What is *Ask for It* by Linda Babcock about?

*Ask for It* by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever empowers women to overcome negotiation barriers by providing research-backed strategies to advocate for career advancement, salary raises, and personal goals. The book highlights how societal conditioning often discourages women from asking, offering a four-phase program to build confidence, prepare effectively, and negotiate collaboratively.

Who should read *Ask for It*?

This book is ideal for women seeking to advance their careers, negotiate salaries, or assert personal needs. It’s also valuable for managers aiming to address gender disparities and anyone interested in understanding how gender influences negotiation dynamics. Professionals hesitant to self-advocate will find actionable steps to reframe their approach.

Is *Ask for It* worth reading?

Yes—*Ask for It* combines academic research, real-world case studies, and practical exercises to address systemic negotiation challenges women face. Its focus on preparation, strategy, and collaborative problem-solving makes it a standout resource for personal and professional growth.

What are the main strategies in *Ask for It*?

Key strategies include: - **Identifying your worth**: Quantify achievements and market value. - **Preparing thoroughly**: Research benchmarks and anticipate counterarguments. - **Framing negotiations collaboratively**: Focus on mutual benefits rather than demands. - **Managing emotions**: Use techniques to stay calm and solution-oriented.

How does *Ask for It* address gender bias in negotiations?

The book examines how societal norms discourage women from asserting needs and provides tools to counter internalized biases. It emphasizes reframing negotiation as a problem-solving exercise rather than confrontation, aligning with strengths like empathy and collaboration.

What is the four-phase program in *Ask for It*?

The program includes: 1. **Self-assessment**: Clarify goals and worth. 2. **Research**: Gather data to support requests. 3. **Strategy development**: Plan tactics and backup options. 4. **Execution and adaptation**: Negotiate flexibly and manage outcomes.

What are key takeaways from *Ask for It*?

- Women often undervalue their contributions due to societal conditioning. - Negotiation success hinges on preparation and framing requests as win-win solutions. - Small, daily negotiations (e.g., workload distribution) build long-term confidence.

How does *Ask for It* compare to other negotiation books?

Unlike generic guides, *Ask for It* specifically addresses gender dynamics, offering tailored strategies for women. It combines academic rigor with relatable anecdotes, distinguishing it from broader titles like *Never Split the Difference* or *Getting to Yes*.

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Как женщины могут использовать силу переговоров, чтобы получить то, чего они действительно хотят

Линда Бэбкок и Сара Лэшевер

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Узнайте, почему женщины ведут переговоры в 4 раза реже мужчин, в книге «Ask for It» — библии переговоров, трансформирующей карьеру в самых разных отраслях. Изучите четырехэтапную стратегию, которая помогает профессионалам преодолеть синдром самозванца и заявить о своей истинной ценности в любом взаимодействии.

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Глава 1

The Negotiation Revolution: How Women Can Transform Their Lives by Asking

Imagine walking into your boss's office, palms sweaty, heart racing, to ask for a well-deserved raise. Now imagine walking out with double what you expected. This isn't fantasy-it's the reality for countless women who have mastered the art of asking. "Ask For It" by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever has become the negotiation bible for women worldwide, with Sheryl Sandberg calling it "the single most important book" that helped her navigate salary discussions. Since its 2008 publication, it has transformed how women approach negotiations in every aspect of their lives. The book emerged from Babcock's groundbreaking research showing that men initiate negotiations four times more frequently than women-a discovery that began when she noticed male graduate students teaching their own courses while women served as assistants. The financial implications? Staggering. A woman who doesn't negotiate her first salary stands to lose over $750,000 by retirement. No wonder Oprah featured it on her "Books That Can Change Your Life" list.

