1장
Remember the Hit
Real healing can't happen in your comfort zone. Remembering the hit isn't merely recalling what happened, but allowing ourselves to sit with the truth and be present with whatever put a hole in our hearts. We must learn to H.U.S.H.-Hear from God, Understand progressively, Share intimately, and get to the Heart of the matter.
As someone who's always been loud and thrives on intensity, I found silence uncomfortable at first. But after a week of quiet time with God, my mind finally quieted too. This led me to connect with my mentor Tim Ross, who helped me identify the root of my relentless drive for greatness-that rejection at thirteen when I wasn't allowed to play drums in church.
Mephibosheth had been tormented by lies for decades without a father figure to affirm his true identity. When brought before King David, Phibs suffered from an identity crisis-he was out of Lo-debar, but Lo-debar wasn't out of him. Despite David's generous offer of kindness, property, and a permanent place at the king's table, Mephibosheth could only respond by calling himself "a dead dog."
This illustrates how many of us may physically leave damaging environments but still carry their effects within us. The only way to get "Lo-debar" out of you is by hearing from the King through prayer, Scripture, and worship. When you regularly pull up a chair to the King's table of grace, your old thinking isn't just removed but replaced, transforming your perspective and helping you accept God's truth about yourself.
2장
Recognize the Hurt
You can say ouch. Pulling up a chair to Hear from the King is the beginning of the healing process, not the end. If you're not already healing, elevation will only increase the strain on your damaged parts. Burdens feel heavier the higher you go.
I learned early not to show weakness. When my brother Gabe was bullied for his learning disability, I verbally destroyed the bully. But in that fourth-grade moment, I closed the vault of my vulnerability, reasoning that vulnerability gives enemies ammunition. "Boys don't cry," "Be a man," "Shake it off"-this toxic masculinity taught me to suppress emotions rather than express them.
But unexpressed emotions fester into disease-sadness becomes depression, fear becomes anxiety, frustration becomes rage. It took me twenty-one years to finally admit that rejection hurt. When I finally said "ouch" to my wife Natalie, healing could begin. It's only when you're vulnerable enough to admit you're hurt that you're vulnerable enough to get healed.
When the King's grace drops into your life, it creates a ripple effect that radiates outward to everyone around you. God's grace is both endless and available-even to those who don't think they deserve it. When Zacchaeus encountered Jesus, grace changed him completely, leading him to repay everyone he'd cheated, which transformed his entire community.
When grace drops in, we can't keep everything the same. Whether becoming a CEO requires more reading, or ministry leadership demands physical fitness, our disciplines must match our elevation. We must examine what mindsets need changing, what habits need breaking, and what priorities need shifting to handle God's upgrade in our lives.
3장
Realize the Hindrance
Our damage can be like toilet paper stuck to someone's shoe-obvious to everyone except ourselves. I didn't realize my obsession with greatness would rob me of everyday joys, that demanding perfection would cut off others' opportunity to grow, or that idolizing the ideal would send me into isolation.
My obsession with greatness was an adaptation to damage ("They never let me play!") that served me for years until my wife asked, "Why are you like that?" I finally realized my damage was hindering my present and future. If I remained unhealed, my relationships would be restricted, my destiny delayed, my future forfeited.
At fifteen, I directed a gospel group called One Generation of Praise. We spent four years creating a nineteen-song album titled "The Prototype." I obsessively pursued perfection, but our release concert flopped due to sound problems. For over a decade, I actively avoided the album, feeling embarrassed whenever I heard it.
Years later, when my cousins and brother requested it during a workout, I reluctantly played it. To my surprise, they sang along passionately, knowing every intricate vocal run. Even more surprising-the album was actually good. My perfectionism had blinded me to its value.
This realization showed me how my obsession with greatness was a hindrance, preventing me from appreciating God's good work through me-classic self-sabotage. Realizing our hindrances is crucial: passivity keeps us from purpose, unforgiveness from understanding, excuses from executing, and unhealed damage from destiny.
