第1章
The Courage to Embrace Your Whole Self
Imagine waking up one morning to discover that the very things you've been running from-your fears, your anger, your "messy parts"-are actually your greatest treasures. This is the radical invitation of Pema Chodron's "Start Where You Are," a book that has transformed countless lives since its publication. Beloved by celebrities like Oprah Winfrey and Emma Thompson, this unassuming Buddhist text has become a lifeline for those navigating personal crises and seeking authentic connection. Unlike many self-help books that promise quick fixes, Chodron's approach is refreshingly counterintuitive: stop trying to escape your pain and instead move closer to it. As the first American woman to become a fully ordained Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition, Chodron brings ancient wisdom to contemporary struggles with remarkable clarity and warmth. Her teachings have reached millions through her books and retreats, offering a path to genuine compassion that begins not with perfecting ourselves, but with befriending ourselves exactly as we are.
第2章
The Wealth We Already Possess
We spend our lives searching for something we already have. This paradox lies at the heart of Pema Chodron's teachings. Like a homeless person sleeping above buried treasure, we fail to recognize the wealth beneath us. Our basic nature-our buddha nature-remains untouched by the swirling emotions and thoughts that often define our experience. These temporary states are merely clouds passing through our vast sky of awareness.
This perspective radically challenges how we typically view ourselves. Rather than seeing our difficult emotions, our "messy parts," as problems to eliminate, what if they're actually our greatest resources? What if the very aspects of ourselves we've been running from are precisely what we need to embrace?
The practices in this book were designed specifically for people feeling angry, depressed, or stuck. They teach us to accept ourselves completely, to relate directly with suffering, and to stop running from the painful aspects of life. We often can't be there for others because we're not there for ourselves-we're too busy hiding from our own experience.
Three core practices support this journey: basic sitting meditation (shamatha-vipashyana), taking in and sending out (tonglen), and working with slogans (lojong). In meditation, we sit upright with open eyes, bringing gentle awareness to our breath. When thoughts arise, we label them "thinking" without judgment and return to the breath. This creates space to see ourselves honestly and make friends with all aspects of our experience.
The key is being faithful to the technique while remaining gentle with ourselves. The labeling should be compassionate, not harsh. Through this process, we begin to recognize our patterns of hiding, our sneaky ways of avoiding ourselves-and we learn to approach these discoveries with humor and kindness. By knowing ourselves more intimately, we naturally develop greater understanding of our shared humanity. Compassion for others begins with kindness toward ourselves.
第3章
Reversing Our Usual Patterns
The heart of lojong practice involves two elements: tonglen meditation and teachings in the form of slogans. The fundamental concept is revolutionary-making friends with what we reject as "bad" in ourselves and others while being generous with what we cling to as "good." This approach awakens our bodhichitta (awakened heart), something we already possess but haven't fully discovered.
Lojong teaches us to reverse our usual pattern of escaping pain. Instead of running away, we move closer, hold our seat, and allow discomfort to awaken our hearts. With pleasant experiences, rather than grasping them, we learn to share them generously with others. This practice cuts through our habitual self-protection, which keeps us imprisoned in suffering.
The underlying principle is expressed in the slogan: "Gain and victory to others, loss and defeat to myself." The Tibetan word for pride (nga-gyal) literally means "me-victorious"-the fundamental cause of suffering. We're constantly engaged in a battle to protect ourselves from anything that threatens our ego. Victory means nothing penetrates our armor, but our world shrinks as a result. Defeat means something touched our vulnerable spot, which terrifies us into building even more defenses.
These concepts of victory and defeat keep us trapped when we don't recognize our limitless wealth. We become like children building sand castles at the beach, desperately trying to protect them from the inevitable tide. What if we could let go of this struggle? What if we could recognize that our true nature is as vast as the ocean itself?
The practice invites us to bring in our unfinished business-our fury, depression, or passion. When difficult emotions arise about someone, we breathe them in, developing sympathy for our own confusion without blaming others or ourselves. The goal isn't to eliminate these feelings but to create space around them through kindness and awareness.
第4章
Lightening Up in Practice and Life
The practices in this book help us develop trust in our awakened heart. Gentleness in practice is key-it's like remembering something we've forgotten. Reuniting with our bodhichitta requires lightening up, both in formal practice and in everyday life.
Meditation provides a structured way to practice lightening up. Within its precise framework, we move with warmth and gentleness. When breathing out, we simply relax and let the breath dissolve into space without clutching at it. Labeling thoughts is a powerful support-we touch them lightly like bubbles with a feather, saying "Thinking," and they dissolve back into emptiness.
Don't worry about achieving perfection. When you notice you've wandered off, acknowledge it gently. This light touch is the key to reconnecting with openness. Regard all thoughts as dreams, touching them softly and letting them go. When you find yourself making a big deal about something, give it space and let it dissolve.
