Discover how safety behaviors paradoxically increase social anxiety and learn practical strategies to build genuine confidence in social situations instead of just managing symptoms.

Confidence isn't a prerequisite for social engagement—it's often a byproduct of it. True confidence comes from discovering that you can navigate these situations even when things don't go according to plan.
Cree par des anciens de Columbia University a San Francisco
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Cree par des anciens de Columbia University a San Francisco

Lena: Hey everyone! Welcome to today's episode. Miles, I was at a party last weekend and found myself hiding in the bathroom for ten minutes because I felt so awkward talking to new people. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this!
Miles: Oh, you're definitely not alone, Lena. Social anxiety is incredibly common—between 2 and 7 people out of every 100 experience social anxiety disorder each year. But what's fascinating is that most people don't realize how much of their anxiety is actually maintained by their own behaviors.
Lena: Wait, what do you mean? Are you saying we're making ourselves more anxious?
Miles: In a way, yes! The things we do to feel safer in social situations—like avoiding eye contact or planning exactly what to say—can actually make our anxiety worse in the long run. They become what therapists call "safety behaviors."
Lena: That's so counterintuitive. I always thought preparing more would help me feel less anxious, not more!
Miles: Right? It's one of those psychological paradoxes. The more we try to control our social anxiety through avoidance or safety behaviors, the stronger it gets. And here's something interesting—people with social anxiety tend to overestimate how visible their anxiety is to others. That blushing or shaking you're worried about? Most people don't even notice it.
Lena: That's actually really reassuring. So what can people do if they're struggling with this? I mean, it can't be as simple as "just stop being anxious," right?
Miles: Absolutely not. Let's break down some practical strategies that can help build confidence and actually overcome social anxiety, rather than just managing the symptoms.