Chapter 1
The Art of Peaceful Dialogue in a Divided World
In an era where political discourse seems increasingly toxic, Steven T. Collis offers a refreshing perspective in "Habits of a Peacemaker." As a First Amendment law professor who regularly navigates society's most divisive issues-from abortion to religious liberty-Collis has developed practical skills for productive dialogue across ideological divides. The book has gained significant attention in conflict resolution circles, with public figures from Supreme Court justices to religious leaders praising its practical wisdom. What makes this work particularly valuable is how it transforms ancient wisdom about civil discourse into actionable habits for modern conversations. Whether you're trying to survive Thanksgiving dinner with politically diverse relatives or hoping to contribute to solving society's greatest challenges, these habits offer a pathway to more productive engagement without sacrificing your core values.
Chapter 2
Intellectual Humility: The Foundation of Meaningful Dialogue
The journey toward becoming a peacemaker begins with recognizing a humbling truth: most of us don't know what we're talking about most of the time. This intellectual humility isn't self-deprecation but rather an honest assessment of our knowledge limitations. Alexander Pope's wisdom-"A little learning is a dang'rous thing; drink deep or taste not"-becomes increasingly profound as we mature. Throughout history, from medieval scholars misdiagnosing the Black Death as divine punishment to modern family arguments about complex economic policies, acting with insufficient information leads to devastating results.
Research confirms we experience a "beginner's bubble of overconfidence" after learning just a little about a subject. This phenomenon manifests in various contexts - from first-year medical students suddenly diagnosing everyone's ailments to amateur investors convinced they've discovered foolproof trading strategies. The antidote is recognizing how much more there is to learn. Even as a First Amendment professor studying just five constitutional clauses full-time for nearly a decade, Collis acknowledges he's barely scratched the surface of available knowledge. His office contains hundreds of unread books-what Nassim Taleb calls an "antilibrary"-reminding him of his limited understanding. These unread volumes serve as a constant reminder that for every fact we know, there are countless others we don't.
This humility combats the Dunning-Kruger Effect, where people with limited knowledge overestimate their expertise. Consider how confidently novice programmers might critique complex systems, or how beginning cooks might judge master chefs. Ironically, our opinions are often strongest when we know least. Only after recognizing our ignorance do our positions soften, becoming forceful again only after achieving genuine expertise. This U-shaped curve of confidence mirrors the journey from novice to expert in virtually every field.
When we understand how little we individually know, we can reframe conversations in ways that lead to discovery rather than conflict. Rather than showboating or being know-it-alls, effective communicators wait for the right opening, then present problems in all their complexity, offering the best arguments from multiple perspectives. For instance, instead of declaring absolute positions on climate change, skilled communicators might acknowledge the interplay of scientific evidence, economic considerations, and policy challenges. This signals expertise while acknowledging nuance-a far more persuasive approach than arguing from authority alone.
The practice of intellectual humility extends beyond academic discourse into everyday interactions. It manifests in the willingness to say "I don't know," the ability to change one's mind when presented with new evidence, and the recognition that even experts can learn from beginners. This approach creates space for genuine dialogue, where participants focus on understanding rather than winning arguments, and where the goal becomes collective learning rather than individual victory.
Chapter 3
Seeking Real Learning in an Age of Manipulation
To have meaningful conversations while acknowledging our knowledge limitations, we must understand how knowledge is created versus merely acquired. While we can acquire knowledge individually, we generate new knowledge collectively. Isaac Newton's famous statement about "standing on the shoulders of giants" illustrates how even revolutionary discoveries build upon previous work. Newton's correspondence with Robert Hooke demonstrates how knowledge develops through constructive dialogue, with both scientists welcoming challenges to their thinking.
This collaborative process-building on previous discoveries, testing ideas, submitting to criticism, and refining theories-creates knowledge at both grand and everyday scales. For this process to work, we need both legal regimes allowing free speech and people using that freedom responsibly to build bridges across differences.
