What is Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass about?

Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass is a comprehensive guide to understanding and healing from infidelity, particularly emotional affairs that begin as innocent friendships. The book explores how close bonds can cross boundaries even in strong relationships, detailing the stages of emotional affairs, warning signs, and the trauma of betrayal. Glass provides step-by-step guidance for both betrayed and unfaithful partners through the process of rebuilding trust, recovering sanity, and restoring intimacy after an affair.

Who should read Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass?

Not "Just Friends" is essential reading for couples dealing with infidelity, therapists working with betrayed partners, and anyone seeking to affair-proof their relationship. The book addresses both the betrayed spouse and the unfaithful partner, making it valuable for couples working through recovery together. Even individuals in seemingly strong marriages should read this book, as Shirley P. Glass emphasizes that good relationships aren't immune to affairs and that preventive awareness is crucial for long-term relationship health.

Is Not "Just Friends" worth reading in 2025?

Not "Just Friends" remains highly valuable despite being published in 2002, with therapists and couples consistently praising its practical insights and research-backed approach. The book's core principles about emotional boundaries, trust rebuilding, and affair prevention are timeless, though some readers note the workplace affair focus feels dated in today's remote work environment. Many reviewers recommend reading it before marriage or during serious dating as a preventive measure, with several stating they wish they had discovered Shirley P. Glass's insights earlier.

Who is Shirley P. Glass and what are her credentials?

Shirley P. Glass, PhD, was a renowned clinical psychologist and marriage therapist who specialized in infidelity for over 25 years. She conducted extensive research and case studies on extramarital affairs, becoming a leading authority on emotional infidelity and relationship betrayal. Glass was also the mother of Ira Glass, host of NPR's This American Life, who provided the book's opening quote: "You know you're in trouble when the word 'just' appears before the word 'friends.'"

What is emotional infidelity according to Not "Just Friends"?

According to Shirley P. Glass in Not "Just Friends," emotional infidelity is a close emotional relationship with someone outside your primary partnership that threatens the romantic bond, even without physical intimacy. Glass defines it through deep emotional connections, shared secrets, and intimacy that should be reserved for one's partner. The book emphasizes that emotional affairs can feel equally or more damaging than physical adultery because they involve giving away emotional energy, vulnerability, and intimate thoughts that create distance from one's committed partner.

What are the warning signs of an emotional affair in Not "Just Friends"?

Not "Just Friends" identifies key warning signs including increased secrecy about communications, emotional distance from your partner, and spending excessive time texting or talking with someone outside the relationship. Shirley P. Glass highlights behaviors like sharing intimate thoughts with a friend before your partner, looking forward to interactions more than time with your spouse, and becoming defensive when questioned about the friendship. The book emphasizes that when you start hiding interactions or downplaying their significance by saying they're "just friends," boundaries have likely been crossed.

How does Not "Just Friends" help rebuild trust after infidelity?

Not "Just Friends" provides a step-by-step roadmap for rebuilding trust through transparency, accountability, and open communication about intentions. Shirley P. Glass recommends the unfaithful partner voluntarily share details about their whereabouts and interactions while minimizing contact with the affair partner. The book guides couples through establishing new boundaries, addressing the betrayed partner's hypervigilance, and creating strategies for demonstrating dependability over time. Glass emphasizes that healing requires the betrayed partner to fully process their emotions with support from loved ones or therapists.

What boundaries does Shirley P. Glass recommend in Not "Just Friends" to prevent affairs?

Shirley P. Glass emphasizes establishing clear boundaries in opposite-sex friendships and workplace relationships through transparency and open communication with your partner. Not "Just Friends" recommends sharing details about friendships, avoiding one-on-one situations that could lead to intimacy, and recognizing when emotional needs are being met outside the primary relationship. The book advocates for "windowed walls" rather than walls between partners—being transparent about outside relationships while maintaining appropriate walls with others. Glass stresses that healthy relationships require active maintenance and clear agreements about what constitutes appropriate friendship behavior.

