What is *It's OK That You're Not OK* about?

*It's OK That You're Not OK* by Megan Devine challenges cultural norms around grief, advocating for acceptance rather than "fixing" pain. It combines personal insights from Devine’s experience losing her partner with professional expertise as a psychotherapist, offering practical tools for navigating loss while dismantling harmful myths like staged grief models. The book emphasizes building a life *alongside* grief instead of seeking closure.

Who should read *It's OK That You're Not OK*?

This book is for grieving individuals, caregivers, therapists, and anyone seeking to better support loved ones. It’s particularly valuable for those tired of overly optimistic self-help approaches, offering validation for complex emotions. Megan Devine’s work also aids HR professionals and healthcare providers in creating compassionate grief-informed environments.

Is *It's OK That You're Not OK* worth reading?

Yes, it’s widely praised for reframing grief as a natural response to love, not a problem to solve. Featured on NPR and in *The Washington Post*, it provides actionable advice for stress management, sleep improvement, and navigating insensitive remarks. Readers describe it as transformative for both personal healing and supporting others.

Who is Megan Devine, author of *It's OK That You're Not OK*?

Megan Devine is a psychotherapist, grief advocate, and founder of Refuge in Grief. Her work blends professional expertise with lived experience—she witnessed her partner’s drowning in 2009. She’s contributed to *Harvard Business Review*, PBS’s *Speaking Grief*, and hosts a podcast on grief literacy.

What are the main concepts in *It's OK That You're Not OK*?

Key ideas include: - Grief is love in its “most wild and painful form,” not a pathology. - Cultural timelines for healing are harmful; grief requires space, not solutions. - Practical strategies: mindfulness, stress reduction, and boundary-setting with unhelpful advice.

How does the book challenge traditional views on grief?

Devine rejects staged models (e.g., Kübler-Ross) and societal pressure to “move on.” She argues grief isn’t linear but a lifelong process of adaptation. The book critiques toxic positivity and emphasizes honoring pain instead of suppressing it.

What practical advice does Megan Devine offer?

The book provides tools like: - **Stress management**: Grounding techniques for anxiety attacks. - **Sleep hygiene**: Rituals to ease insomnia without forcing “normalcy”. - **Boundaries**: Scripts to redirect unhelpful comments (e.g., “At least they’re in a better place”).

How can this book help someone support a grieving friend?

Devine advises avoiding advice or silver linings. Instead, “be an elephant”—offer presence, not fixes. Tips include asking direct questions (“Can I bring dinner Thursday?”) and validating emotions without judgment.

It's OK That You're Not OK Summary, PDF, EPUB, Audio

It's OK That You're Not OK

Megan Devine

4.36 (13943 Reviews)

Psychology

Mindfulness

Health

Overview

Key Takeaways

Author

FAQs

In "It's OK That You're Not OK," Megan Devine revolutionizes grief support by challenging our rush-to-heal culture. Drawing from personal tragedy, she offers what countless readers call "permission to grieve authentically." Why has this compassionate manifesto become essential reading for therapists and the heartbroken alike?

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It's OK That You're Not OK isn't just a book — it's a masterclass in Psychology. To help you absorb its lessons in the way that works best for you, we offer five unique learning modes. Whether you're a deep thinker, a fast learner, or a story lover, there's a mode designed to fit your style.

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From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco

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"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

1.5K Ratings4.7

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It's OK That You're Not OK

Megan Devine

4.36 (13943 Reviews)

Psychology

Mindfulness

Health

Overview

Key Takeaways

Author

FAQs

Explore Your Way of Learning

Quick Summary8min

Feel the book through the author's voice

Deep Dive42min

Turn knowledge into engaging, example-rich insights

Flash Card10 insights

Capture key ideas in a flash for fast learning

Fun20min

Enjoy the book in a fun and engaging way

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Key Takeaways

When Grief Defies Our Cultural Expectations

00:00

Grief is perhaps the most misunderstood human experience. We live in a society that expects grief to follow a tidy timeline, resolve quickly, and ultimately transform us into better, wiser people. But real grief doesn't work that way. It's messy, unpredictable, and refuses to follow any prescribed path. When profound loss enters our lives, we're often met with well-intentioned platitudes: "everything happens for a reason" or "they're in a better place now." These seemingly comforting phrases carry an unspoken message: "...so stop feeling so bad." This cultural discomfort with pain creates a terrible isolation. When we're grieving, we discover that many people simply don't know how to be present with our suffering. They offer advice, judge our process, or urge us to move on before we're ready. The problem isn't that grieving people are doing it wrong - it's that our culture hasn't equipped us with the skills to approach grief with compassion and patience. Even the medical establishment pathologizes normal grief responses, considering grief lasting longer than six months to be potentially disordered. In practice, the timeline is even shorter - many professionals consider being deeply affected after just a couple of weeks to be problematic. This medicalization of a normal, sane response to loss serves no one and adds unnecessary suffering to those already in pain.

The Tyranny of Positive Thinking and Finding a Middle Path

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Pain Versus Suffering: What Can Be Tended

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Break down key ideas from It's OK That You're Not OK into bite-sized takeaways to understand how innovative teams create, collaborate, and grow.

00:00

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Top 10 Insights from It's OK That You're Not OK in a Nutshell

Distill It's OK That You're Not OK into rapid-fire memory cues that highlight key principles of candor, teamwork, and creative resilience.

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Experience It's OK That You're Not OK through vivid storytelling that turns innovation lessons into moments you'll remember and apply.

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From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco

BeFreed Brings Together A Global Community Of 200,000+ Curious Minds

See more on how BeFreed is discussed across the web

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco

BeFreed Brings Together A Global Community Of 200,000+ Curious Minds

See more on how BeFreed is discussed across the web

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

1.5K Ratings4.7

Start your learning journey, now

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Key Takeaways

When Grief Defies Our Cultural Expectations

The Tyranny of Positive Thinking and Finding a Middle Path

The Physical and Cognitive Reality of Grief

Pain Versus Suffering: What Can Be Tended

Finding Your Tribe in the Aftermath

Love Is the Only Thing That Remains

Quick Summary Mode - Read or listen to It's OK That You're Not OK Summary in 8 Minutes

Flash Card Mode - Top 10 Insights from It's OK That You're Not OK in a Nutshell

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More Like This

Key Takeaways

When Grief Defies Our Cultural Expectations

The Tyranny of Positive Thinking and Finding a Middle Path

The Physical and Cognitive Reality of Grief

Pain Versus Suffering: What Can Be Tended

Finding Your Tribe in the Aftermath

Love Is the Only Thing That Remains