However, several powerful forces work against real learning in today's world. Our brain's dopamine system, while essential for neural signaling, creates addictive patterns when stimulated by social media notifications and emotionally charged content. Every smartphone notification delivers a neurochemical reward that keeps us checking devices compulsively, undermining our capacity for sustained attention and meaningful discourse.
Behind every digital interaction lurks an invisible army of experts-psychologists, mathematicians, and programmers-dedicated to keeping us hooked. Tech companies build on techniques pioneered by the gambling industry, designing experiences that trigger actions, deliver variable rewards, encourage investment, and create new triggers-an endless cycle deliberately exploiting our neurochemistry. This addiction machine is particularly effective when fueled by outrage, as algorithms prioritize angry voices and frightening news because emotional content drives engagement and profit.
Foreign actors have weaponized these vulnerabilities, with Russian, Chinese, and North Korean operatives creating fake social media personas to infiltrate and inflame divisions across the political spectrum. Their goal isn't to support any particular cause but to turn Americans against each other, undermining trust in our institutions and democratic values.
Breaking free from manipulation requires recognizing we're all susceptible to misinformation. Research shows the "illusory truth" effect-repeated claims feel more true simply through familiarity, regardless of their accuracy-affects everyone, transcending intelligence and knowledge. Peacemakers diversify their information sources and dopamine sources, engaging in activities our ancestors could only dream of having time for: meditation, meaningful conversations, reading books, experiencing nature, and serving others.
Chapter 4
Assuming the Best About People
The third habit of peacemaking requires seeing others' humanity beyond political differences. We often falsely categorize the world into three groups: those who agree with us, those with extreme opposing views, and fools. This distorted thinking, amplified by social media silos, leads us to assume disagreement must stem from nefarious motives or ignorance.
The irrationality of this mindset becomes apparent when we transform people we know to be good-family members, coworkers, friends-into untrustworthy adversaries simply because they hold different views on divisive topics. While evil actors and fools do exist, the people we're trying to have productive conversations with are rarely among them.
Asking sincere questions helps others understand their own positions better while helping you understand their motivations. Jonathan Haidt's research shows that humans tend to reach gut-reaction conclusions first, then reason backward to justify them. These reactions stem from six moral foundations, with political differences often reflecting different psychological reactions rather than moral superiority.
When we argue about surface issues without addressing underlying motivations, we're like people "trying to mail letters but always sending them to the wrong address." Effective dialogue requires digging until you understand someone's bedrock concerns-their underlying moral and psychological foundations. Are they worried about unfairness? Suffering? Preserving institutions? By understanding what truly motivates them, you can work together on solutions that satisfy both your underlying moral concerns.
Active listening means asking genuine questions and listening for complete answers-not to find weaknesses or openings for counterpoints, but to learn. A practical approach is to continue asking questions and listening until the other person asks you something, giving you the opportunity to share your thinking after you've developed a more sophisticated understanding of their perspective.
When facing hostile questions or statements, peacemakers focus on reframing attacks rather than responding defensively. They look behind hostility to determine motivations, asking non-rhetorical questions to understand concerns, then reframing statements in the best possible light without sarcasm.
Chapter 5
Don't Feed People's Worst Fears
When we behave exactly as others fear we will, we lose credibility and any chance to persuade. Peacemakers understand that treating others with respect is essential if we want to be taken seriously, choosing kind expression over sarcasm and anger even when they're intelligent enough to "win" arguments through aggression.
Controlling our emotions is essential for productive dialogue. For some people, emotions hit like tidal waves, clouding rational thinking. Psychologists refer to our instinctual emotions as our "elephant" and our rational brain as the "rider"-we need to train the rider to maintain control. The key is identifying topics that trigger emotional spikes, then gradually exposing yourself to nuanced conversations about these issues from various viewpoints. Over time, this exposure helps you discuss sensitive topics more rationally.
We all have certain topics that trigger overwhelming emotions. This might be a wayward child, a strained relationship, past trauma, or even a favorite sports team. The goal isn't to immediately change who you are, but to recognize which topics you simply cannot discuss rationally yet. When such topics arise, it's best to refrain from discussing them outside controlled environments.