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도

외도 이후 신뢰 재건과 정신적 평온 회복하기

셜리 글래스

4.24(1165 Reviews)

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도 개요

The New York Times로부터 "외도 연구의 대모"라 불리는 닥터 글래스가 행복한 결혼 생활이 실패하는 이유를 밝힙니다. 우정이 보이지 않는 경계선을 넘을 수 있을까요? 치료사들과 커플들이 현대적 배신을 이해하는 방식을 완전히 바꾼 이 획기적인 저작을 왜 오프라 윈프리가 소개했는지 확인해 보세요.

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한 권의 책, 다양한 듣기 방식.

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 같은 아이디어를 담았습니다. 나에게 맞는 목소리, 깊이, 속도를 고르고 언제든 바꿔 보세요.

1장

When Love Takes a Dangerous Turn: The Slippery Slope of Emotional Affairs

In today's hyper-connected world, good people in good marriages are having affairs at alarming rates. Shirley Glass's groundbreaking work "Not 'Just Friends'" has become the definitive guide for understanding and preventing infidelity since its publication. Oprah Winfrey called it "one of the most important relationship books ever written," while relationship expert John Gottman described it as "revolutionary." What makes this work particularly powerful is Glass's research-backed revelation that most affairs don't begin with sexual attraction but rather as innocent friendships that gradually cross boundaries. Her concept of "walls and windows" - the idea that we should maintain transparency with our partners while establishing appropriate boundaries with others - has transformed how therapists approach affair recovery. With over 25 years of clinical research involving thousands of couples, Glass dismantles common myths about infidelity while offering concrete strategies for both prevention and healing.

2장

The New Face of Infidelity: From Friends to Lovers

The most dangerous affairs begin not with strangers in dark bars but with colleagues who become confidants and friends who become something more. In Glass's clinical practice, a staggering 82% of unfaithful partners had affairs with someone who started as "just a friend." Today's workplace has become the primary danger zone, with 62% of unfaithful men and 50% of unfaithful women meeting their affair partners at work. What makes these relationships particularly threatening is their gradual evolution. Unlike the stereotypical one-night stand, these affairs develop incrementally through small boundary violations that go unnoticed until participants find themselves sliding down a slippery slope. The progression typically follows a predictable pattern: two people begin sharing work concerns and casual conversation, then gradually start confiding personal struggles and marital dissatisfactions. Emotional intimacy deepens as they become increasingly important in each other's lives, often before any physical lines are crossed. Consider Rachel and Ralph's story. Their marriage was stable but strained by demanding careers and parenting a child with learning disabilities. When Ralph began working closely with Lara, their relationship maintained appropriate boundaries at first - discussing work projects and shared interests like television shows. But as Rachel's weekend work schedule left Ralph feeling lonely, he began sharing more personal matters with Lara. Their connection deepened through private lunches and after-work conversations. By the time their relationship became physical, they had already established profound emotional intimacy that made their bond particularly threatening to the marriage. The "walls and windows" metaphor perfectly captures what happens in these situations. In healthy marriages, partners maintain windows of openness and transparency between them while building protective walls against inappropriate outside relationships. Affairs reverse this arrangement - creating walls of secrecy that shut out the spouse while opening windows of intimacy with the affair partner. When a friend knows more about your marriage than your spouse knows about your friendship, the healthy position of walls and windows has already been reversed. What makes this pattern so insidious is that many people don't recognize when they've crossed critical thresholds. They tell themselves, "We're just friends," even as they share intimate details, guard their relationship from spouses, and begin experiencing sexual chemistry. By the time physical boundaries are crossed, the emotional foundation for a full-blown affair has already been established.

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 각 단어가 오디오에 맞춰 실시간으로 강조되어 편하게 따라 읽을 수 있습니다.

