1장
The Relentless Pursuit of Groundedness in an Optimization-Obsessed World
In a society obsessed with productivity hacks and constant optimization, Brad Stulberg's "The Practice of Groundedness" offers a revolutionary counternarrative that has captivated millions seeking sustainable success. The book has become a staple on the bookshelves of high-performers from Olympic athletes to Fortune 500 CEOs, with figures like Arianna Huffington and Adam Grant praising its wisdom. What makes this work particularly compelling is Stulberg's own journey-after writing bestsellers about performance and passion, he experienced a devastating mental health crisis that forced him to question whether the relentless drive for achievement might be causing more harm than good. His personal transformation from optimization guru to groundedness advocate mirrors a larger cultural shift, as burnout rates reach epidemic proportions and more people recognize that perhaps our constant striving isn't so optimal after all.
2장
When the Bottom Falls Out: The Perils of Heroic Individualism
Have you ever achieved something significant only to feel empty afterward, immediately looking toward the next goal? This is the essence of what Stulberg calls "heroic individualism"-an exhausting game of one-upmanship against yourself and others, where measurable achievement becomes the only marker of success. The symptoms are widespread: restlessness, anxiety, scatteredness, burnout, emptiness, and a compulsion to keep chasing what's next. This mindset often manifests in constantly checking email, obsessing over metrics, and feeling guilty during leisure time.
Stulberg's own experience illustrates this perfectly. After writing bestsellers about performance and passion, he was blindsided by debilitating OCD-not just being organized, but intrusive thoughts causing electrifying anxiety centered on despair, emptiness, and existential distress. His symptoms included paralyzing panic attacks, inability to sleep, and constant rumination about life's meaning. This crisis forced him to question whether his forward-pushing personality traits-the same ones that had propelled his success-had somehow contributed to his collapse.
After sharing his experience publicly, hundreds of readers reached out with similar stories. High-achieving professionals, entrepreneurs, and athletes described feeling trapped in cycles of achievement without satisfaction. Many noted that their insatiable drive-previously celebrated for helping them achieve-might have contributed to their minds becoming pathologically overdriven, unable to downshift or find grounding. Some reported working 80-hour weeks while still feeling behind, others described perfect performance reviews coupled with crushing impostor syndrome.
This pattern resembles what Eastern psychology calls the "hungry ghost"-a being with a bottomless stomach who eats constantly but never feels full. Modern statistics confirm this widespread suffering: anxiety and depression affect one in five people, addiction rates are at historic highs, and "deaths of despair" through suicide and substance abuse have nearly doubled since 1999. Despite conventional success markers like rising GDP and technological advancement, overall well-being in America has declined nearly 10% since 2008, suggesting a fundamental disconnect between external achievement and internal fulfillment.
The symptoms of heroic individualism manifest in various ways: persistent low-level anxiety that hums in the background of daily life, feeling perpetually rushed even during leisure activities, difficulty turning off work mode, feeling both too busy and restless during downtime, profound loneliness despite social connections, and perhaps most tellingly, being successful by conventional standards yet feeling perpetually insufficient. Common examples include executives who can't enjoy vacations, parents who turn child-rearing into a competitive sport, and professionals who measure their worth solely through productivity metrics. Though this may represent the prevailing modern mode of being, it doesn't have to be our reality. Recognition of these patterns is the first step toward creating a more sustainable and fulfilling approach to achievement.
3장
Finding Strength Through Acceptance
Progress begins with accepting where you are, not where you think you should be. When Olympic triathlete Sarah True dropped out of the 2016 Rio Olympics due to muscle spasms, she spiraled into severe depression. Initially trying to push through her pain using the endurance athlete's mindset, she only began healing when she finally accepted the enormity of her grief and sought therapy.
Acceptance is not passive resignation but seeing reality clearly. Stulberg shares his own OCD experience, where denial and resistance only intensified his condition. His breakthrough came with surrender-not liking his OCD, but embracing it as his reality. This acceptance became the first step in recovery, allowing him to take meaningful action.
