21:30 Lena: Okay, so we've covered a lot of ground here about why people act the way they do. But I'm wondering—for someone listening to this who wants to apply these insights in their daily life, where do they start?
21:42 Miles: That's such an important question, because all of this knowledge is only useful if it actually helps people live better lives. I think the first step is developing what I call "behavioral awareness"—starting to notice your own patterns.
21:57 Lena: What does that look like practically?
21:59 Miles: Well, you could start by paying attention to your emotional reactions throughout the day. When you feel a strong emotion—anger, anxiety, excitement, whatever—pause and ask yourself: "What prediction is my brain making right now? What gap between expectation and reality might be driving this feeling?"
22:19 Lena: So instead of just experiencing the emotion, you're investigating it?
0:35 Miles: Exactly. And here's a simple framework people can use: When you notice a strong reaction, ask yourself three questions. First, "What am I feeling?" Second, "What situation or trigger led to this feeling?" And third, "What story am I telling myself about what this means?"
22:41 Lena: I love that third question—"What story am I telling myself?" Because we're always creating narratives, aren't we?
11:31 Miles: Absolutely! And often those narratives are based more on our past experiences and biases than on current reality. Once you identify the story you're telling yourself, you can ask "Is this story definitely true? What other stories might fit the same facts?"
23:03 Lena: This reminds me of that example you gave earlier about a partner seeming distant. The same behavior could support multiple different stories.
1:51 Miles: Exactly! And here's another practical tool—what researchers call "perspective taking." When someone does something that bothers you, try to generate at least three different explanations for their behavior before deciding how to respond.
23:24 Lena: That would definitely slow down my tendency to jump to conclusions.
10:50 Miles: Right! And slowing down is actually one of the most powerful things you can do. Remember those two systems we talked about—the fast, automatic System 1 and the slower, more deliberate System 2? Most of our problematic reactions come from System 1 taking over when System 2 would be more helpful.
23:46 Lena: So how do you engage System 2 more often?
23:49 Miles: One simple technique is what psychologists call the "pause practice." When you notice yourself having a strong reaction, literally count to ten before responding. This gives your prefrontal cortex time to come online and consider other options.
24:02 Lena: That sounds almost too simple to be effective.
24:05 Miles: I know it sounds basic, but research shows it really works! And here's another practical strategy—start paying attention to your prediction patterns. Notice what kinds of situations tend to trigger anxiety, anger, or other strong emotions. Often you'll find there are specific themes.
24:20 Lena: Like what kinds of themes?
24:22 Miles: Well, someone might notice that they always get anxious when they feel like they're being judged. Someone else might realize they get angry whenever they feel like they're being controlled. Once you identify your themes, you can start to prepare for them differently.
5:08 Lena: How so?
24:35 Miles: If you know that situations involving judgment tend to trigger your anxiety, you can go into those situations with a different mindset. Instead of thinking "I hope they don't judge me," you might think "It's natural for people to form impressions, and I can't control that, but I can focus on being authentic."
24:50 Lena: So you're essentially reprogramming your predictions?
24:53 Miles: That's exactly right! And here's something else that's really practical—pay attention to your social environment. Remember how much our behavior is influenced by the people around us? If you want to change your patterns, sometimes the most effective thing is to change your social context.
25:08 Lena: You mean like spending time with different people?
25:10 Miles: Partly, yes. But also being more intentional about which aspects of yourself you express in different contexts. You might notice that you're more confident and outgoing with certain friends, or more creative in certain environments. You can start to seek out contexts that bring out the qualities you want to develop.
25:25 Lena: This is making me think about how important it is to choose your environment carefully.
1:23 Miles: Absolutely. And here's one more practical tip—practice "emotional granularity." Instead of just labeling feelings as "good" or "bad," try to get more specific. Are you anxious, worried, nervous, or scared? Are you happy, excited, content, or proud?
25:45 Lena: Why does that matter?
25:46 Miles: Because different emotions often require different responses. If you're worried about a specific outcome, you might need to do some problem-solving. If you're anxious in a more general way, you might need to practice relaxation techniques. The more precisely you can identify what you're feeling, the more effectively you can respond.