Chapter 4
Finding Creative Freedom and Gay Identity in Los Angeles
After graduating college and spending a transformative year teaching English in Tokyo, where he first experienced life outside the conservative bubble of Texas, Cook made the bold decision to move to Los Angeles to pursue acting and writing, abandoning his safe, predetermined path to law school. Los Angeles, with its diverse population and thriving creative community, offered the perfect antidote to Dallas's stifling homogeneity. The city's accepting atmosphere helped him shed lingering shame about his sexuality and surrounded him with like-minded creative people who not only accepted but celebrated authentic self-expression.
Cook immersed himself in the demanding world of acting at the prestigious Larry Moss Studio, where he thrived in the emotional crucible of intense scene studies and brutally honest critiques. The studio's rigorous approach forced him to confront his deepest vulnerabilities and transform them into artistic expression. He discovered his natural aptitude for comedy and took the pivotal step of joining the legendary Groundlings improvisation class, where alumni like Will Ferrell and Lisa Kudrow had trained. The high-wire act of improvisation - creating scenes from thin air while fighting stage fright - challenged him daily but ultimately sparked his passion for writing and storytelling.
His home base became a beautiful apartment in a historic West Hollywood building on Harper Avenue, whose previous residents included cultural icons James Dean and Marilyn Monroe. The building became a hub for other gay transplants from conservative states, forming a chosen family who shared similar journeys of self-discovery. These friendships provided both emotional support and creative inspiration, leading to collaborative projects and lasting bonds.
Living in Los Angeles during the entertainment industry's golden age proved to be an exhilarating adventure. Cook's social calendar expanded to include A-list movie premieres at Grauman's Chinese Theatre, exclusive Grammy and Golden Globe award shows, and intimate industry parties in the Hollywood Hills. He experienced surreal moments like riding in Nia Vardalos's limousine to the prestigious Vanity Fair Oscar party, lounging poolside at Drew Barrymore's Hollywood Hills home, attending an intimate home concert by Prince in Bel Air, and spending weekends at Diane Keaton's architecturally stunning desert retreat. His work as a production designer connected him with countless celebrities and major fashion magazines, leading to global adventures - including an unforgettable photo shoot on the Great Wall of China for Vogue.
From the late 1990s through the mid-2000s, Cook became an enthusiastic participant in gay pride celebrations across major cities, from West Hollywood to New York City's Christopher Street. These events coincided with a period of growing LGBTQ+ acceptance in American culture, making him feel part of a significant social movement. The parades and festivals gave him a profound sense of belonging to something greater than himself, a stark contrast to his isolated youth in Texas. One particularly memorable Christmas Eve in New York's West Village, he and a close friend celebrated at historic gay bars until sunrise, toasting with champagne at 6am - feeling genuine joy in creating their own unconventional holiday traditions, far from the restrictive conventions of their past.
Chapter 5
The Emptiness Behind the Glamour: Searching for Meaning
Despite his worldly success and exciting lifestyle, Cook found himself increasingly questioning the meaning of his existence. His romantic relationships followed the same two-year pattern: six months of bliss, six months of diminishing returns, followed by a year of deterioration into fights and antipathy. Despite this cycle, he approached each new relationship with amnesia-like optimism, believing each new partner would "save him" and bring meaning to his existence.
Seeking answers to his existential questions, Cook spent five years in weekly therapy sessions. Initially productive, therapy helped him understand behavioral patterns and connect them to his boundaryless relationship with his mother. Yet as time passed, he realized self-knowledge wasn't providing ultimate meaning. When he desperately asked his therapist about life's purpose, his typical response-"What do you think?"-finally pushed Cook to quit in frustration.
He turned to theater and art, consuming works by serious playwrights and visiting prestigious museums worldwide. These experiences often moved him profoundly-he wept at John Currin's paintings and nearly fainted at Yves Klein's exhibition. Museums and theaters became his temples, offering transcendent moments that approached spirituality but never quite reached what C.S. Lewis described as truly uniting with beauty.
The emptiness culminated at Stella McCartney's Paris fashion week party in March 2009. Surrounded by beautiful people and celebrities, Cook experienced a profound emptiness and panic. He fled without saying goodbye, thinking, "If this isn't fulfilling me anymore, what will?" He spent the night sleepless, contemplating a bleak future, having exhausted all worldly pleasures yet finding no satisfaction. After returning to Los Angeles, he resumed his routine, drowning existential angst in busyness-little knowing that six months later, a random meeting at a coffee shop would lead to all the answers he was seeking.
Chapter 6
Navigating a New Identity: The Aftermath of Conversion
When God saved Cook in 2009, he faced the daunting task of telling his liberal, progressive, atheist friends that he was now a born-again Christian. The prospect of sharing this transformation with his social circle, deeply embedded in the fashion and entertainment industry, seemed overwhelming. Surprisingly, most remained friends despite their initial shock and confusion. Some, like his friend Lisa from Dallas, even embraced Christianity after hearing his testimony. Her journey from skepticism to faith became one of the first examples Cook witnessed of God working through his story.