We often focus on acute challenges without addressing their root causes. The gap between wishful thinking and reality not only prevents improvement but creates present dissatisfaction. Danish studies show happiness equals reality minus expectations-when expectations consistently exceed reality, contentment becomes impossible.
This wisdom appears across traditions. Stoics taught that problems are part of being human, not signs of failure. Buddhists developed the parable of the two arrows: the first arrow-a negative thought, feeling, or circumstance-often can't be controlled. But we can control the second arrow-our reaction. The Buddha's encounter with Mara illustrates this: instead of resisting Mara's attacks, the Buddha met each with present awareness, saying simply "I see you, Mara," demonstrating unshakable groundedness.
When you lie to yourself about your situation, doubt and anxiety follow, shifting you from playing to win to playing not to lose. Psychologists distinguish between performance-approach mindsets (focusing on potential rewards) and performance-avoidance mindsets (focusing on dodging mistakes). Research shows athletes with performance-approach mindsets often exceed expectations, while performance-avoidance mindsets lead to worse functioning, anxiety, and tightness.
To practice acceptance, develop a "wise observer" perspective by imagining yourself as awareness separate from your thoughts and feelings-like a blue sky with passing clouds. This creates space between you and your experiences, making challenges seem impermanent rather than insurmountable. Pair this with self-compassion, treating yourself like you would a crying baby-with love and patience rather than criticism.
4장
Presence: The Antidote to Distraction
Western societies celebrate heroic individualism and optimization, constantly pushing for more, faster, better. But unlike machines, humans can't effectively dual-process. When we scatter our attention, we experience nothing fully. This problem isn't new-Seneca warned against "busy idleness" thousands of years ago-but modern technology amplifies it.
Multitasking is particularly harmful; University of Michigan researchers found it halves productivity while King's College London discovered persistent interruptions drop IQ by ten points-equivalent to staying up all night. Beyond performance costs, Harvard researchers found scattered attention directly impacts emotional well-being: "a wandering mind is an unhappy mind." The average person spends 47% of waking hours thinking about something other than what's in front of them.
Digital devices enable constant distraction, with research showing the average person checks their phone every twelve minutes. Seventy-one percent never turn off their phones, and forty percent check them within five minutes of waking. This habituates our brains to hyper-alertness, constantly wondering what we might be missing elsewhere. As NYU behavioral scientist Adam Alter explains, we've come to associate notifications with validating our importance-each like, retweet, or message signals we exist and matter, making our devices function like existential slot machines.
Digital notifications are like empty-calorie candy-temporarily satisfying but ultimately unfulfilling compared to being present for what truly matters. True optimization means being fully present for meaningful pursuits and people. Stanford lecturer Ed Batista teaches executives to honestly evaluate trade-offs, recognizing that saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else-checking your phone sacrifices potential creative thoughts, responding to emails costs progress on meaningful work.
When fully present, we're more likely to enter flow-a state of complete absorption where perceptions of time and space alter and self-consciousness dissolves. This merging of self with activity has been recognized across wisdom traditions for millennia: Buddhism's Nirvana, Taoism's non-dual Way, Stoic teachings on attention absorption, and the Greek concept of arete all point to presence as the path to excellence and fulfillment.
Modern research confirms these ancient insights. Harvard psychologists found that presence determines life quality more than specific activities-"How often our minds leave the present and where they tend to go is a better predictor of our happiness than the activities in which we are engaged."
5장
The Power of Patience in an Instant World
Our society's discomfort with waiting is profound. In a University of Virginia study, 67% of men and 25% of women chose to shock themselves with electricity rather than sit quietly for fifteen minutes. Our culture emphasizes instant results-from food delivery to tweets to "life hacks." Research shows online expectations for speed keep accelerating; what was acceptable in 2006 (four seconds for a webpage to load) compressed to two-fifths of a second by 2012.
