What is *This Will Be My Undoing* by Morgan Jerkins about?

*This Will Be My Undoing* explores Morgan Jerkins' experiences as a Black woman navigating racism, sexism, and feminism in America through autobiographical essays. It addresses themes like identity, societal marginalization, and the intersection of race and gender, blending personal narratives with cultural critique. Key topics include childhood discrimination, Black female sexuality, and critiques of movements like "Black Girl Magic".

Who should read *This Will Be My Undoing*?

This book is essential for readers interested in intersectional feminism, racial justice, or contemporary social criticism. It resonates with Black women seeking validation of their lived experiences and allies aiming to understand systemic oppression. Academics and activists will appreciate its blend of memoir and cultural analysis.

Is *This Will Be My Undoing* worth reading?

Yes—Jerkins’ raw honesty and incisive commentary make it a vital read for understanding Black womanhood in America. Reviewers praise its unflinching exploration of identity and its relevance to ongoing discussions about race and gender.

What are the main themes in *This Will Be My Undoing*?

Central themes include: - The dehumanization of Black women in white-dominated spaces. - The tension between Black femininity and societal expectations. - Intersectionality as a framework for understanding layered oppression. - Critiques of performative allyship and feminism.

How does Morgan Jerkins address intersectionality in the book?

Jerkins examines how race, gender, and class intersect to shape Black women’s experiences. She critiques mainstream feminism for excluding Black voices and highlights unique challenges, such as navigating dating while Black or reconciling sexuality with cultural stigma.

What criticism has *This Will Be My Undoing* received?

Some critics note the essays’ emotional intensity may overshadow structural analysis, while others praise its authenticity. A few argue certain topics, like the Rachel Dolezal discussion, could benefit from deeper historical context.

How does Jerkins use personal stories to discuss broader societal issues?

She frames childhood events—like failing to make a cheerleading squad due to racism—as microcosms of systemic exclusion. Her candid reflections on therapy, body image, and relationships illustrate how societal norms impact individual Black women.

What role does pop culture play in the book?

Jerkins analyzes figures like Beyoncé and *Sailor Moon* to dissect cultural representations of Black womanhood. These critiques reveal how media perpetuates stereotypes while offering moments of empowerment.

这将是我的毁灭

生活在美国：黑人、女性与女权主义者的交汇点

摩根·杰金斯

4.04(6731 Reviews)

《这将是我的毁灭》概述

Morgan Jerkins 对美国黑人女性身份的原始探索令评论界为之振奋，并登上了《纽约时报》和 NPR 的“2018年度最佳”榜单。是什么让这部散文集如此不可或缺？它迫使读者——无论背景如何——去面对关于种族、性别和权力的不安真相。

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第 1 章

Black Girl in a White World: A Raw Reality Check

Imagine growing up in a world where your humanity is constantly up for debate-where your hair, your body, your very existence is treated like some kind of controversial political statement. Now imagine documenting every painful, beautiful, and infuriating moment of that experience with razor-sharp precision and zero apologies. That's exactly what Morgan Jerkins does in "This Will Be My Undoing," her thunderclap of a memoir that shot to the New York Times bestseller list in 2018. This isn't just another book about race-it's a surgical dissection of what it means to navigate America as both Black and female, written by someone who refuses to soften her edges for white comfort. Roxane Gay called it "a powerful, important work from a talented, committed writer," and universities nationwide quickly added it to their required reading lists. Why? Because Jerkins doesn't just tell her story-she transforms her personal experiences into universal insights about the psychological toll of being visible yet invisible, powerful yet vulnerable, in spaces never designed for you to succeed.

第 2 章

When Ten-Year-Olds Learn About Glass Ceilings

At ten years old, all I wanted was to become a white cheerleader. Well, not literally white-but I wanted to embody what those perky ponytailed girls on TV represented: power, popularity, and a kind of pure American girlhood that seemed forever out of reach. Growing up in Atlantic County, New Jersey, I found myself among just four Black girls competing against thirty white candidates for the elementary school squad. I studied these white girls with scientific intensity, noting how freely their bodies moved, as if unrestrained by invisible boundaries. They helped me practice, perhaps seeing me as "different" because of my lighter skin or my family's local prominence, while I mentally distanced myself from my actual friends of color, hoping whiteness might somehow transfer to me through proximity. On tryout night, I performed flawlessly-hitting every move, smile perfectly calibrated, energy through the roof. The euphoria afterward felt limitless-until results were posted and only white names appeared on the list. Days later, a Filipina "friend" delivered the crushing blow: "They don't accept monkeys like you on the team." In that moment, I understood my fundamental problem wasn't lack of skill but lack of humanity in others' eyes. This childhood experience revealed the cruel paradox many Black women face throughout their lives. No matter how well we perform, how perfectly we speak, how appropriately we dress, or how extensively we achieve, there remains an invisible barrier-a glass ceiling reinforced not by our limitations but by others' perceptions of our fundamental worth. The cheerleading rejection wasn't merely about not making a team; it was my first conscious encounter with the dehumanization that would follow me into adulthood, shaping how I navigated predominantly white spaces and institutions. What's most insidious about this experience is how it taught me to question my own value. If I couldn't be seen as human despite my best efforts, what hope did I have for true belonging? This question would resurface repeatedly throughout my life, from academic settings to professional environments, creating a perpetual sense of performing for acceptance rather than simply existing as myself.

