What is *The All-or-Nothing Marriage* by Eli J. Finkel about?

*The All-or-Nothing Marriage* examines how modern marriages face higher expectations than ever, blending historical analysis with strategies to help couples thrive. Finkel argues marriages now demand mutual support for personal growth and self-actualization, creating a "best of times, worst of times" dynamic. The book offers evidence-based tools to navigate these pressures, emphasizing adaptability and intentionality.

Who should read *The All-or-Nothing Marriage*?

Dual-career couples, marriage counselors, and anyone seeking to balance personal aspirations with partnership success will find this book valuable. Finkel’s insights are particularly relevant for those navigating high-stress careers, parenting, or evolving relationship goals. The blend of academic research and actionable advice makes it accessible for both professionals and general readers.

Is *The All-or-Nothing Marriage* worth reading?

Yes—it’s a rigorous yet practical guide to modern relationships. Finkel’s "lovehacks" (small, science-backed interventions) and frameworks for sustaining intimacy amid busy lives are standout features. Critics note its limited focus on commitment and forgiveness, but its actionable strategies make it a top resource for couples prioritizing growth.

What is the "all-or-nothing" concept in marriage?

Finkel’s "all-or-nothing" theory describes how modern marriages either thrive by fulfilling lofty emotional and self-expressive needs or stagnate when partners fail to adapt. Unlike past eras focused on survival or social stability, today’s marriages often hinge on whether they foster personal fulfillment alongside partnership goals.

How does *The All-or-Nothing Marriage* address work-life balance?

The book advises couples to strategically outsource non-core tasks (e.g., chores) to free up time for meaningful connection. Finkel also emphasizes "lovehacks," like expressing gratitude or creating shared rituals, to strengthen bonds without overwhelming busy schedules. These methods help dual-career partners prioritize quality time.

What are the main critiques of *The All-or-Nothing Marriage*?

Some scholars argue the book underemphasizes commitment, sacrifice, and family dynamics, focusing instead on individual fulfillment. Critics also note its limited discussion of long-term marital resilience, contrasting it with studies showing many couples adapt and grow happier over time.

How does Finkel’s approach differ from other marriage experts like John Gottman?

While Gottman emphasizes conflict resolution and emotional attunement, Finkel prioritizes aligning marriages with self-actualization goals. His strategies target modern pressures like career ambition, advocating for intentional "scaling back" of expectations during busy life stages—a niche less explored in traditional marriage literature.

What are "lovehacks" in *The All-or-Nothing Marriage*?

"Lovehacks" are simple, research-backed actions to enhance connection, such as: - Writing gratitude notes to your partner. - Scheduling regular "check-in" conversations. - Creating shared goals for personal and joint growth. These micro-interventions help couples maintain intimacy without significant time investments.

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활

최고의 결혼 생활이 유지되는 방식

일라이 핀켈

3.58(1728 Reviews)

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 개요

"올 오어 너싱 메리지(The All-or-Nothing Marriage)"에서 엘리 핀켈(Eli Finkel)은 현대의 결혼 생활이 왜 더 많은 것을 요구하면서도 동시에 더 큰 보상을 제공하는지 밝힙니다. 마인드셋 전문가 캐럴 드웩(Carol Dweck)이 추천한 이 베스트셀러는 생존을 위한 계약에서 자기 발견의 여정으로 진화해 온 결혼의 역사를 추적합니다. 오늘날의 관계가 진정으로 개인의 성장과 지속적인 유대감이라는 두 마리 토끼를 모두 잡을 수 있을까요?

전달 방식을 선택하세요

한 권의 책, 다양한 듣기 방식.

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 같은 아이디어를 담았습니다. 나에게 맞는 목소리, 깊이, 속도를 고르고 언제든 바꿔 보세요.

