Can We Talk? by Roberta Chinsky Matuson Summary

Can We Talk? provides a framework for managing difficult workplace conversations through seven principles: confidence, clarity, compassion, curiosity, compromise, credibility, and courage. It offers actionable strategies to transform exchanges into productive dialogue, emphasizing empathy, active listening, and mutual understanding. The book includes real-world scenarios, scripts, and lessons from failed conversations to help readers navigate conflicts and foster collaboration.

Executives, team leaders, and employees seeking to improve workplace communication will benefit most. It’s ideal for those navigating tough discussions with colleagues, supervisors, or direct reports. The book also supports organizations aiming to build a culture of open dialogue and trust.

Roberta Matuson’s seven principles are:

• Confidence: Approach conversations with self-assurance.
• Clarity: Articulate ideas plainly.
• Compassion: Prioritize empathy.
• Curiosity: Ask questions to understand others.
• Compromise: Seek mutually beneficial outcomes.
• Credibility: Build trust through consistency.
• Courage: Address uncomfortable topics directly.
  These principles guide readers to resolve conflicts and strengthen relationships.

The book highlights nonverbal cues—body language, tone, and eye contact—as critical to conveying intent. It advises aligning verbal and nonverbal signals to avoid misinterpretation and provides strategies to read others’ cues effectively. For example, leaning in shows engagement, while crossed arms may signal defensiveness.

Matuson introduces the Four Levels of Communication:

1. Data: Factual exchange.
2. Meaning: Shared understanding.
3. Connection: Emotional engagement.
4. Inspiration: Visionary dialogue.
   Moving beyond superficial levels helps build deeper workplace relationships. The book also provides checklists to prepare for and structure difficult discussions.

Yes. It features scenarios like addressing poor performance, negotiating promotions, and managing interteam conflicts. For instance, a manager learns to frame feedback constructively using the “Compassion-Clarity” method, balancing honesty with empathy.

By teaching leaders to create psychologically safe environments, the book reduces turnover. For example, it advises using “curiosity” to uncover employee concerns and “compromise” to align goals. Saxbys’ CEO credits the strategies for aligning their “Communicate Openly” core value.

Some reviewers note the principles are broadly applicable but lack industry-specific adaptations. Others suggest adding more case studies on remote-team communication. However, the actionable scripts and focus on mutual engagement are widely praised.

Unlike prescriptive methods, Can We Talk? emphasizes collaborative dialogue, requiring participation from both parties. It avoids one-size-fits-all solutions, instead tailoring strategies to individual dynamics. This contrasts with books like Crucial Conversations, which focus more on technique than relational depth.

Yes. Techniques like active listening, empathy, and clarity enhance personal relationships. For example, using “curiosity” to ask open-ended questions helps resolve family disputes. The book’s focus on mutual understanding transcends professional contexts.

Leaders like Dr. Bev Kaye (author of Love ’Em or Lose ’Em) and Dorie Clark (Duke University) praise its practicality. Nick Bayer, Saxbys CEO, credits it for aligning communication with company values. The book also won the 2022 Independent Press Award for Career.

For anyone struggling with workplace conflicts, it’s a valuable resource. Its structured frameworks, real-world examples, and focus on reciprocity make it a standout guide. Readers gain tools to transform adversarial interactions into opportunities for growth.