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第 3 章

The Chemical Burns of Beauty Standards

When I was three years old, my mother's friend applied my first chemical relaxer, transforming my thick afro into straight strands. Though light-skinned enough to be jokingly called "the milkman's baby," my obsidian hair unmistakably marked my Blackness. The initial coolness of the chemicals quickly turned to searing pain-beginning a decade-long ritual of suffering for "beauty." I grew up absorbing the concepts of "good" and "bad" hair, learning through observation that white beauty standards represented the ideal. While white girls worried about lip gloss shades, Black girls scrutinized each other's hair length and authenticity. From ages three to fifteen, I endured chemical relaxers every 4-6 weeks, experiencing excruciating pain as substances strong enough to unclog drains burned my scalp. I became obsessed with straightness and length, believing these qualities would help me transcend my Blackness. Now natural for as many years as I was once permed, I understand the tremendous pressure Black women face to look "presentable" by white standards. Black women's hair has always been politicized-from 18th-century categorization as "wool" to contemporary school bans on natural styles. Schools across America continue enforcing discriminatory hair guidelines, prohibiting afro-puffs, dreadlocks, and braids as "distracting" or "unprofessional." When we straighten our hair with chemical products, we surrender to dominant white culture, appearing more docile to secure jobs and navigate social circles. After quitting relaxers cold turkey at fifteen, my hair broke off dramatically. I concealed the damage with braids, weaves, and wigs, never satisfied because I couldn't accept what naturally grew from my scalp. No genuine happiness could come from extending what brought me shame. The Rachel Dolezal controversy in 2015 forced me to examine what Black womanhood truly means beyond textured hair and brown skin. Dolezal, exposed for masquerading as a Black woman despite having white parents, claimed to be "transracial"-an insult to people of color who cannot choose their racial identity. Though I abhor what she did, Dolezal caused me to question the essence of Black womanhood in a society where Black women's features are praised only when not on actual Black female bodies.

第 4 章

Coming of Age and Cultural Double Standards

At age eleven, I received my first lesson about inappropriate behavior from my cousin Mia. Her warning carried complex emotions that I wouldn't fully understand until middle school, when I observed how social dynamics and attraction played out differently across racial lines. The social hierarchy was clear: certain groups received preferential treatment while others faced unwanted attention or exclusion. During recess, I witnessed concerning patterns of behavior where some students were subjected to unwanted physical contact while others remained untouched. This created a problematic dynamic where negative attention became misinterpreted as social validation. I found myself adapting my behavior and appearance to gain notice from a particular classmate who showed interest in specific groups. To fit in, I modified my presentation - changing my clothing choices from mainstream brands to more trendy urban styles. When I finally received the attention I sought, it proved hollow, as the student quickly returned to his previous relationship with a popular classmate. My mother cautioned me about certain behavioral labels that carried specific cultural weight in our community. Later, reading Zadie Smith's "Swing Time," I recognized these childhood experiences as part of a broader pattern affecting young women of color internationally. Smith's novel illustrated similar social dynamics I had witnessed firsthand. The cautionary phrases used in our community weren't simple moral judgments - they represented complex protective mechanisms, though often with unintended negative consequences. Young women of color face unique cultural expectations from an early age. They must exceed standard behavioral norms while navigating stricter social limitations than their peers. Society often denies young women of color the space for normal childhood development. The labels applied to them reveal deeper biases - there are no equivalent terms for young men, whose social freedoms face fewer restrictions. When young men face criticism, it typically focuses on appearance or work ethic rather than character or virtue. This creates additional challenges for young women of color, who may feel like outsiders even within their own communities. The rewritten version maintains the core message about double standards and coming of age while using more indirect language suitable for audio generation. It preserves the important social commentary while avoiding potentially triggering descriptions.

