Capitolo 4
When Dreams and Nightmares Collide
Mary Beth had always dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom like her mother, but they needed her hospital salary to survive. Their fortunes began to change when Steven met Greg Nelson, Sandi Patty's producer, who introduced him to several record labels. Though initially rejected as "just another white male artist," Steven's demos eventually caught the ear of Billy Ray Hearn at Sparrow Records.
When EMI Music bought Sparrow, they gave Steven an advance on royalties of $250 weekly-exactly what Mary Beth had been earning. This divine provision meant she could stay home after their baby arrived. On February 24, 1986, Emily Chapman was born by emergency C-section. Mary Beth struggled with nursing and felt like a failure when Emily would scream for hours every evening.
Disaster struck when they returned home from house-hunting to find their townhouse filled with ashes. They lost everything, had no renter's insurance, and faced a $13,000 lawsuit from their landlord. Friends gave them shelter, clothes, and legal help, while Mary Beth's parents arrived immediately to help with repairs.
Despite these challenges, they purchased their first home for $48,000 using Steven's projected future earnings as collateral. Mary Beth established comforting routines that gave her an illusion of control-one that would eventually collapse under the weight of Steven's success and their growing family.
After suffering a painful miscarriage at twelve weeks, they tried again to get pregnant. Mary Beth bought an ovulation predictor kit and tracked her cycle meticulously. Nine months later, on October 2, 1989, Caleb Stevenson Chapman was born. Their third child, Will Franklin, followed on Valentine's Day 1991.
Meanwhile, Steven's career continued its meteoric rise, with multiple number-one hits, GMA awards, and his first Grammy. They were building a Victorian farmhouse in Franklin with plenty of room for the children, but beneath the perfect exterior, Mary Beth was struggling.
Capitolo 5
The Darkness Within
Despite their beautiful family, Steven's booming career, and their new house, something was deeply wrong inside Mary Beth. Steven was preparing for "The Great Adventure" tour while she battled overwhelming emotions at home with three children under five.
When Steven's manager shared unexpected tour additions that would keep Steven away longer than planned, Mary Beth completely broke down in their driveway, crying uncontrollably until Steven carried her inside. His manager recommended a psychiatrist friend, and though she'd always thought psychiatrists were for "crazy people," she agreed to go.
The doctor diagnosed her with clinical depression, explaining she'd likely suffered from it since childhood. This gave a name to her struggle but also brought shame-she had no logical reason to be depressed with her wonderful life. She learned depression was a medical condition affecting her brain chemistry, not a logical response to circumstances.
The prescribed Prozac took weeks to work, leaving her battling intense fear and anger while Steven toured. She'd fake being fine during his late-night calls, then return to sleep-her only peace.
Her depression became an opportunity to acknowledge God as her only hope. She realized she couldn't find security in her husband, children, home, or her own efforts-only in Christ. Depression became an unwanted but necessary friend showing her she couldn't fix herself. The medication treated symptoms, allowing her to work on deeper healing.
She still has dark days, takes medication, and sees a counselor. She finds comfort in David's psalms, which express both pain and hope. The seeds of faith planted during her 1991 diagnosis would later help her withstand the devastating storms their family would face in 2008.
On January 2, 1998, their lives intersected with tragedy when friends the Mullicans were in a terrible car accident. Lori Mullican and her daughters Erin (8) and Alex (5) were heading home from a gathering at the Coleys' house where they'd all been watching a football game. A seventeen-year-old driver ran a red light and T-boned Lori's car. Lori survived with a broken neck, Alex suffered a cracked skull, but Erin did not make it.
When Steven visited the hospital, Ray Mullican told him, "We're not home yet"-the title of one of Steven's songs about heaven. Steven sang at Erin's funeral, and later wrote "With Hope" for the Mullicans, incorporating a recording of Erin singing "Jesus Loves Me" at the beginning. Little did Mary Beth know that ten years later, when her own tragedy struck, Lori would be the first person she would call.
Capitolo 6
Love That Transforms
Their daughter Emily has always been compassionate. After an eye-opening mother-daughter trip to Haiti with Compassion International in 1997, eleven-year-old Emily launched a relentless adoption campaign. She wrote persuasive letters to her parents, getting her brothers Caleb and Will to sign as "witnesses." Her birthday list that year was simple: "1. Baby, 2. Four wheeler, 3. Concordance."
Steven needed little convincing, seeing adoption as reflecting how God adopts us as His children. Mary Beth was hesitant, having had her tubes tied after Will's birth. She worried about her mental stability and ability to handle more stress with their already busy family.
Emily researched adoption tirelessly. When Mary Beth thought about adoption, she pictured a little Asian girl she'd name Hannah. But obstacles existed: China wouldn't allow families with more than two biological children to adopt, and she worried about attachment issues with older toddlers.