Глава 2

The Silent Crisis: Why Women Don't Ask

When Linda Babcock discovered that male graduate students were teaching their own courses while female students served as teaching assistants, she asked her husband, the associate dean, why. His answer was simple but profound: "More men ask." This pattern repeated consistently-men requested teaching opportunities, conference funding, and resources that women didn't. Her subsequent research confirmed that men initiate negotiations about four times more frequently than women. The financial consequences of this negotiation gap are devastating. Consider two equally qualified 22-year-olds offered the same $25,000 salary. If the man negotiates up to $30,000 while the woman accepts the initial offer, by retirement at 65, he will have accumulated over $784,000 more than her. Similar scenarios play out at different career stages: an MBA graduate at 30 who negotiates from $100,000 to $115,000 accumulates $1.5 million more by retirement. These losses extend beyond salary to bonuses, stock options, and pension benefits. The problem goes beyond finances-women don't ask for promotions, desired assignments, recognition, or additional training, resulting in slower career advancement. Despite younger women's belief that they negotiate as much as their male peers, research shows the negotiation gap remains unchanged across generations. This issue extends into personal life as well. Married women who work full-time still handle two-thirds of housework and childcare, experiencing dangerous levels of stress that can lead to serious health problems. By not negotiating more equitable arrangements at home, women sacrifice their health and wellbeing. When Babcock and Laschever published "Women Don't Ask," it generated significant media attention and led to congressional briefings about the glass ceiling. More importantly, hundreds of women wrote sharing how the book transformed their lives-from negotiating first job offers to securing doubled bonuses. These success stories, along with requests for more specific guidance, inspired "Ask For It," designed to help women overcome that nagging inner voice and confidently assert their worth.

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Глава 3

Everything Is Negotiable: Discovering What You Really Want

Before you can negotiate effectively, you must identify what you truly want-not what others want for you or what you're willing to settle for. This crucial first step requires distinguishing your authentic desires from societal expectations. To determine the gap between your current life and your ideal future, ask yourself what activities bring you happiness, what strengths you possess, what elements are missing from your current situation, and what goals remain unfulfilled. Consider Michele, a successful high school principal who rediscovered her passion for drawing while cleaning her basement. Though her drawing class conflicted with her work schedule, she negotiated with her superintendent to leave early on Thursdays. This "protected creative space" significantly improved her wellbeing, showing how even small changes can profoundly affect happiness. Sometimes identifying your strengths requires outside perspective. Alison, a biology researcher at a cosmetics company, realized after a decade that she wanted a career change. After taking aptitude tests at her alma mater's career services office, she discovered her strengths in applied mathematics and analytical thinking. Her counselor suggested business-a field she'd never considered. With her supervisor's support, she transferred to the company's management side while studying for her MBA at night. Six years later, she became the youngest vice president in company history. What you truly want might not involve advancement or accumulation. Sometimes improving your life means slowing down or moving laterally rather than climbing the corporate ladder. Evelyn, a highly successful commercial real estate broker earning $800,000 annually, felt unfulfilled despite her impressive income. After negotiating a move to the less prestigious residential division, she finally decorated her home, socialized more, began a relationship that led to marriage, and ultimately made the career switch permanent, prioritizing life balance over prestige. As your career evolves, reassess whether your childhood or early-career role models still provide relevant guidance. Samantha achieved her lifelong goal of becoming a lawyer and made partner by thirty, following her father's and brothers' footsteps. Despite this success, she felt unfulfilled and realized she wanted greater power and prestige. With few female role models available, she strategically connected with a prominent female litigator and one of her father's male classmates who served as corporate counsel. Their mentorship helped her successfully pivot her career toward her more ambitious goals. Women tend to be more risk-averse than men, which can be a handicap in negotiations. Rather than settling for "good enough," add your most extravagant aspirations to your goals list. Research shows people regret things they didn't do far more than things they did. Consider what you might most regret at career's end or life's end if left untried. Like Leslie, a former mountain biker who reconnected with an old friend and completed a cross-country journey at forty that she had long postponed, you might discover it's not too late to pursue seemingly unreachable dreams.