Yet good things generally take time to develop. Breakthroughs that appear sudden are almost always the result of persistent work over time. Charles Darwin spent nearly five years on HMS Beagle before beginning to formulate his theory of natural selection, and it took twenty more years before publishing On the Origin of Species. Darwin himself attributed his success to "unbounded patience in long reflecting over any subject."
Similarly, in athletics, improvements often come after plateaus-your body absorbs training stress before adapting, sometimes taking ten days or even a year at elite levels. A 2018 Nature study found that creative "hot streaks" emerge randomly within careers but always rest on foundations of prior work. Ta-Nehisi Coates struggled for nearly two decades before his breakthrough writings on race transformed the national discourse.
When you take small, consistent steps over time rather than rushing, you create the conditions for massive gains. Stanford professor BJ Fogg's behavior model shows that progress depends on balancing motivation with ability-overshooting leads to discouragement, while incremental increases build sustainable habits. Like dollar-cost averaging in investing, showing up consistently through good days and bad leads to gradual improvement in your average performance.
Marathon world record holder Eliud Kipchoge exemplifies patient progress and ease. Despite his extraordinary talent, he rarely pushes beyond 80-90% of his maximum effort in training, allowing consistent training without burnout. Known for his relaxed demeanor, he runs with a smile even during grueling races. This ease comes from patience and presence-being fully in the moment without forcing or rushing.
To practice patience, try letting things happen instead of always trying to make them happen. When feeling the urge to intervene, slow down by 10% and consider letting things unfold naturally before acting. Break goals into component parts and focus on those elements rather than obsessing about outcomes. And remember the athletic wisdom of "stopping one rep short"-ending your workout while still having energy in reserve. Though tempting to push further, constantly depleting yourself undermines future progress.
6장
Vulnerability as the Path to Genuine Strength
When struggling with OCD while publicly being a performance expert, Stulberg felt like an impostor-outwardly successful while inwardly falling apart. This experience of living a double life, though extreme, reflects a common phenomenon intensified by social media's filtered reality. People selectively share only their best moments, creating cognitive dissonance between their "front stage" and "backstage" selves.
Embracing vulnerability requires courage-there's no courage without risk and emotional exposure. Research by Brene Brown shows that embracing vulnerability increases self-worth, builds intimacy, aids innovation, and elicits compassion. The things we care most about make us vulnerable because they can break our hearts. While putting up emotional barriers might seem protective, it robs life of its richness.
NBA star Kevin Love discovered this after experiencing a panic attack during a game. Confronting his vulnerabilities through therapy helped him process buried grief about his grandmother's death. Similarly, DeMar DeRozan opened up about depression with a simple tweet: "This depression get the best of me..." Both athletes found that facing their mental health challenges made them stronger and created a movement within the NBA that helped countless others.
Like the Greek god Pan who brought terror to those who accidentally wandered into his territory but bestowed wisdom on those who deliberately approached him, our fears become less powerful when we face them intentionally. Singer-songwriter Sara Bareilles exemplifies this principle. After experiencing burnout, she discovered that the closer she got to sharing her darkest experiences, the more connected she felt to her work and herself. "In my heart of hearts, I don't feel like there is such a thing as too close to the darkness," she told NPR.
The appearance of absolute certainty often masks weakness, not strength. When we acknowledge our limitations-practicing intellectual humility-we paradoxically develop greater confidence and resilience. This humility involves active curiosity about our blind spots rather than pretending perfection.
Harvard professor Amy C. Edmondson's research on psychological safety demonstrates that the highest-performing teams share one critical quality: members feel safe to be their whole selves without fear of negative consequences. Teams with mutual respect and trust communicate more openly, overcome obstacles efficiently, and produce higher quality work.
7장
The Essential Role of Community in a Digital Age
Like old-growth redwoods whose shallow roots extend outward to intertwine with neighboring trees for stability, humans thrive when enmeshed in tightly knit communities. Despite unprecedented digital connectivity, loneliness rates have more than tripled in America over recent decades, with studies showing between 30-50% of Americans regularly feeling lonely.
