
In "41-Love," Scarlett Thomas serves up a captivating memoir about rediscovering tennis at midlife. This 2021 literary ace explores how a sport becomes therapy, offering readers a powerful meditation on aging, resilience, and finding unexpected joy through physical challenge.
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Have you ever wanted something so badly it nearly destroyed you? At forty-one, after a twenty-seven-year break from tennis, I stepped back onto the court with a cheap racquet and outdated technique. What started as casual hitting sessions spiraled into an all-consuming obsession-a quest to see how far a middle-aged woman could climb in competitive tennis. That first tournament victory felt intoxicating, the trophy gleaming on my mantelpiece. All I wanted was another one, a desire that would push me to the edge of physical and psychological collapse. This wasn't just about tennis. It was about reclaiming something lost, proving something to myself, finding objective validation in a world where success often feels arbitrary. I abandoned tennis at fourteen when I went to boarding school, trading my identity as "the tennis girl" for something safer, more acceptable. At my new school, lacrosse ruled, and during my first tennis lesson, I experienced what athletes call "choking"-my arms turned wooden, my coordination vanished, and I developed "the Elbow," that dreaded tension that transforms fluid movement into mechanical jerks. Another student who barely cared about tennis defeated me handily. The humiliation felt absolute. Rather than face this new reality, I reinvented myself completely. I started using my middle name, Victoria, marking a clean break from my tennis past. I took up ballet, horse-riding, embraced lacrosse with forced enthusiasm, and adopted typical teenage rebellions-smoking, obsessive dieting, anything to distance myself from that failure. Yet tennis never completely left me. The racquet stayed tucked away like a secret, and in casual games years later, muscle memory would resurface-proper footwork, instinctive ball trajectory reading. These scattered moments created a complex tapestry of unresolved emotions and unfulfilled potential that would eventually demand resolution. But obsession, I would learn, comes with a price.