4장
Breaking the Fear Cycle
Failure can be emotionally devastating, especially when accompanied by public ridicule. The contrast between Samuel Langley and the Wright brothers illustrates how differently people can respond to failure.
Langley, the respected director of the Smithsonian Institution, received $50,000 from the U.S. War Department to build a manned aircraft. His first attempt in October 1903 ended with his "Great Aerodrome" crashing into the Potomac River. After brutal public criticism, he tried again in December with the same disastrous result. Defeated by failure and ridicule, Langley abandoned his pursuit of flight-just days before the Wright brothers achieved success at Kitty Hawk.
While the Wright brothers continued experimenting after their initial success, Langley let his moment of disaster defeat him completely. He suffered a stroke two years later and died shortly after-his name largely forgotten while the Wrights became household names.
Beyond not personalizing failure, we must prevent the pain of failure from creating fear of failure. Many people get trapped in a debilitating cycle: negative experiences create fear, which leads to inaction, which prevents gaining experience needed to overcome obstacles. This lack of experience increases fear, creating a self-reinforcing cycle that becomes harder to break over time.
Fear of failure manifests in three destructive ways:
1. Paralysis - completely abandoning hope of progress
2. Procrastination - maintaining hope but never following through
3. Purposelessness - avoiding risk to the point of losing direction
Breaking this cycle isn't about eliminating fear-there's no magic potion for that. The key is to feel the fear and take action anyway. As Jerome Bruner says, "You're more likely to act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action." Motivation doesn't strike like lightning; it comes after you start doing the thing you fear.
Even highly successful people get trapped in fear cycles. George Frederick Handel, despite being a musical prodigy and world-famous composer, faced fierce competition, fickle audiences, and financial ruin. After suffering what appeared to be a stroke that affected his right hand, he fell into despondency and gave what he considered his farewell concert at age fifty-six.
His breakthrough came when a wealthy friend gave him a libretto based on Christ's life, which stirred him to action. Breaking his cycle of inactivity, Handel wrote almost nonstop for twenty-one days, completing the 260-page Messiah-described as "perhaps forever, the greatest feat in the whole history of music composition."
The lesson? To overcome fear, identify what objective essential to your success you're most afraid of tackling. Write down all your fears associated with it, accept them, then determine what first step you can take. Remember: you must act your way into feeling, not feel your way into acting.
5장
Finding the Exit from the Failure Freeway
When people become conditioned to failure, they get stuck in repetitive patterns without understanding why. Like monkeys who stop trying to reach bananas after being doused with cold water, they've been programmed to expect negative outcomes and can't see a way out.
The journey down the "failure freeway" begins with a mistake, but those who stay on it refuse to accept responsibility. They typically respond in one of five ways:
1. Blow up in anger, taking frustration out on themselves or others
2. Cover up their mistakes, which usually compounds the problem
3. Speed up without changing direction, working harder at the wrong approach
4. Back up and defend increasingly indefensible positions
5. Give up entirely when they reach gridlock
The only solution is to wake up and find the exit. You must say the three most difficult words: "I was wrong." Every failure is a fork in the road-an opportunity to take responsibility, learn, and begin again.
The battle to take responsibility happens within and requires character more than talent or intelligence. When people develop deeper character and accept responsibility, their performance improves dramatically-as with NFL quarterback Chris Chandler, who transformed from a team-hopper to a Super Bowl quarterback after accepting responsibility and becoming coachable.
Rosie Ruiz's story demonstrates what happens when someone refuses responsibility. After fraudulently "winning" the 1980 Boston Marathon by jumping in near the finish line, she continued denying her deception even years later when confronted by the real winner. Her pattern of dishonesty continued with theft and drug charges, proving Sir Josiah Stamp's observation that "It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences."
To fail forward, examine recent failures you've blamed on others and identify what you should take responsibility for. Once you change your thinking about failure, you can change your response to it.
6장
Failure Is an Inside Job
When facing overwhelming difficulties-whether self-created or externally imposed-remember that failure is always an inside job. Your response matters more than your circumstances.
Greg Horn's story illustrates this principle perfectly. After discovering his grocery store completely flooded with $500,000 in ruined inventory and no flood insurance, he faced a critical choice. Rather than filing for bankruptcy, he chose to rebuild, working feverishly to reopen in just twenty-one days. His positive attitude transformed disaster into opportunity, allowing eighty employees to return to work and launching his motivational speaking career.
The secret to cultivating resilience is contentment-not passive acceptance, but a healthy perspective that enables resilience. True contentment means expecting the best, staying upbeat despite setbacks, seeing solutions in problems, believing in yourself when others don't, and holding onto hope when situations seem hopeless.