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第 5 章

Princeton's Romantic Desert and Sexual Politics

At Princeton, I faced the painful reality of being overlooked romantically. Though my mother and grandmother expected college to be where I'd find a husband, the odds were against me-Black women outnumbered Black men three to one, and I was determined to prove I wasn't unattractive to men of my community. Despite joining the Princeton Association of Black Women and successfully "bickering" into Cannon eating club (populated by top athletes), my efforts to be "seen" at parties failed. My invisibility was confirmed when a Black football player friend asked me to help list Princeton's most attractive Black women-I wasn't among them. I felt untouchable, at the bottom of our caste system. After being stood up by a Black grad student and experiencing other failed connections without closure, I wondered if something was intrinsically wrong with me. I began to question if my outspoken nature was the problem-the other Black women who attracted men seemed less vocal and more reserved than I was. By graduation, I'd never been in a relationship or even kissed someone during those four years. At twenty-two, I reconnected with Bradley, a childhood friend who'd always admired me. When he invited me on an all-expenses-paid trip to Nevada, I didn't hesitate, desperate for male attention after my Princeton drought. Despite his expectation of sex, I refused penetration but performed oral sex-not from desire but obligation. I viewed it as payment for his investment and a way to be "docile" with the mouth that had perhaps kept men away. After returning home, we maintained intimacy through video calls and declared love despite the distance. I prepared for my next visit by getting birth control, planning to lose my virginity. But after my mother's prayer that "anything hidden would be revealed," Bradley confessed he wasn't ready for exclusivity-he wanted to travel and sleep with other women. The breakup shattered me. I cried whenever someone mentioned his name, kept my phone close hoping for a message, and sought therapy. In retrospect, losing my virginity to him would have been traumatic, but at the time I hated myself for thinking I deserved more than billions of other women who have sex without commitment.

第 6 章

The Myth of the Strong Black Woman

As my stepfather battled frontotemporal lobe dementia, I struggled with my own mental health. After a near-house fire caused by his condition, I developed anxiety and OCD behaviors-checking locks and stove knobs repeatedly, fearing sudden self-harm. Though diagnosed by a campus psychologist, I resisted further treatment, believing "Black people do not do therapy" despite my stepfather being a psychologist himself. I justified this resistance by citing historical medical exploitation of Black bodies, from J. Marion Sims' gynecological experiments on enslaved women to Henrietta Lacks' stolen cells. I internalized the "Strong Black Woman" stereotype-the belief that Black women must endure all suffering without complaint, serving as the backbone for family and community. This ideal appears complimentary but actually dehumanizes by denying our vulnerabilities and needs. This resilience has been reclaimed through "Black Girl Magic," a movement popularized by CaShawn Thompson to counteract negative images of Black women by celebrating achievements of figures like Beyonce, Simone Biles, and Michelle Obama. The Black Girl Magic movement celebrates Black women's bodily autonomy after generations of exploitation-our bodies violated during slavery, our features denigrated, our womanhood used against us. But for disabled Black women, bodily autonomy involves battling limitations from within and discrimination from without. As Crystal R. Emery noted, being a "wheelchair-riding quadriplegic" Black woman means facing triple stigmatization. Our dismissal of Dr. Chavers's critique reveals our ableist privilege, as her follow-up piece received barely 126 Facebook shares compared to her original essay's 9,000. Surprisingly, my religious mother suggested I try therapy months before my stepfather passed. She made my first appointment and offered to sit with me. Though initially fidgety and clock-watching, I soon felt weights lifting from my heart. I finally had someone to discuss my feelings of weakness without embarrassment. As a Black woman at an Ivy League university, I'd felt pressured to maintain perfection in a space not originally meant for people like me. My therapist helped me restructure my thought process without challenging my religious beliefs. Gradually, my OCD symptoms subsided-the checking behaviors, nighttime panic, and fear diminished. Though occasional compulsions still arise, I'm learning to trust myself more.