4장
Reset to Humility
Sometimes losing your dignity is worth getting to your destination-like running through an airport to catch a flight regardless of how you look. Mephibosheth embodied this when he appeared before King David unwashed and ungroomed. This wasn't negligence but deliberate mourning.
While everyone else fled the palace during Absalom's rebellion, Mephibosheth-unable to move independently-chose to demonstrate his loyalty to David through traditional mourning practices rather than celebrating with the usurper. He made "the faithful play" instead of "the smart play," risking everything to show his allegiance.
This kind of vulnerability-looking weak and being humble-creates space for the Holy Spirit. Mephibosheth demonstrates profound humility in trusting King David completely, saying "my lord the king is like an angel of God, so do what you think is best." Instead of arguing his case against Ziba's slander, he simply trusts the king's judgment.
The author encourages readers to develop this same "King knows best" trust with God through regular practice: "Lord, You know best about my relationship/finances/career/family... I trust You." This trust deepens with experience as we recognize God has never failed, forsaken, neglected, abused, or rejected us.
Mephibosheth values his relationship with King David above all material possessions, telling him: "You have honored me by allowing me to eat at your own table! What more can I ask?" His priority is simply being close to the king. After walking with God for some time, we discover He is worth more than all other blessings combined.
5장
Receive God's Healing
While complete deliverance can happen instantly, healing is often gradual and subtle-"sneaky deliverance" that happens "over time, under the radar, in the dark, behind your back when you're not looking."
I experienced this with my own deliverance from "obsession with greatness," which became evident when I easily chose family over platform after my son's autism diagnosis. This healing took about a year of practicing H.U.S.H.: Hearing from God, Understanding progressively, Sharing intimately, and getting to the Heart of the matter. The transformation became clear when I "began to consistently choose good over great."
The viral "spit incident" became another opportunity to apply this healing process. After my saliva "blew up the internet," I retreated to Napa Valley with my wife and trusted friends to H.U.S.H. While watching workers pruning grapevines, I heard God remind me of John 15: "I'm pruning you so that you can produce more fruit."
Through intimate sharing with trusted friends, I realized I had "built an idol of people's good opinion," and this public hit to my reputation was an opportunity for deeper healing. At the beach, God spoke to me: "I created this beach, and you're amazed. But I also created you! Let Me and nobody else define what I have designed."
Healing can take months, years, or decades for childhood trauma, but can happen in days or hours once we develop healing habits. Our damage, when healed, reflects our Designer, showing the world who made us: "Yeah, you're damaged, but you're not destroyed. The value is still in you."
I'm a self-described "sneaker head," and I compare our spiritual value to designer sneakers like Balenciaga's intentionally damaged Paris sneaker. What gives these distressed shoes value is the designer's name. Similarly, when we give our lives to Christ, we receive His name-"the name above every name" that makes demons tremble and provides healing to a broken world.
Our value comes from belonging to Him: "No matter what you've been through, because of who designed you, the value is still in you." While God doesn't cause damage, He uses it. My childhood rejection wasn't caused by God, but through healing, my "obsession with greatness" was transformed into "obedience and gratefulness."
Every human being consists of mind (the covering), body (the container), and spirit (the contents). Your relationships, circumstances, and choices inflict damage on your covering and container-and inevitably affect your spirit. But the good news is that your contents-your true gift, your spirit-can't be destroyed by outside damage because your spirit was handcrafted by God in His own image.
The value is still in you. Nothing can lower the value of what God has put in you, no matter how beaten your covering and container may be. The terrible, painful experiences we endure aren't all God-caused, but they can all be God-used. He's the ultimate upcycler, transforming what others would discard into art.
When you regularly pull up a chair to the King's table of grace, your old thinking isn't just removed but replaced, transforming your perspective and helping you accept God's truth about yourself. To get Lo-debar out of you, you must get His kingdom into you.
I compare our damage to Venetian mirrors, whose authenticity is proven by their imperfections-"the damage is evidence of value." Our damage, when healed, reflects our Designer, showing the world who made us: "Yeah, you're damaged, but you're not destroyed. The value is still in you."