1장

When Love Meets Self-Discovery: The Evolution of Modern Marriage

Marriage used to be simple-or at least simpler. You found someone who could help you survive, had some children, and worked together until death did you part. Today, we expect our spouses to be our best friends, passionate lovers, co-parents, intellectual equals, and catalysts for personal growth. No wonder modern marriage feels so challenging! Eli J. Finkel's "The All-or-Nothing Marriage" has become a cultural touchstone for understanding this transformation, praised by relationship experts like Esther Perel and featured in publications from The New York Times to The Atlantic. The book resonates deeply with millennials navigating the complexities of contemporary relationships, offering both sobering reality and surprising optimism: today's marriages can be more fulfilling than ever before-if we understand what we're asking of them and invest accordingly.

2장

The Paradox of Modern Marriage

When psychologist Eli Finkel set out to write about American marriage, he initially believed we were simply asking too much of the institution. His research assistant Grace Larson shattered this assumption by revealing that historically, Americans actually depended more on marriage for basic survival than we do today. In colonial times, for instance, marriage was essential for women's economic security and men's ability to maintain a household. This revelation transformed Finkel's perspective: we're not asking more of marriage-we're asking different things altogether. Modern marriage embodies a striking paradox. The average marriage is less stable and less satisfying than in previous generations, yet the best marriages are more fulfilling than ever before in human history. This "all-or-nothing" pattern explains why marriage simultaneously appears to be both thriving and collapsing in contemporary America. Statistics reflect this divide: while divorce rates hover around 40-50%, couples in successful marriages report unprecedented levels of intimacy, personal fulfillment, and shared growth. The explanation lies in what psychologist Abraham Maslow called the "hierarchy of needs." In earlier eras, marriage primarily fulfilled lower-level needs like physical safety and economic stability. A wife needed her husband's protection and financial support, while a husband relied on his wife for domestic management and child-rearing. Today, we've ascended to the peak of Maslow's pyramid, seeking self-actualization and personal growth through our romantic partnerships. Modern couples expect their partners to be not just providers or homemakers, but best friends, passionate lovers, intellectual equals, and catalysts for personal development. This climb offers unprecedented potential for deep fulfillment but requires significantly more oxygen (time, energy, and psychological resources) to sustain-resources many couples simply don't have in our fast-paced, career-driven society. Like the temperamental Pinot Noir grape described in the film Sideways, modern marriage demands constant attention and nurturing. Without proper care, it withers quickly. Just as the delicate grape requires specific soil conditions, careful cultivation, and precise timing for harvest, today's marriages need regular emotional check-ins, deep communication, and intentional investment in shared growth. But with sufficient investment, it produces something transcendent-"the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle" connection possible between two people. This shift has created an unprecedented situation: the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of any previous era, while struggling marriages face greater challenges than ever before. Successful modern couples report deeper emotional intimacy, more satisfying sex lives, and stronger friendship than their historical counterparts ever experienced. However, couples who can't meet these heightened expectations often find themselves more disappointed and disconnected than previous generations, who at least maintained their unions through clear roles and mutual dependency. Understanding this transformation requires exploring how marriage has evolved throughout American history, from its roots as an economic arrangement to its current status as a vehicle for personal fulfillment and emotional connection.

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 각 단어가 오디오에 맞춰 실시간으로 강조되어 편하게 따라 읽을 수 있습니다.

3장

From Survival Partnership to Romantic Union

When Abraham Lincoln was born in 1809, his parents lived in a one-room dirt-floor cabin. Life was brutally difficult, and marriage was primarily about survival. Thomas and Nancy Lincoln didn't marry for self-expression or even necessarily for love-they married to create a functioning household that could provide food, shelter, and basic necessities. This pragmatic approach to marriage dominated human history. For thousands of years across most civilizations, marriage functioned primarily as an economic arrangement. In agricultural societies, families sought to preserve or expand their wealth through strategic marriages, with personal fulfillment barely considered. When the Pilgrims reached America in 1620, they established this traditional model where the family served as a self-sufficient economic system producing food, shelter, clothing, education, and healthcare. Colonial wives performed countless duties from brewing beer to churning butter while raising an average of six children. Living alone was practically impossible-nearly all colonists married, and most quickly remarried if widowed. The household, not the individual, served as the basic societal unit. During the 1700s and early 1800s, however, love began its decisive conquest of marriage. Enlightenment ideas about social contracts and individual rights transformed family structures. The traditional view of households as miniature kingdoms with husbands as monarchs clashed with new democratic ideals. Gradually, marriage shifted "from sharing tasks to sharing feelings," transforming spouses from workmates into soulmates. This new marital ideal aligned with Romantic era values celebrating authentic emotional experiences, reflected in popular novels like Goethe's "The Sorrows of Young Werther" and the works of Jane Austen. However, the transition remained slow in practice. As long as American society remained predominantly agricultural with farmhouses serving as economic production units, pragmatic concerns necessarily dominated marital relationships.

