I'd Like You More If You Were More like Me by John Ortberg Summary

I’d Like You More If You Were More Like Me explores how to build meaningful connections with God and others despite differences. John Ortberg emphasizes overcoming obstacles like fear of intimacy, technology distractions, and self-centeredness through spiritual formation and practical strategies. The book blends psychological insights with biblical principles to help readers cultivate relationships that foster personal and spiritual growth.

This book is ideal for Christians seeking deeper relationships, small groups focusing on spiritual growth, or individuals struggling with loneliness. It’s particularly valuable for those navigating modern challenges like digital isolation or disagreements in marriages, friendships, or church communities.

Yes—readers praise its actionable advice for improving relationships through self-reflection and faith integration. Ortberg’s blend of humor, psychological research, and scripture makes complex concepts accessible. Over 40% of Goodreads reviewers highlight its relevance for overcoming relational barriers in today’s disconnected world.

Ortberg identifies "bids for connection" (small interactions that build trust) and teaches readers to recognize and respond to them. He provides tools like journaling prompts and discussion questions to address avoidance patterns, helping readers move from superficial to vulnerable relationships.

The book positions God as the model for unconditional connection, urging readers to mirror divine patience and acceptance in human relationships. Ortberg argues that daily spiritual practices—like prayer and scripture meditation—strengthen empathy and reduce judgment toward others.

• “You were made for connection”: Highlights humanity’s inherent need for relationships.
• “New cheese isn’t better cheese—it’s just different”: Metaphor for embracing diversity in relationships.
• “Intimacy requires intentional inconsistency”: Encourages flexibility in expectations.

While Soul Keeping focuses on internal spiritual health, this book addresses external relational dynamics. Both emphasize daily spiritual practices, but I’d Like You More… adds psychological frameworks like attachment theory and conflict resolution techniques.

Some reviewers note the concepts overlap heavily with Ortberg’s earlier works, and the humor occasionally undermines serious topics. Critics argue it could delve deeper into navigating toxic relationships or cultural differences.

• Practice “micro-connections”: Smile at strangers or text a friend.
• Use the “3-question rule”: Ask about feelings, experiences, and needs during conflicts.
• Schedule tech-free time: Strengthen in-person interactions.

Yes—Ortberg warns against “phubbing” (phone snubbing) and provides a 7-day digital detox plan. He encourages replacing passive scrolling with intentional communication, citing studies linking screen time to loneliness.

1. “How do cultural differences limit our ability to connect?”
2. “Which ‘relationship pitfall’ do you struggle with most?”
3. “What daily habit could deepen your connection with God?”

The included Member Connect Guide offers six weeks of structured activities.

With rising loneliness rates post-pandemic and AI-driven communication, Ortberg’s emphasis on intentional, imperfect human connection resonates. The book’s strategies help counterbalance remote work trends and polarized social dynamics.