding stability amid chaos. What makes this work particularly significant is how it broke ground in 2003, long before celebrity wellness books became commonplace, courageously addressing mental health struggles when such conversations remained largely taboo in Hollywood circles.

Chapter 2

The Weight of Responsibility: A Childhood Lost

Mariel's childhood ended abruptly at age eleven when her mother broke her leg and became bedridden. Night after night, young Mariel slept in her mother's room, helping with bathroom trips and letting the cat in and out. Despite desperately loving her mother, their relationship was volatile-sometimes her mother would violently kick her if she invaded her space in bed. The worst moments came during those long nights when Mariel would clean up after the cat while her mother cursed her absent father. This premature caretaking role shaped Mariel permanently, instilling a desperate need for control that would follow her into adulthood. Watching her family at the mercy of unhappy forces, she clutched at controlling her circumstances until it made her physically ill. Her obsession with food began at fifteen while caring for her sick mother. She created extreme eating patterns-fruit during days followed by nighttime binges, or fasting with iced espressos-metabolic manipulation that eventually shut down her thyroid. Her fear stemmed not only from her mother's illness but also her sisters' instability. Unable to distinguish herself from them, she controlled the only thing she thought she could-her body. Fat represented losing control and mental illness to her. She delayed menstruation until age twenty-one, proud of her boyish leanness, rejecting female qualities that reminded her of her troubled role models. The Hemingway household was a place of constant tension. After her father's severe heart attack in 1970, her parents' marriage deteriorated further. Her father, heartbroken from constant rejection, began an affair with a nurse. Her mother rebelled quietly, smoking secretly and muttering "The hell with him." Family dinners eventually moved in front of the TV to avoid confrontation. Without stable feminine role models, Mariel frantically tried to be good enough to heal everything. When that failed, she escaped to the mountains, finding comfort in their unchanging presence when everything else was unstable. This pattern of seeking control through external means would follow her for decades before she discovered that true stability comes from within.

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Chapter 3

A Family Unraveling: Sisters on the Edge

While Mariel struggled to hold herself together, her sisters were already coming apart at the seams. Her sister Muffet, eleven years older, had been a source of love when others couldn't provide it. But Muffet harbored a dark secret-LSD use that triggered severe mental illness. One terrifying day when Mariel was eleven, she found Muffet threatening their mother with scissors, claiming to be a Parisian artist and Picasso's lover. Later, Muffet ran naked through town, believing clothes restricted her true calling to fly. The family had Muffet institutionalized, telling Mariel she had a physical illness. Years passed before proper treatment was found, leaving Mariel to wonder if this would be her fate too. Meanwhile, her other sister Margaux, already showing supermodel beauty at a young age, rebelled completely-becoming the youngest patron of the local bar at fourteen, skiing dangerous runs drunk and stoned, and abandoning school. As soon as her modeling career launched, she left home to party elsewhere. The specter of the "Hemingway curse" loomed large in Mariel's consciousness. Her grandfather Ernest's suicide was the fourth in his family, and mental illness seemed to flow through their bloodline like an invisible current. After Margaux's death in 1995, Mariel feared inheriting this family legacy, confusing her identity with her sister's. It took her spiritual teacher's simple words-"You are not your sister"-to finally free her to reoccupy her own life. This family backdrop created in Mariel a hypervigilance about her own mental and physical health. She became determined to outrun whatever genetic predisposition might be lurking in her cells, though she would eventually learn that healing required facing these fears rather than fleeing from them.

