1장
The Tender Art of Remembering Love: A Journey Through Cleo Wade's Wisdom
Cleo Wade's "Remember Love" has become a cultural touchstone for those seeking solace in difficult times. This intimate collection of poetry and prose has garnered praise from celebrities like Oprah Winfrey and Reese Witherspoon, who have both featured it in their book clubs. Wade, often called "the millennial Oprah," has amassed a devoted following of over a million on Instagram, where her accessible wisdom resonates deeply with those navigating life's complexities. What makes this book particularly special is how it emerged from Wade's own healing journey-poetry became her therapy before she could afford a therapist. In a world increasingly fragmented by technology and division, Wade's words serve as a gentle reminder that community, art, and love remain our most powerful tools for survival.
2장
Finding Your Way Home: Navigating Life's Inevitable Lostness
Life guarantees that we will all get lost at some point. The real work isn't about avoiding difficult emotions like self-doubt, grief, or anxiety, but learning to navigate these periods so they become portals to self-discovery rather than permanent states of being.
When we repeatedly dismiss our own needs with casual "I'll be fine" assurances, parts of ourselves eventually leave. These neglected aspects return "worn and tired," requiring us to relearn recognition and care. Though initially uncomfortable, this homecoming represents our innate capacity to find our way back to ourselves.
The experience of feeling lost actually contains a profound gift-it reminds us of our inner home, that place within that waits to welcome and shelter us. This is where we unconditionally belong, where love begins and never ends. Our lostness ultimately points us back to this eternal belonging.
Many of us struggle with relaxation, haunted by whispers from shadows demanding constant productivity. These voices insist we are nothing if we do nothing. The antidote lies in connecting with nature's wisdom, recognizing that "I am not built for only doing/I am built for being/I am built for loving." We must claim our right to rest without reason and worth without proof.
By shifting focus from material possessions to gratitude for the natural world-falling leaves, blooming flowers, even sidewalk cracks and moody skies-we recognize ourselves as forces of nature too. This perspective brings relief as we release attachment to "small stuff" and understand we belong to something much larger than ourselves.
Life can be harsh and love unevenly distributed, but we must find ease wherever possible. When presented with joy-a metaphorical field of flowers-we should embrace it fully, frolicking without hesitation or apology. Why deny ourselves the simple pleasures that make life bearable?
3장
The Cycles of Emotion: Finding Light in the Darkness
Sadness comes in different forms. Some varieties vanish quickly, while others cycle like moon phases-full, half, a sliver, barely there but persistent. Even in this persistence, hope remains. The darkest night coincides with the new moon, signaling that "something is on the way" even in our deepest sorrow.
Moving through difficulty-"going through it"-is often the only path to overcoming it. This becomes an encouragement to persevere rather than surrender when facing challenges. There's wisdom in acknowledging that some things cannot be bypassed, only traversed.
Think back to school roll calls when you responded "present." Life demands the same affirmation through hardships. We survive sorrow that "moves in for a while," thought tornadoes that leave us breathless, and experiences that hurt. Each challenge is met with the same declaration: "present, here I am." You have made it through some things-this fact alone deserves recognition.
Seasonal imagery offers hope during difficult periods. Just as winter gradually yields to spring-with longer sunlight and melting ice-our personal winters of difficulty will also transform, even if the transition includes lingering chill. The healing process cannot be rushed, despite our insecurities linking worthiness to productivity. Slowing down actually gives us more time, which means more life, more healing, more learning, and more loving.
People heal differently-some publicly "in town squares" while others require privacy. Private healing isn't secretive or hiding, but rather creating a personal sanctuary-"a cozy nest that simply cannot fit the world." Both approaches are equally valid and necessary.
Many people smile despite or during their struggles, demonstrating remarkable courage. Appearances can be deceiving, which is "a couple reasons your neighbor needs your kindness." We never truly know what others are carrying.
