The Lost Art of Connecting by Susan McPherson Summary

The Lost Art of Connecting offers a human-centric approach to building meaningful relationships in a tech-dominated world. Susan McPherson introduces the Gather, Ask, Do methodology, emphasizing empathy over transactional networking. The book critiques superficial digital interactions and provides actionable strategies to foster authentic connections through collaboration and service-minded thinking.

This book is ideal for professionals, entrepreneurs, and leaders seeking to deepen relationships in business and life. It’s particularly valuable for those feeling isolated in digital-first environments or aiming to transition from self-focused networking to community-driven collaboration.

Yes—the book won acclaim as a Soundview Magazine Best Business Book (2021) and provides practical frameworks like the Gather, Ask, Do method. McPherson’s blend of humor, case studies (e.g., Adam Grant, Whitney Johnson), and emphasis on mental health benefits make it a standout guide for modern relationship-building.

McPherson’s three-step framework:

• Gather: Intentionally expand your network through shared values.
• Ask: Engage others with curiosity, focusing on “How can I help?” rather than self-promotion.
• Do: Follow through with actionable support to cement trust.

This approach shifts networking from transactional to transformative.

The book argues that tech-driven interactions exacerbate isolation by prioritizing quantity over quality. McPherson advocates for “value-based connections,” urging readers to prioritize in-person or intentional virtual engagements that align with personal and professional goals.

• “Lead with ‘How can I help?’ instead of ‘What can I get?’”
• “Networking is not a spreadsheet exercise—it’s a human one.”

These lines underscore the book’s theme of service-driven relationships.

While both focus on relationship-building, McPherson’s work prioritizes quality and mutual support over Ferrazzi’s emphasis on strategic networking. The Lost Art of Connecting also integrates modern challenges like digital burnout, offering a post-pandemic perspective.

Some reviewers note the methodology may feel overly structured for introverts. However, McPherson balances this with adaptable strategies, acknowledging that connection styles vary.

As remote work and AI-driven communication rise, the book’s focus on human-centric collaboration addresses growing concerns about workplace disconnection. Its lessons on empathy and intentionality align with 2025 trends in employee well-being and CSR.

Managers can use the Ask phase to foster psychological safety by soliciting team input, and Do to implement mentorship programs. McPherson’s emphasis on “celebrating others” also aligns with inclusive leadership practices.

McPherson advises introverts to leverage small-group interactions (Gather) and focus on deep listening during the Ask phase. She also recommends digital tools for follow-up, reducing pressure in real-time conversations.

The book reframes networking as “community-building”—a long-term investment in shared growth rather than short-term gains. McPherson highlights stories where collaborative connections led to unexpected opportunities, like cross-industry partnerships.