Глава 4

Taking Control: The World Is Your Oyster, Not Your Turnip

Many women fail to recognize negotiable opportunities in their lives. Like Penny, who missed out on hotel robes simply because she didn't ask, women often accept circumstances as fixed when they could be improved through negotiation. Research shows women are more likely than men to believe external forces control their lives-what psychologists call the "turnip" versus "oyster" worldview. On a locus-of-control scale measuring whether people believe they control their lives internally or are controlled by external forces, men typically believe they "make life happen" while women often feel "life happens to them." This pattern appears consistently across diverse cultures worldwide, and even senior female managers still believe external forces control their lives more than their male counterparts do. This mindset directly impacts behavior. Research by Babcock found women were 45% more likely than men to score low on a scale measuring whether they viewed situations as amenable to negotiation. Just a 10% higher score on this scale translated into approximately 30% more attempts to negotiate. Organizational psychologist Lisa Barron's research revealed another stark contrast: 85% of men but only 17% of women agreed with the statement "I determine my own worth and it's up to me to make sure my company pays me what I'm worth." Conversely, 83% of women but only 15% of men agreed that "My worth is determined by what my company pays me." This highlights how women often surrender control over their compensation to others. Consider Sandra, a vice president at a small architecture firm who was significantly underpaid despite effectively running the office and designing the firm's most prominent projects. After three years without a raise, she researched industry salary ranges and firmly requested appropriate compensation. When her boss responded with anger, she calmly stated that her departure would be the real threat to the company. To her surprise, he immediately agreed to her request and later gave her another raise, making her realize she'd waited too long to take control of her compensation. In today's business climate, managers often respond to those who ask rather than proactively managing talent. This gives men an advantage as they typically interrupt schedules, announce their desires, and push for advancement. When Luisa, who had worked at a small regional art museum for ten years and gradually taken on significant curatorial responsibilities, finally complained about her unchanged administrative assistant title, her boss immediately promoted her to "senior project manager" with a 10% raise, saying they should have done it years ago. Beyond addressing major problems, you can improve many smaller daily irritants through negotiation. When Melanchtha's commute problems began after her child started middle school, she accumulated expensive parking tickets until her boss noticed her distress. Within days, her boss provided a company garage pass, solving a problem Melanchtha had been struggling with unnecessarily. Negotiation is equally valuable at home. Though many women view their primary relationships as partnerships, working women still shoulder far more household responsibilities. When Anne started law school while her husband Robert began business school, she continued managing their entire household despite their now-equal academic demands. Only after breaking her leg did roles reverse out of necessity, revealing that household tasks consumed 16-18 hours weekly-far more than Robert had realized.

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Глава 5

Fairness: Recognizing and Addressing Gender Bias

Though most women believe gender discrimination exists broadly, few acknowledge experiencing it personally-a phenomenon psychologist Faye Crosby calls "denial of personal disadvantage." This occurs because discrimination is difficult to detect in individual cases but clearer at organizational levels. Research shows that subconscious biases powerfully influence judgments about women's abilities, even among well-intentioned people. These implicit biases affect workplace decisions, causing managers to undervalue women's performance without realizing it. When symphony orchestras used screens to hide musicians' gender during auditions, a woman's probability of advancing increased by 50%, and her likelihood of winning a seat increased by 250%-revealing how powerful gender bias can be even in seemingly objective evaluations of talent. Similarly, research using male and female actors exhibiting identical "leadership behaviors" found participants responded positively to men as having "ability, skill, and intelligence" while describing the women as "emotional, bossy, and domineering." Notably, these same participants reported having no gender biases when asked directly. Jacie, who excelled at cold calls for a heating-oil company, was overlooked when her boss Raymond promoted Jerry, a less experienced male colleague, to regional sales manager. When Jerry was fired for poor financial management 18 months later, Raymond planned to hire externally until Jacie confronted him about her qualifications. Though Raymond eventually offered her the position, Jacie realized he had completely overlooked her potential not from conscious discrimination but because "it never occurred to him" to consider her for management. While most people wouldn't consciously cheat us, there's a vast difference between avoiding deliberate cheating and actively checking for inadvertent inequities. Many consider "She didn't ask so I didn't give her more" perfectly fair, believing that not negotiating is your problem, not theirs. Even those committed to equal opportunity can fail to adjust compensation when women don't ask for more. Mary, a successful plant biologist, discovered she was earning less than all six colleagues on a joint research proposal-even those junior to her. Having never negotiated her salary, while male colleagues negotiated for at least 3% increases annually, the pay gap had widened yearly. When confronted, her department head claimed he thought she "wasn't especially materialistic." Mary demanded $10,000 more than her highest-paid colleague, citing her superior reputation and publications. She received the raise and immediately informed other women in her department about the need to negotiate their salaries too. Women often remain unaware of unfair treatment because they're typically excluded from men's social and professional networks where valuable information is exchanged. Ainsley, a surgeon, discovered after eight years that male colleagues held an annual tennis competition where they exchanged crucial hospital information about committee openings, department politics, and hiring plans. When she joined the group, she gained access to insider knowledge that helped her secure a position on an important management committee-the first female surgeon ever appointed.