Chapter 4

Finding Identity Through Physical Challenge

As a girl in Sun Valley, Mariel tried proving herself through physical challenges, often appearing more as "one of the boys" than feminine. She became a competitive ski racer from ages seven to fifteen, believing pain made her stronger and more competitive. In reality, it made her insecure and longing for freedom from pressure. Unlike many girls who find joy in competition, she lost all sense of fun in skiing and tennis. Skiing terrified her-her stomach so upset she needed antacids and suffered diarrhea before races. One particular race left her with a forty-stitch cut and a permanent scar after a collision with another racer. This physical reminder reinforced her belief that there was always another challenge to face, another test of her strength and resilience. When money from her trust fund became available at eighteen, Mariel pursued her dream of building a mountain cabin. Her father helped her find affordable land near Salmon, Idaho-twenty acres with meadows and fruit trees along Fourth of July Creek. Her first challenge came immediately when her father matter-of-factly instructed her to kill a rattlesnake with a boulder-the first of many new emotional attitudes this project would require. In spring 1980, she hired four young men to help build her dream cabin. They created a camp with tepees and canvas tents, complete with board floors, a kitchen under tarp, and a generator. Mariel played both wife and boss to these "gorgeous men," nursing crushes on all of them. She handled kitchen duties and supply runs while helping with most construction aspects. Each day included miles of running and morning plunges into the cold spring-fed pond her father had built and stocked with trout. This cabin project represented more than just a physical structure-it was Mariel's attempt to create stability and permanence in a life that had felt chaotic and unpredictable. By building something with her own hands, she could prove to herself that she had agency and control over at least one aspect of her existence. The physical challenges of construction and the harsh wilderness environment gave her a sense of accomplishment that her unstable family life couldn't provide.

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Chapter 5

Hollywood and the Search for Identity

Mariel's acting career began at thirteen when her sister Margaux got her a part in "Lipstick." Critics praised Mariel's performance while panning Margaux's, widening the distance between the sisters. After her critical success in Woody Allen's "Manhattan" at sixteen, Mariel began to feel important, even participating in auditioning actresses to star alongside her in future projects. However, her experience filming "Personal Best" became a humbling one. Cast as Olympic-level athlete Chris Cahill, the role required nine months of grueling training to make her appear to be a champion hurdler, high jumper, and shot-putter. She began feeling entitled and special, making the grave mistake of undermining her co-star Patrice Donnelly. Her director Robert Towne eventually confronted her about her prima donna behavior, reducing her to shameful tears as she realized she'd become everything she feared-stuck-up and inconsiderate. After "Personal Best" with its athletic training and lesbian scenes, Mariel became determined to make career choices highlighting her womanhood. She thought Bob Fosse's film "Star 80" would be perfect for showcasing her feminine side. It told Dorothy Stratten's tragic story-a Playboy playmate murdered by her husband. When her agent proposed her for the role, Fosse instantly rejected the "athletic, prepubescent lesbian from Personal Best." Determined to transform her tomboy image, Mariel made a drastic decision-at nineteen, she got small breast implants from a reluctant surgeon who'd initially advised against it. With her new physique, she pursued Fosse relentlessly, auditioning six times before convincing him she understood Dorothy's desperate need to please others. During six weeks of intensive rehearsals, Fosse taught her femininity-even how to walk in heels. Their working relationship grew complicated when he made advances after dinner one night, chasing her around her hotel room until she firmly refused him. "I've never not slept with my leading lady!" he exclaimed. She explained she couldn't be naked on set all day playing a Playboy centerfold and then be naked with him at night-she'd have no soul left. Her relationship with her implants changed dramatically over time. While nursing her first daughter, she worried about silicone affecting her milk production. The once-desired busty look became something she hid under big shirts, feeling like a fraud. At thirty, when her implants hardened and ruptured, she had them removed and replaced with saline ones. Eventually, she removed even those, fearing any foreign objects in her body. To her delight, her breasts regained normal shape quickly, helped by yoga and hiking. She realized she would have naturally developed the feminine figure she'd wanted all along. This journey with her body image reflects Mariel's larger struggle with identity-trying to conform to others' expectations while gradually learning to accept herself as she naturally was.