4장

The Love-Based Marriage Takes Center Stage

Industrialization radically transformed American life between 1870-1940, setting the stage for love-based marriage to flourish. As railroads connected the country and technological advances improved living standards, Americans became wealthier and could prioritize emotional fulfillment in marriage. The industrial economy created the working-class family structure where husbands worked in factories while wives managed households. Unlike farm families where work happened together, industrial work separated spouses physically and introduced rigid time schedules. The brutal, monotonous conditions of factory work transformed the home into a psychological sanctuary-a haven where different values reigned: love, companionship, selflessness, and sacrifice. Love evolved from something to be cultivated within marriage to an uncontrollable force that should precede it. By the early 1900s, Victorian constraints loosened as couples increasingly acted on romantic desires. Women recognized their own sexual needs, and social commentators began arguing that satisfying sex was essential to successful marriage. An undersexed marriage became as unacceptable as a loveless one had been decades earlier. The "long decade" from 1947 to the early 1960s brought the love-based, breadwinner-homemaker marriage model to its peak. After sixteen years of Depression and war, Americans sought stability by doubling down on separate spheres ideology. Ninety-five percent of Americans who came of age in the 1950s married, with half of women marrying by age twenty. America's postwar economic boom allowed even working-class families to afford single-family homes and adopt suburban lifestyles. Despite appearing idyllic, the 1950s marriage model revealed fundamental flaws. Women's economic dependence on husbands prevented true equality. Suburbanization exacerbated social isolation, especially for mothers trapped at home without daily interaction with coworkers. The breadwinner-homemaker structure made it difficult for spouses to develop deep insight into each other's lives, revealing an inherent contradiction: separate spheres and togetherness are virtually incompatible. Perhaps most troubling was the psychological atrophy that occurred as the separate-spheres doctrine cleaved the human psyche, with women's assertiveness and men's nurturance shriveling through neglect. This rigid gender socialization damaged both sexes, as humans need both assertiveness and nurturance for psychological growth and vitality.

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

매일 새로운 인사이트를 10만 개 이상의 레슨에서 만나보세요
단어가 강조되어 오디오와 실시간으로 동기화됩니다
내 라이브러리를 저장하고 모든 기기에서 이용하세요

5장

The Self-Expressive Revolution

Just as the love-based, breadwinner-homemaker marriage reached full strength, it shattered, giving way to the most disruptive upheaval marriage has ever seen. The mid-1960s marked a shift to what sociologists call "expressive individualism," celebrating self-discovery and psychological growth. Howard Thurman captured this ethos: "Nobody like you has ever been born... you are the only one." Unlike the transition from pragmatic to love-based marriage around 1850 that replaced old ideals, the shift to self-expressive marriage around 1965 added new ideals atop existing ones. Modern couples still seek love and domestic sanctuary but now demand self-expression too. Today's college students define ideal partners as those who help them become "the best version of myself"-echoing what psychologists call the "Michelangelo effect" where spouses elicit each other's authentic selves. This shift transformed spousal dynamics dramatically. A study tracking advice in women's magazines from 1900-1979 revealed self-expressive themes rising from 20-30% in the 1930s-40s to nearly 70% by the 1970s. The self-expressive era has largely vanquished the separate-spheres doctrine that stunted both men's and women's psychological development. Economist Claudia Goldin calls this the "grand gender convergence." Though inequities persist, men and women now have far more similar roles than ever before. The transition to self-expressive marriage brought dramatic legal changes. "Head and master" laws giving husbands final say in household decisions weren't fully eliminated until the 1970s. No-fault divorce laws swept the nation beginning with California in 1969. Marriage has transformed from an entry point to adulthood into a capstone achievement that follows economic independence, relationship experience, and prolonged cohabitation. Despite these profound changes, Americans maintain high respect for marriage-even more so than Western Europeans. In fact, some avoid marriage precisely because they revere it, wanting relationships worthy of the label. This reverence may be paying dividends: the eight-year divorce rate has declined from over 18% for marriages in the 1970s-80s to 15% for marriages in the 2000s-a proportional decrease of about 20%.