Глава 6

Information Is Power: Researching Your Worth

Information is power in negotiation. The more data you have, the better equipped you'll be to set aggressive yet realistic targets and defend your position confidently. Women often underestimate their work's value and ask for less than they can get due to insufficient information. Linda's research with business school graduates demonstrated this clearly: women accepted starting salaries 6% lower than men, but their negotiated bonuses were a shocking 19% lower. While salary guidelines are readily available, bonus information is scarce-with less information, women priced themselves far too low. Research shows that without external reference points, women pay themselves significantly less than men do for identical work. The internet provides remarkable resources for establishing your market value. Specialized websites like salary.com allow you to input your zip code to find local salary ranges, while professional sites cater to specific industries. Government resources like the Bureau of Labor Statistics offer comprehensive data. For nonprofit employees, Guidestar provides valuable salary information, while government entities maintain sites with job grades and pay scales. Once you've gathered general salary information, speak with colleagues and peers, despite workplace taboos around discussing compensation. Instead of asking directly about personal information, frame questions to tap into others' expertise: "What's an appropriate salary for someone at my level?" or "What's the salary range for this position?" Draw on both work connections and external networks, and be sure to speak with men who typically earn more and may have realistic insights about salary ranges. Rita accepted a job offer from a major software company without negotiating, only to discover months later that colleagues hired simultaneously had negotiated 10-15% higher salaries. Her running club friend explained this was common knowledge locally-the company routinely lowballs offers expecting pushback. Rita had failed to tap available resources: her alumni network, university career services, and industry websites could have provided crucial salary information. Don't overlook approaching the person with authority to give you what you want-your boss. Instead of viewing them solely as someone with power over your future, treat them as a partner with shared interest in maximizing your talents. Good managers recognize that employees perform better when making career progress and working at their peak abilities. Understanding your organization's financial health is also crucial before negotiating. Many women hesitate to ask for raises, fearing their employers can't afford more or worrying about burdening supervisors. But do your research first. For publicly traded companies, visit the SEC website to access financial reports. For privately owned companies, check regional business journals, hoovers.com, or develop internal contacts who understand the big picture. Nonprofits post tax filings on guidestar.org, while government organizations provide budget information on their websites.

