Why do I feel a "girl crush" on the woman my partner cheated with?

This feeling often stems from a psychological process called upward comparison. After a betrayal, your self-esteem may be diminished, leading you to project qualities you feel you lack—such as strength, intelligence, or "perfect judgment"—onto the other woman. Because she may have spotted the red flags or avoided the "trap" that you feel you fell into, your brain flags her as a source of emotional safety and a template for how you wish you had handled the situation.

Is oversharing with this new friend a healthy way to bond?

While it feels like a way to build instant intimacy, oversharing is often a trauma response used to force a connection or seek instant validation. It can lead to "emotional flooding," where you overwhelm both yourself and the other person. This often results in a "shame hangover," where you feel exposed or inadequate the next day, potentially creating a power imbalance where you feel like a "mess" compared to her.

How can I tell if this friendship is genuine or just a "trauma bond"?

A friendship born out of betrayal can become a trauma bond if the only thing holding it together is the shared "villain." To test the connection, you should "de-center" the cheater from your conversations and see if the friendship has enough substance to survive without discussing the trauma. If the relationship only exists to discuss the betrayal, the guy remains an invisible third party, preventing both of you from truly moving on.

How do I stop comparing myself to her and reclaim my own identity?

Reclaiming your identity requires moving from "imitation" to "inspiration." Instead of trying to fit into her existing social group or life, try inviting her into yours to shift the "host/guest" dynamic. It is also essential to practice self-compassion by recognizing that you didn't have the same information she had at the time. Healing comes from reconnecting with your own passions and goals independently of the affair and the other woman.

The Sisterhood Trap: From Betrayal to Girl Crush

30分

28個のソース

2026年3月17日

Psychology Relationship Personal Development

Explore the complex psychology of befriending 'the other woman.' Learn how to navigate post-betrayal admiration, stop the cycle of comparison, and build a genuine connection without losing your identity.

The Sisterhood Trap: From Betrayal to Girl Crushのベスト引用

It’s moving from 'Why was I not good enough?' to 'How can I be my best self moving forward?' The 'other woman' can be a 'companion' on that path, but she can’t be the 'map.' The listener holds the map.

このオーディオレッスンはBeFreedコミュニティメンバーが作成しました

質問を入力

Um hey so basically recently got cheated on n the guy couldn't even able to cheat on me bcz that girl n me got it sorted n now we friends n she friendzoned him but the whole issue is that I'm kinda having a girl crush on her subconsciously I'm comparing myself to her n like she is Smart she didn't felt in trap but she being a nice person talking to me but i feel I'm trying to fit in her already existing life n group bcz ya n oversharing w her

ホストの声

Lena

Miles

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How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair

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コロンビア大学卒業生がサンフランシスコで開発

BeFreedは20万人以上の好奇心旺盛な仲間が集うグローバルコミュニティ

BeFreedがウェブ上でどのように話題になっているかをもっと見る

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

1.5K Ratings4.7

今すぐ学習の旅を始めよう

The Sisterhood Trap: From Betrayal to Girl Crush

30分

28個のソース

2026年3月17日

Psychology Relationship Personal Development

The Sisterhood Trap: From Betrayal to Girl Crushのベスト引用

It’s moving from 'Why was I not good enough?' to 'How can I be my best self moving forward?' The 'other woman' can be a 'companion' on that path, but she can’t be the 'map.' The listener holds the map.

重要なポイント

From Betrayal to Girl Crush

0:00

Lena: You know, we usually hear about the "other woman" being the enemy, but what happens when she actually becomes your closest confidant? It’s such a unique, complicated bond when you both realize you were being played by the same guy, and suddenly, you’re friends.

0:15

Miles: Right, it’s this instant sisterhood born out of betrayal. But it gets even twistier when you start looking at her—this smart person who didn't fall into the trap—and you realize you’re not just admiring her; you’re subconsciously comparing yourself to her or even developing a bit of a girl crush.

0:34

Lena: Exactly! It’s that feeling of trying to fit into her already existing life and maybe oversharing because of that shared trauma. It’s interesting how admiration for someone’s intelligence or kindness can easily be mistaken for a deeper romantic connection or even a sense of inadequacy.

0:52

Miles: It really is. Sometimes we project our own unmet emotional needs onto someone who seems to have it all figured out. So, let’s explore how to navigate these messy feelings and set healthy boundaries while keeping the friendship intact.

Mirrors of Insecurity and the Search for Validation

The Mechanics of the Pedestal and the Trap of Idealization

The Sisterhood of Betrayal and the Risk of Triangulation

Distinguishing Between Projection and Genuine Connection

The Anatomy of Comparison and the "Trap" of Hindsight

Navigating the "Oversharing" Reflex and Emotional Regulation

Reclaiming Identity and Setting Internal Boundaries

The Practical Playbook for Moving from Comparison to Connection

Closing Reflections on Growth, Grace, and the Path Forward

このオーディオレッスンはBeFreedコミュニティメンバーが作成しました

質問を入力

ホストの声

Lena

Miles

学習スタイル

ディープ

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よくある質問

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BeFreedは20万人以上の好奇心旺盛な仲間が集うグローバルコミュニティ

BeFreedがウェブ上でどのように話題になっているかをもっと見る

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

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"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

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"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

コロンビア大学卒業生がサンフランシスコで開発

BeFreedは20万人以上の好奇心旺盛な仲間が集うグローバルコミュニティ

BeFreedがウェブ上でどのように話題になっているかをもっと見る

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

201

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn

483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA

117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum

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"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC

254

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful

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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon

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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

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今すぐ学習の旅を始めよう