A positive attitude alone isn't enough-you must add positive action. The key is distinguishing between problems (which can be solved) and facts of life (which must be accepted). Greg Horn accepted the flood and lack of insurance as facts, then focused his energy on solvable problems: raising money, cleaning the store, and reopening quickly.
Roger Crawford embodies the principle that failure is an inside job. Born with ectrodactylism-no hands, shortened limbs, and only one foot-doctors told his parents he would never walk, care for himself, or lead a normal life. Instead of accepting these limitations, his parents raised him with love, strength, and independence, teaching him "You're only as handicapped as you want to be." Roger became not just self-sufficient but extraordinary-a professional tennis player certified by the USPTA and later a successful consultant and author.
In college, Roger met someone with nearly identical physical characteristics but a completely different mindset. This man blamed all his failures on discrimination and physical limitations. After years of contact, Roger realized that "even if some miracle were suddenly to give him a perfect body, his unhappiness and lack of success wouldn't change." The contrast revealed how thoroughly the other man had allowed failure to seize him from the inside, while Roger had mastered failing forward.
7장
Breaking Free from the Past
One reason God created time was so there would be a place to bury past failures. Yet many people allow their past to hold them hostage instead of moving forward.
At the 1961 Los Angeles Open, Arnold Palmer had a disastrous hole. After hitting out of bounds multiple times on the par-5 ninth, he finished with twelve strokes, knocking him out of tournament contention despite being at the peak of his career. Today at Rancho Park Golf Course, a bronze plaque commemorates Palmer's twelve-stroke disaster. Yet when asked about it, Palmer simply said, "That doggone plaque will be there long after I'm gone. But you have to put things like that behind you. That's one of the wonderful things about golf. Your next shot can be as good or bad as your last one-but you'll always get another chance."
Successful people put past events behind them and move forward with minimal baggage. Those unable to get over previous failures are held hostage by the past. Five characteristics reveal when people haven't gotten over past difficulties:
1. Comparison - constantly comparing their hardships to others
2. Rationalization - creating reasons not to get over past difficulties
3. Isolation - withdrawing due to past hurts
4. Regret - wasting energy on what might have been
5. Bitterness - the inevitable consequence of not processing old injuries
Every major difficulty is a fork in the road-you choose between breakdown or breakthrough. To move forward, acknowledge pain, grieve losses, forgive others and yourself, then release the past.
Sister Frances Cabrini exemplified traveling light without personal baggage. Despite being sickly from birth and repeatedly rejected from missionary service to China, she refused to let disappointment define her. When her dream of serving in Asia was redirected by Pope Leo XIII to America instead, she embraced the new direction without looking back at her ruined lifelong dream.
When Cabrini arrived at Ellis Island in 1889, she left her shattered Asian dreams behind and embraced her new mission in America. Despite being told upon arrival that plans for the orphanage, school and convent had fallen through, she solved the problems and established the facilities anyway. By her death in 1917, she had founded over seventy hospitals, schools, and orphanages across multiple countries-all because she refused to let her past hold her hostage.
8장
Finding Your True Self Through Failure
Sometimes great achievement can only come after failure helps you understand who you really are. John James Audubon's life exemplified this truth-his journey was marked by extremes of problems and progress, struggle and success, failure and fanfare.
Born in Haiti in 1785, Audubon grew up in France as an indifferent student. His true passion remained hunting and drawing birds. At eighteen, his father sent him to America where he continued developing his woodsman skills while meeting the Bakewell family, whose daughter Lucy he would marry.
For nearly two decades, Audubon launched a series of unsuccessful business ventures. His first business dealing in indigo dye lost him a small fortune. He tried retail trade in Kentucky, but while his partner manned the counter, Audubon displayed his lifelong qualities: hunting skill, undisciplined curiosity, unfailing energy, and artistic power-roaming the countryside hunting and drawing birds rather than focusing on business.
After numerous relocations and failed ventures, Audubon finally conceived his "Great Idea" in 1820-creating a comprehensive collection of life-sized American birds in their natural surroundings. After years gathering paintings while his wife worked as a tutor, he sailed to England in 1826 and found immediate success. Partnering with engraver Robert Havell, they produced the remarkable "Birds of America," a series of 100 color plates in a large format. This publication finally brought him financial security and fame throughout Europe and America.
Audubon remained unsuccessful until age thirty-five when he finally recognized that he himself was the problem-he was a terrible businessman who didn't belong in trade. No change of location, partners, or business types helped until he understood and changed himself.
To reach your potential, you must know yourself and face your flaws through a four-step process:
1. See yourself clearly, recognizing both strengths and weaknesses
2. Admit your flaws honestly, taking responsibility for what you cannot do (skill), should not do (talent), and ought not do (character)
3. Discover your strengths joyfully, as no one achieves dreams working outside their gifting
4. Build on those strengths passionately through dedicated growth
As Sam Peeples Jr. says, "The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me in life do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am." You cannot change without unless you change within.