4장
Embracing Transformation: The Art of Becoming
Life is simultaneously "tough" and a "blessing"-filled with humor, tragedy, and calamity. The wisdom lies in holding "tight to the blessing part in all of this." This balance keeps us grounded in gratitude even amid difficulties.
Major life transitions transform us fundamentally. When overwhelmed by unfamiliarity, the advice is simple yet profound: "Take cover. Find shelter." Following inner callings and finding ways to be okay amid upheaval becomes essential.
With every change we experience, we must "get to know yourself again"-acknowledging the constant renewal of identity throughout life. Self-discovery serves as an anchor connecting us to ourselves. When feeling disconnected from current circumstances, the solution is returning to self-knowledge: "Get to know yourself as you would a friend."
The feeling of being stuck can be reframed as "running towards a locked door." By slowing down to question assumptions, consider alternative paths, and release judgments about our journey, we recognize that stuck-ness can be "your obstacle and not your identity."
For "doers" who struggle with healing periods, brokenness becomes necessary disassembly-a chance to "understand the value of each piece" before redesigning the whole. There's wisdom "in the space between the pieces." Breaking and rebuilding is natural: "We rise, we fall, we change, we bloom-this is the process of healing."
Life moves unpredictably-"forward, backward, sideways, up, down, nowhere, somewhere." Self-kindness becomes our constant companion, providing comfort when most needed, whispering "there, there, my love."
Not every change is a transition. Some are rebirths. And rebirth, like any other birth, involves pain but also magic. Life continually gives birth to us, holding us with the prayer that "sameness is not your destiny, dear one, aliveness is"-celebrating transformation as our natural state.
5장
Beyond Enough-ness: Rejecting the Mountain Mirage
Enough-ness is not a mountain but a mirage of one. We don't need to climb it; we need to see through it. This powerful insight challenges the very concept that we must constantly strive to be "enough."
Self-love must be practiced consistently-not just during successes ("the gold medal is around my neck") but also during ordinary or difficult times ("life is covered in clouds"). The simplest affirmation becomes presence itself: "just me still here, here, still."
Why do we delay self-love and condition it on external achievements? Self-love is our birthright, accessible through looking inward rather than seeking validation. This inner love resembles "a favorite auntie" who welcomes us regardless of time apart. We deserve our own love unconditionally, regardless of circumstances.
Those difficult moments when we feel tired or foggy are precisely when self-love is most needed. Self-love becomes our "stabilizing force" that helps us navigate life's challenges. We already deserve to love ourselves today, regardless of our current state.
Many of us become "the glue" that holds families or friend groups together. But who supports those who support everyone else: "you call yourself the glue / but while / you / hold it all together / who / is holding / you?" Being glue means becoming stuck in a utility role-doing most of the emotional and domestic labor while organizing others' lives without considering one's own needs. This transforms a person into a tool rather than a full family member. Even those holding everything together deserve to be held.
6장
Finding Your Own Rhythm in a Rushed World
Feeling behind only happens when we believe there's a single path to success. Countless ways exist to reach our goals, and progress comes from focusing on our own unique journey rather than comparing it to others.
As Mary Oliver wrote, "things take the time they take." People process breakups, sadness, and life transitions differently-some decisively, others gradually. Some need to "tiptoe into the shallow end" rather than cannonball into life changes. By honoring our own pace with healing, career shifts, relationships, or personal growth, we honor ourselves and our precious lives.
In a vulnerable moment, we might express fatigue with constant strength, yearning instead for nourishment and tenderness. We long for our bodies to feel soft rather than armored or mechanical, to experience simple pleasures like sunshine and meaningful music. Though we don't always get what we want each day, finding gratitude in still knowing how to desire gentleness in a world demanding toughness becomes its own rebellion-"to be a flower in a world that tells me I must be made of steel to survive."
We often hide vulnerability: "you've been hiding / your hurt feelings / so long / who could find them? / you've been building these walls / so tall / who could climb them?" The invitation to vulnerability becomes essential: "come out where we can see you, come out where we can feel you, we've been waiting to love you."
