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Practical Applications & Listener Takeaways 14:38 Miles: Alright, Eli, let's get really practical here. If someone listening right now wants to start building their confidence today, what would be the first three things they should do?
3:12 Eli: Great question! First, I'd say start documenting your wins. Create a simple note on your phone or a journal entry and write down one thing you accomplished today, no matter how small. This starts building that evidence base we talked about.
15:02 Miles: Love it. What's number two?
15:03 Eli: Second, practice the posture piece. Right now, as you're listening, sit up straight, uncross your arms, and take up a little more space. Notice how that feels different in your body. This is something you can do immediately in any situation.
15:16 Miles: And I imagine that sends a signal to your brain that you belong in that space?
1:09 Eli: Exactly! And third, choose one small action that aligns with your values but feels slightly outside your comfort zone. Maybe it's speaking up in a meeting, introducing yourself to someone new, or sharing an idea you've been holding back.
15:33 Miles: So we're not talking about huge leaps here-we're talking about small, manageable steps?
5:56 Eli: Right! Because as Harris emphasizes, confidence is earned through work, through action. And what's beautiful is that each small action builds on the next. You're creating a positive feedback loop.
15:49 Miles: What about for someone who's dealing with that inner critic voice? Any specific techniques they can try?
15:55 Eli: Oh, absolutely! One technique from the research is the "stop-clap" method. When you notice negative self-talk starting, you visualize a stop sign and literally clap to break the thought pattern. It sounds simple, but it's surprisingly effective.
16:08 Miles: And I imagine the key is catching those thoughts early before they spiral?
1:09 Eli: Exactly! And another approach is to practice what Bonham-Carter calls "talking back to your inner critic." So when that voice says "What's wrong with you? You should have done better," you respond with something like "I did the best I could, and I'm proud of the effort I put in."
16:26 Miles: So you're literally having a conversation with that critical voice and standing up for yourself?
7:38 Eli: Yes! And here's something I find really powerful-the research shows that asking for help actually builds confidence rather than undermining it. Frank Flynn's studies at Stanford found that people grossly underestimate others' willingness to help.
16:44 Miles: That's counterintuitive! I think many of us worry that asking for help makes us look incompetent.
16:50 Eli: Right, but collaboration creates the most powerful results. When we reach out to others, we see our efforts flourish in ways we could never achieve alone. And there's this beautiful reciprocity-when you ask for help, you're also creating opportunities to offer help to others.
17:05 Miles: And I imagine that feeling useful to others is part of building confidence too?
1:43 Eli: Absolutely! The research specifically mentions finding ways to be useful to others as a key component of confidence. Whether it's volunteering, practicing random acts of kindness, or just helping a colleague with a project-these actions remind us that we have value to contribute.