The absolute bodhichitta slogans help us connect with our mind's spacious quality, showing us there's no need to shut down and make everything so significant. In sitting practice, you can't go wrong-just relax your shoulders, stomach, heart, and mind with gentleness.
The slogan "Examine the nature of unborn awareness" challenges any smugness that might arise from understanding the previous teachings. It asks us to question who is this "I" that realizes anything-who is aware? This points to the transparency of everything, including our precious identity. The armor around our soft hearts causes misery but is actually just made of passing thoughts that we solidify.
We typically try to make everything secure, but enlightenment means moving away from comfort and security into the unknown. We often avoid vastness by focusing on trivial concerns. "Examine" suggests an ongoing process of contemplation leading to relaxation with insecurity. True fearlessness isn't overcoming fear but knowing its nature.
第5章
Being a Child of Illusion
The final absolute bodhichitta slogan, "In postmeditation, be a child of illusion," applies to your whole life outside formal practice. This poetic image encourages a fresh perspective-an ongoing opportunity to let go and lighten up.
This slogan invites us to connect with our environment and recognize that experience isn't solid. There's always something happening that can't be pinned down with words or thoughts, like the ineffable quality of the first day of spring. Young children naturally live in a world where things aren't so solid, maintaining a sense of wonder that adults often lose.
Science is discovering what meditation reveals-the material world is more like a hologram, vivid yet empty. Paradoxically, the more we realize the lack of solidity, the more vivid things appear. As Trungpa Rinpoche poetically expressed, everything we see is "vividly unreal in emptiness," and thoughts vanish "like the imprint of a bird in the sky."
The view and practice should be held lightly, not as dogma. We must discover for ourselves what these slogans mean, allowing them to challenge our notion of facts themselves. Being a child of illusion means not being a walking battleground of opposites-good and bad, happy and sad, victory and defeat all coexist rather than being at war. The Buddha within contains both the wholesome and unwholesome, the clean and messy.
This fresh way of looking happens when we're not caught in hope and fear, becoming mindful, awake, and gentle with our biases and judgments. Like Ishi, the Native American who approached a train he once thought was a demon because "life taught me to be more curious than afraid," we can learn to face our world with wonder rather than fear.
第6章
Transforming Poison into Medicine
When we encounter difficult emotions, we typically either act them out or repress them. The middle path is to hold our seat and feel what's underneath all the storylines-to touch the soft spot beneath our craving, aversion, or self-loathing. This is bodhichitta.
Rather than yelling at someone who has "shot an arrow in your heart," we're encouraged to attend to the wound itself. When we do this, the three poisons (passion, aggression, and ignorance) become three seeds of virtue-opportunities to practice patience and kindness. This transforms unwanted circumstances into the path of enlightenment, reconnecting us with our soft heart, clarity, and ability to open further.
Tonglen practice involves breathing in pain rather than resisting it. By acknowledging our unwanted feelings, we connect with what all humans feel. When we experience delight or relief, we breathe it out to everyone. This practice cuts through all differences-everyone feels pain in the same way beneath their varying storylines.
Tonglen has four stages: First, a flash of openness (absolute bodhichitta); second, working with textures (breathing in dark/heavy/hot and out white/light/cool); third, focusing on a specific person's suffering; and fourth, extending this to all beings experiencing similar suffering. By working with both specific and universal suffering, the practice becomes both heartfelt and visionary.
The slogan "When the world is filled with evil, transform all mishaps into the path of bodhi (enlightenment)" represents the core essence of lojong practice-using unwanted, unfavorable circumstances as actual material for awakening. The teaching emphasizes that on the bodhisattva path, there are no interruptions-both serene and chaotic experiences are part of the journey.
第7章
Taking Responsibility for Our Reactions
The slogan "Drive all blames into one" invites us to examine the nature of blame itself. Blaming others creates suffering worldwide-from ethnic conflicts to religious tensions-all stemming from people's inability to face their own anxiety and edginess.
The practice encourages us to notice what blame actually feels like in our bodies rather than projecting it outward. When we drop the storylines and touch the soft spot beneath our armor, we discover what Chodron calls "shaky tenderness." Instead of trying to escape discomfort by blaming others, we're encouraged to own our feelings and make friends with them.
The author challenges us to experiment with dropping the object of emotion and doing tonglen practice, promising that both the intensity and duration of difficult emotions will lessen as the solid sense of "me" becomes "ventilated." The "one" we drive all blames into is our ego-clinging-our tendency to protect ourselves.
This connects with the slogan "Be grateful to everyone," which teaches that our most challenging relationships offer our greatest opportunities for growth. The people who "get us going"-especially those we can't escape like family members or coworkers (our "Juans and Juanitas")-are our most powerful teachers precisely because they push our buttons and reveal our blind spots.