Cook became unstoppable in sharing the gospel, telling everyone on photo shoots about Jesus. His workplace became his mission field, and he found creative ways to integrate his faith into professional conversations. Several colleagues came to Christ, including Annie, a makeup artist who initially questioned how he could leave his gay identity. Through months of honest conversations and witnessing Cook's transformed life, she later committed her life to Jesus, demonstrating how authentic testimony can break down barriers to faith.
In late 2013, Cook felt God calling him to seminary despite having launched a successful clothing line that was gaining traction in the fashion industry. The timing seemed illogical from a business perspective, as his brand was beginning to attract major retailers and fashion influencers. When he shared his dilemma with an elder at his church, the man prayed and sensed God would pay for his education as confirmation. Though skeptical about abandoning his business venture, Cook took a leap of faith, dissolved the company with his business partner, and applied to Talbot School of Theology.
Remarkably, from enrollment in 2014 to graduation in 2017, he never paid for school-God provided through others' generosity. Anonymous donors, church members, and even strangers contributed to his education, often at precisely the moment tuition payments were due. The theological training at Talbot equipped him with deep biblical knowledge and apologetics skills, preparing him for speaking engagements at churches and universities about homosexuality and identity in Christ. While studying, he continued his production design work to support himself, learning to balance ministry preparation with practical needs. This period of theological education transformed not only his understanding of Scripture but also his ability to articulate his testimony in theologically sound ways that resonated with both believers and skeptics.
His experience became a powerful testament to God's faithfulness and the reality of divine provision, encouraging others to step out in faith when called to ministry. The combination of his industry background and theological training created unique opportunities to bridge the gap between the Christian and LGBTQ+ communities, allowing him to speak truth with both compassion and conviction.
Chapter 7
Answering the Hard Questions: Faith, Sexuality, and Identity
Since becoming a Christian, Cook has faced numerous questions about his dramatic life change. When asked if it's unfair that he has to be alone for the rest of his life, he responds that he's not alone-he's in relationship with the King of the universe, which transcends and satisfies beyond any human relationship. He points out that Jesus himself was single, poor, and homeless, while Paul endured tremendous hardships in his singleness. Every relationship he releases for Christ's sake is given back hundredfold through his spiritual family of believers.
When asked if he was born gay, Cook acknowledges there's no simple answer. While he once confidently told his father "I was born this way," the scientific reality is that no definitive cause for homosexuality has been established. But ultimately, whether a "gay gene" exists is irrelevant to his conviction that homosexual behavior is sinful. He makes an important distinction: homosexual desire isn't chosen, but acting on it is.
To those who ask if he's straight now, Cook explains it's a common misconception that becoming a Christian magically makes you straight. While God can instantly heal sexual brokenness, sometimes He allows struggles to persist. Though his desire for men has greatly diminished since encountering Jesus, he may not be fully healed in this lifetime. But he's content being obedient to God, willing to deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Christ.
Cook refuses to identify as a "gay Christian" because that label belongs to his old self. Paul instructs believers to "put off your old self" and "put on the new self." His identity is in Christ, not his sexuality. While he still struggles with same-sex attraction, God's grace has diminished those desires. He may fully heal this brokenness someday, but for now, he's content being obedient.
Chapter 8
The Cost of Discipleship: Choosing Christ Over Identity
Cook compares the choice between homosexual identity and following Christ to Jesus's encounter with the rich young man in the Gospels. For the rich young man, wealth was his deal breaker because it formed his core identity - it wasn't just about money, but about his entire sense of self, social standing, and security. Similarly, for many in the LGBT community, homosexual identity is the deal breaker that prevents them from following Christ, as it represents not just sexual orientation but their fundamental understanding of who they are.
He shares contrasting stories of two gay men he knows. Nathan, a gay man in his twenties who attended Cook's church with his live-in boyfriend, gradually felt convicted that something wasn't right. The process wasn't immediate or easy - Nathan struggled for months with depression and anxiety as he wrestled with his faith and identity. After agonizing over the choice between Christ and his boyfriend, Nathan ultimately chose Christ and now attends Dallas Theological Seminary, where he's found a new community and purpose. His journey illustrates the profound personal cost and emotional complexity of such decisions.
In contrast, Lucas, another gay acquaintance, initially showed interest in Cook's church but withdrew when he learned of its stance on homosexuality. When confronted with choosing Christ over his comfortable life with his boyfriend of five years, he chose the relationship. Lucas's story represents many who find the cost of discipleship too high, especially when it threatens established relationships and lifestyle patterns they've built their lives around.