Our capacity for rational thought is part of human dignity-what sets us apart from other species. This concept has evolved from Plato and Aristotle through Cicero's "dignitas" to Renaissance theological perspectives and Kant's secular philosophical view. Despite different foundations, all agree that humans possess dignity through our rational capabilities. By embracing this dignity, we can learn to tame our emotional reactions and engage meaningfully with difficult topics.
Beyond training ourselves to slow down when reaching conclusions, we must also be slow to state those conclusions. When we hear topics we're passionate about, our instinct is to make declarations, but this often shuts down productive dialogue. Social media encourages quick, thoughtless opinions that undermine our credibility and productive conversation. Instead, we should offer our thoughts carefully, gently, and with openness to being wrong.
Chapter 6
Hunt for the Best Argument Against You
Every position has costs and trade-offs-there's no "free lunch" as economists say. Even widely supported policies carry hidden drawbacks that deserve careful consideration. Using seatbelt laws as an example, while they undoubtedly save lives, they also limit personal autonomy, disproportionately burden larger families who need specialized vehicles, and can occasionally cause injuries in specific types of accidents. Similarly, minimum wage laws, while protecting workers, can reduce entry-level job opportunities and burden small businesses. Understanding these nuanced trade-offs helps you grasp the strongest arguments against your position, which either strengthens your view or reveals its fundamental flaws.
Modern Western culture has increasingly shifted from valuing contribution to society toward protecting individuals from discomfort and emotional distress. This shift manifests in various ways: trigger warnings in academia, content moderation on social media, and the growing emphasis on "safe spaces." While these changes have benefits, peacemakers must overcome this cultural conditioning and willingly engage with uncomfortable ideas that challenge their worldview. This might mean examining evidence that contradicts deeply held beliefs about politics, religion, or social issues.
When facing arguments that introduce true but irrelevant facts - a technique known as "red herring" arguments - maintain civility while redirecting to the core issue. For instance, in debates about climate change, opponents might cite historical temperature variations or solar activity patterns. Rather than becoming defensive or getting lost in tangential details, asking clarifying questions like "How does this relate to current carbon emissions?" helps identify whether there's a legitimate underlying concern or just a distraction. This approach keeps discussions focused and productive.
Catchphrases and slogans often obscure the best arguments for a position, harming both proponents and opponents by reducing complex issues to oversimplified soundbites. Using "Defund the Police" as an example, the strongest form of this argument isn't about eliminating law enforcement but redirecting resources toward mental health professionals, social workers, and de-escalation training to handle situations police aren't optimally equipped for, such as mental health crises or domestic disputes. Similarly, "Pro-Life" and "Pro-Choice" labels mask the nuanced ethical considerations on both sides of the abortion debate. Peacemakers must look beyond inflammatory slogans to engage with the most sophisticated version of an argument, rather than attacking weak interpretations or straw man versions.
Understanding opposing viewpoints requires intellectual humility and the ability to temporarily set aside emotional responses. This means actively seeking out thoughtful critics of your position, reading their best work, and genuinely trying to understand their perspective before forming counterarguments. It also involves recognizing that reasonable people can disagree on complex issues while still maintaining mutual respect and engaging in constructive dialogue.
Chapter 7
Be Open to Change
The Constitutional Convention offers powerful lessons in the value of being open to change. Despite representing competing interests and ideologies, delegates created rules that enabled them to draft the Constitution by freeing themselves to change their minds without fear of recrimination. They kept no official record of individual votes, maintained secrecy of proceedings, and allowed reconsideration of any vote. As James Madison later reflected, this environment meant "no man felt himself obliged to retain his opinions any longer than he was satisfied of their propriety and truth."
The 1943 Barnette case established powerful constitutional limits on government action, declaring "no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox" and explaining how the Bill of Rights places fundamental freedoms "beyond the reach of majorities and officials." This landmark ruling almost didn't happen-Justices Douglas and Black changed their minds after "long reflection," helping solidify one of the most important Supreme Court decisions in modern history.
