
Lamya H's award-winning memoir intertwines Quranic stories with queer Muslim identity, challenging traditional narratives. This Brooklyn Public Library Nonfiction Prize winner asks: can faith and queerness coexist? Lambda Literary finalist that's sparking vital conversations about intersectional belonging across religious and LGBTQ+ communities.
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Have you ever discovered your own reflection in the most unexpected places? For a fourteen-year-old struggling with suicidal thoughts, salvation came from an unlikely source-a verse about the Virgin Mary. During Quran class, a revelation struck: Maryam, beloved by God with her own chapter in the Quran, once wished for death during childbirth. For a teenager who desperately wanted to disappear from a life that felt suffocating, this connection was profound. Here was someone sacred experiencing the same despair. This epiphany coincided with another awakening-attraction to women, specifically an Irish economics teacher. The gentle curve of Ms. O'Connor's neck, her lilting accent-these stirred feelings that matched what friends described feeling for boys. Meanwhile, boys themselves seemed "stupid and smelly," their flirtations leaving only discomfort. This recognition brought overwhelming shame and isolation, nights spent praying for these feelings to change. The breakthrough came studying verses about Maryam rejecting a "well-proportioned man" angel. An impulsive question-"Did Maryam not like men?"-led to an epiphany: "I'm not alone. There are women like me in the Quran." This transformed despair into curiosity about creating a life worth living. Sacred texts, once sources of constraint, became pathways to liberation as hidden threads of queerness appeared throughout religious narratives. After all, curiosity makes disappearing impossible.