3장

The Vulnerability Factors That Leave No Marriage Immune

Perhaps the most dangerous myth about infidelity is what Glass calls "The Prevention Myth" - the belief that a loving, committed relationship naturally protects against affairs. The uncomfortable truth is that no marriage is immune. In fact, research shows that many unfaithful partners reported being satisfied with their marriages before their affairs began - 56% of unfaithful men and 34% of unfaithful women described their marriages as "happy" or "very happy." What creates vulnerability isn't necessarily marital dissatisfaction but rather a complex interplay of relationship dynamics, individual factors, and social influences. Glass identifies three critical vulnerability maps that help explain why good people in good marriages sometimes stray. First, relationship vulnerabilities can emerge at any stage of marriage. Young couples might struggle with commitment fears or adjustment to parenthood. Mid-life marriages often face child-centered exhaustion where partners become "mom and dad" rather than lovers. Empty-nest transitions can trigger existential questions about the future. Even seemingly minor issues like inequitable division of household responsibilities or power imbalances can create openings for affairs. The parent-child dynamic represents one particularly problematic pattern. When one partner assumes a controlling, superior position while the other takes a dependent role, resentment often builds. Dennis and Dora's ten-year age gap initially seemed beneficial, but as Dora's career success increased her self-confidence, she began resenting Dennis's parental treatment. Her affair partner appealed to her precisely because he appreciated her free spirit rather than treating her like a child. Individual vulnerabilities form the second map. Personal history profoundly shapes susceptibility to affairs. Those with permissive attitudes about fidelity, entitlement beliefs, or unmet psychological needs face greater risks. Attachment styles developed in childhood significantly influence adult relationship patterns. People with secure attachments from consistently loving childhoods are generally faithful, but when they do have affairs, they form deep emotional bonds. Those with anxious attachments from unpredictable parenting often seek different outcomes - either escaping perceived constraints or desperately pursuing emotional connection their spouse seems unable to provide. Life transitions create additional vulnerability points. Midlife often brings questioning of choices and disappointment over unmet expectations. When parents die, particularly both parents, the buffer between middle age and one's own mortality disappears, prompting evaluation of life choices. Even successful individuals may feel restless despite outward achievements, seeking validation through affairs when their identity centers on achievement rather than relationships. The third map encompasses social-cultural influences. Our environment significantly shapes vulnerability to affairs. Those working with attractive colleagues in permissive environments, traveling frequently, lacking religious conviction, coming from sexually liberal backgrounds, or having family histories of infidelity face greater temptation. Friends who engage in affairs can normalize and facilitate infidelity. Research shows women's progression toward affairs often begins by knowing someone unfaithful, discussing it, then contemplating opportunities themselves.

4장

The Double Life: How Affairs Unfold and Devastate

Once an affair begins, participants enter a double life characterized by compartmentalization and deception. The unfaithful partner maintains parallel relationships that don't intersect - one public and sanctioned, one private and forbidden. This requires constant vigilance: erasing emails, hiding phones, camouflaging expenses, and maintaining separate calendars. Some even divert money to secret accounts or take over household finances to hide their activities. Beyond logistics, there's the emotional toll of maintaining two relationships where neither can be authentic. The unfaithful person must remember what they've said to whom and keep their parallel lives separate, which becomes exhausting despite any perceived benefits. People having affairs are inevitably liars - by definition, a secret relationship requires deception. The critical question is whether the lying is situation-specific or reflects an ingrained character trait. While some unfaithful partners maintain parallel lives by compartmentalizing - keeping conflicting storylines neatly separated - others become "monogamous infidels" who transfer their primary emotional investment to the affair while the marriage becomes peripheral. They can't maintain two deep emotional connections simultaneously, so they withdraw from their spouse while becoming increasingly attached to their affair partner. The affair creates a powerful snare woven from affection, shared experiences, and sexual pleasure. These combined-type affairs cause the most marital disruption and are hardest to overcome. As the relationship deepens, the unfaithful partner often rewrites marital history to justify their behavior - "I never really loved my spouse" or "My marriage has been dead for years." This revisionist narrative helps manage cognitive dissonance between their actions and their self-image as a moral person. Meanwhile, the betrayed partner often notices subtle changes - emotional volatility, manufactured arguments that allow the unfaithful partner to storm out (and contact their affair partner), and growing emotional distance. The unfaithful partner may initially increase sexual interest in their spouse as their relationship with the affair partner becomes more physical but not yet sexual. Once the affair includes intercourse, sexual interest in the spouse typically diminishes noticeably.