Nadine Strossen (former ACLU president) and Kristen Waggoner (Alliance Defending Freedom president) exemplify putting principles above tribal loyalty. Despite profound disagreements on most divisive issues, they co-authored an op-ed defending free speech principles. While tribalism itself isn't inherently negative (it enables collective achievement), toxic tribalism that suppresses dissent or treats outsiders as enemies creates problems in modern politics.
Peacemakers must overcome the fear that acknowledging proven facts might undermine cherished positions. This anxiety often leads people to take absurd stances despite overwhelming evidence, destroying their credibility. We don't need to deny reality when faced with uncomfortable truths. Instead, we should concede facts we know are correct, then engage with whether these facts actually matter to our position.
Chapter 8
Spend Time with People
During the Constitutional Convention, delegates with profoundly different positions managed to work collaboratively largely because they spent significant time together outside formal debates. They stayed in the same boardinghouses and taverns, dined together regularly in "clubs" that crossed sectional and ideological lines, and shared evening teas. These informal gatherings allowed delegates from different states to share personal stories, discuss their families, and find common ground beyond political positions. James Madison and Alexander Hamilton, despite their opposing views on federal power, developed a deep respect for each other through these social interactions. This regular social interaction helped transform potential adversaries into friends, creating an environment where productive debate could flourish despite deep disagreements.
There's wisdom in the saying "There are the people we love, and there are the people we don't know." When we spend time with others and truly understand their circumstances-what philosophers call "moral luck" (the conditions of birth, environment, and biology that shape us)-we become less judgmental and more understanding. This concept extends beyond individual relationships to entire communities. Studies have shown that diverse neighborhoods with shared community spaces and regular social events consistently report lower levels of prejudice and higher levels of mutual trust.
This principle applies powerfully to parenting. One parent shared how understanding his child's lower executive functioning changed everything. What appeared as willful defiance was actually a brain that worked differently-unable to store lessons in long-term memory or control impulses effectively. Through consultation with specialists and extensive reading, they learned that their child's brain processed information differently, requiring unique approaches to learning and behavior management. This insight transformed their parenting approach with patience and kindness, leading them to implement structured routines, visual aids, and breaking down complex tasks into manageable steps.
More importantly, this understanding helped them comprehend and forgive a difficult family member whose similar neurological differences had likely caused years of harmful behavior. They recognized patterns in their relative's struggles with organization, emotional regulation, and social interactions that mirrored their child's challenges. This revelation led to family-wide changes in communication strategies, setting realistic expectations, and creating supportive environments that accommodated different neurological needs. The experience highlighted how spending time to truly understand others' circumstances can transform relationships and create more compassionate communities.
Chapter 9
A Sliver of Humor
Humor serves as a powerful tool for peacemakers, as demonstrated by Ronald Reagan's famous debate response about his age. When questioned about his ability to function under pressure at 73, Reagan quipped: "I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." This masterful use of humor disarmed everyone-including his opponent Walter Mondale-and effectively neutralized concerns about his age.
Research confirms humor's effectiveness in leadership: leaders with any sense of humor are perceived as 27% more motivating, have 15% more engaged employees, and their teams are twice as likely to solve creative challenges. Even adding a lighthearted line to a sales pitch can increase customers' willingness to pay by 18%. Humor works because laughter releases stress-reducing chemicals that create a sense of calm and connection.
Different types of humor work for different people. When someone doesn't laugh at a joke, it usually means they don't appreciate that particular style of humor, not that they lack a sense of humor entirely. Four main categories are particularly useful: aggressive humor (often used by bullies), relatable humor (observations about everyday life), self-endearing humor (using personal stories that cast oneself in a charming light), and self-deprecating humor (attacking oneself, useful for deflecting praise when done appropriately).