6장

The Challenges of Self-Expressive Marriage

The self-expressive era has mitigated many problems of the love-based marriage era but created new challenges to marital fulfillment. A fundamental challenge is its emphasis on something as elusive as the self. As Benjamin Franklin noted, knowing oneself is extremely difficult, and Nietzsche described self-discovery as "an agonizing, hazardous undertaking." This challenge becomes even more complex when considering that self-knowledge isn't static - people evolve, their desires shift, and what brings fulfillment can change dramatically over time. Supporting a spouse's self-actualization is particularly difficult because these needs are highly individualized, constantly evolving, and sometimes conflict with one's own path to growth. Spouses must navigate what philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer called the "porcupine's dilemma"-the desire for deep intimacy while remaining invulnerable to pain. Like porcupines seeking warmth without pricking each other, we want to be "completely vulnerable, completely exposed, and absolutely secure." This navigation is especially challenging for emotionally insecure individuals who underestimate their partner's love, reject compliments, and lash out at minor transgressions. These patterns often stem from childhood experiences and previous relationships, creating complex layers of emotional barriers that both partners must work through together. Modern couples face unprecedented logistical hurdles in building balanced lives. Without the clear defaults of traditional gender roles, couples must actively negotiate everything from household chores to career priorities. This constant negotiation requires excellent communication skills, emotional intelligence, and the ability to compromise - qualities that weren't as crucial in previous eras. The transition to parenthood is particularly demanding, with new parents in dual-income households spending an additional 33.5 hours weekly on childcare-with mothers typically bearing 21 of those hours compared to fathers' 12.5. This imbalance often creates resentment and strain on marriages, especially when both partners have demanding careers. The sexual revolution fundamentally transformed how Americans view sex within marriage. It's no longer just a perquisite but a prerequisite for a good relationship, with sexual compatibility and satisfaction being viewed as essential components of marital success. In the self-expressive era, persistent difficulties with sexual arousal or mismatched libidos are increasingly viewed as evidence of fundamental incompatibility, sometimes sufficient justification for divorce. Couples face pressure to maintain passionate sexual connections while juggling careers, children, and other life demands. Despite significant progress toward psychological androgyny, gender convergence remains asymmetrical. Women have adopted traditionally masculine qualities like assertiveness and career ambition more readily than men have embraced nurturant and emotional qualities, particularly among the less educated. Unlike femininity, masculinity requires constant demonstration and social validation, making it more fragile. This creates unique pressures on men in marriages, who must navigate between traditional expectations of masculinity and the modern need for emotional availability and vulnerability. The challenge is particularly acute for men from traditional backgrounds trying to adapt to more egalitarian relationship models. These multiple layers of challenge - psychological, logistical, sexual, and gender-related - make modern marriage more complex than ever before, requiring couples to develop sophisticated relationship skills and maintain constant communication and adaptation.

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 각 단어가 오디오에 맞춰 실시간으로 강조되어 편하게 따라 읽을 수 있습니다.