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

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5장

The Trauma of Discovery: Shattering Trust and Security

The revelation of an affair registers at the extreme end of the emotional Richter scale - an earthquake that destroys home life without warning. This discovery constitutes a genuine psychological trauma that shatters fundamental assumptions about one's relationship, partner, and world. The betrayed partner experiences intense physical reactions - skin prickles, muscles tense, and the body remains on high alert. Every irritation feels magnified, with ordinary annoyances becoming unbearable. What makes this trauma particularly devastating is that the person you'd normally turn to for comfort is the source of your pain. In seconds, one's safest haven becomes the source of greatest treachery. The trauma extends beyond the infidelity itself to include the shattering of one's perception of their partner's character - "like being married to a four-star general and finding out he's really a Russian spy." The severity of trauma following infidelity depends on five interacting factors: how discovery occurred, extent of shattered assumptions, individual vulnerabilities, nature of the betrayal, and whether the threat continues. Staggered revelations about multiple involvements create repeated shock waves. The betrayal's duration particularly impacts recovery; long-term deception undermines the entire shared history. As one husband lamented about his wife's decade-long affair, "Our whole marriage is a sham." Betrayed partners experience a constellation of post-traumatic symptoms: obsessive thoughts about the affair, flashbacks triggered by minimal cues, hypervigilance from fear of further wounding, and emotional constriction that manifests as numbness or withdrawal. Sleep offers little relief, with recurring dreams and midnight interrogations as betrayed partners shift rapidly between contradictory emotions - needing reassurance one moment and wanting distance the next. Unfaithful partners face their own emotional turmoil. Many experience a reality jolt when the affair is exposed, suddenly panicking about losing their spouse. Some respond with resentment, attacking their partner's "snooping" as though it were worse than infidelity itself. Others show impatience with the constant questioning, expecting immediate forgiveness without addressing the damage. Many experience genuine grief over losing the affair, which paradoxically reassures the betrayed partner that the illicit relationship is truly over.

6장

The Path to Healing: Reversing Walls and Windows

Recovery begins by establishing safety through reversing walls and windows - ending the affair completely while opening up communication within the marriage. The involved partner must resolve to stop all contact with the affair partner and share any unavoidable interactions with their spouse. Though the unfaithful partner may initially worry more about hurting their affair partner, making a clean break is essential. This often requires changing jobs, moving neighborhoods, or making other significant life changes to ensure complete separation. Honesty becomes the only antidote to the legacy of deception, requiring both courage and consistency. Research consistently shows that couples who thoroughly discuss the affair are more likely to stay married and rebuild trust. In Peggy Vaughan's comprehensive survey of 1,083 betrayed partners, when unfaithful spouses answered all questions, 86% of couples remained married and 72% rebuilt trust, compared to only 59% and 31% respectively when questions went unanswered. These statistics underscore how transparency, though painful, creates the foundation for healing. The betrayed partner's drive to hear about the affair is more than curiosity - it's essential for healing and emotional processing. Because affairs are secret, betrayed partners can't resolve their grief until they know what really happened. Many experience symptoms similar to PTSD, including intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, and emotional flooding. Honest disclosure helps answer the burning question: "How do I know you won't betray me again?" and allows them to begin reconstructing their understanding of their relationship's history. Disclosure evolves through three distinct stages, each requiring different approaches and emotional capacities. First is "Truth Seeking" - an adversarial interrogation process where betrayed partners set truth traps while unfaithful partners withhold information until cornered with evidence. This phase is characterized by high tension and defensive responses. Second is "Information Seeking" - a neutral, reporter-like gathering of facts where partners approach discussions professionally without hostility, focusing on understanding the timeline and extent of the affair. Finally, "Mutual Understanding" focuses on what the affair means to both partners through introspective, respectful conversations where each can see through the other's eyes, exploring the deeper emotional impact and relationship dynamics that contributed to the affair. While rebuilding trust, the unfaithful partner must willingly prove their trustworthiness by facilitating verification rather than resisting it. This means sharing cell phone bills, email correspondence, internet history files, and being completely transparent about daily activities and whereabouts. Though it may feel like surrendering freedom, being accountable addresses the betrayed partner's legitimate anxiety and helps establish new patterns of reliability. This period typically lasts 6-24 months, gradually decreasing as trust is rebuilt. Successful couples view this phase not as punishment but as an investment in rebuilding their relationship's foundation. The healing process also requires establishing new relationship boundaries and communication patterns. Couples must learn to identify and discuss potential threats to their relationship openly, create shared understanding about appropriate interactions with others, and develop new rituals of connection that strengthen their bond. Regular check-ins, couples counseling, and shared activities help rebuild emotional intimacy alongside trust.