Despite humor's usefulness, timing is crucial. Consider the cautionary tale from Roe v. Wade's oral arguments, when attorney Jay Floyd opened with a joke about arguing "against two beautiful ladies." His attempt at levity was met with painful silence from the Supreme Court justices. This infamous gaffe became a teaching moment for lawyers about when not to use humor.
Chapter 10
Seek Inner Peace
Peacemakers cultivate inner peace that permeates outward into their interactions. Like the four chaplains who remained calm during the 1943 sinking of a troop carrier-giving away their gear and guiding young soldiers despite the chaos-peacemakers develop practices that allow them to maintain composure in difficult situations.
Our bodies are designed to perceive threats through our amygdalae, which release stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. While this response is automatic, we can control its effects through mindfulness-staying present rather than letting our minds drift. Meditation is one powerful technique, as is intentional breathing. The practice of breathing in slowly while counting to four, holding for four, then releasing for four establishes rhythm and awareness that can stop the production of stress hormones.
For Christians, peace comes from yielding worldly desires to God's desires, focusing on charitable service to others through prayer, worship and scripture study. Similarly, other religions use daily practices to free adherents from bodily desires and self-focus. In Buddhism, meditation coupled with visualizing all beings as one helps practitioners recognize interconnectedness and move beyond the self.
Journaling improves mental health by reducing depression, anxiety, and stress while boosting immune function and gratitude. Despite these benefits, many avoid it due to perceived time constraints. The key is starting small-keeping expectations modest and the journal accessible. Even brief entries like "September 15. Feeling sad" can build momentum.
Finding inner peace requires deliberately carving out time for beneficial practices. Peacemakers don't merely hope to find windows for meditation, reading, or journaling-they designate specific daily times and treat them as sacrosanct. Whether morning, lunchtime, or before bed, they protect these periods from the ceaseless interventions of emails, texts, obligations, and news developments.
Chapter 11
Embrace the Discomfort of Non-Closure
Certainty feels comfortable but can be dangerous. We don't need to solve all the world's problems, and recognizing this frees us from the painful need to win every argument. Instead, we can embrace the exciting proposition that there's always more to learn and new perspectives to discover, viewing every conversation as an opportunity for exploration.
Humans naturally engage in dichotomous thinking-seeing issues in black-and-white terms-which served us well for survival but hurts us when addressing complex societal problems. We're often presented false binaries on issues like religion vs. LGBTQ+ rights or abortion, when most people actually fall somewhere between extremes. The "Realm of Reasonableness" is that space between polar positions where nuanced thinking exists. Residing here helps us both develop balanced positions and be more patient with those who disagree with us.
True education-not merely degrees-softens our tendency toward dichotomous thinking. Rather than seeing disagreements as moments for anger, peacemakers view them as opportunities to ask questions, challenge assumptions, and deepen understanding through further study. This requires willingness to consider others' perspectives and remain open-minded about what we might discover, rather than clinging to uninformed conclusions.
Knowledge creation happens incrementally through dialogue, evidence gathering, and challenging ideas. We need not find grand conclusions in one sitting or solve every problem completely. Progress comes from learning something new, advancing our thinking, or seeing situations from different perspectives. These small advances should be cherished, even when we remain undecided or haven't persuaded everyone to agree with us.
Despite praising uncertainty, there are times when being "decided" matters. The phrase "The decided are always gentle" suggests a calmness that comes from settling certain matters in our minds. The key principle for determining where to be certain lies in how we treat others-resolving to behave toward people with selfless desire to lift them up regardless of consequences. With this standard, we can be gentle because we've already decided how to act.
Abraham Lincoln once advised fellow lawyers to "discourage litigation" and persuade neighbors to compromise, noting that even nominal winners often become real losers through wasted time and resources. This wisdom extends beyond litigation to our modern discourse. While we each have non-negotiable core values, how we discuss these matters and treat others remains crucial. Many seemingly intractable problems aren't unsolvable-they simply require peacemakers who can address issues with civility, kindness, respect, thoughtfulness, knowledge, and flexibility.