7장

The Unprecedented Potential of Modern Marriage

Despite these challenges making happy marriages harder to sustain, this period also offers unprecedented opportunities for profound connection between partners. Maslow described self-actualization as "the desire to become more and more what one is," which manifests differently for each person. While he correctly identified that progress toward self-actualization yields "profound happiness, serenity, and richness of the inner life," he underestimated how essential partners are in facilitating this process. The gender convergence has created more marriages between psychologically androgynous, well-rounded partners. These individuals possess high emotional intelligence and adapt effectively to different situations. Today's spouses are not only more psychologically similar but also better equipped to achieve deep mutual understanding. Unlike in the 1950s when spouses might feel compassion without truly understanding each other's experiences, modern partners can more readily grasp each other's challenges-whether workplace stress or parenting exhaustion-leading to more constructive conflict resolution. The crucial distinction is between happiness and meaning. Happiness (hedonic well-being) is characterized by pleasure outweighing pain, while meaning (eudaimonic well-being) involves personal growth and self-expression through developing one's unique strengths. Research shows these constructs are related but distinct-people who experience ease and pleasure report greater happiness but not necessarily meaning, while those who think about the future, act generously, and endure stress for worthwhile goals experience greater meaning but sometimes less happiness. This distinction clarifies why personal fulfillment and marital commitment aren't necessarily incompatible. In the happiness-based model, marriage exists to promote hedonic well-being and self-esteem, with the belief that marriage shouldn't require extensive endurance-making divorce reasonable when marriages become challenging. In the meaning-based model, marriage promotes eudaimonic well-being and personal growth, with the understanding that meaningful marriages, like all meaningful pursuits, require endurance and forbearance.

8장

The Oxygen Problem: Why Modern Marriage Struggles

Like the Pinot grape that requires constant care to reach its fullest expression, self-expressive marriages demand significant time and psychological energy. The payoff is immense-greater happiness, meaning, and intimacy when we're with our spouse. Yet many couples fail to provide this essential oxygen to their relationships, undermining their potential. Modern life increasingly strains our psychological bandwidth-the mental capacity available to focus on our relationships. The pace has accelerated dramatically, creating what journalist Brigid Schulte calls "the overwhelm"-that endless list of tasks that prevents us from being fully present with our partners. Americans face severe time constraints from multiple directions. Work hours have increased, with more married women working full-time. Domestic work consumes substantial time. Most dramatically, intensive parenting has surged since the 1990s-fathers now spend 8-10 hours weekly on childcare (up from 4-5), and mothers 15-20 hours (up from 10-15). Consequently, spousal time has plummeted-couples without children experienced a 30% decline in weekday time together between 1975-2003, while parents saw a 40% drop. Even if we could maintain quality with less quantity of time together, rising stress levels make this unlikely. Americans report significantly more stress in the 2000s than in the 1980s, with work-life conflict nearly doubling for husbands and increasing substantially for wives. This stress makes us more selfish and less constructive in our relationships. We're drowning in information-humanity now creates 2.5 quintillion bytes of data daily, with 90% of the world's data created in just the last two years. This information overload fragments our attention into what Schulte calls "time confetti." Studies show even brief interruptions triple error rates on cognitive tasks, and smartphone notifications impair performance even when ignored. Marriage's symmetrical nature-where each spouse both seeks and provides support-compounds these challenges. When both partners are depleted, neither has energy to nurture the other. As one anonymous wife laments: "We both want to be taken care of at the end of the day, and neither of us has any energy to take care of the other."

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

매일 새로운 인사이트를 10만 개 이상의 레슨에서 만나보세요
단어가 강조되어 오디오와 실시간으로 동기화됩니다
내 라이브러리를 저장하고 모든 기기에서 이용하세요

9장

The Marriage Inequality Crisis

The link between social class and marital outcomes is striking. Census data shows marriages are disrupted far more frequently among lower-income Americans, with the disparity growing over time. While 60 percent of women without high school degrees eventually divorce, only 22 percent of college-educated women experience divorce within twenty years. Since 1980, divorce patterns have dramatically diverged: rates continued surging among lower-class Americans while flattening for the middle class and actually declining among the higher class. The difference in ten-year divorce rates between high and low social classes tripled from 10 percent to 30 percent between the late 1970s and early 1990s. Research definitively disproves two common assumptions about lower-class marriages. First, poorer Americans don't lack respect for marriage-in fact, high-income Americans are more likely to agree that "divorce can be a reasonable solution" and that unmarried cohabitation is acceptable. Second, poorer Americans don't have faulty intuitions about successful marriages. Across all social classes, Americans identify the same key factors for marital success: effective communication, mutual support, understanding each other's dreams, and spending time together. Two hypotheses about the marriage crisis among lower-class Americans have strong empirical support. First, the precariousness of life for poorer Americans creates unpredictability and stress that undermines marital interaction. Despite having greater existential security than in previous centuries, lower-class Americans face crowded housing, higher crime rates, caregiving burdens, and lack financial cushions that turn minor setbacks into potential catastrophes. The second supported hypothesis is that poorer Americans have insufficient time and psychological bandwidth for cultivating relationships. Limited opportunity for loving or self-expanding interaction, combined with financial stress, creates relationship strain. Research confirms that while lower-class individuals value relationships equally to higher-class ones, they're significantly less able to prioritize them due to diminished mental bandwidth.