We hide our vulnerability through physical distance, burying ourselves in work, avoiding social connection, or hiding in plain sight by being overly helpful and composed. We build walls around our softness, believing only our strength can survive. While some environments truly can't hold our vulnerability, our softness belongs somewhere: in our inner home and with our trusted people.
7장
Creating a Life Worth Living: Beyond Balance to Harmony
Self-love is our greatest responsibility. When we genuinely like and love ourselves, we gain the freedom to move through the world authentically, without pretense or hidden agendas. This inner warmth becomes the source of our desire to bring goodness to others.
Our capacity to do something doesn't obligate us to do it. Many of us have experienced inauthentic yeses that should have been nos-impulsive agreements we either didn't want or lacked energy for. Knowing and respecting our limits prevents martyrdom and resentment in our relationships.
Imagine creating "a life we can live in"-one with space for soulfulness and genuine connection, where friends become family. The kitchen transforms into both culinary space and dance floor, where laughter persists even through tears. This life celebrates nature's gifts-magnolias, birdsong, sunshine-and simple yet profound moments: delicious pasta, beautiful songs, meaningful poems. Most importantly, this life is unhurried, because "you can't enjoy anything in a hurry / joy / is unhurried."
Workplace efficiency strategies don't translate to deeper relationships. Love exists outside lists and organizational charts-it's "slow...warm, tender, patient, and surprising." Genuine connection requires our time and most relaxed self, the version of us that can simply be present, listen, and provide a "sweet shelter" for those we love.
Balance turns life into a scale, constantly moving and measuring. Harmony turns life into a song where every sound belongs. As a recovering perfectionist, pursuing balance leaves many feeling inadequate and tense, turning life into a rigid measurement system rather than a lived experience. Despite trying calendar time slots and scheduling formulas, this pursuit becomes endless. Instead, embracing harmony-"a fluid acknowledgment that everything present is a part of the whole"-allows for flexibility, grace, and acceptance that life doesn't fit into neat boxes but resembles "a wild animal, or a mighty oak tree with unruly roots."
Our role is to be in our life, not cut and measure it. If we are always doing the math, we are never part of the equation.
8장
Redefining Success and Relationships
Gloria Steinem defines success as "the moment when you feel you are doing something you care about, that you can be honest, and that you're able to live in the moment." These words anchor us to a more purposeful perspective, reminding us that success is about following what feels good. This recipe for success could just as easily be a recipe for happiness-a happy life is ultimately a successful one.
When material achievements are our focus, crossing the finish line can still leave us feeling lonely, even with a first-place trophy. But when relationships are central to our goals, regardless of finishing first or last, we feel held and supported.
While we make time for family, scrolling phones, exercise, and social meals, we rarely create space for contemplation-to think about our lives, interests, and dreams without disruption. Being deliberate requires stillness and patience, serving as a rebellion against scarcity culture and toxic competition. This deliberateness takes us "off the assembly line" and places us in an ecosystem that nurtures creativity, love, and the richness of human experience.
We judge each other harshly, especially online where greater access to others' lives can spark both empathy and judgment. Perhaps we're critical because social media's comment sections imply everything needs our opinion, leaving us fixated on right/wrong binaries. This judgmental mindset makes us feel entitled to determine what others deserve-happiness, sadness, forgiveness. This exhausting energy can swallow and distract us from our path. Shame and judgment never improve communities; releasing judgment and moving toward empathy and wonder eases tension in our world.
When we own our errors and offer apologies, we contribute to collective oneness. We want others to feel seen and okay because we recognize that their okay-ness holds hands with our okay-ness. Don't let silence give way to distance when an apology could create connection. "I'm sorry" are two words that consistently open "doors, arms, hearts, and new chapters."
9장
Love's Deeper Lessons: Redefining Relationships
Love is "a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust." While love is a "giant, spectacular, abstract force," creating a practical definition helps us "know when to protect it, when to nourish it, when to request it, and when to let go of something masquerading as it."