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 각 단어가 오디오에 맞춰 실시간으로 강조되어 편하게 따라 읽을 수 있습니다.

7장

Rebuilding the Relationship: From Trauma to Transformation

Recovery isn't linear but involves "four steps forward and one step back." The process typically takes at least one to two years, with anniversary dates of discovery being particularly challenging milestones. However, many couples find their relationship becomes uniquely special after working through infidelity, with a new ability to discuss their most hidden thoughts and feelings. Repairing the relationship requires addressing the vulnerabilities that created openings for the affair. Ralph and Rachel realized their child-centered marriage had created vulnerability, so they developed a couple-centered relationship by sharing work concerns instead of just focusing on their children's needs. Ken and Kris addressed their incompatible sexual interests - he learned to engage in non-sexual affection while she became more receptive to his advances. Couples must also reclaim territories, activities, and settings connected to the affair. While the painful past can't be erased, promising new chapters can be created. Ken and Kris reclaimed the annual convention where his affair began - after skipping one year, they attended together with a plan for handling potential encounters with his ex-lover. When they did meet her in an elevator, Ken held Kris's hand supportively. They now consider the convention their territory and doubt the affair partner will return. One of the best predictors of successfully saving a marriage after infidelity is how much empathy partners have for each other. Can the involved partner understand the humiliation, anger, and need to repeatedly process what happened? Can the betrayed partner feel the loss and guilt the unfaithful spouse experiences? When couples shift from opposing positions to tackling problems together, healing begins. Forgiveness represents the final stage of healing - not a single event but a gradual process of increasing compassion and reducing resentment. Forgiveness isn't forgetting or pretending the betrayal didn't happen. It's not excusing or condoning the behavior. Rather, it's a gift you give yourself, freeing you from the burden of the past. It's a conscious choice not to remain hostage to past injustices. The forgiveness ritual has profound impact when both partners seek forgiveness. The process includes forgiving yourself first, identifying specific transgressions, making heartfelt apologies, formally requesting forgiveness, and offering tangible actions to back up words. Even betrayed partners can usually express regret about their own actions or reactions during the marriage.