10장

Three Strategies for Strengthening Modern Marriage

Given these challenges, how can couples build thriving marriages in the self-expressive era? Finkel offers three complementary approaches: lovehacking, going all in, and recalibration. Lovehacks are quick interventions that don't require much time or coordination with your spouse. These include making external, temporary attributions for negative partner behaviors ("he's late because of traffic, not because he's inconsiderate"), reappraising conflicts from a neutral third-party perspective, cultivating gratitude for your partner's contributions, celebrating your partner's successes enthusiastically, and incorporating more affectionate touch into your interactions. Going all in involves deeper investment in the relationship. A prerequisite is dedicating sufficient time and attention-making quality time for marriage a priority even if it means transferring to a less stressful job, tolerating some household imperfections, or limiting children's activities. Regular uninterrupted time together creates opportunities for serendipitous connection that can't be engineered-profound moments often emerge during extended, unstructured time together. Building a high-quality marriage requires deliberate cultivation of relationship skills. Effective communication, especially emotional self-disclosure, is essential in self-expressive marriages where spouses facilitate each other's growth. Responsiveness-how partners attend to each other's goals and needs-involves understanding (comprehending the partner's core self), validation (respecting their self-view), and caring (expressing warmth and concern). Novel, exciting experiences keep relationships fresh and passionate. Research shows that on days when couples experience greater self-expansion through activities like taking dance lessons or road trips, they report greater sexual desire and relationship satisfaction-and are 36% more likely to have sex. The only requirements for such activities are that both partners want to try them and that they break from everyday mundanity. Recalibration focuses on temporarily reducing demands rather than increasing supply, particularly useful during difficult periods when going all in isn't feasible. Sometimes couples face incompatibilities that require creative solutions, like having one partner pursue certain interests independently. Developing an independent identity alongside the relationship identity provides resilience and reduces excessive marriage demands. Having a robust social network strongly predicts both psychological and physical health. Research shows that having a diversified social portfolio-especially with "breadth" (covering multiple emotional needs) and "specialization" (having different people who serve distinct emotional functions)-promotes psychological well-being and relationship stability.

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 각 단어가 오디오에 맞춰 실시간으로 강조되어 편하게 따라 읽을 수 있습니다.

11장

The Freedom to Design Our Own Marriage

Americans have never shown less agreement about marriage's purpose, placing significant burden on individuals to define their own path. Yet this burden brings opportunity-the freedom to determine what we will and won't seek from marriage, building relationships that play to our strengths and circumvent weaknesses. Rather than adhering to overarching marital models (pragmatic, love-based, or self-expressive), we can select individual elements that suit our skills and resources. We can choose which aspects to pursue-financial security, emotional warmth, sex, adventures, intellectual inspiration, spiritual connection-rather than accepting predetermined packages. Living deliberately requires considerable thought and coordination with our spouse but offers substantial rewards. After implementing a lovehack, we should take inventory of what we're asking of our marriage-the needs and goals we're looking to fulfill. We must then assess our resources and skills, searching for places where psychological return on investment is low. With this understanding, we can create a deliberate plan that plays to the strengths of our partner, our "other significant others," and ourselves. The self-expressive era began over fifty years ago, shattering the love-based, breadwinner-homemaker model of the 1950s and creating marital chaos. But a new equilibrium has emerged as more people seek personal fulfillment oriented toward self-expression and meaning, make wise decisions about what they will and won't seek from marriage, and invest the necessary time and energy to meet higher-altitude marital expectations. Like mountain climbing, marriage requires good equipment, extensive training, and strong coordination-plus the wisdom to descend when storms arrive and to climb again when conditions improve. With the right approach, couples today can build marriages that aren't just stable but truly transformative-relationships that help both partners become their best, most authentic selves.