Remarkably, Steven discovered China had just changed their law allowing families with four biological children, and they were now placing children between six and ten months old. They began praying about the decision, and experienced what felt like divine signs, including discovering the Chinese word for "laughter" (Shao) in an old Reader's Digest at a doctor's office.
Despite these confirmations, Mary Beth remained terrified-afraid she'd be an "evil stepmother" unable to love an adopted child as much as her biological children. But they completed their paperwork in May 1999, and by January received their referral for Chang Yan Yan from Hunan Province, whose name meant "doubly adorable." They decided to call her Shaohannah, combining "Shao" (laughter) and "Hannah" (gift of God's grace).
When Mary Beth saw the Chinese woman carrying a bundled baby in the pink blanket she had made, something miraculous happened. She couldn't get to her fast enough, opening her arms and flying toward her. Taking the baby, tears poured down her face as she cried, "This is my baby!"
In that moment, God spoke to her heart: "Mary Beth, do you not understand that this is how I see you? You are this orphan! I adopted you and you are Mine! I bought you for a price!" She suddenly understood that her instant, powerful love for this baby-who was wrapped in rags, smelled bad, and was hungry-mirrored how God loves her unconditionally. There was nothing Shaohannah had done to "earn" her love, yet Mary Beth would have fought to the death to protect her.
Capitolo 7
A Mission Born from Love
When the Chapmans returned from China with Shaohannah in March 2000, about 250 people greeted them at the airport gate. Before they even left the airport, five families told them they'd love to adopt too, but couldn't afford it. Having walked through Shaoey's orphanage and seen countless children in iron cribs with eyes asking "Did you come for me?", Mary Beth started writing checks to help families adopt.
In summer 2001, they returned to China with Mary Beth's brother Jim and his wife, plus friends Geoff and Jan Moore, as they adopted Isabelle Chapman and Anna Grace Moore. Realizing they needed a better system, Steven contacted Bethany Christian Services about directing people to an adoption fund.
In September 2001, while in Washington to receive the National Angel in Adoption award, they met with Kerry Hasenbalg and others to discuss helping orphans. The next morning-September 11-everything changed as they watched the terrorist attacks unfold. Though their scheduled meeting with President Bush was canceled, they formed important friendships, particularly with Scott Hasenbalg who would help them create Shaohannah's Hope.
They officially incorporated as a nonprofit in February 2003 to inspire Christians about the plight of the world's 140 million orphans. Their mission became clear: to help Christian families overcome financial barriers to adoption through grants averaging $3,000-$4,000. They've supported adoptions from 45 different countries and helped children who might not be adoptable receive care. Eventually they simplified their name to Show Hope, and as of the book's writing, they'd given more than 2,500 grants-2,500 children now home with loving families.
The Chapman family continued to grow. In 2003, despite the SARS outbreak in China, Mary Beth made an emergency trip to bring home their second adopted daughter, Stevey Joy. Then in 2004, Steven met a little girl named Maria while on a ministry trip to China. Upon holding her, he experienced an unexpected connection, feeling as though she was already his daughter. Despite Mary Beth's initial resistance, they eventually brought Maria home to complete their family of eight.
Capitolo 8
The Day Everything Changed
The sky was a bright, springtime blue on May 21, 2008. The Chapman family was planning a wedding for Emily and a graduation for Caleb. Steven and Mary Beth were at "Wedding Central" at their dining room table when Maria asked for help with her Cinderella Barbie's gloves. She ran off to play while Mary Beth fixed them.
Then everything changed forever. Mary Beth heard screams from outside. Shaoey ran in yelling "Will's hit Maria with the car!" Mary Beth rushed outside to find Will holding his bleeding little sister, desperately crying "Maria! Wake up!"
Will had been returning home in his SUV, unable to see the small girl running toward him in the driveway. Despite desperate CPR attempts and calls for help, Maria was critically injured. At the hospital, amid the chaos of rush hour traffic and desperate prayers, Steven and Mary Beth received the devastating news that Maria had passed away.
In that unthinkable moment, they found themselves "standing at the very door of heaven," placing their daughter in Jesus' arms. Steven, even in his grief, shared his faith with hospital staff. The family said their goodbyes one by one, with Will asking for private time with his sister.
Friends drove them to their church where hundreds had gathered in support. Mary Beth's friends helped her change out of blood-soaked clothes, borrowing items from each other. Steven and Mary Beth then had to tell Shaoey and Stevey Joy that their sister had gone to heaven. Despite their overwhelming grief, they clung to their faith that "our God is in control" even when things were "not as they should be."
The visitation for Maria was overwhelming, with thousands coming to express their love and support. At Saturday's private viewing, they placed special mementos in Maria's casket-letters from her sisters, Tinker Bell wings, ballet slippers, and a special ladybug tattoo drawn by Uncle Jim. Steven and Mary Beth had their final moments alone with her, gripped by unbearable grief yet experiencing a strange grace-as if the veil between earth and heaven had thinned.