Chapter 6

Love as Transformation: Finding Stephen

Living alone on Manhattan's Upper West Side at twenty-three, Mariel spent much time dreaming of falling in love. Her friend Richard Lombard lived across the street, serving as her confidant and "no-sex boyfriend." On May 11, 1984, despite her reluctance to visit the trendy new Hard Rock Cafe, Richard insisted they go before seeing "Dangerous Liaisons." Amid the deafening music, Mariel lamented to Richard that she'd never fall in love again, planning instead to move to Paris's Left Bank, smoke Gitanes, and eventually have a baby without a father. She described her impossible ideal: an outdoorsy cowboy with urban intellect. At that moment, she spotted a man ascending the stairs-strawberry blond hair to his shoulders, worn Levi 501s, rough-out boots, blue denim shirt, and dark sunglasses-and declared, "That's the guy I want to marry." The very next night, despite her reluctance, her friend Liz convinced her to return to Hard Rock for her blind date. The cowboy reappeared, this time without sunglasses, approaching her directly. They connected instantly as he shared his dreams of documentary filmmaking, writing, and exploring India. Their connection was so powerful that when he had to leave for a "business meeting" at 10:30 PM, he promised to return in "thirty-six minutes and eighteen seconds"-her first experience of a "Crismanism" she'd live with for years to come. When he returned, they continued their intense conversation until 2:30 AM, when he walked her home through Central Park-something she'd never normally do but felt perfectly safe doing with him. They strolled through Strawberry Fields, climbed on the Alice in Wonderland sculpture, and he showed her his favorite wolf statue. When they finally held hands, the blood left her arm. Their first kiss at her apartment steps was so overwhelming she asked him to leave, feeling too much sensation. They married eight months later. After marrying Stephen in 1984, Mariel's film career simmered as she focused on their marriage and New York life. Back in New York, Stephen expressed dissatisfaction with his Hard Rock Cafe business, so she encouraged him to start his own restaurant. They opened Sam's Cafe on 80th and Third Avenue-surprisingly named after her, as Stephen had taken to calling her "Sam" to avoid drawing attention when calling her name in public. This relationship marked a turning point for Mariel-finding someone who saw and accepted her for who she was, not for her family name or her Hollywood image. With Stephen, she began to build the stable family life she had craved since childhood.

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Chapter 7

Motherhood: Healing Through Creating Family

Mariel's pregnancy was magical once morning sickness subsided at four months. With newfound energy from extra blood flow, proper nutrition, and no caffeine, she felt unstoppable. She hiked Mount Baldy regularly, practiced yoga, and began meditation to create calmness for her baby. Despite eating substantial meals, she gained only fifteen pounds total, concerning her doctors who induced labor three weeks early on December 4, 1987. Despite her confidence in yoga breathing and minimal Lamaze preparation, labor proved staggeringly painful. After seven excruciating hours with no progress beyond two centimeters dilation, she begged for medication but was refused based on her earlier instructions. Focusing all her energy on opening, she miraculously progressed from two to ten centimeters in just ten minutes. Dree was born weighing just five pounds of pure beauty. Mariel insisted on keeping her incubator in her room, spending a gloriously sleepless night staring at her delicate fingers under the full moon's glow. That summer in Sun Valley, her mother-who had been distant since Mariel married Stephen-showed remarkable tenderness toward both Mariel and Dree. Despite her serious lung infections, she seemed to have released her lifelong fear and resentment. The day before she died, she told Mariel how much she loved her and that she would be a good mother, giving her a deeply loving smile she would never forget. When her mother passed away early the next morning, Mariel felt numb-having cried so many tears throughout her childhood that grief remained dried inside her for years. Twenty-two months after Dree's birth, Langley Fox arrived on August 22, 1989, after an easier labor with proper Lamaze preparation and a massage therapist coach. Dree participated in welcoming her sister, establishing their lifelong bond. Holding her newborn against her heart reminded Mariel of the safety she felt as a child in her mother's arms. Motherhood gave Mariel the opportunity to create the nurturing environment she had longed for as a child. With her daughters, she could break the cycle of emotional distance and instability that had characterized her own upbringing. Through them, she began to heal her own childhood wounds.

