
Dr. Judy Ho's science-backed guide reveals why we self-sabotage and delivers a practical L.I.F.E. framework to break free. What if the blueprint for unleashing your willpower was hiding in your own psychology? Discover why therapists recommend this alongside "Unf*ck Yourself" for lasting transformation.
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You've done it again. Sabotaged a relationship just as it was getting serious. Procrastinated on that project until the deadline became impossible. Started a fitness routine with genuine enthusiasm only to abandon it three weeks later. Sound familiar? Here's the uncomfortable truth: your brain isn't broken, and you're not fundamentally flawed. You're experiencing something far more universal and fixable-self-sabotage, the peculiar human tendency to undermine our own success even when we consciously want to thrive. Self-sabotage happens when our drive to avoid threats overpowers our desire to attain rewards. Think of Beth, a brilliant attorney who excels everywhere except managing her weight. Despite her discipline in court, she repeatedly fails at this one goal. Why? Because our brains operate on two competing systems: one seeking dopamine-fueled rewards, the other scanning relentlessly for danger. This creates what psychologists call "approach-avoidance conflict"-we start goals with excitement, but as challenges emerge, our threat-detection system screams louder than our reward-seeking impulses. The real culprits are four hidden forces called L.I.F.E. elements: Low or Shaky Self-Concept, Internalized Beliefs, Fear of Change, and Excessive Need for Control. These operate like background programs on your mental computer, driving behaviors without your conscious awareness. A shaky self-concept makes you doubt abilities in specific areas despite success elsewhere. Internalized beliefs-absorbed from caregivers during childhood-create negative self-talk convincing you effort is pointless. Fear of change makes familiar discomfort feel safer than unknown possibilities. And excessive need for control leads you to reject valuable opportunities requiring you to surrender predictability.
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