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第 7 章

When Your Blackness Makes You a Target

My treatment in St. Petersburg, Russia was milder than what other Black visitors have experienced, but the threat of danger was omnipresent. Russians would stare unblinkingly at me for uncomfortably long periods with stoic faces and unyielding eyes-not attraction but surveillance. With limited vocabulary, I couldn't confront this rudeness. It took weeks before I felt comfortable riding the metro alone. Once, when I did venture out alone, a man followed me from the token booth onto the train, creating such unease that I had to strategically slip between other passengers to escape at my stop, knowing I couldn't blend into the crowd because of my blackness. At Mishka Bar with fellow students, I finally relaxed, feeling I could pretend I wasn't different from anyone else. But when we followed locals to another bar, a drunk Russian man pinned me against a wall. Michael rescued me, but at the next establishment, we encountered skinheads. I grabbed Daniel and fled immediately while our white Edinburgh companions stayed behind, even joining in Nazi salutes which they later claimed was from fear. Their giggles suggested it was just another wild story they could afford because they were white. Meanwhile, I was terrified, knowing Zambian students had been beaten and a Senegalese student shot dead in this same city. I'd never lived in a predominantly Black space before Harlem. Growing up, I was taught not to "embarrass" my mother with certain behaviors or dress when in white spaces-my dialect modulated, gesticulations moderated, voice quieted, hair tamed. I considered this "proper" and "normal" for success in white domains. But in Harlem, I was unprepared for how out of element I felt. My education in white spaces had reduced my own culture to disconnected historical images-the Cotton Club, Apollo, Baldwin, Holiday, crack and crime. I felt closer to my white, gay, Republican roommate Thomas than to my neighbors. We bonded over literature and trap music, discussing gentrification-he believed neither of us would be living in Harlem without it. I wondered if I, college-educated and upwardly mobile, was as much a gentrifier as Thomas was. This introspection led to my viral Guardian article, which drew both praise and criticism. My confusion stemmed from realizing I'd always used white behavior as my reference point and didn't know how to exist in a Black space.

第 8 章

Who Gets to Tell Black Women's Stories?

When Beyonce released Lemonade on HBO in April 2016, I wasn't prepared for its impact. Despite my tendency to avoid hyped releases, I watched it for an Elle.com assignment and found myself broken open by its raw melodies of heartbreak and grief. I mourned relationships I'd never had, sons I'd never birthed, marriages I'd never entered. On Twitter that night, Black women filled a reservoir of emotions they might not have fully articulated but felt deeply in their souls. Beyonce had awakened something dormant in us all-Lemonade wasn't about uplifting Black people generally, but Black women specifically. The 2014 French film Girlhood centers on Marieme, a sixteen-year-old Black girl in a poor Parisian suburb seeking belonging through friendship with other Black girls. The film magnificently explores how Black girls navigate a racist, patriarchal society where poverty seems predetermined. Despite my admiration for the film, I was troubled to discover director Celine Sciamma, a white middle-class woman, claimed the film wasn't "about race" but was "universal." She based it on observations of Black girls in shopping centers without apparently speaking to them, believing her experience of marginality as a white middle-class woman somehow compared to theirs. Sciamma's claim that she wanted to "give a face to French youth" implies Black girls lack visibility without her intervention. This reinforces her role as white benefactor while positioning Black girls as nameless subjects. Though Girlhood is brilliantly crafted, a Black woman from a poor Parisian suburb could have told this story more authentically, without being a spectator. Similarly, Orange Is the New Black's fourth season explored racism and prison brutality toward Black women without Black women writers. Why is the film titled Girlhood rather than Black Girlhood or Marieme? Sciamma's insistence on "universality" reveals how whiteness assumes itself as the center of any experience. Her statements about making characters "universal" demonstrate her forcing herself into a narrative that was never hers. She didn't merely observe these Black girls' bodies-she confiscated them to reproduce the white fallacy that progress requires erasing racial identities. Contrasting this with Lemonade-a visual experience co-directed by a Black woman that keeps Black women unapologetically centered-shows why I refuse to resign myself to white-directed narratives of Black experience.

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第 9 章

Breaking the Cycle of Competition

Morgan Jerkins deeply examines the complex dynamics of professional relationships among Black women writers, reflecting on both painful experiences of being denied support and her conscious decision to break this cycle. She describes specific instances where established Black writers refused to share industry contacts or offer mentorship, analyzing how the publishing industry's tokenism creates an environment where Black women often feel they must compete for limited opportunities. This scarcity mindset manifests in subtle ways-unreturned emails, deflected requests for introductions, and a general atmosphere of guardedness that perpetuates isolation. Drawing from her own journey, she commits to a different approach, detailing her practice of responding to emerging Black female writers within 48 hours and maintaining an open-door policy for sharing professional contacts. However, she candidly acknowledges her own occasional struggles with comparison and competition, describing moments when another Black woman's success triggered feelings of insecurity. These reflections reveal the ongoing internal work required to maintain solidarity in a system designed to pit marginalized voices against each other. The author vividly recalls that pivotal childhood experience-trying out for an all-white cheerleading squad at age ten-as the beginning of a pattern that would follow her through Princeton and into her professional life. Rather than being diminished by these experiences, she transformed them into fuel for excellence, taking particular satisfaction in disrupting spaces traditionally closed to Black women. "It was not only our presence that made them mad, but our excellence," she writes, "This was their nightmare and my joy." Morgan Jerkins' memoir serves as both personal narrative and cultural critique, methodically documenting the ways Black womanhood is systematically challenged in American society. Through detailed analysis of her experiences in education, publishing, and professional spaces, she illuminates the broader structures of racism and sexism. Her evolution from seeking white approval to embracing and celebrating her identity offers a powerful template for resistance. By maintaining raw honesty about her experiences, including moments of vulnerability and triumph, Jerkins creates an authentic narrative that challenges readers to confront their own biases while providing validation and inspiration for other Black women navigating similar spaces.