Chapter 8

Yoga as Medicine: The Path to Inner Peace

Mariel's early experiences with yoga reflected her competitive nature and belief that exercise should be painful to be effective. Naturally drawn to Bikram yoga's hot, sweaty challenge, she advanced quickly and soon took classes from Bikram himself. He sat shirtless on red velvet cushions like a throne, drinking soda despite the 110-degree heat. His loud, mocking voice was daunting, though seeing Juliet Prowse's beautiful poses beside her kept her inspired. Eventually, Bikram targeted her. Though flexible but not strong, she was mortified when he taunted that she thought she was "so good" but couldn't hold postures. She returned half a dozen times but couldn't overcome his teasing. Her goals were external-performance, weight loss, teacher approval-and pushing too hard to please both external and internal critics, she injured herself and abandoned yoga for years. She returned only when a friend challenged that Power Yoga would "kick her butt." Arrogantly accepting, she joined Bryan Kest's packed class and promptly got humbled. The endless Downward Dogs exhausted her arms because she didn't understand the strength comes from the center. Every pose lasted longer than she could manage. Initially considering yoga merely a workout to exhaust her demons, she gradually heard its deeper messages: "This is your practice-only for you," "Quit watching others," and "Simply breathing with attention for an hour benefits body, mind and spirit more than any posture." She learned that movement through space could lead to stillness in both body and mind. What began as physical exhaustion to quiet her fears became an exquisite remedy for mental noise. Meditation became her oxygen-a practice she maintained daily even when she couldn't do physical yoga. She would sit in Lotus position with an elevated spine, hands in hip creases with palms up, eyes closed but gazing toward her third-eye center. After hatha yoga, she would slip easily into peace. Without it, she would struggle against urgent thoughts, using deep breathing to escape the compulsion to act. Eventually, there would be just breath, and she would sink deeply inward. Like all Hemingways, Mariel battled addictive tendencies, constantly seeking the next high-whether through exercise, vegetarianism, caffeine, possessions, or relationships. But these pleasures always faded, leaving emptiness. Only in rare transcendent moments-atop a mountain feeling God's presence, gazing at her newborn daughters, or during her wedding when light streamed through stained glass-had she felt unconditional love. Meditation became her path to finding this connection consistently rather than waiting for lightning strikes of transcendence.

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Chapter 9

Facing Mortality: Loss and Resilience

In October 2000, Mariel's father called from New York where specialists had recommended double bypass surgery for his weak heart. When his surgery initially went well, she still felt compelled to visit. At the hospital, he looked great with color in his face and a full laugh. While they chatted about politics, bringing memories of their fishing trips together, he suddenly told her he wasn't scared anymore, then began wheezing and convulsing. She watched in horror as his spirit seemed to flee his body while surgeons desperately tried to revive him. For three weeks, her father lay brain-dead in a coma. Mariel spent her visits observing and whispering to him that it was okay to go, expressing love from all his family. This powerful time closed wounds in her as she became an orphan, finally releasing buried emotions for her mother and Margaux too. On December 1, he was taken off life support. That evening during meditation, she saw him smiling in his fishing clothes just as her stepmother called to say he was gone. Just days later, on December 5, while she was still processing her father's death, her husband Stephen learned that a mole removed from his head was a stage-five malignant melanoma-the worst possible scenario. He was terrified, convinced he would die within weeks. Their daughters reacted strongly-Dree with anger, Langley with tears and terror. Mariel somehow pulled herself into "mommy mode," establishing routine while hiding her own fears. Using her name unabashedly, she got Stephen scheduled for surgery at the renowned John Wayne Cancer Institute. At home, she was shot into her past, helping him just as she'd once helped her mother-though unlike her, Stephen didn't want her near. The crucial difference was that Stephen was a fighter determined to challenge whatever dragon was uncoiling inside him, while her mother never questioned her cancer's origins in grief, fear and resentment. Throughout it all, Mariel watched Stephen explore his emotional pain, staying available without controlling. Her daily yoga and meditation practice helped her surrender to what was happening beyond her control. A year and a half after diagnosis, continuous scans hadn't detected any new cancer. Stephen maintained his diet, worked with a therapist, and meditated daily. Most importantly, Mariel learned that caring for her family required first caring for herself. Corpse pose prepared her for meditation, which grounded and rejuvenated her, bringing peace that helped her face life's dramas as her best self.