★★★★★

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 완독을 축하합니다

100만 명 이상의 학습자가 사랑합니다

“23일째 매일 사용하고 있어요. 이제 제 일상의 한 부분이 되었습니다.”

jayallen

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 핵심 주제

marital self-actualization
relationship hierarchy of needs
evolution of intimacy
marriage history paradox
partnership investment strategies

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 명언

we're not asking more of marriage-we're asking different things altogether.

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 등장인물

Eli J. FinkelAuthor and psychologist who researched marriage
Grace LarsonResearch assistant who studied historical marriage
Thomas LincolnFather of Abraham Lincoln used as a case study
Nancy LincolnMother of Abraham Lincoln used as a case study

저자 소개

심리학자이자 베스트셀러인 The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work의 저자인 엘리 J. 핀켈(Eli J. Finkel)은 관계 과학 및 현대적 파트너십 분야의 권위자입니다.

노스웨스턴 대학교의 심리학 및 경영학 교수인 핀켈은 자신의 '관계 및 동기 부여 연구소(Relationships and Motivation Lab)'를 통해 발표한 170편 이상의 논문을 포함하여 수십 년간의 학술 연구를 바탕으로, 변화하는 사회적 기대가 결혼 생활의 역학을 어떻게 재형성하는지 탐구합니다. 그의 작업은 임상적 통찰력과 실행 가능한 전략을 결합하여 갈등 해결, 정서적 충족, 장기적인 관계 지속 가능성 등의 주제를 다룹니다.

핀켈은 *뉴욕 타임스(The New York Times)*에 객원 에세이스트로 정기적으로 기고하고 있으며, *이코노미스트(The Economist)*로부터 "관계 심리학 분야의 선구자 중 한 명"이라는 찬사를 받았습니다. 그의 다른 주요 저서로는 심리학과 사회학의 이중적 관점에서 대인 관계 역학을 조사한 Advanced Social Psychology: The State of the Science와 Self and Relationships가 있습니다. The All-Or-Nothing Marriage는 엄격한 학문적 연구와 대중적인 스토리텔링을 결합하여 파트너들이 평생의 약속에서 현실적으로 무엇을 기대할 수 있는지를 재정의함으로써 결혼 관련 문헌의 즉각적인 기준점이 되었습니다.

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 요약 다운로드

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 요약을 무료 PDF 또는 EPUB으로 받으세요. 인쇄하거나 오프라인에서 언제든 읽을 수 있습니다.

다른 사용자들도 좋아한 책

[the-allornothing-marriage-by-eli-j-finkel:c0000] The All-or-Nothing Marriage p1-1

[the-allornothing-marriage-by-eli-j-finkel:c0001] The All-or-Nothing Marriage p1-1

[the-allornothing-marriage-by-eli-j-finkel:c0002] The All-or-Nothing Marriage p1-1

17 sources

The All-or-Nothing Marriage

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages

Shaunti Feldhahn

The meaning of marriage

Timothy J. Keller

This Is How Your Marriage Ends

Matthew Fray

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

John M. Gottman & Nan Silver

Meaning of Marriage

Timothy Keller

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away

25 sources

Blueprint for a Thriving Marriage

Marry Him

Lori Gottlieb

이 책에 대한 FAQ

더 알아보기

학습 계획

Build a Strong, Lasting Marriage

Whether you're newlyweds, engaged, or looking to strengthen your long-term marriage, this plan provides essential, research-backed strategies for building a relationship that thrives. Strong marriages don't happen by chance—they're built on learnable skills like effective communication, healthy conflict resolution, and intentional intimacy cultivation. This plan is ideal for couples committed to investing in their relationship and creating a partnership that grows stronger over time.

4 h 23 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Synthesize Gottman, Perel, Johnson & Hendrix

This plan synthesizes the four pillars of modern relationship science to provide a comprehensive toolkit for emotional health. It is ideal for therapists, coaches, or individuals seeking to master the mechanics of long-term intimacy and attachment.

