Between Parent and Child by Haim G. Ginott Summary

Between Parent and Child is a parenting guide that revolutionizes communication by teaching empathy, respect, and practical techniques to address children’s emotions without judgment. It emphasizes acknowledging feelings first, setting boundaries without threats, and fostering mutual trust. The book combines psychological insights with actionable strategies to transform parent-child relationships into nurturing partnerships.

This book is ideal for parents, caregivers, and educators seeking to improve communication with children. It’s particularly valuable for those struggling with discipline conflicts, emotional outbursts, or fostering cooperation. Therapists and child psychologists also appreciate its evidence-based approach to emotional validation and boundary-setting.

Yes, it remains a seminal work in parenting literature, praised for its timeless advice on empathetic communication. Over 50 years since publication, its techniques—like replacing criticism with constructive feedback—are still endorsed by experts. The revised 2003 edition updates examples while preserving Ginott’s core principles.

• Acknowledge feelings first: Validate emotions before problem-solving (e.g., “I see you’re upset”).
• Avoid labeling: Use descriptive language instead of judgments (e.g., “This behavior is unsafe” vs. “You’re reckless”).
• Offer choices: Empower children by letting them decide within set boundaries.

Ginott advocates for discipline that respects the child’s dignity. Instead of punishment, he recommends natural consequences and collaborative problem-solving. For example, if a child refuses homework, a parent might say, “Let’s plan a study time that works for both of us”.

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my daily mood that makes the weather.” This underscores the parent’s role in shaping the emotional climate through responsive, intentional communication.

The book advises parents to mirror emotions neutrally (e.g., “You sound angry about this”) rather than minimize or correct them. This approach helps children feel heard, reducing escalations and building emotional literacy.

Some modern readers find its mid-20th-century examples dated, though the 2003 edition addresses this. Others argue it oversimplifies complex dynamics. However, its core philosophy—respectful communication—remains widely influential in child psychology.

Unlike punitive or permissive extremes, Ginott’s method balances empathy with structure. It predates but aligns with authoritative parenting research, focusing on mutual respect rather than obedience. Comparable works like How to Talk So Kids Will Listen build directly on its principles.

Yes, though Ginott’s follow-up Between Parent and Teenager expands on adolescent-specific issues. The original book’s foundation—validating feelings while setting clear expectations—applies to all ages, making it a versatile resource.

Ginott (1922–1973) was a clinical psychologist, child therapist, and educator. He taught at NYU and Adelphi University, combining academic rigor with practical insights from his guidance clinics. His work influenced generations of parenting experts.

Yes, Teacher and Child and Between Parent and Teenager expand his communication philosophy into educational and adolescent contexts. All emphasize emotional attunement, though Between Parent and Child remains his most comprehensive guide.