Chapter 10

The Balance Found: Accepting What Is

After years of obsession with control, Mariel finally surrendered to her highest good through daily meditation. She learned that instability is learning, breakdown is understanding, and pain takes different forms. By accepting this pattern, she could return to balance in her Warrior pose, reaching heavenward to surrender her ego and the illusion of separation. The physical practice of yoga became a metaphor for her life's journey. Triangle pose, with its shift from stability to asymmetry, mirrored life's daily surprises that pull us from center. By engaging her center without squeezing while maintaining contact with her roots (feet and legs), she found balance even when thrown off. As instructors say, our bones are like our souls-grounding us without interference-while muscles, like minds, chatter constantly. She practiced observing these complaining muscles without letting them control her, finding moments of peace when the noise dissipated-tremendous practice for life's balance challenges. Mariel's journey from a frightened child to a centered woman came full circle through her yoga practice. In Mountain pose, the foundation of all other poses, she found the stability she had sought her entire life. Standing tall with feet firmly planted, crown reaching skyward, she discovered that true balance comes not from controlling external circumstances but from finding the quiet center within herself. Her father had found peace outdoors-his moments of prayer and meditation with creatures and places he loved most. This was his gift from God, which he returned through tireless conservation efforts. He generously passed that same love of wilderness to Mariel, a gift she hoped to give her daughters. Through yoga, meditation, and the hard-won wisdom of her life experiences, Mariel Hemingway found her own balance-not by escaping her family legacy but by embracing it, understanding it, and ultimately transcending it. In doing so, she created a new legacy for her daughters: one of presence, acceptance, and the courage to face life's challenges with an open heart.

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Key Themes in Finding My Balance

generational trauma
hemingway family history
yoga for healing
parental caretaking
disordered eating recovery

Quotes from Finding My Balance

Fat represented losing control and mental illness to her.
Without stable feminine role models, Mariel frantically tried to be good enough to heal everything.
You are not your sister.
Pain made her stronger and more competitive.
This pattern of seeking control through external means would follow her for decades.

Characters in Finding My Balance

Mariel HemingwayThe author and protagonist seeking healing
Muffet HemingwayMariel's older sister who struggled with psychosis
Margaux HemingwayMariel's sister, a supermodel who rebelled
Ernest HemingwayMariel's grandfather and literary giant

About the Author

Mariel Hemingway, acclaimed actress and mental health advocate, is the author of Finding My Balance, a memoir exploring themes of personal growth, mental wellness, and overcoming generational trauma.

Born in Mill Valley, California, in 1961, Hemingway draws from her experiences as the granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway and her family’s public struggles with mental illness, which she detailed in her documentary Running from Crazy.

An Oscar-nominated performer for her role in Manhattan (1979), she starred in over 30 films, including Personal Best and Star 80, and earned a Golden Globe nomination for her work in the TV series Civil Wars.

A frequent TED Talk speaker and mental health spokesperson, Hemingway’s insights blend Hollywood resilience with candid vulnerability. Her earlier memoir, Out Came the Sun, further chronicles her journey toward emotional stability.

Finding My Balance has been hailed as a New York Times bestseller and translated into 12 languages, resonating with readers seeking authenticity in self-discovery.

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From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco

BeFreed Brings Together A Global Community Of Curious Minds

4.7

avg rating

7.84k+ App Rating

BeFreed Community

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

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Chapter 5

Finding My Balance

OverviewOverview of Finding My Balance

One book. Many ways to hear it.

A Legacy of Balance: Mariel Hemingway's Journey Through Darkness

The Weight of Responsibility: A Childhood Lost

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A Family Unraveling: Sisters on the Edge

Finding Identity Through Physical Challenge

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Hollywood and the Search for Identity

Love as Transformation: Finding Stephen

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Motherhood: Healing Through Creating Family

Yoga as Medicine: The Path to Inner Peace

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Facing Mortality: Loss and Resilience

The Balance Found: Accepting What Is

You made it to the end of Finding My Balance

Key Themes in Finding My Balance

Quotes from Finding My Balance

Characters in Finding My Balance

About the Author

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FAQs About This Book

What is Finding My Balance by Mariel Hemingway about?

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How does Mariel Hemingway integrate yoga into her memoir?

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BeFreed Brings Together A Global Community Of Curious Minds

BeFreed Brings Together A Global Community Of Curious Minds

One book. Many ways to hear it.

A Legacy of Balance: Mariel Hemingway's Journey Through Darkness

The Weight of Responsibility: A Childhood Lost

See every word as you hear it

A Family Unraveling: Sisters on the Edge

Finding Identity Through Physical Challenge

Get more out of Finding My Balance

Hollywood and the Search for Identity

Love as Transformation: Finding Stephen

See every word as you hear it

Motherhood: Healing Through Creating Family

Yoga as Medicine: The Path to Inner Peace

Get more out of Finding My Balance

Facing Mortality: Loss and Resilience

The Balance Found: Accepting What Is

You made it to the end of Finding My Balance

Users also liked

Discover more

Overview of Finding My Balance