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Глава 7

Leverage Your Power: Understanding Your Bargaining Position

Every negotiation involves at least two sides, each with something the other needs. Despite common assumptions that the person with something to give holds all the cards, you likely have far more power to influence negotiations than you realize. Women often underestimate their value when negotiating. Consider your unique qualifications beyond just credentials-your skills, experiences, and personal attributes that make you valuable. Even qualities not easily quantifiable-like Lydia's ability to work with difficult lawyers, Natalya's community importance as a dance teacher, or Helen's convenient location to a worksite-can be powerful negotiating assets. Many profitable businesses view their workforce as their most valuable asset. As SAS Institute CEO Jim Goodnight says, "Ninety-five percent of my assets drive out the front gate every evening. It's my job to bring them back." Replacing workers is incredibly costly-between 50-150% of annual salary. With 23.1% of American workers voluntarily quitting each year, attrition costs companies approximately $541 billion annually. In today's business landscape, women have become a highly prized resource as the pool of talented men shrinks. Companies face alarming attrition rates among female managers who often leave due to inhospitable cultures or limited advancement opportunities. With women representing 57% of college freshmen, organizations that can retain female talent gain substantial competitive advantage. Research shows women's "transformational leadership" style improves commitment, creativity, and information flow, while gender diversity increases productivity and profitability. A strong BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) provides tremendous bargaining power by giving you freedom to walk away from unsatisfactory offers. When the other party has a weak BATNA, your position strengthens further. Charlotte leveraged this dynamic when she approached her CEO about a promotion, knowing she was prepared to leave while her departure would devastate the company. Similarly, Debbie secured exceptional terms for an international transfer because she was perfectly happy staying in her current position. When your fallback position is weak-whether you're seeking a promotion or unemployed-you can strengthen it by securing alternative job offers from different organizations or departments. This creates leverage as your current or potential employer won't want to lose you. Ashanti, a bank branch general manager, applied for jobs at three other banks and received offers paying 25% more. When she informed her supervisor, he immediately offered to match them. Taking a bold step, she asked if he could beat the offers, resulting in a 30% raise. When lacking sufficient bargaining power, you can take steps to build it by improving your credentials. Sandy, a nonprofit development director, invested her own money in travel to meet with granting officers when her organization couldn't fund it. Within fourteen months, she brought in four grants that doubled her organization's budget. This success led to a promotion, a 27% salary increase, and a travel budget, plus job offers from other nonprofits.

Глава 8

Aim High: Setting Ambitious Targets

When negotiating, your target directly correlates with what you ultimately receive. Women typically aim too low, underestimating their value across all professions and seniority levels. One of the most crucial determinants of negotiation success happens before you even start talking-setting your target high enough. If you walk in aiming for less, you're guaranteed to walk out with less. The fear of overestimating their worth or damaging relationships often limits how much women aim for in negotiations. Research consistently shows a direct correlation between your target and your outcome. Higher targets lead to better results because they prompt higher initial requests, preventing premature closure of possibilities. Setting targets too low means missing out on what employers are actually willing to pay. The financial impact of consistently aiming high in negotiations is substantial over a career. A comparison of two colleagues shows that the one who aims high and averages 4.3% annual raises will earn $213,941 by retirement, while the colleague who aims lower and averages 2.7% raises will earn only $110,052. Starting from the same $35,000 salary at age 22, the difference amounts to nearly $1.5 million in lifetime earnings. Women often struggle with setting high targets because of low personal entitlement. Studies consistently show women undervalue their worth compared to equally qualified men. Female business students expect starting salaries 11.5% lower than male peers and career-peak earnings 24% lower. This pattern starts young-studies show girls from first through tenth grade consistently pay themselves 30-78% less than boys for identical tasks. Jan, a highly skilled housekeeping manager at a luxury Bermuda hotel, was constantly recruited by rival hotels. Despite her excellence, she consistently undervalued herself. When interviewing elsewhere, her husband would push her to ask for double what she thought was reasonable-if she planned to ask for $5,000 more, he'd suggest $10,000. Following his advice, she always got what she asked for, and her current employer would match offers to keep her. Over six years, she increased her salary by $36,000, eventually earning more than some general managers, yet still couldn't believe her own value. When advocating for others, we're often more persistent and effective than when negotiating for ourselves. Research confirms this pattern: women negotiate far more effectively for others than themselves, with senior female executives reaching agreements 18% better when representing someone else. Men, however, negotiate equally well in both scenarios. To overcome this, women should approach self-negotiation by asking: "What would I demand if I were representing my sister, daughter, or friend?" Even if your financial needs are modest, you should still aim high in salary negotiations because compensation signals your professional value. Employers often use salary history to evaluate talent and potential, assuming higher-paid candidates are superior. By accepting less than you're worth, you risk undermining future opportunities. Rather than settling for what seems reasonable or sufficient, focus on what would truly delight you. Instead of thinking "I can manage with an extra $25 a week," shift to "I'm going to ask for twice that much because that's how much I'm worth." This mindset transformation-focusing on your true value rather than what you can tolerate-is essential for successful negotiation.