5 h 27 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Grow Together: The Science of Lasting Connection

This plan is essential for couples or individuals looking to move beyond surface-level romance toward a resilient, science-based partnership. It is ideal for those seeking practical habits to navigate conflict and build lasting emotional intimacy.

3 h 4 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Save Your Marriage: Avoid Divorce & Rebuild

This plan is essential for couples facing a crisis who want to move beyond surface-level fixes to achieve deep, lasting healing. It is designed for partners seeking to transform conflict into connection and rebuild a foundation of trust and intimacy.

4 h 22 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Rebuild marriage connection and intimacy

This plan is designed for couples seeking to move beyond surface-level interactions and rediscover their spark. It provides a science-backed framework for partners who want to replace repetitive conflict with genuine emotional security and lasting intimacy.

6 h 30 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Restore intimacy and affection in marriage

This plan is essential for couples feeling disconnected or stuck in cycles of conflict. It offers a science-based roadmap for those ready to move past surface-level interactions toward a deeply secure and passionate partnership.

4 h 26 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Mastering Relationship Energy for My Wife

This plan is essential for husbands seeking to move beyond surface-level communication and rebuild a profound emotional connection. It is specifically designed for men who want to lead their relationship with calm confidence while honoring their wife's unique emotional world.

5 h 6 m•4 섹션

학습 계획

Keep attraction alive in my 12-year marriage

Long-term relationships naturally experience fluctuations in attraction and connection over time. This learning plan offers evidence-based strategies for couples seeking to revitalize their marriage, particularly beneficial for those in committed relationships of 10+ years who want to intentionally cultivate lasting desire and intimacy.

5 h 51 m•4 섹션

샌프란시스코에서 컬럼비아 대학교 동문들이 만들었습니다

LOVED BY

1,000,000+ curious minds.

4.7

avg rating

1M+ learners

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

웹에서 BeFreed가 어떻게 논의되고 있는지 더 보기

샌프란시스코에서 컬럼비아 대학교 동문들이 만들었습니다

LOVED BY

1,000,000+ curious minds.

4.7

avg rating

1M+ learners

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

웹에서 BeFreed가 어떻게 논의되고 있는지 더 보기

지금 바로 학습 여정을 시작하세요

6장

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활

개요올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 개요

한 권의 책, 다양한 듣기 방식.

When Love Meets Self-Discovery: The Evolution of Modern Marriage

The Paradox of Modern Marriage

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

From Survival Partnership to Romantic Union

The Love-Based Marriage Takes Center Stage

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

The Self-Expressive Revolution

The Challenges of Self-Expressive Marriage

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

The Unprecedented Potential of Modern Marriage

The Oxygen Problem: Why Modern Marriage Struggles

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

The Marriage Inequality Crisis

Three Strategies for Strengthening Modern Marriage

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

The Freedom to Design Our Own Marriage

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 완독을 축하합니다

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 핵심 주제

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 명언

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활의 등장인물

저자 소개

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 요약 다운로드

다른 사용자들도 좋아한 책

이 책에 대한 FAQ

What is The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli J. Finkel about?

Who should read The All-or-Nothing Marriage?

Is The All-or-Nothing Marriage worth reading?

What is the "all-or-nothing" concept in marriage?

더 알아보기

1,000,000+ curious minds.

1,000,000+ curious minds.

한 권의 책, 다양한 듣기 방식.

When Love Meets Self-Discovery: The Evolution of Modern Marriage

The Paradox of Modern Marriage

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

From Survival Partnership to Romantic Union

The Love-Based Marriage Takes Center Stage

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

The Self-Expressive Revolution

The Challenges of Self-Expressive Marriage

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

The Unprecedented Potential of Modern Marriage

The Oxygen Problem: Why Modern Marriage Struggles

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활에서 더 많은 것을 얻으세요

The Marriage Inequality Crisis

Three Strategies for Strengthening Modern Marriage

들리는 모든 단어를 눈으로 확인하세요

The Freedom to Design Our Own Marriage

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 완독을 축하합니다

다른 사용자들도 좋아한 책

더 알아보기

올 오어 너싱 결혼생활 개요