8장

Protecting Your Relationship: Building Walls and Windows

Prevention is always preferable to recovery when it comes to safeguarding relationships from infidelity. Dr. Glass presents seven comprehensive strategies that create robust boundaries while maintaining healthy connections: First, maintain appropriate walls and windows - establish complete openness with your partner while creating necessary privacy boundaries with others. The essence of fidelity extends far beyond simply avoiding sexual contact; it requires constructing and maintaining proper emotional barriers that protect your primary relationship. This means being fully transparent with your partner about interactions, relationships, and daily experiences while maintaining appropriate distance from others who might threaten your partnership. Second, recognize and actively manage workplace dangers. Modern professional environments often create intimate situations that can lead to boundary violations. Avoid exclusive lunches, private meetings, or one-on-one settings when traveling with colleagues of the opposite sex. Be particularly vigilant about sharing personal problems or marital dissatisfactions with attractive coworkers - what starts as innocent venting can quickly evolve into inappropriate emotional intimacy. Consider implementing personal rules like keeping office doors open during meetings or including others in work-related social activities. Third, establish strict boundaries around emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives. When you find yourself drawn to someone, immediately implement protective measures: limit conversations to strictly professional or impersonal topics, maintain physical distance, and redirect any personal disclosures. Never discuss relationship problems with someone you find appealing - this creates a dangerous dynamic where the attractive alternative becomes positioned as a sympathetic listener and potential solution to your problems. Fourth, carefully choose your confidants and keep relationship discussions contained to appropriate venues. Share relationship challenges only at home with your partner or with friends who actively support your marriage. Your confidants should demonstrate commitment to both partners' wellbeing, not just one individual's happiness. Avoid confiding in anyone who has a history of encouraging relationship dissolution or who might have hidden motives for undermining your partnership. Fifth, establish clear protocols around past relationships. Former lovers present unique dangers, with research indicating that over 30% of rekindled romances transform into secret affairs. The combination of shared history and rose-tinted memories creates particularly fertile ground for infidelity. If circumstances require reconnecting with an ex, always include your current partner in communications and meetings. Better yet, allow your partner to manage any necessary interactions with former flames. Sixth, implement strict digital boundaries. The internet creates perfect conditions for emotional affairs through its combination of perceived privacy, constant accessibility, and reduced social constraints. Maintain complete transparency with online friendships, avoid private messages that you wouldn't want your partner to see, and never engage in sexual fantasies or flirtatious exchanges with online connections. Share passwords, keep joint social media accounts when appropriate, and establish clear guidelines about digital communications with others. Finally, intentionally cultivate a social circle that reinforces your commitment to monogamy. Our friends' attitudes and behaviors profoundly influence our own relationship choices. Regularly spend time with couples who demonstrate strong, faithful partnerships. Distance yourself from friends who normalize infidelity or who might encourage boundary violations. Actively seek out mentors and role models who can provide guidance on maintaining long-term commitment.

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

매일 새로운 인사이트를 10만 개 이상의 레슨에서 만나보세요
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9장

The Transformative Power of Crisis

While infidelity creates profound trauma, it can also catalyze remarkable growth and transformation. Many couples report that working through betrayal ultimately strengthened their relationship, creating deeper understanding and more authentic connection than they had before. The crisis forces them to address long-standing issues, develop better communication skills, and establish healthier boundaries. This paradoxical outcome - where devastating betrayal leads to renewal - occurs when both partners commit fully to the healing process and remain open to change. Fred and Frieda's story demonstrates how an affair can transform entrenched power dynamics in a marriage. Initially, Fred was domineering and emotionally unavailable while Frieda was passive, depressed, and unable to assert her needs. After reluctantly agreeing to swinging, Frieda developed a two-year affair with another man who showed her more warmth and affection than Fred ever had. When she finally confessed and threatened to leave, the shock shifted their relationship dramatically. Frieda found her voice and became assertive about her emotional and physical needs, while Fred - faced with losing his marriage - developed empathy and learned to listen deeply for the first time. Through intensive therapy and honest dialogue, they liberated themselves from their old power imbalance, discovering that new, healthier behaviors could emerge from the crisis of infidelity. For those whose marriages end despite their sincere efforts, healing remains possible through different paths. Nancy channeled her pain into advancing her legal career and becoming an advocate for other women navigating divorce. Kimberly found renewal through travel and creative pursuits she'd abandoned during her marriage. Evan discovered that focusing on co-parenting helped him release his anger and eventually open his heart to new relationships. Heather joined support groups and developed deep friendships that restored her faith in human connection. These stories illustrate various routes to recovery after betrayal and divorce - some find fulfillment through career achievements or new interests, while others eventually discover love with partners who appreciate their authentic selves. The key is releasing bitterness and anger rather than remaining emotionally shackled to the past. Whether healing happens within the original relationship or through individual growth, it's possible to find love, joy, and purpose again. Insight and strength emerge from pain and struggle when people remain open to the lessons these challenges offer. The journey requires letting go of anger while integrating the wisdom gained from the experience. As Glass emphasizes, "People who are committed to marriage don't act like they're single." This means maintaining appropriate boundaries - what she calls walls and windows - to create relationships that are both secure and intimate. Successful couples learn to protect their connection while nurturing deep understanding and compassion, remaining vigilant about potential threats while staying emotionally available to each other. The transformation process often involves establishing new rituals of connection, improving emotional intelligence, and developing greater self-awareness. Couples who survive infidelity typically emerge with stronger communication skills, better conflict resolution strategies, and a deeper appreciation for maintaining intimacy through daily actions and choices.