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Глава 9

The Win-Win Approach: Cooperative Bargaining Strategies

Rather than approaching negotiations as competitive battles to be won, cooperative bargaining produces better outcomes for both sides by "enlarging the pie" rather than dividing fixed resources. This approach increases the likelihood of getting what you want, reduces the risk of impasse, elicits greater buy-in, safeguards relationships, and makes the negotiation process more enjoyable. Drawing from Fisher and Ury's "Getting to Yes," the authors contrast position-based bargaining (announcing and defending what you want) with interest-based bargaining (understanding the needs, goals, and constraints behind each position). Since compatible interests often underlie opposing positions, negotiators who explore these interests can find solutions satisfying both sides. Even in seemingly adversarial negotiations, parties typically have shared interests alongside conflicting ones. When negotiators focus too narrowly on conflicts, they miss opportunities where interests align. Marissa, a salesclerk at a jewelry boutique, addressed scheduling problems by identifying the shared goal with her boss Eliza: ensuring the store was properly staffed. Rather than criticizing the current system, she offered to create a standard weekly schedule accommodating clerks' personal commitments. By focusing on their common interest in smooth store operations, Marissa successfully took over scheduling, benefiting everyone involved. Contrary to the common belief that withholding information provides leverage, the authors advocate asking questions and sharing information as key cooperative bargaining techniques. Research shows that pairs where one negotiator either asks questions or volunteers information reach better agreements than those where neither shares. Open-ended questions about the other side's preferences, priorities and constraints are particularly effective, and the norm of reciprocity often leads tight-lipped negotiators to open up once you share first. Logrolling is a cooperative tactic where parties trade items they value differently. When interests truly conflict, you can give up something less important to you but valuable to the other side in exchange for something you want more. This might include offering to start a job earlier for a signing bonus, waiving health insurance for extra compensation, or accepting a lower salary for a better title. When logrolling, always negotiate multiple issues simultaneously and explicitly link concessions to avoid separate win/lose conflicts. When people feel safe from conflict and motivated to work together, creative solutions often emerge. Brainstorming can help break impasses by gathering all parties, defining the problem, encouraging wild ideas without immediate criticism, recording every suggestion, and then evaluating options systematically. This process separates idea generation from decision-making, allowing innovative solutions to surface. Joyce, an executive assistant at a financial firm, faced losing her job when her husband was relocated to China for a year. Her boss initially refused her request for unpaid leave since he couldn't leave the position vacant. Through collaborative brainstorming, they found a compromise: while Joyce couldn't keep her exact position, her boss arranged for HR to keep her on the books, guaranteeing her the same salary upon return and priority consideration for the first available executive assistant position. Though neither got everything they wanted, their flexible, open-minded approach yielded a workable solution for both.