9장
The Power of Giving Yourself to Others
The path to failing forward requires turning attention away from yourself and toward helping others. Screenwriter Patrick Sheane Duncan's film "Mr. Holland's Opus" illustrates this principle through the story of Glenn Holland, a musician who reluctantly becomes a teacher to support his family. What begins as a temporary job becomes his life's work as he discovers his passion for sharing music with students.
Many unsuccessful people mistakenly believe they must achieve success before helping others, when in fact their self-absorption may be the very cause of their chronic failure. Those who constantly worry about protecting themselves and their interests often remain stuck in failure patterns.
Self-absorption is a major cause of negative thinking and poor mental health. Dr. Karl Menninger once advised that the best remedy for an impending nervous breakdown was to "lock up your house, go across the railway tracks, find someone in need, and do something to help that person." Most people who focus exclusively on themselves feel they're missing something in their lives-whether it's belonging, worth, competence, or purpose-and developing a giving spirit helps overcome these feelings of deficiency.
Selfishness makes it nearly impossible for teams to win. The 1999 NBA champion San Antonio Spurs succeeded because David Robinson-despite being one of the fifty greatest NBA players in history-willingly stepped back to let Tim Duncan be the team's offensive star. As teammate Avery Johnson noted, "He threw his ego out and became a totally different player for the good of the team."
The measure of your impact is whether people feel their lives are better because of you. Adding value to others requires:
1. Putting others first in your thinking
2. Finding out what they need
3. Meeting those needs with excellence and generosity
Susanna Wesley exemplifies selfless service that enables others' success. Though her son John Wesley founded the Methodist movement, it was Susanna's dedication that made his achievements possible. Despite financial hardships and raising nineteen children (ten of whom survived), she dedicated six hours daily to her children's moral and intellectual education. Her selfless service became her life's purpose. The results speak for themselves-her son Charles became a great hymn writer, and John profoundly shaped Protestant Christianity.
If selfishness keeps you from getting over yourself, examine your attitude and prioritize meeting others' needs. Ask yourself daily: Whom am I pouring my life into? Whom am I helping who cannot help me in return? Whom am I lifting who can't help himself? Whom am I encouraging daily?
10장
The Hidden Benefits of Adversity
Working artists David Bayles and Ted Orland tell of an art teacher who divided students into two groups-one graded on quantity of work produced and one on quality. Surprisingly, the highest quality work came from the quantity group, who learned from their mistakes while the quality group merely theorized about perfection. This illustrates how success comes through repeated failures and constant struggle to improve.
People naturally tend toward inertia, making self-improvement difficult. We often overestimate events and underestimate processes, yet every fulfilled dream occurs through dedication to a process. To achieve your dreams, you must embrace adversity and make failure a regular part of your life. If you're not failing, you're probably not moving forward.
Adversity offers numerous benefits that contribute to personal growth and achievement:
1. It creates resilience - A Time magazine study found that people who had lost jobs multiple times were surprisingly optimistic-their adversity had created an advantage, making them better able to handle unemployment.
2. It develops maturity - As William Saroyan noted, "Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure." Harvard professor John Kotter observes that executives now worry about candidates who have never failed.
3. It pushes the envelope of accepted performance - Like trapeze artists who learn to fall successfully into safety nets, people who experience adversity develop confidence to take greater risks.
4. It provides greater opportunities - When Bernie Marcus was fired from Handy Dan hardware, it prompted him to start The Home Depot with Arthur Blank. Today, the company has over 760 stores, 157,000 employees, and $30 billion in annual sales.
5. It prompts innovation - Professor Jack Matson's "Failure 101" course teaches students to equate failure with innovation rather than defeat, freeing them to try new things.
6. It recaps unexpected benefits - Many great successes come from mistakes: Kellogg's Corn Flakes resulted from wheat left overnight; Ivory soap floats because it was mixed too long; Scott Towels came from a toilet paper machine malfunction.
7. It motivates - Olympic diver Pat McCormick credits her 1948 trials loss for focusing her concentration on training, leading to four gold medals in subsequent Olympics.
Joseph's biblical story exemplifies overcoming extreme adversity. Sold into slavery by his brothers, Joseph rose to manage Potiphar's household in Egypt before being falsely accused and imprisoned. Even in prison, his leadership skills earned him responsibility over other inmates. Eventually appointed second-in-command of Egypt, his leadership saved countless lives during a seven-year famine. When reunited with his brothers twenty years after they sold him into slavery, Joseph displayed remarkable perspective: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
Finding benefits in negative experiences takes time and cultivation. The goal is to develop this skill until you can identify positive outcomes during adversity, not just afterward.