This paradox of increasing digital connection alongside rising loneliness has serious health consequences: elevated cortisol, poor sleep, increased risk of heart disease and stroke, cognitive decline, inflammation, reduced immune function, anxiety, and depression. Research shows the mortality risks from loneliness exceed those of obesity and physical inactivity, comparable to smoking.
Investigative reporter Sebastian Junger discovered that many soldiers feel more satisfied at war than at home due to the stronger sense of belonging they experience in combat. "Humans don't mind hardship," he writes, "What they mind is not feeling necessary." This aligns with self-determination theory, which shows humans thrive when three basic needs are met: autonomy (control over how we spend time and energy), competence (a path toward improvement), and relatedness (connection and belonging).
John Cacioppo's research reveals that connection creates both positive feelings and security, while isolation triggers insecurity and physiological warning signals. These discomfort signals evolved to prompt us to seek connection. However, chronic loneliness creates a vicious cycle: increased threat perception makes people less empathetic and more isolated. Brain scans confirmed lonely people's brains activate quickly to negative cues and misinterpret neutral situations as dangerous.
Digital technology creates two interrelated dilemmas for community building. First, the pressure to optimize productivity constantly comes at the expense of relationship-building time. Second, digital technologies offer the illusion of connection while eroding authentic relationships. We sacrifice real connection for efficiency-choosing solo workouts over exercise with friends, staying home instead of visiting coffee shops, and scrolling social media rather than calling friends or meeting in person.
Research shows social media can be beneficial when used to augment in-person community, but harmful as a substitute for richer connections. Studies show physical presence and touch are critical for empathy and belonging. As loneliness expert Cacioppo explains, using digital connections as a "way station" to meet up reduces loneliness, but using them as a "destination" doesn't help.
We become deeply intertwined with our communities. Research shows we literally feel others' pain-what scientists call the "I feel your pain" effect-activating similar neural pathways as if we were experiencing it ourselves. Emotions are highly contagious: studies demonstrate how happiness and sadness ripple throughout entire communities.
To build deeper community, get involved with meaningful groups through volunteering, faith-based communities, support groups, or intellectual salons. Prioritize quality relationships over quantity, focusing on Aristotle's virtue-based friendships that share your deepest values rather than those based merely on utility or pleasure.
8장
Movement: The Foundation of Mental and Physical Wellbeing
Andrea Barber, known for playing the confident Kimmy Gibbler on "Full House," privately struggled with chronic anxiety and depression. After years of suffering silently, she discovered running as her anchor during a difficult separation. What began as a social activity evolved into a vital personal practice: "I would come home from a run and feel like life wasn't as bad and all over the place as it was forty-five minutes ago." Eventually training for a marathon, Barber discovered the value wasn't in the race itself but in the structure and consistency of daily movement. "It saved me," she says. "Running saved me."
For centuries, Cartesian dualism separated mind and body as distinct entities. Only recently have scientists proven that we are actually an integrated mind-body system. The bacteria in our guts and proteins from our muscles affect our moods, while brain neurochemicals influence physical sensations. Regular movement improves emotional control, creativity, and information retention.
Physical activity teaches us to become comfortable with discomfort. Regular exercisers often find that life's challenges become more manageable not because they're too tired to care, but because they've learned to experience discomfort without immediately reacting to it. Research shows college students who begin modest exercise programs develop better self-regulation across all areas of life, from healthier eating to improved study habits.
Regular movement also teaches you to treat each repetition or step as its own complete experience, developing presence that improves both your training experience and performance. Physical activity commonly induces flow states as heightened bodily sensations anchor your awareness while increased arousal channels your mind.
"But I don't have time" is the most common exercise excuse, yet research shows Americans average 4.5 hours of daily leisure time, mostly spent on screens. Rather than viewing physical activity as separate from work, consider it integral to your job. Movement increases creative thinking, improves mood, enhances focus, and promotes quality sleep by balancing key neurotransmitters. Stanford research found walking breaks improved creative insight by 40%, while regular physical activity improves academic performance in youth.
