Them: Why We Hate Each Other--and How to Heal by Ben Sasse Summary

Them by Ben Sasse argues that America’s deepening divisions stem from loneliness and a collapse of community, not just politics. Sasse links societal anger to declining face-to-face relationships and proposes rebuilding local connections to counteract tribalism. The book blends historical analysis with calls for civic renewal, emphasizing technology’s role in isolating individuals and eroding trust.

This book suits readers grappling with political polarization, social fragmentation, or loneliness. Policymakers, educators, and community leaders will find insights into fostering unity, while general audiences gain tools to combat divisiveness. It’s particularly relevant for those seeking nonpartisan solutions to bridge ideological divides.

Yes, for its timely analysis of America’s “loneliness epidemic” and actionable ideas to rebuild community. Critics praise Sasse’s bipartisan tone, though some note the healing strategies lack granularity. Despite this, its focus on local engagement over national politics offers a fresh perspective on reconciliation.

Key themes include:

• Tribalism: How identity politics replaces meaningful relationships.
• Technology: Social media’s role in fostering isolation and performative outrage.
• Rootedness: The necessity of place-based communities to counter alienation.
  Sasse contends healing begins by prioritizing in-person connections over digital interactions.

Sasse advocates “rediscovering real places” through civic participation, volunteering, and limiting screen time. He urges readers to engage neighbors directly, join local organizations, and model pluralism. Practical steps include hosting gatherings, supporting small businesses, and avoiding outrage-driven media.

Unlike The Vanishing American Adult (focused on personal responsibility), Them addresses collective societal breakdown. Both emphasize cultural renewal, but Them shifts from individual virtue to community-building as the antidote to modern crises.

Some reviewers argue Sasse’s solutions lack concrete policy prescriptions, leaning too heavily on abstract ideals. Others note his avoidance of structural inequities as root causes. However, most agree the book sparks necessary conversations about bridging divides.

Post-2024 election tensions, AI-driven social media algorithms, and declining mental health make Them’s message critical. Its focus on local action over national rhetoric aligns with growing movements for hyper-local governance and digital detoxing.

• “Loneliness is the toxin that’s killing us.”
• “We’re not just angry—we’re heartsick.”
• “Politics can’t replace the thousand little platoons of community.”
  These lines underscore Sasse’s thesis that relational poverty fuels societal decay.

Sasse rejects left-right binaries, arguing both sides misuse outrage to mask collective loneliness. He critiques media ecosystems profiting from division and urges citizens to “depoliticize daily life” by focusing on shared local priorities.

Readers report reevaluating their media consumption and investing in neighborhood relationships. Many credit the book with reducing partisan hostility personally, though some desire more guidance on addressing systemic issues.

Rootedness signifies commitment to physical communities through sustained presence, mutual aid, and intergenerational ties. Sasse contrasts this with “virtual tribalism,” where online identities displace real-world belonging.