Capitolo 9
Finding Hope in the Darkness
In the aftermath of Maria's death, the Chapmans sought professional help. Their pastor connected Will with a trusted counselor, and doctors prescribed medication to help him sleep and manage depression. Mary Beth switched to a more powerful antidepressant with additional medication for the immediate aftermath. They also consulted a trauma therapist, Dr. Lois, who specialized in working with children.
Following their counselors' advice to make new memories as a family, they decided to visit Disney World-ironically, "the happiest place on earth." Everywhere they went, they were haunted by memories of Maria, their little "Tinker Bell," who had visited Disney eight times in her short life. The trip was disastrous from start to finish, filled with tension and tears.
Returning home after Maria's death was one of their scariest challenges. Part of Mary Beth wanted to move away completely rather than face the driveway where her daughter had taken her last breath. As they approached their house, the skies opened up and poured rain, as if Jesus was weeping with them. When they arrived, they noticed a baby magnolia tree near the playground had bloomed for the first time-one single, fragrant flower near where Maria's life had ended.
Steven coped in his own ways-sometimes screaming praise in his soundproof studio, sometimes collapsing in tears on the stairs, even buzzing his hair and growing a beard as visible signs of his mourning. Mary Beth found it nearly impossible to blog or express herself. But gradually, she began writing again, first through text messages and journal entries, then through her blog.
On a beautiful fall day, just five months after Maria's death, their home became the site of Emily's wedding to Tanner. From the moment of Maria's passing, Will had made Emily and Tanner promise they would still marry on October 4 as planned. The couple decided their home was indeed the right place to begin their union-the same holy ground where Maria had been taken to her eternal home. Though their hearts were sad without Maria, powerful joy thrust its way through their sorrow.
Capitolo 10
Beauty Will Rise
Steven's "Beauty Will Rise" CD emerged as a collection of raw psalms about Maria, deliberately unpolished and recorded in unconventional spaces-foyers, backstage, buses, even shower stalls. The process was excruciating but created a poignant tribute to Maria's life and death. The album's final song, "Spring Is Coming," was inspired by their pastor's words at Maria's burial about how a seed must fall to the ground and die before new life emerges.
Then came an incredible revelation. Emily, while in Belfast, asked her Chinese friend about Maria's birth name "Chun Xi." Her friend translated it as "spring is coming"-the exact title of Steven's final song on the album. Further investigation revealed the more precise meaning was "spring river," symbolizing the purest water flowing from melted winter snow. This divine connection confirmed God's hand in their story from the beginning.
On June 23, 2009, they celebrated renaming Shaohannah's Hope to Show Hope and dedicated Maria's Big House of Hope. This 60,000-square-foot facility in Luoyang City, Henan Province serves 128 special needs orphans with 190 staff members, including a full-time doctor and five nurses. Maria's Big House has become a place of both heartbreak and miracles, where some children receive life-saving care while others are comforted in their final days.
As Mary Beth processed her grief, she discovered Maria's green Tinker Bell journal containing a completely colored six-petal flower and butterfly-the same picture she was drawing the day of the accident, but finished! The blue petal and orange center matched what she'd started that day. It felt like seeing the whole picture God will complete when all questions are answered and tears wiped away.
Though Mary Beth still has days when she just wants to pull the covers over her head, Maria's picture reminds her that bright color is coming when the foggy glass shatters and she'll hear her say, "SEE, it's everything you said it would be!"
Capitolo 11
Choosing to SEE
The journey through grief is not linear. Mary Beth describes it as "yelling and yearning"-yelling at God for answers and yearning for the day when all questions will be answered. The second year after Maria's death was harder than the first-thawing out from the numbness, missing chunks of time, and realizing "she is not coming back."
But hope remains Mary Beth's anchor-hope in heaven, in Christ, in the cross, that they will win this battle before them. She has learned that grief is not something you "get over" but something you get through. She's forever changed because she buried a child at five years old. She still experiences joy, but always with an awareness of her brokenness.
The title "Choosing to See" reflects Mary Beth's daily decision to look for God's hand even in life's darkest moments. She describes finding "breadcrumbs of grace" along a shadowed path-small signs that guide her forward when she can only see a few steps ahead. Sometimes these breadcrumbs come through dreams, like the one her friend Beth Moore had of Maria laughing and playing. Sometimes they come through unexpected connections, like discovering the meaning of Maria's Chinese name.
Mary Beth ends her story with gratitude-to Jesus for journeying with her through her darkest places, to those who helped her tell this story, to family and friends who held them up during their loss, and to readers for their prayers that physically sustained them. She acknowledges that winter comes, but beneath that frozen ground, spring will definitely come.
Through their story, the Chapmans invite us to see that even in life's most devastating moments, beauty can rise from the ashes. Their journey reminds us that faith doesn't eliminate pain but provides a way through it, and that choosing to see God's hand in our suffering can transform our darkest valleys into places of unexpected grace.