Our need for formal "exercise" is recent-humans evolved moving constantly. Sitting for extended periods is harmful, with studies showing eight sedentary hours daily carries mortality risks similar to obesity and smoking. Even regular exercisers suffer from prolonged sitting. Fortunately, small movements help-walking just two minutes hourly counters most harmful effects.
At Oakland's Lake Merritt, Stulberg regularly encountered Ken, a ninety-something man who walked 9.3 miles three times weekly. His secret? "I've been walking out here for years and years. You've just got to keep moving." This simple wisdom aligns with science-aerobic fitness correlates with nearly every positive health outcome. Studies in the British Journal of Sports Medicine show regular brisk walking reduces all-cause mortality by 20% and cardiovascular disease risk by 24%.
9장
Living a Grounded Life: From Principles to Practice
Parker, a new CIO, struggled with cognitive dissonance as his daily activities contradicted his grounded principles. Though he understood groundedness intellectually, his being was misaligned with his doing, creating gridlock instead of a harmonious feedback loop where being strengthens doing and doing strengthens being.
To resolve this tension, Parker created specific practices: turning off his phone during dinner (presence), resuming woodworking (presence), walking regularly (movement), addressing difficult conversations (acceptance), keeping his phone out of the bedroom (presence), embracing vulnerability in board presentations, limiting himself to three priorities weekly (patience), and building community with other CIOs. Similarly, Samantha, a perfectionist CEO and new mother feeling constantly under pressure, implemented changes including daily reminders of her company's achievements (acceptance), meditation (presence), staying focused on her mission rather than competitors (patience), communicating her struggles (vulnerability), and exercising for wellbeing rather than performance (movement).
Contrary to popular belief, habit formation doesn't take just 21 days-research shows it averages 66 days, with individual variation from 18 to over 200 days. We're shaped by what Eastern psychology calls "habit energy," the personal and social inertia driving our routines. Rather than exhausting ourselves fighting against this current with willpower alone (which eventually depletes), we can reshape our environment to support desired behaviors.
To live a grounded lifestyle, we must align our everyday actions with our inner being by selectively watering the seeds of groundedness (acceptance, presence, patience, vulnerability, deep community, and movement) while stopping behaviors that thwart these principles. For each principle, develop specific concrete actions to take or stop-not vague intentions like "Use my phone less" but precise commitments like "Turn off my phone at 7 p.m. and store it in my desk drawer until 7 a.m."
Human action follows a predictable cycle of trigger, behavior, and reward. For behaviors you want to adopt, make triggers evident, the behavior easy to start, and the reward immediate and satisfying. For behaviors to stop, do the opposite: bury triggers, make the behavior difficult, and deeply feel the negative consequences. Research shows habits last longer when rewards are internal-when actions align with your core values rather than pleasing others or earning external treats.
Take time each week to journal about how your doing is aligning with your being. For each principle, rate yourself on a scale of one to five, noting what went right, what went wrong, and how you feel. This simple practice helps identify strengths to build upon and areas for improvement while creating a record of your journey.
While anyone can focus on meaningful actions occasionally, lasting transformation requires consistent, daily practice. The key is aligning our being with our doing and shifting our habit energy by selectively watering seeds of groundedness through small, specific actions. The journey becomes exponentially more powerful when undertaken with the support of others.
Groundedness is most effective when approached as an ongoing practice with inevitable highs and lows. This path isn't about reaching a destination but about continual learning and refining-an infinite game rather than a finite one. A common trap is to feel inspired, make changes, experience failure, and then implode completely. While failure is inevitable in meaningful change, how we react to it determines success. Research shows that individuals who respond to failure with self-compassion recover more quickly than those who judge themselves harshly.
Living a grounded life means choosing acceptance over delusion, presence over distraction, patience over speed, vulnerability over invincibility, community over isolation, and movement over sitting still. Though groundedness begins as a personal journey, it spreads through communities-the more who join this path, the better our collective well-being becomes.