★★★★★

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도 완독을 축하합니다

100만 명 이상의 학습자가 사랑합니다

“23일째 매일 사용하고 있어요. 이제 제 일상의 한 부분이 되었습니다.”

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외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 핵심 주제

emotional infidelity
boundary setting
workplace affairs
relationship transparency
infidelity recovery

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 명언

No marriage is immune.
We're just friends.
The most dangerous affairs begin not with strangers in dark bars.
Affairs reverse this arrangement.
The uncomfortable truth is that no marriage is immune.

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 등장인물

Shirley P. GlassAuthor and clinical researcher on infidelity
RalphHusband who developed an emotional affair
LaraColleague and affair partner to Ralph
DoraWife who resented her husband's parental treatment
DennisHusband who took a controlling role with Dora

저자 소개

셜리 P. 글래스(Shirley P. Glass, 1936–2003)는 『아니라고 말하지만 사실은 외도다(Not "Just Friends": Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal)』의 저자이자, 부부 외도와 관계 회복을 전문으로 하는 선구적인 임상 심리학자였습니다. 뉴욕 타임스로부터 "외도 연구의 대모"라 불린 글래스 박사는 1975년부터 혼외 관계에 대한 획기적인 연구를 수행했으며, 25년 동안 볼티모어 지역의 개인 클리닉에서 수백 쌍의 부부를 치료했습니다. 그녀는 가톨릭 대학교에서 심리학 박사 학위를 받았으며, 가족 심리학 전문의 자격을 갖춘 공인 심리학자이자 미국 심리학회(APA)의 펠로우였습니다.

글래스 박사는 직장을 외도의 주요 온상으로 지목하고, 관계의 경계에 관한 영향력 있는 이론인 "벽과 창문(walls and windows)" 프레임워크를 도입함으로써 현대적 외도에 대한 이해를 혁신했습니다. 정서적 외도에 대한 그녀의 통찰은 불행한 결혼 생활만이 배신에 취약하다는 기존의 가설에 도전했습니다.

그녀는 오프라 윈프리 쇼, 굿 모닝 아메리카, 투데이, NPR의 프레시 에어 등에 출연했으며, USA 투데이, 사이콜로지 투데이, 뉴스위크 등 주요 매체에 소개되었습니다. 글래스 박사는 *디 어메리칸 라이프(This American Life)*의 진행자인 아이라 글래스의 어머니이기도 합니다. 그녀는 2003년 유방암으로 세상을 떠나기 직전 저서를 완성했으며, 전 세계 부부 치료 분야에 지속적인 유산을 남겼습니다.

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도 요약 다운로드

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다른 사용자들도 좋아한 책

Not "just friends"

Shirley P. Glass

When Friendships Become Suffocating 책 표지

29 sources

When Friendships Become Suffocating

Boundaries in Dating

Henry Cloud

19 sources

When Friendships Break Your Heart

When You're Not Their Best Friend Too 책 표지

Recognizing When a Friendship Is Lopsided | Psychology Today

The psychological costs of social support imbalance: Variation across relationship context and age

6 sources

When You're Not Their Best Friend Too

Boundaries

Henry Cloud & John Townsend

The Friend Zone

Abby Jimenez

Big Friendship

Aminatou Sow

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Reclaiming Truth After the Affair

This plan is essential for individuals struggling to break free from the addictive patterns of infidelity and secret attachments. It provides a roadmap for those seeking to move beyond emotional confusion toward a grounded, authentic recovery of their personal identity.

1 h 30 m•3 섹션

학습 계획

Rebuild Trust After Betrayal

Betrayal can shatter even the strongest relationships, leaving lasting emotional wounds that seem impossible to heal. This learning plan provides essential tools for anyone who has experienced betrayal or broken trust, whether in romantic partnerships, friendships, or family relationships.