11장
The Essential Role of Risk in Achievement
Every great explorer and pioneer succeeded through risk-taking. Risk isn't measured by fear or probability of success, but by the value of the goal. As Charles Lindbergh said, "nothing can be accomplished if we don't take any chances at all."
Amelia Earhart began as an ordinary girl from Kansas who worked as a nurse's aide during World War I and studied pre-med at Columbia. After taking her first plane ride in 1920, she was transformed: "As soon as we left the ground I knew I myself had to fly." She abandoned medical school to pursue aviation, despite the numerous crashes she experienced while learning.
Earhart embraced risk, telling her husband, "Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be but a challenge to others." Throughout her career, she set numerous aviation records: first woman to cross the Atlantic as a passenger (1928), first female pilot to fly solo across the Atlantic (1932), and first person to fly solo between California and Hawaii (1935).
In 1935, Earhart attempted her greatest challenge: flying around the world near the equator. Her first attempt ended in a crash in Hawaii. Two years later, she tried again, completing 22,000 miles before disappearing near the end of her journey. Before her final flight, she remarked, "I have a feeling that there is just about one more good flight left in my system and I hope this trip is it."
Earhart believed her mission was worth the risk: "Decide whether or not the goal is worth the risks involved. If it is, stop worrying." Everything in life carries risk-even staying home. As Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
Six traps prevent people from embracing risk:
1. The Embarrassment Trap - fear of looking bad
2. The Rationalization Trap - second-guessing until "the need disappears"
3. The Unrealistic Expectation Trap - expecting success without effort
4. The Fairness Trap - wasting energy seeking fairness instead of taking action
5. The Timing Trap - waiting for perfect timing
6. The Inspiration Trap - waiting for inspiration instead of taking action
If you're succeeding in everything you do, you're not pushing yourself hard enough. Fletcher Byrom advises generating "a reasonable number of mistakes"-if you end a year without mistakes, you haven't tried everything you should have.
Joseph Lister, an English physician born in 1827, took quieter but equally important risks. In an era when surgery had a 50% survival rate, Lister was determined to improve outcomes despite not knowing the cause of post-surgical deaths. When he presented his radical ideas about using carbolic acid to prevent infection, he faced ridicule and rejection. His greatest risk came on August 12, 1865, when he used carbolic acid to treat an eleven-year-old boy with a compound fracture-typically a fatal injury. The boy recovered completely, but despite publishing his findings in 1867, the medical profession ridiculed Lister for over a decade before finally recognizing his work as perhaps surgery's greatest advance.
Whether you're achieving all your goals or struggling to meet any, the solution is the same: take greater risks. The road to the next level is always uphill.
12장
Making Failure Your Best Friend
Benjamin Franklin observed that "The things which hurt, instruct." By embracing the right attitude toward failure, you can make it your best friend and use it as a springboard to greater achievement.
Dr. Beck Weathers lost his nose, half his right arm, and all fingers on his left hand during the infamous 1996 Mount Everest disaster. Yet he sees this devastating loss as the defining event that transformed his life. "Would I like to have my hands back?" he asked. "Sure. Would I like to have my hands back enough to go back to who I was? No."
Despite ten surgeries including amputations and facial reconstruction, Weathers emerged with profound life lessons. "I'm probably a much happier person now having gone through what I've gone through. You gain a whole lot more from having failure kicked up from around your ears than success could ever teach you." His teachable attitude transformed tragedy into growth.
"Your attitude toward failure determines your altitude after failure." Unlike the stubborn Indianapolis News editor who refused to correct his spelling error for thirty years, teachable people maintain an attitude that says, "No matter how much I know, I can learn from this situation."
To turn losses into profits, ask these key questions after every failure:
1. What caused the failure: the situation, someone else, or self?
2. Was what happened truly a failure, or did I just fall short?
3. What successes are contained in the failure?
4. What can I learn from what happened?
5. Am I grateful for the experience?
6. How can I turn this into a success?
7. Who can help me with this issue?
8. Where do I go from here?
Maxwell shares that people change when they hurt enough that they have to, learn enough that they want to, and receive enough that they are able to. He experienced this truth profoundly when he suffered a serious heart attack during his company's Christmas party. From this experience, he learned several valuable lessons: never miss an opportunity to tell loved ones how much you care, his work on earth wasn't finished, and he needed to change his living habits. His cardiologist told him that men who survive early heart attacks and learn from them live longer than those who never have one.
As Jim Rohn said, "Don't let your learning lead to knowledge; let your learning lead to action." You don't need a catastrophe to make failure your best friend-just maintain a teachable heart and learn from every failure.