Many of us learn early patterns of showing love by making others' lives easier: "I show my love for you by being quiet when you are on the phone..." This pattern often continues into adulthood, where we prioritize others' dreams and needs above our own. Patterns can be "our history without becoming our destiny," though developing healthier relationships requires challenging work. The new valentine to ourselves becomes: "I show my love for you by living beyond the love you learned in search of the love you deserve."
Being called "superwoman" might seem complimentary, but it denies our humanity: "when you are superhuman, you don't get to be human." People need to be accepted as fully human-"untidy, overwhelmed, falling apart"-rather than admired for what they endure with a smile.
Hearts cannot thrive in "skyscrapers" but need natural connection-to "leave their shoes at the door of a nearby forest" and "feel the hum of the hummingbird." Balance between achievement and nurturing spaces sustains the soul.
While relationships require effort on issues and patterns, they shouldn't drain us or make love contingent on service. When a partner becomes "your job," exhaustion and resentment follow. Instead, relationships should be "fueling stations" where we collaborate with loved ones rather than work for them.
Difficult transitions can be reframed: are things "falling apart or falling away"? Life requires shedding-relationships, jobs, interests-and rock bottom often becomes where we rebuild foundations. In moments of heartbreak and solitude, we rediscover self-intimacy and clarity. Like trees shedding leaves before renewal, painful transitions can become catalysts for growth.
10장
Navigating Heartbreak: Finding Wisdom in Pain
Heartbreak offers profound feeling that, when we move beyond immediate pain, becomes transformative. By owning our heartbreak rather than being owned by it, we gain deeper self-knowledge. This wisdom discovery is universal in heartbreak and forms the foundation of healing.
When heartbroken, we must "enter through the wound," lie down on our "determined heart," and breathe. In this vulnerable space, we discover our heart's resilience-how "it beats beyond defeat" and transforms endings into beginnings.
Pain causes us to question our lives in ways happiness doesn't. When heartbroken, we interrogate what went wrong and why things changed. These questions, though painful, ultimately guide us somewhere new and necessary. The questioning that follows when "forever doesn't last forever" leads to important discoveries.
Being emotionally committed to someone who won't commit creates a cycle of "going through a breakup every other day." We create justifications to stay, even when consistently feeling let down. True commitment continually moves people closer together rather than apart.
While love will require many compromises, it should never demand that we compromise our fundamental selves. Healthy relationships require honesty, full expression, and mutual care. When both people share a vision, they can create boundaries that support their connection.
Struggling in a difficult relationship resembles swimming in temperamental tides. After questioning whether we simply aren't "trying hard enough," we might wonder what would happen if we stopped fighting the current. By letting go, we gradually find "the safety of my own shore"-the process of saving yourself.
When letting go of relationships, ask: "What do I want more than this person?" Though walking away is difficult and may take many attempts, staying would mean compromising yourself and the life you desire. Our lives are bigger than one relationship, and we must permit ourselves to let go of one dream to create something new.
11장
The Freedom of Letting Go
"Soul contracts" suggest our connections with others are meant to exist in specific ways for specific durations. When relationships experience constant friction, it may signal an outdated contract requiring new terms or separation. Life changes often necessitate new soul contracts with friends, family members, and even ex-partners who transition from romantic partners to co-parents.
Betrayal throws us out of our bodies, triggering shock, anger, and frantic attempts to fix situations or punish others. Give yourself space to feel emotions before making decisions. When betrayed, pull over and recalibrate. Since betrayal creates frenzied energy that rushes decision-making, find calm and self-connection before deciding next steps.
Not everyone in your life belongs everywhere in your life. When moving through grief or trauma, recognize that social circles aren't necessarily healing circles. Healing requires safety, and even those we love most may not know how to make us feel safe when we're hurting. Surround yourself with people who can handle your "bubble-wrapped heart" with care.
We all fall off track sometimes. During these times, lean on people who want the same goodness for us that we want for ourselves. "If you are hanging on the edge, someone who is also hanging on the edge cannot help us up." We need people who want us to improve and feel better, not those who want us to remain in unhealthy places.