3 h 10 m•4 섹션

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Overcome friendship doubts

This learning plan is designed for anyone who struggles with persistent doubts about their friendships, questions whether they're valued by others, or feels held back by fear of rejection. It's particularly valuable for those who recognize that past experiences or negative self-talk may be interfering with their ability to form deep, secure connections with friends.

4 h 33 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

The Science of Deep Connection

Major life transitions often strain even the strongest relationships, leading to resentment and emotional distance. This plan is ideal for couples or individuals facing significant shifts who want to protect their bond using evidence-based psychological strategies.

40 m•4 섹션

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Improve trust: Discuss husband's past history

This plan is designed for couples struggling with the weight of past secrets or history that hinders their current connection. It provides a structured, science-based approach to navigating high-stakes conversations and transforming betrayal into a foundation for a more resilient marriage.

4 h 47 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Navigate friend's post-breakup transformation

When a close friend undergoes a major life change after a breakup, the shift can strain even the strongest bonds. This plan is designed for anyone looking to support a friend's evolution while maintaining their own emotional health and adapting to new friendship dynamics.

4 h 23 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Build Friendships That Last Decades

In an increasingly mobile and busy world, meaningful connections often fade due to neglect rather than conflict. This plan is designed for anyone looking to transform fleeting acquaintances into lifelong anchors through intentionality and deep support systems.

1 h 30 m•3 섹션

학습 계획

Bonding Beyond the Body

In an era of superficial connections, understanding the science of attraction is essential for building lasting intimacy. This plan is ideal for individuals seeking to move beyond physical appearance and master the psychological and physiological art of deep human bonding.

1 h 30 m•3 섹션

샌프란시스코에서 컬럼비아 대학교 동문들이 만들었습니다

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"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

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"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

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108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

웹에서 BeFreed가 어떻게 논의되고 있는지 더 보기

샌프란시스코에서 컬럼비아 대학교 동문들이 만들었습니다

LOVED BY

1,000,000+ curious minds.

4.7

avg rating

1M+ learners

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

웹에서 BeFreed가 어떻게 논의되고 있는지 더 보기

지금 바로 학습 여정을 시작하세요

8장

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도

개요외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도 개요

한 권의 책, 다양한 듣기 방식.

When Love Takes a Dangerous Turn: The Slippery Slope of Emotional Affairs

The New Face of Infidelity: From Friends to Lovers

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

The Vulnerability Factors That Leave No Marriage Immune

The Double Life: How Affairs Unfold and Devastate

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

The Trauma of Discovery: Shattering Trust and Security

The Path to Healing: Reversing Walls and Windows

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

Rebuilding the Relationship: From Trauma to Transformation

Protecting Your Relationship: Building Walls and Windows

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

The Transformative Power of Crisis

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도 완독을 축하합니다

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 핵심 주제

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 명언

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도의 등장인물

저자 소개

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도 요약 다운로드

다른 사용자들도 좋아한 책

이 책에 대한 FAQ

What is Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass about?

Who should read Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass?

Is Not "Just Friends" worth reading in 2025?

Who is Shirley P. Glass and what are her credentials?

이 학습 계획의 일부

Rebuilding my wife’s trust after betrayal.

Navigate being the other man unknowingly

Rebuild Trust After Betrayal

더 알아보기

1,000,000+ curious minds.

1,000,000+ curious minds.

한 권의 책, 다양한 듣기 방식.

When Love Takes a Dangerous Turn: The Slippery Slope of Emotional Affairs

The New Face of Infidelity: From Friends to Lovers

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

The Vulnerability Factors That Leave No Marriage Immune

The Double Life: How Affairs Unfold and Devastate

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

The Trauma of Discovery: Shattering Trust and Security

The Path to Healing: Reversing Walls and Windows

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

Rebuilding the Relationship: From Trauma to Transformation

Protecting Your Relationship: Building Walls and Windows

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

The Transformative Power of Crisis

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도 완독을 축하합니다

다른 사용자들도 좋아한 책

이 학습 계획의 일부

Rebuilding my wife’s trust after betrayal.

Navigate being the other man unknowingly

Rebuild Trust After Betrayal

더 알아보기

외도하는 사람들의 7가지 심리태도 개요