Глава 10

Closing the Deal: Strategies for Success

You've completed your research, set an ambitious target, and understand cooperative bargaining principles. Now you need to determine how to initiate the negotiation effectively and bring it to a successful conclusion. Face-to-face negotiation offers significant advantages: immediate feedback, nonverbal cues, and the ability to adjust your approach in real-time. Phone conversations rank second-best, allowing back-and-forth dialogue but missing visual cues. Written requests present the greatest challenges as they eliminate the give-and-take essential to cooperative bargaining. When making the first offer in ambiguous situations, you can gain advantage through anchoring-influencing the other side's perceptions about your expectations. This works well when you know the other side's reservation value but they don't know yours. If you lack information about the other side's intentions, letting them go first is usually wiser as their offer reveals their position. Timing your negotiation strategically can significantly impact success. Ask when your bargaining power is high-after achievements, awards, or during times when losing you would be costly to the organization. Also consider the other side's receptiveness; avoid approaching someone who's besieged with demands or under pressure. Most importantly, don't delay unnecessarily, as waiting too long can lead to frustration that undermines your ability to negotiate effectively. When beginning a negotiation, asking for exactly what you want is almost always a mistake. Experienced negotiators never start with their best offer, understanding that negotiation involves a series of offers and counteroffers with both sides making concessions. They expect you to ask for more than you want, then counteroffer for less, with the final agreement somewhere in the middle. Alexandra was confused by her boss's negative response to her salary request, as she didn't see how asking for more money contradicted being "team-oriented." Research shows the disconnect wasn't between her request and collaborative abilities, but between her assertive negotiation style and gender expectations. Studies confirm that both men and women penalize women who negotiate aggressively, while men can negotiate forcefully with other men without penalty. To succeed in negotiations, women should adopt what University of Michigan president Mary Sue Coleman calls a "relentlessly pleasant" approach. Begin meetings with appreciation, show concern for others, maintain a friendly demeanor, create collaborative settings, find common interests, emphasize mutual benefits, solicit feedback, take a problem-solving approach, frame comments positively, avoid ultimatums, and ask questions about others' concerns. How you present your request dramatically affects how others respond. Instead of ultimatums or threats, frame requests positively while maintaining your goals. For example, when negotiating a competing job offer, say "I love working here and don't want to go. Before accepting the other offer, I wanted to see if there's some way to make it possible for me to stay" rather than issuing demands. Always keep your eye on your target rather than your minimum acceptable outcome. Research shows that negotiators who focus on their targets consistently achieve better results than those who focus on reservation values. Target-focused negotiators ask for more initially and persist longer until reaching agreements closer to their goals. Don't let yourself be rushed during negotiations. Managing the pace prevents confusion, ensures both sides can fully express their interests, and avoids ill-conceived concessions. If you feel pressured or are losing control, deliberately slow things down by asking for water, requesting clarification, or posing open-ended questions that require thoughtful answers from the other party. Many women back down immediately after hearing "no" or receiving a low counteroffer, fearing conflict or thinking they've asked for too much. Don't suddenly revise your goals downward-hold firmly to your research and target. Kellie demonstrated this resolve when negotiating her salary; despite being told her request would match a senior colleague's pay, she calmly asked the HR associate to reconsider and received approval within minutes.

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Глава 11

If You Never Hear No, You're Not Asking Enough

Hannah, a violinist, requested and received a $2,000 increase on her initial $40,000 job offer at a conservatory. Her immediate success left her wondering if she could have gotten more had she aimed higher. This common experience-getting exactly what you ask for without resistance-suggests you're likely leaving money on the table. Many women report similar regrets: "I finally asked for a raise and my boss said okay right away. Now I feel stupid for not asking for more." Researchers call this the "winner's curse" or the "downside of yes." When the other side easily gives what you want, they could likely have given more. Always hearing "yes" means you're not asking for enough. By aiming high, you not only get more but also adjust others' perceptions of your worth. Taking risks pays off like stealing bases in baseball-you'll gain more ground even if you occasionally fail. These experiences help refine your judgment about when to take chances. Through practice, negotiation becomes second nature rather than an effort, making both big and small requests comfortable. Life opens its doors more easily, making occasional rejection worthwhile. The authors' six-week negotiation gym helps build these skills progressively. Begin with low-stakes negotiations to build confidence. Ask for something small each day-leaving work early, a better printer at the office, a customer discount. You'll discover people often respond more positively than expected, broadening your sense of what's negotiable in life. Next, focus on setting high targets. For each negotiation, identify the most you think you can get, then ask for twice as much. Use the "giggle test"-ask for as much as you can without giggling (or blushing or stammering). This helps you avoid behavioral cues that signal you don't believe in what you're asking for. Then court rejection to get comfortable hearing "no" without taking it personally. Women's self-esteem tends to fluctuate more in response to feedback than men's, and women feel less comfortable with social risk. Try negotiating things you know will likely be rejected-supermarket apple prices, department store suit prices, or bringing your dog to work. Even if someone responds rudely, you'll suffer no lasting damage and will learn that rejection isn't the end of the world. Finally, ask for three things you're pretty sure you can't get, but that you genuinely care about, from people with ongoing relationships. Include at least one long shot you'd love to receive. The key is not signaling that you expect rejection-present your request confidently. When rejected, don't apologize-simply smile and say "It was worth a try." By systematically practicing these skills, you'll transform your ability to negotiate in all areas of life. You'll recognize opportunities you previously missed, set ambitious targets that reflect your true worth, and approach negotiations with confidence rather than anxiety. Most importantly, you'll stop settling for less than you deserve and start creating the life you truly want.