Cook compares these choices to biblical examples like Esau, who impulsively traded his birthright for a bowl of lentil stew. In ancient cultures, a firstborn son's birthright included not just material benefits like a double portion of inheritance, but also spiritual leadership of the family and, more importantly for Abraham's grandson, the Abrahamic covenant with its promises of land, descendants, and blessing. Yet Esau "despised his birthright," trading the greatest blessing one could receive for immediate gratification. The author draws parallels between this momentous choice and modern situations, noting how the temporal pleasure of relationships can sometimes overshadow eternal considerations.
Cook extends this analysis to examine how these choices ripple through communities and families. He notes that those who choose to follow Christ often face not just personal loss but also social isolation, family tension, and the challenge of building new support systems. Yet he also documents cases where this sacrifice has led to unexpected blessings - new spiritual families, deeper relationships, and a more profound sense of purpose and identity in Christ.
Chapter 9
Loving Well: Guidance for Christians Engaging with LGBT Loved Ones
Drawing from his unique perspective of having lived on both sides of the homosexuality issue, Cook offers guidance on how to engage with loved ones who identify as gay or lesbian in a Christlike way. He acknowledges that homosexuality is one of the most difficult sins to address because it affects the whole person and often becomes central to one's identity.
He shares the story of Zoe, who came out as lesbian to her Christian parents at seventeen. Her parents reacted poorly-refusing to speak to her, forcing her into reparative therapy, imposing punitive measures, angrily quoting Bible verses, and even threatening to kick her out. Cook acknowledges that parents need time to grieve when a child comes out, but emphasizes they should take their pain to God rather than lashing out at their child.
Instead, Cook points to the father in the prodigal son parable as the model for parents whose children come out as gay. Rather than reacting with rage, punishment, or Bible verses, the father simply divided his property and let his son go. Cook acknowledges this approach isn't easy but believes it's ultimately more helpful than harmful.
He shares how his sister-in-law Kim modeled the ideal Christian response to his homosexuality. Despite being an evangelical Christian, she never condemned him, quoted Bible verses at him, or withheld love based on his lifestyle. Instead, she loved him unconditionally and prayed for him for twenty years. During their regular Starbucks meetings, she would openly discuss her faith while showing genuine interest in his life. This approach created deep trust between them, allowing him to feel unjudged while knowing her convictions.
Cook concludes by addressing the Christian view that homosexuality is "no different from any other sin," arguing that while all sin offends God, homosexuality differs in becoming an identity rather than just a behavior. He notes there are "gay pride parades but not gossip pride parades," illustrating how this sin becomes deeply entangled with personal identity. He emphasizes that love, not winning arguments, should motivate Christians' engagement with the LGBT community.
Chapter 10
Standing Firm in a Changing Culture: The Cost of Biblical Conviction
Cook expresses deep concern about the shifting landscape within Christian circles, noting that even prominent religious leaders and theologians who previously defended Scripture's teaching on homosexuality have reversed their positions. He introduces the powerful biblical narrative of Daniel and his friends in Babylon as a compelling parallel for understanding how believers should navigate cultural pressures while maintaining biblical fidelity.
The author draws detailed parallels between ancient Babylon and modern society. When Nebuchadnezzar erected a massive golden statue and mandated universal worship under penalty of death, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego faced an ultimate test of faith. Their response was unequivocal - they would not bow to cultural demands that violated God's commands, even if it meant facing the furnace. Their declaration that God could deliver them, but even if He didn't, they would remain faithful, exemplifies the unwavering conviction Christians need today.
Cook connects this ancient example to Martin Luther's historic stand at the Diet of Worms in 1521, where Luther famously declared, "Here I stand, I can do no other." These historical examples demonstrate how God's people throughout history have faced intense pressure to compromise their beliefs, yet remained steadfast. Today's Christians face similar challenges, though the consequences may be more subtle but equally significant.
The author identifies several tactical ways Satan attempts to undermine biblical truth about sexuality: questioning the clarity of relevant passages, suggesting cultural context negates their application today, and appealing to emotions over Scripture. He documents the rapid shift in how society views traditional Christian sexual ethics - from tolerance to demanding celebration and affirmation. Christians increasingly find themselves labeled as bigoted or hateful simply for holding biblical views.
Cook provides specific examples of modern consequences for biblical conviction: business owners facing lawsuits, employees losing jobs, students facing academic penalties, and churches losing tax-exempt status. He emphasizes that these challenges, while difficult, pale in comparison to what believers face in other parts of the world and throughout history.
The author draws profound inspiration from Jesus' example, noting how Christ faced the ultimate "fiery furnace" of crucifixion alone, maintaining perfect obedience to God's will. Jesus consistently defeated Satan's temptations by knowing and applying Scripture, demonstrating the power of God's Word as our defense against cultural pressure. Cook concludes by calling Christians to prepare themselves spiritually and mentally for increasing opposition, emphasizing that faithfulness to God's Word must take precedence over social acceptance or personal comfort.