The author shares the story of Atisha bringing an ornery Bengali tea boy to Tibet because he valued people who revealed his blind spots. Similarly, Gurdjieff supposedly paid an irritable community member to stay because his presence challenged everyone's practice. These difficult relationships help our ego become smaller and our compassion increase.
When confusion arises, we can practice tonglen to connect with the heart, but we can also "flash on the nonsolidity of phenomena"-simply dropping our fixed concepts altogether. The slogan "Seeing confusion as the four kayas is unsurpassable shunyata protection" serves as meditation instruction, encouraging us not to make such a big deal of things and to recognize the dreamlike nature of our thoughts.
第8章
Overcoming Resistance to Unwanted Feelings
The slogan "Four practices are the best of methods" introduces four approaches that help us practice both relative and absolute bodhichitta by overcoming resistance to unwanted feelings and situations.
The first practice is accumulating merit-opening ourselves completely with daring, surrendering to whatever happens without holding back. The second is confessing evil actions-a fourfold personal process of regret (becoming tired of neurotic patterns), refraining (naturally avoiding harmful actions), remedial action (practices nurturing wisdom), and resolving to continue this process. This isn't about sin but recognizing how we limit ourselves.
The third practice is feeding the ghosts-relating to our unreasonableness (dons) that arise suddenly. Rather than suppressing or acting out these emotions, we acknowledge them fully with mindfulness. We even symbolically offer them cake, inviting them back because they show us when we've lost mindfulness.
The fourth practice is offering to the protectors-invoking the wisdom principle that protects against unkindness and insanity. This includes appreciating the "giant No"-the abrupt awakening that occurs when we start to close down. This isn't punishment but inherent encouragement not to spin into neurosis.
All four practices stem from confidence in our basic goodness and compassion for ourselves. They help transform unwanted circumstances into the path of enlightenment by leaning into difficulties rather than resisting them.
The slogan "Whatever you meet unexpectedly, join with meditation" teaches that interruptions aren't obstacles but opportunities for awakening. When something surprising happens-pleasant or unpleasant-it stops our ordinary mind and creates a gap, a moment of spaciousness where we can "rest in the nature of alaya" (our natural, unbiased state).
第9章
Embracing Life and Death with the Five Strengths
The five strengths serve as instructions for both living and dying. Jack and Jill, both facing death, responded differently-Jack eventually found liberation in letting go, saying "There's nothing to do, there's nothing to want" while laughing as his body wasted away, while Jill became increasingly terrified and resistant.
The five strengths are: strong determination (connecting with joy and trusting rather than pushing through), familiarization (making dharma natural, realizing the teachings are about yourself), seed of virtue (recognizing your inherent buddha nature), reproach (teaching dharma to yourself when ego creates problems), and aspiration (voicing wishes for enlightenment like prayers without a listener).
These strengths teach us how to stop struggling against impermanence and instead relax into the spaciousness of our true nature. The fundamental pattern we must change is our habit of avoiding unpleasantness and grasping at pleasantness. Tonglen practice helps us gradually open the doors and windows of our ego-room, not by smashing it apart but through gentle awareness.
The teaching warns against turning spiritual practices into "demons" by using them to reinforce ego rather than challenge it. Our life experiences, even difficult ones, are karmic gifts providing exactly what we need to open our hearts. When we allow our hearts to be touched, we discover they are bottomless, vast and limitless, filled with warmth, gentleness and spaciousness.
第10章
Living Without Hope of Fruition
The slogan "Always maintain only a joyful mind" encourages us to use everything that arises as fuel for awakening, maintaining cheerfulness even in difficult circumstances. Its companion, "If you can practice even when distracted, you are well trained," suggests we're well-trained when we can use life's distractions to wake ourselves up rather than fall asleep.
The key to feeling at home with our body, mind, and emotions is lightening up-moving away from earnestness and goal-oriented practice toward curiosity, humor, and appreciation of the ordinary. When we're judgmental of ourselves during practice, we miss the point. Instead, we're encouraged to notice everything, appreciate the ordinary, and break habitual patterns.
Perhaps the most powerful teaching is "Abandon any hope of fruition." This suggests that entering an unconditional relationship with oneself means entering an unconditional relationship with buddha. "Fruition" implies feeling good at some future time, while having an open heart is oriented to the present moment. It means sticking with the buddha as you find yourself right now.
At Gampo Abbey, the monastic environment forces people to face themselves without escape-no sex, drinking, or entertainment distractions. The discomfort comes from being unable to avoid oneself, yet as people make friends with themselves, they find it nurturing. Could you enter into an unconditional relationship with yourself exactly as you are now-your height, weight, intelligence, and pain?
This connects with "The Wisdom of No Escape"-being continually in the present moment with whatever thoughts and moods arise. Meditation isn't holy; as Bodhidharma said, enlightenment is "lots of space, nothing holy." Nothing you think or feel belongs in categories of sin, bad, or wrong-it's all "the manure of waking up" and living in the present moment.