★★★★★

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Ключевые темы: Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться»

gender pay gap
salary negotiation strategies
female career advancement
advocating for worth
work-life balance negotiation

Лучшие цитаты — Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться»

Women don't ask.
More men ask.
Women don't ask for promotions.
Everything Is Negotiable.
The world is your oyster, not your turnip.

Персонажи: Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться»

Linda BabcockAuthor and researcher on the negotiation gap
Sara LascheverAuthor and expert on women and negotiation
MichelePrincipal who negotiated for creative time
AlisonBiology researcher who pivoted to management
EvelynReal estate broker who prioritized life balance

Об авторе

Линда Бэбкок и Сара Лашевер, авторы книги «Разреши себе просить. Как женщины могут использовать силу переговоров, чтобы получить то, чего они действительно хотят» (Ask for It), являются признанными экспертами в области гендерной динамики и стратегий ведения переговоров. Бэбкок, профессор экономики имени Джеймса М. Уолтона в Университете Карнеги-Меллона, сочетает десятилетия исследований в области поведенческой экономики с глубоким пониманием системных барьеров, с которыми сталкиваются женщины.

Лашевер, удостоенная наград журналистка и автор статей для New York Times и Harvard Business Review, привносит в их партнерство глубину повествования. Вместе они проделали новаторскую работу, изучая неравенство в ведении переговоров, результатом которой стала их основополагающая книга «Женщины не просят: Высокая цена отказа от переговоров — и позитивные стратегии перемен» (Women Don’t Ask), которая легла в основу программ корпоративного обучения и академических учебных планов по всему миру.

Их совместные труды сочетают в себе анализ, основанный на данных, с практическими инструментами, направленными на достижение справедливости на рабочем месте и развитие личной инициативы. Книга «Разреши себе просить» получила признание благодаря своей четырехэтапной системе ведения переговоров, была одобрена лидерами индустрии и интегрирована в инициативы по профессиональному развитию. Переведенные на множество языков, их исследования продолжают влиять на глобальные дискуссии о гендерном равенстве в бизнесе и за его пределами.

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BeFreed Community

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

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"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

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"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

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"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

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@djmikemoore

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"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

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"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

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"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

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Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться»

Обзор: Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться»

Изучите Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться» в разных стилях обучения

The Negotiation Revolution: How Women Can Transform Their Lives by Asking

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Следите за каждым словом во время прослушивания

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Получите больше от Умение договариваться

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Получите больше от Умение договариваться

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Следите за каждым словом во время прослушивания

If You Never Hear No, You're Not Asking Enough

Вы дочитали Умение договариваться до конца

Ключевые темы: Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться»

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Персонажи: Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться»

Об авторе

Скачать резюме книги «Умение договариваться»

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Частые вопросы про Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться»

What is Ask for It by Linda Babcock about?

Who should read Ask for It?

Is Ask for It worth reading?

What are the main strategies in Ask for It?

Часть плана обучения

Become a Confident Female Leader

Узнать больше

BeFreed объединяет глобальное сообщество любознательных людей

BeFreed объединяет глобальное сообщество любознательных людей

Изучите Краткое содержание «Умение договариваться» в разных стилях обучения

The Negotiation Revolution: How Women Can Transform Their Lives by Asking

The Silent Crisis: Why Women Don't Ask

Следите за каждым словом во время прослушивания

Everything Is Negotiable: Discovering What You Really Want

Taking Control: The World Is Your Oyster, Not Your Turnip

Получите больше от Умение договариваться

Fairness: Recognizing and Addressing Gender Bias

Information Is Power: Researching Your Worth

Следите за каждым словом во время прослушивания

Leverage Your Power: Understanding Your Bargaining Position

Aim High: Setting Ambitious Targets

Получите больше от Умение договариваться

The Win-Win Approach: Cooperative Bargaining Strategies

Closing the Deal: Strategies for Success

Следите за каждым словом во время прослушивания

If You Never Hear No, You're Not Asking Enough

Вы дочитали Умение договариваться до конца

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Часть плана обучения

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Узнать больше