No one is entitled to hurt you. Needing distance from people who cause pain isn't avoidance but a necessary boundary for healing. Whether friend, family member, or romantic partner, we're always allowed to step away from those who cannot uplift us to protect our peace and safety.
When you love someone, made memories with them, grew with and because of them, the spirit of that bond is always alive somewhere within you. The people we love are not always meant to stay with us forever, but maybe there is gratitude to be found in goodbye. And maybe as you move on, it is possible to move further from pain and closer to appreciation.
12장
Embracing New Beginnings: The Courage to Transform
We live in a world of sunrises-if the earth gets to start over every single day, so do we. Natural cycles of beginnings and endings permeate life-from breath to seasons. Embrace change: let relationships run their course without fear, love your bodies through transformation without shame, and welcome new life phases without defiance. Endings become unnecessarily painful when we resist allowing them to transform into new beginnings.
Rock bottom is not just a low point but a foundation-a place of opportunity where we can both land and begin building anew. When facing fear, "grab fear's hand/grab hope's hand/start walking"-move forward by acknowledging both fears and hopes.
Accept fear rather than trying to eliminate it. Fear is part of our aliveness. Learn to work with difficult emotions like fear and self-doubt-not eliminating them but repositioning them from the driver's seat to "the backseat or the trunk." All feelings provide useful information; our task is deciding what to do with them.
Tears represent bravery. Many of us "hid tears for so long, they began hiding from me." Finding tender people who could safely hold our emotions helps us reconnect with our tears. Tears are a gift-the body's natural way of releasing what we can no longer hold. Each wave "takes what it takes" in a necessary release.
Regardless of our state-"sitting, standing, running, chasing, smiling, screaming, crying"-we are experiencing life. Whether "still or in motion," we are alive.
Everyone wants what they want regardless of what you can give. If you want freedom and personal peace, you have to learn to be okay with letting people down and letting people go. Personal freedom requires becoming comfortable with disappointing others and sometimes ending relationships.
After years of trying to be "the perfect partner," many feel stuck in stiffness. Freedom comes in rediscovering authenticity-being weird, dancing, releasing concern about others' opinions-and creating relationships where masks aren't necessary. Remove your masks, get honest, and embrace your "wild uniqueness."
Quitting is not always failure but sometimes necessary for self-care and growth. Balance the value of discipline and completion with trusting when something has run its course. As we and the world change, we must allow our goals, minds, and hearts to change too-quitting becomes "often a part of letting go."
Forgiveness is a daily practice rather than a one-time choice. Morning and evening prayers of forgiving yourself and others help "console what is unsettled from your past." While trying to forget creates "life with a storm beneath our skin," forgiveness-especially self-forgiveness-"begins to clear the clouds."
Past, present and future selves are connected-"every chapter is a part of the book"-and perhaps the only response to our mistakes, shame and regrets is to "wrap the whole thing in love." Things we try to forget become haunting ghosts, while things we forgive transform into guiding angels. Forgiveness leads to light and new possibilities rather than being trapped in darkness with painful memories.
Our energy around experiences dictates our ability to move on. We have the power to release not just physical items, but also anger, disappointment, and guilt from more significant losses-people, jobs, relationships. Gratitude isn't just appreciating the good, but extracting value from difficult experiences.
Surrender means accepting that while we may know our destination, we cannot control the journey. Don't "put a face" on desires-focus on qualities rather than specifics-and recognize how unexpected setbacks can become essential parts of our process. "The how doesn't belong to us."
Life resembles air and water that cannot be grasped or controlled. Human existence follows natural cycles-"we are meant to move as the breeze/coming and going/a rain that returns to the clouds/eventually"-embracing impermanence as our natural state.
Transformation necessitates goodbyes and grief. Honor what you've left behind-allowing fond memories and love for those departed from your life-while finding peace in the courage it took to change and move forward. In this courage, we remember love.