第11章
Communicating from the Heart
Compassionate action begins with a fundamental question: how do we create space for wisdom to emerge in our relationships and world? The answer starts with loving-kindness for oneself, which naturally extends to others. As our own hearts open, we become less afraid and more able to hear, see, and work with what's happening rather than struggling against it.
The lojong teachings suggest that compassion comes through exchanging oneself for other-truly putting yourself in someone else's shoes to understand what's needed. This isn't theoretical empathy but comes from honest self-knowledge. When we know our own anger, hurt, and rebellion intimately, we can relate to others without condescension.
The slogan "Keep the three inseparable" means your actions, speech, and thoughts should be inseparable from the yearning to communicate from the heart. Everything you say can either polarize situations or support your desire to connect beyond the myth of separation. "Correct all wrongs with one intention" encourages exchanging oneself for other-hearing what's being said, seeing the person before you, and resting in not knowing what to say but watching and waiting.
Communication might be our life's greatest challenge, but mastering it could reduce aggression and increase cooperation globally. We must acknowledge our differences without going to war over them-playing together despite being on opposite teams. The process of communication matters more than the outcome.
The slogan "Train without bias in all areas" encourages us to see bias when it arises and connect with how painful prejudice, resentment, and judgment feel. Rather than immediately trying to change these reactions, we're asked to simply see them-that's how transformation begins.
第12章
Finding Freedom in the Big Squeeze
The "big squeeze" occurs when our ideals and reality don't match-we find ourselves caught between vision and circumstance, like being squeezed between a rock and a hard place. This discrepancy appears in parenting, meditation practice, and many other situations where our aspirations meet messy reality.
Though uncomfortable, this squeeze is one of the most productive places on the spiritual path. When caught here, we typically want to escape, but can't wiggle out. It simultaneously humbles us and expands our vision, teaching us to be "big and small at the same time" rather than settling into comfortable fixed positions as either winner or loser.
Life's gloriousness and wretchedness complement each other-the former inspires and energizes us while the latter softens and humbles us. Without both qualities balanced together, we'd either become arrogant or too depressed to function.
Several slogans address this reality: "Whichever of the two occurs, be patient" reminds us to allow things to unfold naturally rather than jumping in with habitual responses. "Don't be swayed by external circumstances" encourages us not to vacillate or shut down when challenges increase. "Don't expect applause" teaches that when you open your heart completely, you shouldn't expect thanks or reciprocation.
"Don't misinterpret" warns against imposing wrong notions of harmony or compassion. Trying to smooth everything out to avoid confrontation isn't compassion-it's control. When you open to all beings, you must drop your agenda. Sometimes clarity requires speaking up or taking action, which comes from opening your heart rather than running away.
"Train in the three difficulties" involves seeing neurosis as neurosis (examining ourselves with honesty but gentleness), doing something different (breaking habitual patterns), and making this a way of life (continuing to catch ourselves as ongoing practice).
第13章
Training Wholeheartedly Until the End
Pogo's wisdom that "we have met the enemy and they are us" reveals that confusion, pollution, and violence aren't someone else's problem-they're something we can recognize in ourselves. Making friends with ourselves helps us see that our ways of shutting down come from the mistaken belief that blaming others leads to happiness.
Working with others becomes high-stakes practice because everyone we try to help becomes our mirror. The more we open our hearts, the more challenges arise that tempt us to shut down. We can't practice in a safety zone-we must live in the world while refusing to shut anything out of our hearts. This exposes all our blind spots and limitations.
The slogan "We work on ourselves in order to help others" reminds us that the path involves developing curiosity about everything and everyone, keeping our hearts open even when our buttons get pushed, and seeing everyone as connected to us. The "three principal causes" that help us keep our hearts open are: the teacher (spiritual friend), the teachings, and our precious human birth.
The final slogan "Train wholeheartedly" invites us to live fully, letting everything stop our mind and open our heart. We must be willing to die wholeheartedly moment after moment. Like eagles who've forgotten how to fly, we're trapped in nests of our own making, weighed down by layers we need to shed to experience the vast sky.
The teachings sink in slowly like rain into hard earth, transforming us not through capturing them intellectually but through letting go. Marpa's story illustrates this-when his texts were thrown into a river by a jealous companion, he realized the teachings had become part of him. These elusive teachings haunt us into deeper understanding of what it means to exchange ourselves for others and become children of illusion.
The journey begins and ends with a simple truth: we already possess everything we need. Our task is not to acquire something new but to recognize what has been here all along-our awakened heart, our capacity for boundless compassion, our fundamental wholeness. By starting exactly where we are, with all our messiness and confusion, we discover the path that has been beneath our feet the entire time.