★★★★★

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《这将是我的毁灭》核心主题

black female identity
eurocentric beauty standards
racialized girlhood
navigating white spaces
internalized colorism

《这将是我的毁灭》经典语录

Black women's hair has always been politicized.
I understood my fundamental problem wasn't lack of skill but lack of humanity.
This isn't just another book about race.
I became obsessed with straightness and length, believing these qualities would help me transcend my Blackness.

《这将是我的毁灭》主要人物

Morgan JerkinsThe author and protagonist of the memoir
MiaThe author's cousin who gave her life lessons
Rachel DolezalA woman discussed as a case study on identity

关于作者

Morgan Jerkins 是《纽约时报》畅销书《这将是我的毁灭：生活在（白人）美国的黑人、女性和女权主义交汇点》（This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America）的作者，也是种族、性别和文化领域的领军人物。她的首部回忆录/散文集通过个人叙事和文化评论探讨了交叉性，这得益于她在普林斯顿大学获得的比较文学学位以及本宁顿学院的艺术硕士学位（MFA）。

作为 2021 年《福布斯》30 位 30 岁以下精英榜（30 Under 30）的入选者，Jerkins 曾担任 ESPN 旗下《不败者》（The Undefeated）的高级编辑，并为《纽约客》、《大西洋月刊》和《Elle》撰稿。

她随后的作品包括记录大迁徙的回忆录《在陌生的土地上流浪》（Wandering in Strange Lands）以及以哈莱姆为背景的小说《胎膜宝宝》（Caul Baby），这些作品进一步扩展了她对黑人身份和传承的探讨。

Jerkins 曾在哥伦比亚大学和莱比锡大学教授写作，将学术严谨性与通俗易懂的叙事相结合。《这将是我的毁灭》入选了巴诺书店（Barnes & Noble）的“发现新人新作”名单，并入围了 PEN/Diamonstein-Spielvogel 散文艺术奖的长名单。

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开启你的学习之旅，就是现在

第 4 章

这将是我的毁灭

概述《这将是我的毁灭》概述

一本书，多种聆听方式。

Black Girl in a White World: A Raw Reality Check

When Ten-Year-Olds Learn About Glass Ceilings

边听边看，每个词都清晰呈现

The Chemical Burns of Beauty Standards

Coming of Age and Cultural Double Standards

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Princeton's Romantic Desert and Sexual Politics

The Myth of the Strong Black Woman

边听边看，每个词都清晰呈现

When Your Blackness Makes You a Target

Who Gets to Tell Black Women's Stories?

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Breaking the Cycle of Competition

你已读完 《这将是我的毁灭》

《这将是我的毁灭》核心主题

《这将是我的毁灭》经典语录

《这将是我的毁灭》主要人物

关于作者

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该学习计划的一部分

Appreciating Black Women's Beauty

发现更多

1,000,000+ curious minds.

1,000,000+ curious minds.

一本书，多种聆听方式。

Black Girl in a White World: A Raw Reality Check

When Ten-Year-Olds Learn About Glass Ceilings

边听边看，每个词都清晰呈现

The Chemical Burns of Beauty Standards

Coming of Age and Cultural Double Standards

从 《这将是我的毁灭》中收获更多

Princeton's Romantic Desert and Sexual Politics

The Myth of the Strong Black Woman

边听边看，每个词都清晰呈现

When Your Blackness Makes You a Target

Who Gets to Tell Black Women's Stories?

从 《这将是我的毁灭》中收获更多

Breaking the Cycle of Competition

你已读完 《这将是我的毁灭》

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该学习计划的一部分

Appreciating Black Women's Beauty

发现更多

《这将是我的毁灭》概述

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