36:57 Lena: Miles, we've talked about building confidence, but I think there's something equally important we need to address—how do you maintain confidence over time? Because life has this way of throwing curveballs that can really shake your sense of self, even when you've done all this work.
37:13 Miles: That's such a crucial point, Lena. Confidence isn't a destination you reach and then you're done—it's more like physical fitness. You have to maintain it, and sometimes you have to rebuild it after major life changes or setbacks.
37:26 Lena: Right, because I think sometimes people expect that once they've built confidence, they should never doubt themselves again. But that's not realistic, is it?
37:34 Miles: Not at all. Even the most confident people go through periods of uncertainty, especially during major transitions like career changes, relationship shifts, health challenges, or just the natural evolution of who they are as a person.
37:47 Lena: So what does confidence maintenance look like in practice?
37:49 Miles: One key piece is what researchers call "confidence anchoring." These are practices or reminders that help you reconnect with your core sense of self when external circumstances are shaking your confidence. It might be revisiting your values, looking at your Success Journal, or having conversations with people who know you well.
38:07 Lena: So it's like having these touchstones you can return to when you're feeling lost or uncertain?
1:41 Miles: Exactly! And here's something that's really important—recognizing that different life phases may require different expressions of confidence. The confidence you need as a new parent is different from the confidence you need as a student, which is different from the confidence you need when you're changing careers in your forties.
38:27 Lena: That's such a relief to hear! I think sometimes we put pressure on ourselves to have it all figured out, but really we're constantly growing and adapting.
9:44 Miles: Right. And here's where that values-based foundation we talked about becomes so important. Your core values might remain consistent, but how you express them and build confidence around them can evolve as you do.
38:47 Lena: What about when you face major setbacks or failures? I'm thinking about things like job loss, relationship breakups, health issues—the kind of stuff that can really knock you down.
38:57 Miles: Those are the times when confidence maintenance becomes most crucial and most challenging. Research shows that people who maintain confidence through major setbacks have what's called "narrative resilience"—they're able to integrate difficult experiences into their life story in a way that preserves their sense of self-worth.
35:06 Lena: What does that look like? How do you do that when you're in the thick of something really hard?
39:17 Miles: It's about finding meaning without minimizing the pain. Instead of "Everything happens for a reason" or "It could be worse," it's more like "This is really difficult, and I'm learning something about my own resilience" or "This experience is changing me, and some of that change might ultimately be positive."
39:34 Lena: So you're not pretending it's not hard, but you're also not letting it define your entire sense of who you are?
8:58 Miles: Exactly. And here's something that might surprise you—research shows that people who've been through significant challenges and worked through them often end up with stronger, more flexible confidence than people who've had relatively smooth lives.
39:51 Lena: Because they have evidence that they can survive and even grow from difficult experiences?
12:10 Miles: Right! It's like that concept of antifragility we mentioned earlier. Some systems actually get stronger when stressed, and confidence can work the same way if you have the right framework for processing challenges.
40:06 Lena: This is making me think about the role of community in sustaining confidence. Because going through hard times alone versus having support seems like it would make a huge difference.
0:14 Miles: Absolutely, Lena. Research consistently shows that social support is one of the most important factors in maintaining psychological resilience. But it's not just about having people around—it's about having people who can see your strengths even when you can't see them yourself.
40:29 Lena: So it's like having external mirrors that reflect back your capabilities when your internal mirror is showing you all the flaws?
40:35 Miles: That's a beautiful way to put it. And here's something that's really practical—cultivating what researchers call "confidence rituals." These are regular practices that help you stay connected to your sense of competence and worth.
40:47 Lena: What kinds of rituals are we talking about?
40:49 Miles: It could be a weekly review where you acknowledge three things you handled well, a monthly conversation with a mentor or friend who knows your strengths, or even something as simple as keeping photos or mementos that remind you of times when you felt proud of yourself.
41:01 Lena: I love how tangible that is. It's like creating external reminders of your internal strength.
8:58 Miles: Exactly. And here's another piece that's crucial for long-term confidence sustainability—what researchers call "growth mindset maintenance." It's easy to slip back into fixed mindset thinking, especially when you're stressed or overwhelmed.
41:18 Lena: So you have to actively work to maintain that perspective that you can learn and grow from challenges?
9:44 Miles: Right. And one way to do that is by regularly seeking out new challenges that stretch you in small ways. Not huge, overwhelming challenges, but consistent opportunities to prove to yourself that you can learn and adapt.
41:34 Lena: So it's like keeping your confidence muscles active rather than letting them atrophy?
41:39 Miles: Perfect analogy! And just like physical exercise, it's better to do something small consistently than to wait for motivation to strike and then try to do everything at once.
41:47 Lena: This conversation is making me realize that confidence isn't this static thing—it's this dynamic, living quality that requires ongoing attention and care.
29:33 Miles: That's exactly right, Lena. And I think that's actually good news because it means you're never stuck. No matter what's happened in your past or what challenges you're facing now, you can always work on building or rebuilding your confidence.
42:07 Lena: So for our listeners who might be going through a tough time right now, what would you want them to know about maintaining or rebuilding their confidence?
42:13 Miles: I'd want them to know that it's completely normal for confidence to fluctuate, especially during difficult periods. Be patient with yourself, reconnect with your values and strengths, and remember that every small step forward matters. You don't have to rebuild everything at once—just focus on the next right step.
42:29 Lena: And that having confidence doesn't mean never struggling or doubting yourself—it means having the tools and the support to work through those moments and keep moving forward.
8:58 Miles: Exactly. Confidence is not the absence of fear or doubt—it's the ability to act with integrity and courage even when you feel uncertain. And that's a skill that can be developed and maintained throughout your entire life.